Kook wonders if getting dog medication on his skin will make him crazier

Will accidently getting dog medication on skin cause damage?
« on: May 27, 2020, 06:48:16 am »


Was looking at the active ingredient of Frontline(isoprinil). It is used to treat fleas, lice, heartworm, mites, and who knows what else. Apparently it affects GABA receptors and that stuff has a half life of half a month.. Has anyone gotten that stuff on their skin? Were you alright?


17 months and 2 days F*** this
« on: May 26, 2020, 10:25:58 pm »


I have a feeling that I never heal. I have stopped Valium for 17 months and 2 days now man this sh** makes me crazy constant ear pressure,
feeling that my throat is swelling,
very tired all day long also often has to lie down,
increased fears(anxiety),
tensed muscles and painful back and legs,
cannot build a rhythm day and night,
stomach pain and extreme bowel pain pressure on the bladder
tunnel vision

this nightmare doesn’t stop for me!

Kooky Monday: Benzos cause canker sores under the tongue

Canker sores under my tongue
« on: May 24, 2020, 03:09:28 pm »


I’ve found that the only way I can ever get any tiny relief at all from my tiny dose of Clonazepam (and only sometimes) is to let it dissolve under my tongue. Whenever I do it for more than a few days in a row, I get cankers on the bottom of my tongue. Thought it was just coincidence at first, but it happens every time. Now I don’t even want to imagine what the stuff is doing to the inside of my stomach when I swallow it. No wonder so many of us are nauseous a lot, and no wonder I’ve had a sharp pain in my upper abdomen for months. I guess I’m just venting about how toxic this vile poison is.

Kooks terrified of balsamic vinegar

Lorazepam and balsamic vinegar
« on: May 16, 2020, 12:05:32 am »


Hi this might be a dumb question but I try to stay away from any sort of alcohol because of my lorazepam use and being scared to mix it with any alcohol. Does anyone know if it’s ok
To eat? I’m getting confusing information if balsamic vinegar has any alcohol in it or not.

Sexual problems plague Ashton acolyte five years later

5 years off; as of today
« on: May 17, 2020, 11:35:09 am »


I don’t come on here often anymore, but today marks the 5th year of me being off benzodiazepines, and also all prescription drugs. I took my last bit of liquid diazepam on 17th May 2015.

The mild lingering symptoms I had for about 16- 18 months after coming off a long and slow taper, continue to stay gone.

Since coming off benzodiazepines I have travelled to various countries, started and significantly progressed in a martial art, and have started and have made a lot of progress in learning a new language. I have also returned to work. All things I never thought would have been possible while in the worst of benzodiazepine withdrawal.

The only remaining symptoms I still have is the numb genitals, very low libido, pleasure less orgasms, and emotional numbness, but I strongly suspect this was caused by the SSRI antidepressant citalopram, and not the benzodiazepines, and that I suffer from Post SSRI sexual dysfunction. Each year these sexual symptoms seem to get a little less, but it has been a very frustrating and disappointing process of recovery from these symptoms, and I am very unhappy about how long it is taking.

But on a positive note I am happy to be free from the grip of the benzodiazepines, which until I found the correct way of slowly withdrawing from them (my psychiatrist tried taking me off a large dose in 6 weeks, and I suffered terribly with a lot of severe symptoms for 6 months without relief), caused me all sorts of problems. I no longer have to worry about withdrawal symptoms or being dependant on a substance, so the long process of withdrawal was definitely worth it for me. I feel much happier, healthier, and less anxious now I am free from them.

Keep going everyone, it can take a long time, but there is a better life waiting for you after benzodiazepines.

Take care

Cult member ends up in ER, vows to continue tapering no matter what

ER Visit Yesterday - High BP, Extreme Nausea, Dizziness, Balance And Tinnitus
« on: May 16, 2020, 04:13:05 pm »


I couldn’t take it anymore and went to the ER yesterday morning. Despite holding my dose for almost 2 weeks, I’m going to have to say I’m worse with the symptoms in the title. Oh…add to that head pressure and headache. It’s so bad, I can hardly walk or stand. Blood pressure was ridiculous for me…192/94. I had blood work done and it was normal. I have Hashimoto’s, hypothyroidism, and to me, though it falls within “normal” range, I think my TSH is too low at 1.61. At last check it was 2.8 several months ago.

I had a CT scan (with contrast) and other than some known blood vessel abnormalities, it too was “normal”. I was given Zofran in my IV which did absolutely nothing for nausea but as usual, gave me a banging headache.

I didn’t take my levothyroxine this morning. I’m going off of it. I think I read somewhere benzos can cause thyroid problems and maybe since my dose is so low right now, it’s going to improve? I don’t know but almost feel I have HYPERthyroidism now with the racing heart, high BP, sleeping issues and increased anxiety. It’s so easy to blame benzos for everything. I might be on the right path here or so far off the trail I’m an idiot. Also, I’ve lost 50 pounds and I’m older now. People my age can have a TSH of up to 10 and fall with “normal” range. It’s all so convoluted.

Despite feeling like shit, I’m moving forward with tapering. The days are getting worse and I feel it had nothing to do with my rate of taper so that’s why I’m still tapering. This poison had got to go!

