Why this forum can be damaging « on: October 24, 2013, 12:47:11 am »
A few months ago, I had made a post about concerns relating to how I thought BB was very toxic. Since then, I haven’t changed my mind, and in fact think this place is horrible for support than I originally wrote. I still believe that lingering here to much can undermine our recovery in so many ways. We read enough posts of despair, and eventually begin to believe that we will never recover. This damage operates on a subconscious level, and certainly affected me to some extent. So on that note, there is definitely a caveat to all of this, so I have decided to limit my use of BB. Anyone who is been going through this for months or even years should not be lurking all day every day like I’m sure many of you do. Luckily, today I have experienced what is definitely a window. The total despair and catatonic fatigue that I had been going through for weeks and months suddenly lifted today, and cognitively I have not been this clear since well, I don’t remember. I really hope this continues. For once in a long while, I have hope and faith that this will get better. I have to hold on to this calculated optimism, no matter how short it may last if and when the window closes. There really is no other option. It is what it is. On a related note, I want to share a post from another website. This particular issue is about SSRI withdrawal; however, the message can still hold for benzo withdrawal, too. Here, a person shares their fear they will never recover from their withdrawal: Quote Again, I think you may have an issue carrying around this idea that you’re brain damaged. That’s a very powerful thought, and a scary one at that, and one that has been implanted deep into your mind and unconscious and will prevent your mind from believing that you can be well or are well. You are not only your biology– you are your mind and spirit as well, though both inform one another. A scared, hopeless mind will not be able to heal the body which it inhabits. Don’t get caught in a self-fulfilling prophecy of despair and sickness. Your body has an extraordinary capacity to heal itself, and your emotions aren’t just some result of dopamine and serotonin discharge. I try to view whatever might not be happening on an biological level not as the root of the issue, but just as a some stagnant, material inertia that will start to shift as I continue to heal my spirit through whatever means I choose– be it yoga, meditation, etc. Your illness is in every cell, every part of your body, your blocked emotions a result of a whole system that needs love and care and support and can heal. Don’t apotheosize the brain as modern psychiatry has done. Try to explore holistic healing approaches. Not only are many of these approaches rooted in real, ancient wisdom that takes into account the mind/body/spirit connection, the vocabulary they employ and their conceptualization of your issue you may find much more hopeful than this simple idea that you’re brain damaged. Almost every practice I’ve been involved with– amazonian shamanism, acupuncture, yoga, etc. all talk about ‘energy’ in the body. This energy can be ‘dark’, or become stagnant, etc. etc, and the result of any of this dysfunction profound– crazy thoughts, emotions, numbness, disturbed sleep, etc. But the point is, this energy, which informs your biology and your consciousness, is malleable and capable of change. Yes, it can be changed when we introduce biological agents such as drugs, but that doesn’t mean it can’t shift back. Your body knows how to do this, you just need to start leveraging it’s wisdom and innate capacity to heal. And you need to toss our the idea that you’re brain damaged! If you go around believing that, you will be! Trust me, I know how hard all of this is. I’m writing this paragraph for you just as much as myself. Actually, I’m probably writing it for myself more than anyone! I came from a very materialistic, empirical worldview. My parents are both MD’s and were the ones who got me on pills in the first place. I didn’t believe in holistic medicine, thinking it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo. But after my journey to the amazon, a lot of reading and actually trying to get into this stuff, I’ve come to appreciate that the world and our existence is much mysterious than we can imagine. Hell, throw the Buddha out the window and just read Jung! He had patients who exhibited all the symptoms of mountain sickness (pounding headaches, shortness of breath, tremors etc.) because they’re climbing the corporate ladder too quickly, all the while dreaming of falling off alpine cliffs into an abyss. Their physical symptoms resolved once they came to appreciate what their unconscious mind (or soul or psyche) was trying to tell them and they changed their lives. That’s pretty amazing, and not really anything mainstream medicine would believe in. If you’re carrying around this idea that you’re screwed and brain damaged, I think there is serious reason to believe that just having that idea tucked away in the back of your head might be perpetuating your situation. That doesn’t mean you can just throw that idea away in an instant, or that this is ‘all in your head’, but you can take steps to shift away from that way of thinking and effect an evolution of consciousness that may break you free from your situation. I think the defining factor in whether people recover or not here at PP is whether or not they believe they will. That belief may be small, but it can be nurtured and made manifest into a reality. It doesn’t happen overnight, and I still struggle in my darker moments to hold onto it, but I refuse to respond to that dark pull of despair by letting it drag me into situations that reinforce it, and instead try to listen to that irrational, strong part of me that ‘just knows’ I will be well. Whether or not we care to admit it, there is a part of us that wants to be sick, seeks out evidence that we can’t get better, that we are permanently wounded, and that others are to blame. It wants to litigate, to attack those who may have harmed us, and it feeds our egoic identity, one of the self-righteous, innocent victim who shouldn’t be responsible for their recovery. It feels goods to let it rage, but in the long run it keeps us stuck. We don’t make changes– in our lifestyle, in our way of thinking, in letting go of the the past as well as the fear etc. etc., and we stay shackled by the bonds of misery. Again, this is really easy to do if all you believe is you’re only an amalgamation of atoms and chemicals that has been thrown into permanent disarray through a chemical lobotomy– but isn’t that just the same line of thinking that psychopharmacology uses to justify the use of these interventions? It’s one that denies the innate intelligence that has constructed every cell in your body, and one, again, that I believe if you leverage through mind/body work, can heal you profoundly. from http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/showthread.php?t=52377&page=2 Overall, I truly believe this is the attitude we must adopt in order to move forward. Yes, our brain chemistry has been compromised, and only time will heal this wound. But a change in our attitudes and our lifestyle must also be made, instead of wallowing in self-pity.