Accidental addict’s journey from opiates to benzos to a psych ward to finally joining an online cult

Minutes away from facility for dementia, following 5day detox
« on: October 18, 2019, 05:39:42 am »

Iriswoman

Following a 6day detox, arrangements were made to transfer me from an inpatient psych facility to a long term care facility for dementia. Yes, that’s how severe my withdrawal symptoms were. I know you don’t just catch dementia in a week or two. Thank God, I had enough sense, knowledge of my rights, and just enough communication skills to request a 48 hour release. This psych hospital applied an alcohol detox protocol to a 25 year Rx=compliant dependence on benzodiazepines. A dependency that started with ativan and ending the last 15 years with Klonopin. For weeks now I’ve grown so weary that I’m now begun fighting SI daily, more specifically nightly. For 8 weeks I’ve followed a extreme self/care regime with no outside support, not for lack of pleading, but can’t find any resources. Self care consists of healthiest affordable diet (no processed foods, low to no sodium, sugar, caffeine, and saturated fats) plenty of fresh produce with magnesium and potassium […] foods, adequate hydration, sleep hygiene, CBT skills, yoga, deep breathing, 30-40 min walk as able, no medications except tylenol, and aspirin. I see no pattern of benefit or exacerbation with diet, OTC meds or lifestyle. So frustrated.

I was positive that the “protracted withdrawal” business was over-reported and I would recover within a few weeks. Bolstering my thinking was having successful gone through nasty opiate withdrawal years ago without PAWS, I was certain this would not be any worse…but it is bad. This is hell. Far worse. It’s as if Satin himself reaches up from Hell and pinches random parts of my body and brain, producing unpredictable,bizarre, but always painful or bizarre sensations to accompany a symphony of intense pain and prolonged insomnia.

Tonight, I’m scared. Not just the regular unrelenting anxiety, but thoughts that now seem rational, I can’t do this anymore. The pain, the lack of sleep. I’ve not had more than 1.5 hours sleep at any time for nearly 3 months. I am going out of my mind. And yet, I still have more clarity at times than I’ve had for many years. I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER BENZO but I do want sleep, balance, and freedom from unrelenting spasms and nerve pain. I called every place I could think of and there is no help. Ironic, since the U of A and Banner Health just hosted a benzodiazapine awareness workshop in my town. Ironic because it was a Banner/UofA psych MD that referred me to the 5day inpatient detox. I’m livid when I find myself preparing to die, trying to post notes in explanations to things for my children. Certainly not with intention of self harm but what I believe to be inevitable. I don’t believe it is humanly possible to sustain this distress much longer. I’m having a good enough day today that I can actually type this intro. For that I’m grateful. I’m wearing thin on practicing gratitude and positive thoughts. I am human. I’m at my wits ends. Perhaps quite literally. Forgive the current cliche. I’m 66 with 2 adult children, both out of state and so unfamiliar with psych inpatient procedures and benzodiazapines specifically that they blame me for being so compliant with the docs, the Rx and the detox. They know the person I once was, and cannot imagine allowing such abuse. I understand their ignorance. Unless you’ve been through the inpatient process and know that the facility’s threat of an involutary commitment is most likely (and certainly, in my case) an empty one to elicit compliance and justify the maximim number of days to bill.

I will go anywhere for help and follow any sane, helpful advice. When you’ve gone inpatient and were harmed, where do you turn. Especially, when speech and balance is impaired. I can’t drive, I live upstairs and sometime balance is so bad, I cannot leave my apartment. Some days speech is so impaired, I can’t ask for help. I’ve had groceries delivered on days I can manage the logistics of ordering and receiving. Simple things have become monumental tasks. I contacted every support for mental healt. I’ve been to ER twice and was sadmitted the second time to the Neuro unit to rule out a stroke. Very expensive test ruled out a cardiac event. I won’t go again, as I’ve now read that there is nothing they can do. The offending staff at the shrink’s office did send a cop twice to make sure I was still alive. I was deeply offended. See if I’m still alive? That was it? I don’t want to just be alive. I’d like to go on living. Anyone that doesn’t see the difference shouldn’t be in the mental health business. Always so compliant and so forgiving…this time I’m so very angry. I try to convert this anger to energy to keep up this fight. I can’t do this alone and don’t know where or to whom to turn.

