Professional victims throw a pity party

Stop playing the victim role
« on: February 28, 2019, 06:56:44 pm »

[Buddie]

I am so frustrated right now, my ex partner told me to stop acting as a victim. This makes me so angry. She has no idea what the hell on earth we are experiencing every minute, hour of the day. My nerves are on fire, because people think we are acting. What is the definition “normal”?

I have stopped talking about it, but that only makes my anxiety worse. Any advice?

I can’t hide my symptoms under a pokerface any longer, they are too severe.

Re: Stop playing the victim role
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2019, 07:07:54 pm »

[Buddie]

They are not where you are. My grandsons and daughters are doing the same thing to me. They don’t think this is a big deal and it’s very hard on me especially at 70. Stupid GP gave me the Adivan in 2017. I started tapering in 2018. SO I was not on it long, but it’s really put me through hell. Lost 35lbs in one month. Scary to look at my body. They see it and IGNORE the obvious.

It is not happening to them so why and how could they comprehend or understand?

CONSIDER THE SOURCE! They don’t know………so don’t expect them to understand. Take your stand and you do what you know is best for you and what you have to do.

Forget about their attitudes. There is nothing you can do about it unless you make them take this medication and have it happen to them. That is the only way they will understand.

But it has happened to you and me………so we have to deal with it ourselves and get off this poison and help ourselves. DIG IN YOUR HEELS and stand up for yourself, or don’t talk to them about it. Just do whatever you have to do to get better. That is your first and foremost concern. The rest can be just IGNORED.

Aquaphobic Benzo Buddies members wallow in filth

Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« on: February 16, 2019, 07:32:33 pm »

[Buddie]

Ok ever since I’ve been in my setback I cannot showed causs I can’t handle it,it causes major anxiety.
Any type of stimulation I cannot handle,does anyone else have it this bad? Like in my chest and it’s like I can’t handle the adrenaline,even trying to do very light lifting my body can’t handle it,I want to know how many people have had it or have it? Thank you

Re: Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2019, 02:09:57 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve dealt with it/deal with it. It’s been horrific. Extremely destabilized nervous system.

Re: Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2019, 03:37:52 am »

[Buddie]

It’s really common for people in the throes of benzo withdrawal to have a really difficult time, sometimes even impossible to shower.

Re: Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2019, 07:37:55 am »

[Buddie]

i also have this the shower is a battle for me every time but i keep doing it at least ever 2 to 3 days i do not do much beside eat and lay in bed 90 percent of day and sleep when im not watching movies or tv on my laptop

Re: Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2019, 05:54:30 pm »

[Buddie]

Yes, i suffer from severe heat intolerance ever since starting benzo’s. 3 years off clonazepam and i still can’t handle a hot shower or warm weather in general.
Heat triggers my orthostatic intolerance / POTS. My veins swell up like crazy and hurt, then my heart rate goes up, i feel dizzy and sick. The only think that then helps is to lay down in bed for the rest of the day with the airconditioning at the lowest setting.

Re: Can't shower/can't handle anything anyone have this?
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2019, 06:00:42 pm »

[Buddie]

I manage a bath about ever three weeks atm because the look and sound of the water terrifies me.

Father goes on bender as horrific cult abuse story of parents doing drugs in front of kids surfaces

Reintroduce myself after two years
« on: February 24, 2019, 01:48:49 pm »

[Buddie]

First of all I’m sorry for the run on sentence….I wasn’t completely sure where to post this but I need some kind of answers, I struggled for months after a cold turkey wd but eventually the sky opened and I was fine and back to my normal self besides benzos I would have an occasional drink but I was never a hard drinker and I started smoking marijuana regularly again, last week we had a run in with cps and I had to quit smoking bc my wife’s therapist told them we smoked in front of our children which wasn’t true we smoked in the garage whenever our son was awake anyway I turned to liquor for that week of not smoking I probably drank a bottle of crown a few beers and a bottle of wine or two then during the weekend I went to a ski resort with the guys from work and I drank HARD harder than ever I remember ordering a whole bottle of wine at one of the dinners needless to say I haven’t been feeling great and the symptoms are mimicking my ct withdraw slightly less in every way but I’m still in agony in and out of the dr and hospital most of this week just for them to say blood work and ekg are fine just high bp is the only thing they can see which leads me to my question did this onset some alcohol/ protracted benzo withdrawals or am I dying?? I’m so scared and feel like poo

Benzo Buddies members compare psych wards

Womp womp psych hospital
« on: February 21, 2019, 10:50:43 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello,

So my taper has ended in the acute mental hospital 2 days ago. Not ideal. Although it’s not that terrible here. I was brought here by family for my ‘withdrawal delusions’ and nighttime terrors.

I’m at 0.06 mg ativan and have been holding. The pharmacist here and psych dr are patiently letting me taper here but would like to see me taper down here. Their diagnosis is that I am manic with delusions about ativan symptoms, and they want to go through withdrawal here to prove a point to myself that it’s not that bad. I don’t want to be on this drug anymore but I am scared to jump here. But maybe better here than at home.

There are other benzo people here. It’s sad. I dont want to say too much but it’s not a good thing to see.

They want me on 12.5 mg of seroquel. I’ve taken 2 doses. Worried about movement disorder because of fahrs.

Sx… high heart rate. Bowel stuff. Brain zaps. Tremors. Burning skin.