The nurse practitioner started me on buspirone. The dose was 7.5mg twice a day. I’m so med sensitive, I took just 3.75mg a day for three days. It was terrible…more dizziness, anxiety, nausea, insomnia, headache…you name it. I’m not taking it anymore and not telling her as she’s going to say I never give things enough time. Well, I think I know my body and anything that makes me feel so terrible isn’t the drug for me. Her theory is my symptoms are anxiety related. That may be true, but taking a drug that makes it worse is unacceptable. Her statement “it doesn’t need to be tapered when time to stop” is false too. It should be tapered. Now it’s one less drug to taper. Yeah for me!!

I know there’s a group on here for tinnitus and “floaty, boaty” feelings but I’m putting it out here because there are so many variables. I’ve had bouts of tinnitus for years but this is 24/7 loud, hissing tinnitus. It’s hard to ignore.

So, if you have a comment, I’m happy to read it especially if you’ve experienced the same.



Satan tells addict to end it all

Evil intrusive thoughts
« on: May 08, 2020, 09:11:12 pm »


I don’t even want to post this question, but…has anyone experienced intrusive thoughts that are downright evil? Or felt like Satan and his minions were trying to attack and destroy one’s soul? This is what has been happening the past couple of weeks, and it terrifies me. I pray and ask God for help, but, as my swallowing and breathing problems worsen, so do the wicked “voices” that tell me I’m doomed and would be better off dead. Never in my life have I experienced anything like this.

Another former Benzo Buddies member warns public to stay away from fear-driven cult site, listen to your doctor

I will say this. I got caught in the benzo world. My doctor 4 years ago prescribed Ativan for me daily. I didnt know what it was cause well, I didn’t. After a while it quit working and he upped the dose and I soon found myself “needing” more. After my doctor retired I found a new doctor who was shocked by the amount of Ativan I was on a day. When I explained how I felt he said quit frankly “you are addicted.” I thought I could quit just taking them. I overestimated that you couldn’t. So with my doctor’s help, I got clean. It took 9 months.

I stumbled across Benzo Buddies after googling “benzo online support groups.” OMG. Well, at first they are loving and supportive when you are a newbie. Then all hell breaks loose. That site is fear-driven. I would spend multiple hours a day (at the time I was a stay at home mom and helping care for my aging parents). I would support and post my own journey. Everything that happened i would attribute to withdrawal and I’m sorry to say I was one of the Kooks. One day, about 7 months into my doctor guided “healing” I broke down because I was having a bad day and I said I needed a break from my child. The responses I got were horrendous. One person even commented that I should do like them and put my child up for adoption cause I couldn’t heal and be a mother. It’s impossible.

That day I realized that the amount of time and kookiness on that site was not actually helping my mental state. My fascination was my downfall. So, I sat down, blocked the website from every device I could, and started making banana bread. I made some sort of bread everyday for the remainder of my “coming clean.”

It’s been almost 3 years now since I came off Ativan. Had I not listened to my doctor and had not used judgement to walk away from those idiots… I’d still be on them in fear.

F*ck sake. It might have bern easier if I just started baking as a distraction. I know my previous doctor meant no harm putting me on them. Probably should have paid attention more. But what counts today is that I’m “clean.” The only thing during that time is that I developed tinnitus that doesnt go away. But I’m all good! Stay away from Benzo Buddies. Listen to your doctor. And in like any situation, if you aren’t satisfied or unsure, get a second opinion. Don’t be me and get trapped in that “support group.”

Jordan Peterson: “antidepressants can be absolutely miraculous”

Addicted, not dependent

Just accept that you're an addict
« on: May 01, 2020, 10:17:11 am »


Edit: I have made changes to this. There’s lots of good valid points on this website.

Throughout this withdrawal process, now that I’m 10 months in, I ask myself daily am I a drug addict or not? So these are the points that I told myself.

For starters, the non drug addict in me, the one that wants to not be labeled a drug addict, tells myself this. The doctor told me I had an anxiety condition at 17 years old and instructed me to take medication for it. So I took the medication as prescribed and sometimes even less. I didn’t like the way the medication felt, and I didn’t want to have to take anything but felt it was medically necessary. I actually went to detox against my doctor’s advice so that I can get off of them a couple years later. And I always had extras left over.

As for the drug addict in me, the one that my doctor’s and family and everybody is telling me that I am, it’s a different story. I had really bad anxiety so I wanted something that would make me feel calm right away, and only benzos did that. I would always go to a good doctor that was willing to prescribe large amounts because I needed large amounts.

When I went to the doctor, I would constantly say I have horrible anxiety even if it wasn’t that bad, I think I was being my own dramatic worst enemy. I always carry them around in a pill container, even after getting in trouble for it multiple times with the law. I took them everywhere I went. I thought about them all day long everyday because I knew they were in my pocket and if something got bad, I would take one. I didn’t take them more than prescribed, but I still took a lot.

Later on in life, living in Florida, they diagnosed me with essential tremor, so I no longer went to outpatient therapy or treatment. I just got my pills once every 6 months. So I had endless pills at home and I would make sure I refilled them early every month so that I would have extras. I would stockpile them and I would get happy that I had extras.

