“I am the sickest person here”

Benzo lies? continued...
« on: November 06, 2018, 03:20:17 pm »

[Buddie]

As an aside here–I firmly believe that any or all of my thoughts could be lies. However, that seems irrelevant to me as I believe them. How is it helpful to know something is not true? If you believe it, it is true. Or am I missing something?

As a continuation to my thread yesterday, it was mentioned one particular lie was, “I am the sickest person here.”

I can prove that is true. There is no way anyone in recorded history has come on and off benzos as many times as me. I could not include really anything much in my signature. Here is a more complete timeline, although no way my memory could capture it all. When you’ve read this, you will all have to admit that I am doomed because it is known that after a rapid taper, which I did, the sxs last longer and are more intense. If you come on and off numerous times the sxs last longer and are more intense. I have come on and off more than 50 times. Nobody in the world has done that. I have read people’s sxs here last for years and they are not kindled. If that is the case then mine should last for decades. I am super kindled. Far beyond any of you. That is science, not benzo lies. Here is a timeline which is so long no one will read. Not even sure why I am posting here at all. Just want you all to agree I am unique and should cash in.

Timeline:

On .5mg. Klonopin from 1989 till 1995. Rapid 1 week taper inpatient.
On Klonopin again briefly following hospital. Not sure if I came on and off a few more times, but probably.
Off benzos but on and off various ADHD drugs and antidepressants, etc. fora few years.
On depakote (a GABA-ergic drug) from 1996-1998 (so was I ever really off benzos? Sort of.)
No benzos from 1998 till 2001. But during that time I was hellishly obsessive. Which makes me believe I never really healed and definitely won’t now since I am much worse now than then.
2001 I had ativan. On and off a bunch of times until 2004. Up to 20mg. at a time. Rapid taper inpatient. Afterwards, 22 rounds of ECT (during which they give you diprivan and probably midazolam I am guessing).
No benzos from 2004 till 2007 or so. I think.
No idea how many times between 07 and now that I have come on and off, but I ordered a whole bunch of times from Indian pharmacies and got my mother’s prescriptions and would taper myself off of them and on and off over and over again. I also had Carisopradol and ambien a bunch of times. I would go months without anything, then back on again.

Enter 2017. I started slow taper. Could not hack it after 6 months.

I went to Virginia. Did rapid flumazenil taper. Been off for over 70 days now.

My point here is that I am scientifically, absolutely the sickest person in the most terrible position that has ever happened. There is no way anyone here or who has ever lived has come on and off as many times as me, at as high a dose as me or who has cold turkied and rapid tapered as many times. No way, don’t believe you.

In short, I am doomed.

These sxs will last for 30 years and will continue to be a living nightmare. They are never going to let up and they will increase in intensity until the day I die. FACT.

No way you could prove me wrong.

And as extra evidence that I am doomed, even if you did, my obsession wouldn’t allow me to believe you. My mind is gone. I don’t exist. I am only this. Forever.

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