I think i have to stop this med soon but worried about acute in front of psychiatric team.

My question I guess is if anyone has advice.

Thanks.

Re: Womp womp psych hospital
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2019, 11:14:40 pm »

[Buddie]

I am SO SO sorry! I wound up in psyche twice and they were pretty much no help, switched my ADs, put me on gabapentin which I tried to get off and couldnt, Trazadone which stopped working, remeron which made me sick, they did get me stable on a generic brand of K but I’m still not tapering and still sick since my failed rapid taper and now I’m on ambien ::)

I suppose you can fake it as best you can to get out? then go back to your taper? Maybe?

Seroquel can help with sleep and 12.5 is a CRAZY low dose! It is safer in the hospital because they can be there if you seize or need any other meds I guess? I’m happy they let you have your phone at least, we werent allowed ours

Benzo Buddies tells mentally ill drug addict NOT to go to the psych ward

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2019, 12:35:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 19, 2019, 07:19:22 pm
Hope you are holding up, […]. Things hit the fan here because all my cuts caught up with me in a really bad way, so I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through. I’m in a holding pattern because this has become too much to bear.

I hope you are doing ok. Sometimes life can be dealt with only 1 minute at a time.

I’ve also had an attempt in 2016, so I understand all too well. Stabilizing is the most important thing now. I am not tapering any further until these extreme thoughts subside a bit for me. It’s too much to bear for me at the moment, so that’s why I am holding.

Oh no! I hope you stabilize soon Lfree!!! It really is an awful feeling having those thoughts and I think the dp/Dr makes them somehow feel easier to accomplish (at least for me) like there were no consequences.
I had a bad day today, restarted an old drug for pain/ sleep and even though I was only off it for 2 weeks I think it’s hitting me hard. Migraine most of the day, just wanted to sleep and just felt unwell. But it’s also that ‘special’ monthly time AND I tried vaping CBD oil last night…so many things at play right now, we also had a snow storm (which flares my fibromyalgia)

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2019, 04:58:09 pm »

[Buddie]

NO, don’t do inpatient, I did that twice and they poly drugged me to death. was so scary locked up with crazy people and an evil shrink. taper slow, u can do it

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2019, 05:06:56 am »

[Buddie]

[…], I hope you’ve been able to avoid the psych ward. It’s the absolute worst place for anyone in psych drug withdrawal as the people there have no clue what is wrong with you and only heap on more poisonous drugs. I’m so sorry for your suffering. Stay home regardless of how bad it gets….that’s the safest place to be, unless you are truly and actually in the process of trying to take your own life.

Benzo Buddies gives free reign to doctor-bashers

Overcoming fear/mistrust of Doctors.
« on: February 19, 2019, 10:28:13 pm »

[Buddie]

I know from all posts I’ve read that I’m very far from alone in this and do have that question. (I’m not even sure whether or not moderators will take down this thread or let it be, since I do find it a little odd that I haven’t already come across a thread like this. I do take great care composing a thread/posts that they won’t possibly distress or offend anyone.) I’m concerned some symptoms I’m having are serious, but I have these mistrust and fear issues. My experiences with doctors haven’t been highly favorable to begin with, never mind this travesty. My doctor had prescribed for over a decade and when his group practice was taken over by a larger one informed me, on phone, that the refill he was giving was the last – which, rapid detox could’ve killed me. I’d only known about tapers b/c I’d had a gut feeling that the depression I’d been feeling for 2 years @ that time was due to the ativan, so I’d already begun my research. He’d also overprescribed, which I hadn’t taken full amount, so I’ve had a reserve to do my dry cuts…

I’ve been experiencing many w/d sxs; won’t go into all the details here; anyone wanting more back-story can click on my username and look through my posts history. Since August ’18 have experienced steady weight gain (especially in truck of body) and pain in right ankle. I don’t remember twisting it; but it’s possible I did. Since end of December, everything’s much worse, & which I’ve attributed to w/d with decreasing amounts being in my system & all the poisons having to be expunged. I can’t, though, ignore how much worse the right ankle pain is (the only time I’m not in pain is when asleep, blessed relief/hard to come by), along w/both calves swelling now & the calf skin being tight & shiny. Now, I’m thinking the additional weight gain may all be water-retention (esp. as I’ve been slim whole life & so were parents).

My concern is that this may be heart-related, as my blood pressure had been borderline high & it may have been the ativan keeping it even at that level & not higher. During this same time period, a loved one had awful experiences of her closest loved ones & their ultimate demises; one of whom had much swelling w/skin weeping & an awful 2-3 months before he was finally granted the ultimate respite from a higher power, but not before doctors/hospitals tortured him further. I know how much she detests and reviles doctors now, too, from those experiences, but that she does keep her own doctor appointments. Hearing those experiences, combined with my own already existing ones during this same time period, I’m more mistrustful and fearful of the medical community than ever. I do have a call out to her (leaving out the exact specifics, b/c even w/her, I’m afraid she’ll just advise going to dr. or hospital) asking how she gets over any of her own feelings in order to visit a doctor at all. She’s actively grieving (& why I’d hated to pose this question to her at all, but did it as obliquely as possible, b/c I know she’ll be concerned about me & she’s been though enough) – so, I don’t know if/when I’ll hear from her…

Any helpful tips appreciated. (on getting over the fear/mistrust – please, not just advising “go to” dr./hospital- thank you)
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 11:16:41 pm by [Buddie]