I’d rather be inspiring others than begging for help…but like everyone else…I need help. Btw, where are the @#$% lawyers? Who will pay for all those tests, the lost time. Rehab or as the hospital predicted, a long term care facility. Wow, all those mental health agencies competing for your insurance enrollment…disappear when I ask for help now. I rambled to exhaustion. Thx.

“A number of Benzo Buddies participants report that the overall tone of the group is judgmental and can border on abusive”

Benzo Buddies Support Groups: Do They Help or Hurt?

Irrational fear of furniture forces Bigglesworth to sleep on the floor (furniturephobia can be treated with medication)

Was exposed to insecticides please help!!
« on: September 24, 2019, 04:02:41 pm »

Mpershe

Please, please no triggering comments. On Friday evening we had to have our master bedroom and bathroom and my sons room sprayed (baseboards) with insecticides due to carpet beetles. They said to not go in the room for 2 hours but we left the house for 24 to be safe. I am now in acute with horrific chemical anxiety, no sleep, can barely function because mental and cognitive are so bad. The product is no longer ‘airborne’ but something has gone terribly wrong!! I’m still tApering, I’m on.16mgs klonipin but now holding. Please, anyone help me!!! (The product the used was onslaught)
My husband is going to wipe the baseboards down tonight and I’m not sleeping in there but it’s sohard to even be in my house as I’m afraid to get worse!

Re: Was exposed to insecticides please help!!
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2019, 03:10:53 am »

Bigglesworth

So sorry youre going through this. I can relate as I have severe chemical sensitivity, and cannot even be around new furniture without having breathing difficulties and over stimulation of my nervous system. I actually sleep on the floor in my bedroom with just a pile of pillows and some old blankets, because I am allergic to every new mattress I’ve tried. So much for claims of being hypoallergenic. All that memory foam stuff is a toxic nightmare for me.

I see this post is a week old so I hope you were able to get the situation under control and are feeling better.

Flick nets over 4k for quack treatment

Oct. 7: “My campaign has gotten off to a slow start, but it is starting to take off now, after a few weeks and i am very grateful to all my friends who have donated. I have raised enough now for almost three treatments of the total of ten that I need. I am seeing the naturopathic doctor in marin county the first time this thursday and he is an expert on treating lyme disease. I can start soon on the ozone now, I am sure, and many who do it say they feel a lot better after even two or three treatments. Others take longer, of course. Thanks to all and to Spirit who moves All and All!”

Oct. 13: “I have been feeling pretty down, because the lyme has really been hitting me even harder in the past few weeks, and messing up my liver again. However, I saw the new lyme naturopath this past week and was very inspired and impressed. He ordered a bunch of expensive tests that will show literally any and all the infections I have,since lyme usually comes with other infections, too. Fortunately, the tests are covered by medicare, because they are really necessary. The new doctor is really going to help me get well, no doubt. The bad thing is that they are so booked up in advance that i can’t get my first ozone treatment for another month. And i am at the point of being so sick, I am having a very hard time working now. Lyme disease is very much a profound ordeal. Thanks to all my friends who are helping me to get through this!! I have gotten enough money now for four out of the treatments i need, although it could take even more.”

Site mascot Sicko Flicko is back begging for money for a dangerous quack medical treatment – don’t give him any!

Delirious addict carried thermometer at all times after being brainwashed into believing benzo withdrawal sent his temp to 106°

Re: Do people here have difficulty regulating body temperature.
« Reply #3 on: October 10, 2019, 12:57:15 am »

Jack37

Yes. I struggled to keep my body temp between 95-103 in the beginning. If I went out in the cold it would start to drop below 95 very quickly like in minutes. If I turned on the heat in the car my temp would start climbing. The sky was the limit. I carried a thermometer at all times for safety. My temperature would go to dangerous extremes quickly. I once had a 106 fever from driving in a hot car. I basically had to try to be in a 73 degree room at all times.
No problems with it currently. That symptom is gone.