I give up, starting an AD « on: January 17, 2017, 07:37:06 pm »
I’ve done as much as I can with this “recovery” but it’s become apparent, I need some kind of kick. I wanted to be off of all psych meds, but I just can’t seem to tip myself over the hump. I’m just at 9.5 months off and even though I’ve seen a lot of improvements in many areas, the one I still struggle with is depression. It’s not even what I call severe depression. I can get up in the morning, I can leave the house, I can do stuff, but I have no vitality, my life is flat.
Worse still is this circular OCD-like thinking. The same negative thoughts keep popping into my head. I was warned a few weeks ago about my job performance, and I haven’t been able to think about anything else since then. I feel like my life is crumbling. I almost want it to crumble because then I could stop fighting and just give up.
I’ve come to realize that, whatever happens, I have to be mentally and emotionally fit enough to handle life. I have dreams and desires I want to achieve, but I don’t feel like I can in my current state. I have no confidence, no self esteem. It’s not so much saddening as it is maddening. I’m like “fuck this, where am I?”
My doctor prescribed my Paxil to take at night, with the hope that it will not only help me sleep more soundly, but maybe help with the morning awfulness that typically grips me. She also gave me script for Celexa, but I chose to fill the Paxil because it’s supposed to help with the above-mentioned OCD-like thinking.
My logic is pretty simple. I’m not breaking out of this the way I’d hoped. I need something, some kind of push, hopefully just enough to get me to a better place, to stabilize me and see things differently. Strangely enough, I haven’t given up on life. I still think I can sort things out, but I obviously can’t continue feeling like half a person.
Re: I give up, starting an AD « Reply #1 on: January 17, 2017, 07:43:00 pm »
have you tried st johns wort. seems to be as effective and less side effects. I take it, it seems to help