Begging for help « on: November 24, 2019, 03:34:04 am »
I feel like I can’t do this anymore. For the last 3 months I have been in a horrendous wave after trying marijuana and magnesium to help with the relentless OCD and insomnia and it completely backfired. Im in so much physical pain and mental torture right now. I can’t even do any basic hygiene without obsessing and get stuck in some crazy repetitive loop. I can’t shave, brush my teeth, blow my nose without getting obsessed and not stoping and causing harm to myself. My mouth is so swollen from brushing so hard and long I make my mouth bleed. Same with shaving. It takes me over an hour to shower. It has caused so much fear I just don’t even want to clean myself up anymore because I’m scared of the OCD and hurting myself. I think about it all day. I can’t watch tv without constantly rewinding it cause I don’t know what is going on. Same with reading. I can’t see, hear or touch anything without becoming obsessed and starting a repetitive loop. Like a broken record. The anxiety is so bad I can’t sit still and it only worsens 10 fold at night until about 7 in the morning. Im making everyone in my house miserable. My poor husband stays up with me all night because he is scared to leave me alone in this state. But he is exhausted and is having such a hard time trying to work and take care of the kids. I can’t even function now when months ago I was so much better. To be alive is torture for me and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Im becoming severely depressed because of this and the misery I’m causing for my husband. I do not know how to cope with this. I try self talk, my husband tries to help but nothing works, it seems to just make it worse.
Re: Begging for help « Reply #1 on: November 24, 2019, 02:09:03 pm »
I’m so sorry you are going through such a rough period. It seems like the use of marijuana and perhaps magnesium caused your central nervous system to go into distress. I’m not sure why this would happen, but I do know that the cns is very fragile and it doesn’t take much to upset the apple cart.
What you are going through is difficult, I understand. I really hope you will consider getting some professional help, face to face or on the phone. Thoughts of self harm should be dealt with by those who are trained to deal with them. The stress on you and your husband is high, getting some help can take the pressure off both of you.
If you were better months ago, then you will likely get back to your baseline once again. It may take a while. In the interim it would be good for you and your family to seek some help. We care about you and want you to be safe.
Here are some resources for you: