You mean chocolate donuts are not good for you? « on: November 13, 2016, 02:11:42 am »
I’m writing as kind of a confessional and I wasn’t sure where to even post this. Maybe a blog is in order but I am not good at tending to a blog, I think. And I don’t have a therapist at the moment. There is someone I spoke with on the phone but I owe her money and, well, I think I have to use BB forum as my therapist. It sure has been more helpful than anything or anyone else. Except for chocolate donuts.
So less than 2 months off, I’m beginning to see where my habits as a person are now not serving the person that needs help. I won’t get too into this too much – but I come from a family that left me emotionally scarred and very insecure. I have run the gamut of ADs and Ativan. Lunesta was the last. So now, as a woman in her 50s in the midst of w/d, I have to take care of myself.
I was rather undisciplined before all this with a lot of self-doubt and self-sabotage. I practice alot of fear-based emotional responses to the brain fogged/sleep deprived state that I know I must survive in spite of the fear I have that it may never end. I know I am not alone in this.
Of course I am depressed and tired. “Of course you deserve 6 of these chocolate donuts” I think. You can’t drink, smoke, drug. You feel like s**t. More donuts. I write because I want to begin taking care of myself. I mean really want to. I want to do my little p.t. excercises tired without complaint and quit chasing my beautiful organic veggies with sabotaging chocolate donuts (or other). They are a kind of metaphor. I practice self care and dash it with something or some behavior not good for me. I rebel at self-discipline. Why must I hate myself? It’s time. Thanks WBB
« Last Edit: November 14, 2016, 03:15:06 am by [Buddie] »