Later on, I was screwing around all day long in Colorado and smoking medical marijuana and taking my Valium, only to end up homeless. For the longest time, I thought it was everybody else’s fault. Looking back, it’s my life and I had the choice to take whatever I wanted but ended up on the street. And now I’m going through severe withdrawal.

If I had just taken them for a couple weeks like they suggested at the same time every day, and then quit without thinking about it and had really bad symptoms for a long time, I don’t think it would be an addiction problem.

So this is why I think I’m also a drug addict on top of having a physical dependency at this point, because when I look back at my life, it was really screwed up because of pills. Nobody forced me to take them. I knew that it was the pills messing things up but I couldn’t stop anyways. Yes it was because of the horrible withdrawal, but psychologically I needed help to do it.

There’s many people saying I’m not a drug addict because I took them as prescribed, well lots of people take things as prescribed and end up addicted. I think it’s just the bad reputation it gets and that’s why people don’t like to be called that.

So half of me wants to say yes I’m a drug addict and I take responsibility for it, but I still have that other side of me saying hey you didn’t do anything wrong it was prescribed and they told you to take it all day everyday for 20 years regardless of ending up on the street and in hospitals and jails and stuff like that.

And now that I’m 10 months out, I don’t really care if I’m a drug addict or not because it doesn’t change my situation or my symptoms or even the way that my doctor looks at me, because she thinks I’m a drug addict in the first place.

And then you have the fact where almost everybody thinks you’re a drug addict anyways, and if you argue with them, you just look stupid. Like it’s almost better just to say yeah I was addicted and I’m having a hard time and maybe they would help you out more.

However that can also go wrong, like with my family over the last couple months, when I was facing eviction, they were sitting there calling me a drug addict telling me I needed to go to recovery and I kept saying, I don’t have a problem, it was my choice to get off of them and they were prescribed. So they would tell me, I think you do have a problem and we’re not paying for a place to live because it’s your life and you’re a grown-up.

Now another thing to consider, I’m getting housing with Trillium the mental health company. And they are telling me recovery is possible from both mental health and substance abuse. So they’re not labeling me anything, they’re just saying you can recover from either. So basically we have mental health problems temporarily until we get better. It’s not meant to be permanent housing. So it doesn’t matter which category you’re in, they help you anyways.

Where the problem is, is with Social Security a few months back. They told me I was not entitled to disability benefits because I might have problems because of substances. That’s what the judge said, even though I was prescribed benzos for anxiety condition, he said he thought the medicine contributed to my problems. When clearly I already had the problems and that’s why I was taking the medication. That really pissed me off.

So there’s lots of things to consider, judges telling me I have substance abuse problem, family thinking I’m a drug addict, mostly everybody from the older generation saying I’m a drug addict. The newer generation says well it’s prescribed they can’t tell you that, almost like it’s a court case or something. So if you get really technical, things get really confusing.

But in my case, I’m pretty sure I had both physical dependency and an addiction problem. I mean if you’re sitting around counting your pills every month towards the end and thinking about them all day and how you feel all the time, and fearing running out again because you might end up homeless again, and always making sure the doctor prescribes as many as possible, you probably have an addiction problem.

I guess with benzos and prescribed opiates, if it’s prescribed, it’s one of those things you don’t want to admit that it’s addiction, and it’s not for everybody, but I don’t know anybody that doesn’t like them. So maybe people need to stop judging and it wouldn’t be such a big deal. Maybe they should just say if it’s prescribed it’s not a big deal.

The problem with prescribed or not, nurses in hospitals don’t care if it’s prescribed and whenever you go to a new doctor, they don’t care if it’s prescribed or not either. Each person is going to make their own judgment call.

And right now, I have my medical doctor saying it’s a brain injury but that I also have an addiction I’m recovering from, so it’s both. My pharmacist says well you probably were addicted but it was prescribed and you were taking it correctly so I kept feeling it. My family says well you were probably addicted but it was prescribed for 20 years for a reason, so it’s not a big deal. Everything is finally falling into place which is great.

But I will always look back at all of this and I will never forget the judge saying that the pills contributed to my mental health even though it was to help it, and I will never forget people judging me during a time when it was all about money and they were using addiction as an excuse not to help.

And throughout life, half of the people you talk to are going to say it’s a diction and half are going to say the doctors gave you a brain injury. So you might as well just accept whatever people think and go with it. What’s it going to hurt? Who cares, you don’t have to worry about doctors anymore. But I completely get it, it’s not good to be labeled a pill seeker and drug addict. I was even labeled a pill Seeker for asking for my propanolol at the State Hospital.

Was I seeking pills? Well technically, yes. I was asking for my prescription and they wrote it in my chart. Was it okay? No it wasn’t okay at all. They needed to give me my damn meds. Anyways, moving on, that’s my opinion at least.

I’m both a recovering prescription drug addict, as well as somebody that’s been damaged by doctors and Genentech, because it was their fault. That’s why they need to pay for all the damage they did.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2020, 02:51:39 pm by [Buddie] »