36 months wasted following Ashton

Quitting my job
« on: January 20, 2021, 03:52:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey all
I can’t believe this is happening at 36 months. I’ve been steadily declining over the last 2 months and I’m to the point where I cannot push through it or work through it
It’s these eye symptoms. My eyes jump around so I can’t focus, which causes a lot of pain. Like 10/10 pain. Then they get dry and turn bright red and ache.
I can’t push through this one. My head bobs from side to side when I’m not moving. Like I’m constantly being shaken and then stabbed in the eyeballs.

My husband has a few job interviews later this week. And my parents are able to help a bit. Plus tax return money and maybe I’ll be able to get disability. If the doctor doesn’t believe wd I can at least try and get disability for “depression” or whatever I need to make up.

I don’t know why I’m getting worse. I did not drink alcohol or take any new medicine. This happened for no reason.

Anyway, Baylissa’s website reports a woman who got worse at 34 months and then was 100% healed by 41.

I just don’t think I’m fit to work right now. Which is really sad because I do love my job so much. So I’m heartbroken over this and I’ll be letting a lot of my clients down. They will be heartbroken too. And I’m in such a small community, I don’t guarantee they’ll fill my position anytime soon. My poor clients.
Apparently this is what god wants. He’s pushed me to the point where I cant get through it. He’s finally given me more than I can handle.
What’s extra sad is I have to lie about why I’m quitting. I have to tell them it’s depression or something because how do you explain this? If I had an actual medical issue everyone would understand and I’d have references to follow me and there’s no way I can explain this other than I’m not mentally well. Which is a f’n lie. I’m mentally fine.

Kooks come up with new disease – benzo flu – and wonder if it’s Covid

Benzo Flu or Covid??
« on: January 10, 2021, 08:00:29 am »

[Buddie]

Hi Everyone,

I’m nearly a year off – yay!!!! I’ve had 3 COVID tests whilst being in withdrawal & all have been negative – I’ve put it down to Benzo flu, I’ve gotten slogged this week with super stressful stuff (identity theft & subsequently had to prove the $5,000 telephone bill
Wasn’t mine, car broke down etc) & Saturday morning I woke up with a super sore throat & flu like symptoms.

Withdrawal in the time of COVID ain’t no fun at all. How do you deferentiate between Benzo flu or if it’s a virus or COVID? I’ve been going for COVID tests to rule out COVID but does anyone have any ideas how to determine if it’s Benzo flu without going for a test? I have a sore throat that comes & goes so I’m leaning towards it’s Benzo Flu.

Almost one year since I jumped. I’m praying/pleading/begging that this will
All he over soon and I can have my mind, body & soul back. Lord only knows how I’ve come this far but some how I have. Thanks for your support & feedback.

Re: Benzo Flu or Covid??
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2021, 09:43:36 am »

[Buddie]

I thought I had a bad luck, but you’re probably the unluckiest member of BB… I don’t think there’s a way to know if it’s benzo flu or real deal unless you test for viruses.

Re: Benzo Flu or Covid??
« Reply #2 on: January 11, 2021, 04:43:40 pm »

[Buddie]

Benzo flu tricked me into getting tested in Nov and the test was negative.

However, I did get covid in Dec for real – you will know the difference if you get the full symptoms.

I survived and am back to my “benzo functional” again:) I am thankful.

Benzo Buddies member: Ashton is wrong

ASHTON'S WRONG: ALCOHOL/BENZO USE DURING/AFTER WITHDRAWAL
« on: January 08, 2021, 06:26:53 pm »

[Buddie]

While Ashton Manual states that alcohol in moderation and rescue doses (for dental treatments, surgeries, etc.) are fine, many members report anecdotal evidence of it causing setbacks. I myself have been thrown into full-on cold-turkey withdrawal by two-day benzo use. Some may be able to tolerate GABAergic disturbances like these just fine, but many aren’t and I find it irresponsible to have something like that in the Manual. There are people who were even setbacked by supplements, so it’s probably safer to avoid drug-strength stuff like benzos and alcohol.

