Straw that broke the camels back
« on: November 19, 2017, 03:32:19 pm »


Hey all, maybe some of you have read my I frequent postings. My story is like many others, overuse of benzodiazepines, a really hard withdrawal and a gradual recovery. I elected to dismiss the common knowledge of this board and keep pushing as hard as I could throughout my recovery, despite several severe life circumstances I just kept going. I had an ex girlfriend unexpectedly call me saying […] had given birth, and was planning on giving the baby away. I got to spend 3 days with my daughter, and it shattered my heart. I moved to Australia to work on a super high visibility project, working long hours away from all support. I fell in love while I was there, deeply, and in the midst of my withdrawal. I had a tumor found in my testicle, and had it removed, no cancer though. And finally the girl who I loved told me […] had been dating someone new back in Germany, and I shattered. It was the straw that broke the camels back, and I flew home to the USA to unravel. I am so alone, so empty, I feel like the life I have I don’t recognize anymore, I’ve used up all my resilience and I just have nothing left. I never dealt with grieving the baby, grieving my withdrawal, grieving my operation, it was just move forward, move forward, go go go, don’t stop don’t be a victim don’t stop. And now I’m back on a benzo because I can’t stop having panic attacks thinking about all the things that happened the past year that I buried, and the girl who helped me get through it who decided […] would rather someone else.

I feel so weak. Like such a failure

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