if only i'd known!
« on: April 21, 2015, 03:08:48 am »


this site’s a small haven.

a part of me doubts that what i’m going through is benzo withdrawal, as i was only ever taking between 1mg and 2mg of xanax or klonopin once a week to help me sleep, but i had kept up that habit for about 8 months, and after reading about other people’s experiences with withdrawal, i came to realize my symptoms fit the bill pretty well. something just snapped overnight about two months ago, and i haven’t been the same person since. it’s been a nightmare, really, and i have yet to find a medical professional i trust to help me out.

i took an 1/8th of a milligram of clonazapem about two weeks ago and haven’t had any since. things are definitely improved from this time last month, but i am absolutely still not myself. incredibly scatterbrained, terrible memory and focus, bizarre anxieties about nearly everything, alice in wonderland syndrome, tinnitus, songs stuck in my head ALL DAY LONG. i had two panic attacks last month and i’m just waiting waiting waiting for a third one to happen. it’s awfully nerve wracking.

it took me a month to get an appointment with a sliding-scale psychotherapist, and i finally had that meeting last week. it was an introductory/placement kind of thing, but i hope to start therapy with somebody in the coming days.

today i saw a psychiatrist that charged me 150 dollars and after about 45 minutes wrote me a prescription for wellbutrin. i was so upset about the whole situation because the guy just didn’t seem as invested as i’d wanted him to be. he didn’t say that the benzos were outright responsible for what i’m going through either, but said they probably had something to do with it. and if it isn’t the benzos, then something else is wrong with me and i have NO idea what it is and that makes me INCREDIBLY panicked.

i’ve been coming to this website to see if other people had a similar experience taking as little as i had, and so far i think i’ve found a few stories that might be on par.

and i have no idea what to do with this wellbutrin prescription. i read one sentence somewhere that said caution should be taken when using wellbutrin for benzo withdrawal, but there was no elaboration.

but anyway, i’m still looking for some answers i suppose. has this created a long term anxiety issue for me? is a prescription for an antidepressant really something i need? i’ve had lifelong low level anxieties, but i just don’t know what’s ‘normal’ for me or other people and what isn’t. the idea of being on a medication longterm is frightening; i want to be able to rely on only myself to get by. but i’m not sure if that’s the way to do it, and i don’t even feel i can trust the doctor who wrote me the prescription to really understand my feelings.

c’est la vie.

ah and i was also hoping to be able to use the search function. interested in other experiences with wellbutrin. and also alcohol and hangovers. my hangovers are WEIRD and leave me very mentally absent and confused which never used to happen.

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