Drug addiction not dependence

« on: February 11, 2019, 11:26:42 pm »


Hi everyone my name here is […], because i am tapering from long time use and misabuse from different types of benzos. The reason i am joining this forum is to get more information of benzos and mayby can do some good for other buddies! Right now i am on 35mg of valium, thats the only benzo i am using and can’t wait to be free of benzos. I already had a long way to make it to 35mg of valium. I was on 6mg klonopin, 5mg ativan, and 80 mg of valium. So thats been a hell of a rollercoaster to make it to (only) 35mg valium.

I am a male, 42 years old and it all started about ten years ago when i got prescribed ativan. First 0.50 mg then gradually up to 7.5 mg a day. It went fine for a few years, no anxiety at all felt great! Then i moved to another country and went to my new docter and asked for my ativan 7.5 mg. She looked at me with a face of unbelieve. I had too prove to her that i was on 7.5 mg. So i showed her my old recepi and told me that it was a very high dose and would only prescribe it to me for 1month. After that things had to be different….

Well from then on thing went different.. The next month she prescibed me 5mg ativan. I went to horrible withdrawel as you may imagine. I asked her for valium for the longer half live instead of the ativan but she said no you just have to taper the ativan. Next month she gave me a prescripcion of 2.5 mg of ativan for a month. I almosed begged her to up my dose but she refused. Next month….she put me on 1mg of ativan, i thought i was going crazy. Then i had my first seizure, my wife called 112 and i was taken with the ambulance and put me on 2,5 mg of ativan a day. Somehow i felt some releive but still in withdrawe………Within 5 min. police came to check at my house and the ambulance took me to psych. The psych put me on a anti-psycotic with 1mg of ativan and the anti-phsycotic didn’t felt well just not me. Why did they did all this to me instead of putting me on 7.5mg of ativan to stabalize me. I just knew i would be just fine on that.

Then they added an anti-depressent to the mix. Thought i was going insane just mad at the docters taking away my ativan in such a short periode. I quit taking the anti-depresseant and my anti-psycotic meds and found a save online vendor so i start buying my ativan and felt just fine. I was back feeling myself again. The old me. From one thing comes another so i started to experiment with other benzos buying them online. Easy, next day delivery nothing to worry about. Before i knew i had all sort of benzos in my posesion and a happy (drugged) men. Now, because of my phonecalls to the emergency 112 one day the police came to my house telling me i had to leave because of the concern of my 3 kids. I told them i would never hurt them or my wife but i was on a red code so or leave the house or they would take the kids. Mofo’s so packed my bag and was obligaded to leave my warm and comfortable house, wife and 3 children. I was put in a shelterhome with drugaddicts and people without a place to stay. I felt very angry, if my doc just would have left me on my dose of ativan all this shit wouldn’t be happening.

So i met people using white stuff and ended up using also. My wife asked for divorce, so we did finally after 19 years of marriege. At the and i was hooked on benzos and scarface. Not good and not funny. So i decided to move to my country where my gp would prescribe me all the benzos i wanted. So i said i need 6mg of klonopin, 5mg ativan. She prescibed me for 6 months. One box of ativan 60 cents an klonopin 1,25€. I just loved it but i was also very sad because i have left my familie. So continuing the white stuff, ativan, klonopin and online baught valium 20 boxes of 10mg. I started working night shifts as vigilant. As soon i went home had a great stash of benzos and white stuff. Kept on using for 6 more months then the season was over and no work. I missed my family so much that i wanted to return to see my kids but also knew i couldnt go on the way i was going with all this abuse of substances. I was aware that i needed help. Badly.

So what i did was calling detox in the country where my familie lived. 4 months went by before we could start detox.
First i sayed goodbye to the white stuff. Then i gradually started tapering on my one with valium. Taking loads of valium and tapering klonopin and my ativan. Went back to the country where my kids and ex wife lived and started detox. Now i am (only) on 35mg of valium and feeling just fine. I have loads of contact with my children and my ex wife. We are all just fine now. But i know that everyone abusing substances can quit. You just have to really really want to do it and seek for help.

How bout that?

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread.
Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)
« Last Edit: February 11, 2019, 11:29:18 pm by [Buddie] »

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