From “The natural history of tolerance to the benzodiazepines” by A. Higgitt, P. Fonagy and M. Lader:
Benzodiazepines or cross tolerant drugs, substances such as alcohol should be avoided after discontinuation, even occasionally. These include the nonbenzodiazepines Z-drugs, which have a similar mechanism of action. This is because tolerance to benzodiazepines has been demonstrated to be still present at four months to two years after withdrawal depending on personal biochemistry. Re-exposures to benzodiazepines or cross tolerant drugs typically resulted in a reactivation of the tolerance and benzodiazepine withdrawal syndrome.

Now we know this is where that anecdotal rule of “three years of no symptoms” before you can safely drink alcohol comes from.

Cumin sends cult member into outer space five minutes after eating a salad

Cumin issues?
« on: January 04, 2021, 07:35:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone have any reverse or strange reaction to the spice cumin?  and i just felt off! I believe I have read of other BBs suffering side affects from certain spices? Thanks for any feedback!

Re: Cumin issues?
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2021, 07:41:26 pm »

[Buddie]

I have that and more whenever I eat anything or put anything on body, wash hands etc.

Benzo withdrawal causes saliva to disappear?

Problems with saliva
« on: January 07, 2021, 01:48:42 pm »

[Buddie]

When I gave up clonazepam, I noticed that I started having problems with saliva in my mouth. At times it disappears altogether and returns after one or two days. It doesn’t depend on diet or lifestyle. It is difficult to understand the logic of the body’s work. Has anyone faced such a problem?

CRAZYTOWN

I really can’t take this paranoia anymore it’s ruining my life
« on: January 08, 2021, 03:46:36 am »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone. I hope that you all are hanging in there tonight. I am not. The paranoia, which has been probably my worst symptom, is just getting worse and worse. I went to my girlfriend’s house last night after not having seen her for a week. Every little thing she said I felt like she was messing with me, criticizing me and trying to control me and judging me. I ended up getting upset with her over a game of cards. I felt like such a jerk. I don’t feel any love towards her and she just irritates me yet I don’t believe her when she says she loves me and I’m afraid she’s gonna leave me any second. It sucks because just a few days ago all I felt was how much I missed her and loved her. These emotional roller coasters make me feel like I’m bipolar. I feel so scared of everyone. I feel like I don’t wanna be around anyone because I’m so paranoid that everyone thinks I’m crazy or messed up. I feel unlovable and utterly worthless, and like I don’t understand how anyone could wanna have anything to do with me. When she tells me she loves me or friends tell me they love me I just think that they’re full of shit. I don’t believe anyone and I have no feelings except for anger and fear and deep sadness. I don’t feel like I’m in my body ever. I feel like I’m watching myself from up above. What have I become?

THIS TAPER FAILED: EXTREME TERROR 13 MONTHS OFF

13 months off
« on: January 06, 2021, 12:47:41 pm »

[Buddie]

I continue to be so confused and scared about how worse things get. Things were so delayed for me. I didn’t notice much at all until 5 months off. Then things seemed to resolve and then since month 7 they continued to get worse. Makes me constantly question whether this is benzo withdrawal but had all sorts of other problems ruled out.

Right now I experience extreme nausea (lost 10lbs), terror (this fall/winter is was rapid cycling at all levels, some breaks, now it’s stuck at lower/medium level with no breaks), skin burning, derealization, eyes zone out (like when your eyes want to go out of focus when tired).

The terror is of course the worst. I’m now about to go through some family stress so I know it’s only going to get harder.

As a side note, I experience extreme scalp itching, and things that resemble mosquito bites on my face (like single hives of sorts). Don’t think that is withdrawal, but wonder if something else is worsening withdrawal. May go to dermatologist soon.

This is really hard, I’m struggling so much and feel uncertain for what’s to come. Thanks for reading.

