New Cry Baby Here « on: June 07, 2016, 03:25:57 pm »
Hey everyone. I’m obviously new here… and here’s a little about me, and why I feel like a cry baby.
I was given 1.5mg Xanax for sleep, that was years ago. Never upped the dose, never took more than prescribed… Then like many before me, was given an opiate for pain relief. Well that was for years!
Fast forward to a few months ago. I wanted my life back, and not be chained to pill bottles anymore. Jumped ct off the pain pills. Had a bad 1 or 2 weeks, and boom, recovered from that. No lingering effects or anything. Felt crummy, but after about the 2 week mark, felt like life was back. Here’s where things got interesting…
I thought Xanax was the same type of thing. That I could just ct that too. Boy oh boy what was I thinking. Made it to like day 2, and was taking it again, but that’s where things got interesting. I could never find stability again! I was 100% stable taking the 1.5mg at night only. Never took them during the day… Just at night. No issues, no problems, no inter-dose withdrawal, nothing. I was fine. Well, when I got back on them, no matter what I tried, I felt like my head was going to explode, i basically lived in the bath tub, and damn near wanted to end it.
Someone who I adore took me to the ER, and the folks at the ER said I was suffering benzo dependance. I was like, duh! I’m not here for drugs, i showed her my full pill bottle, and I asked how do I get normal again? She literally said ‘I don’t know, but there’s nothing I can do for you here, unless you want to go to detox, and that’ll actually hurt more than help as its only 5 days, but I have to offer.’
Long story short, it took me 2 weeks to get an appt with my pdoc, and I specifically asked for a good solid taper plan. The pdoc had me reduce Xanax by .25mg every 3 days, while taking 10mg of Valium. The 10mg of Valium was to only last 2 weeks, and at the end of that 2 weeks, I was to go to 7.5mg, and the following 2 weeks, down to 5mg… etc.
Here’s where I went sideways. I pushed down and followed the doctors letter to a T to get off the Xanax. Just so happened, I felt great! I felt like the king of the world. Well, I made the Xanax jump, not thinking ahead, on the same day that I had to drop to 7.5mg of Valium.
3 days later, it got gnarly. I won’t bore anyone with the details, but I had to jump back up to 10mg of Valium just to think straight and take care of my kids. The headaches are horrible, sleep is something of the past, and i’m feeling defeated.
Well fast forward to now… I’m on day 2 of going back down to 7.5mg after getting semi-normal on the 10mg again. Pdoc wants me on this for 4 weeks, and we’ll have a new appt then. It seems the pdoc listened to me, but only kind of. Pdoc said that with Valium, ‘there’s no chemical way you’re feeling withdrawals because of the half-life of Valium. It’s all made up in your head. You need to understand that.’
Anyways, here I sit, at 7.5mg on day 2, feel super super crummy, feeling like i’m losing the motivation to want to quit, because this road is uncharted, hard, and ya. Just feel like a failure at everything because it’s ‘made up in my head’.
Anyways, i’m keeping a word doc of my journey, all the twists and turns, more like a journal, and i’m on page 36 already. That’s how many thoughts and twists and turns I’ve taken. IDK. I know i know, there’s light at the end of the tunnel and all that jazz, but is there a faster way to the end of the tunnel? And if not, how do I get my pdoc to listen? I personally feel that the rate of taper might be a little to fast, but pdoc justifies it with ‘Valium has a built in self taper, and you shouldn’t feel withdrawal at the rate we are going. It’s all in your head’. I mean seriously, how much of this is in my head?
Sorry for being long winded, but that’s just where i’m at, my story (very very short version believe it or not) and ya.