Benzo Buddies member: “my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all”

I'm 17 months out and not well now was doing great
« on: November 22, 2017, 12:23:21 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey everyone. I really need some help. Around 12 months off I was doing so well. From 12-17 months off that is. I never had a window where all my symptoms went away but they died down in intensity. Like almost a volume switch was slowly being turned down. Anyway guys, my main symptoms in this have always been paranoia, intrusive thoughts, fear, and can’t calm down feelings. Well anyways, my mind would always feel fear all the time and it would turn my thinking to things to actually be afraid of. I’m really obsessive and once my mind finds something to obsess in fear over I’m done for. The things I’m afraid of “could” actually happen, but the likely hood of these things happening
Is rare but my mind somehow tricks me into thinking that it will happen to me. It always has to do with being killed somehow or another. Right now I’m obsessing over the propane fireplace my parents have in the house. So I bought a carbon monoxide alarm to put into my room to help soothe the fear of “exploding” of someone leaves the gas on or fear of carbon monoxide poisoning. I even bought a gas alarm detector I have plugged into the wall where the fireplace is. I spent 60.00 on this stupid thing. My dad sleeps down near the fireplace because my parents aren’t together anymore since 2009. I don’t really trust my dad and ever since I was in tolerance withdrawal and cold turkeyed my
Paranoia has been focusing on my father and the person who is going to do things to hurt me. I guess I don’t trust him because of his anger issues and verbal abuse. So now my mind thinks my own father is going to turn on the gas while we are all sleeping and kill us all. Isn’t that so crazy to think? This just came out of the blue too, no threats were made it’s just my mind. Please guys please send me some encouragement to go on. I haven’t been sleeping much at all, I’m having total fear, intrusive thoughts, it’s like all the progress I made just went out the window. It really is sad.

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