Mayo Clinic recommends psych ward after wife loses everything to Ashton

Nursing Home until I become healed?
« on: December 09, 2020, 09:28:18 pm »

[Buddie]

After 2 years of being bedridden, unable to care for myself, I cannot live like this anymore. My husband has been doing his best to care for me, but I have not seen any signs of improvement. My mental function is gone. I live in extreme pain, with over 100 extreme symptoms daily. I am only 56 years old but living a life of a senior shut-in.

I am wondering if any of you know people who have ended up in a nursing home because of benzo injury? What happens when our only caregiver cannot take it anymore and wants to get on with their life? Then what? I am unable to go anywhere (have even cancelled all my dr. appts. in the last years), cannot shower except for maybe once every 5 days now, live in my unkempt bedroom all alone while my husband is out living his life. But, he wants to be able to travel, do outdoor activities, ALL the things we once enjoyed together, which kept us extremely busy. He has been leaving town here and there to do some activities but has to be back by dark because I cannot be alone in the dark anymore. My mind has been damaged and I no longer have any hope. I have not had any windows and I’m only getting worse.

The guilt is unbearable to me, even though I know I didn’t cause this injury myself. What am I supposed to do?

P.S. It took me a very long time to write this and everything I have to try to make sense of this post. I cannot express myself, even in writing anymore, let alone with words.

Re: Nursing Home until I become healed?
« Reply #7 on: December 31, 2020, 10:13:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 22, 2020, 10:03:02 pm
longing

First let me tell you that your post makes sense. As awful as you feel, you are very much coherent. Your sentences string together and your word usage is accurate. As challenging as it was to write, your cognitive function seems fine here.

Your husband is tired. It’s normal. Sometimes caregivers feel they aren’t allowed to struggle, because the person they care for is struggling more. But that isn’t true. It is really lonely to be a caregiver. It is hard work. It is frustrating. It’s normal that he wants his partner to share life with him. This doesn’t make him bad or unloving. I don’t say this to guilt you. More to shine a light on the big picture. Who cares for the caregiver?

I doubt a nursing home could do much for you. First, you would have to qualify by virtue of age. You are too young. Many seniors who are very disabled are waiting to get in to nursing homes. Nursing homes are very expensive, too. Also, it would be so disempowering.
It is like saying that nothing can be done and healing is futile. Maybe this age and money thing is only true in Canada.

You say you have over 100 symptoms every day. Bedridden. Cannot even bathe yourself. There is no improvement at all. So, this is a severe and rare case of protracted withdrawal. What have you done to improve your situation? Again, not to doubt you, because you have likely done many things. Recovery is an active process. It doesn’t happen just by waiting for it. Others cannot give it to us, no matter how well they care for us. Maybe if you list what you have done, then we can perhaps add ideas?

I wish you could find someone to talk to. Possibly locate an online therapist?

I have had many tests, even been to Mayo Clinic two times. They just want to put me into the psych ward because they don’t believe in benzo withdrawal. They tell me it’s just a severe case of depression. Well, of course, I’m depressed. Who wouldn’t in my situation? But I was never depressed or had any kind of mental illness until I became tolerant to the clonazepam. I was on it for over 20 years, daily. My life is gone. I have tried many supplements over the time I’ve been suffering, but none have helped. I take a multi vitamin daily and an adrenal support supplement. I have to take .25 mg. Trazadone to help with sleep, which is pretty much non-existent still. This is the reason I was put on clonazepam in the first place. I have chronic daily migraine and for years, I have not slept. My neurologist is the one who put me on benzos and now he has flat out told me that he doesn’t know anything about benzo injury and withdrawal and therefore, cannot help me. He actually told me that if I find someone to help to let him know. I wish his life would have been ruined, like he did to me. Horrible, horrible doctor!

One of my family members thinks that if I would just start smoking weed that all this will go away. I tried it…one puff…one time about a week ago. I became even more depersonalized and it was awful! Not for me. I hear it helps others though.

If I have to continue to exist in hell like this, I won’t. There are many who have not been damaged nearly as much as I have. Why does God not listen to me? I have been a christian all my life and have always prayed, but it’s like He’s not even real to me anymore.