Withdrawal in the time of Corona « on: March 17, 2020, 12:47:46 pm »
So I had my last dose of valium 7 weeks ago. Cold turkey-ed. Without realising any of the effects or hazards and not knowing the hell I was about to enter into. I realise now I was in tolerance withdrawal for about a month before I jumped off the train wreck that valium was and is.
I had 8 weeks off work. I run my own business. Yesterday I went back to work. Now I can comprehend how stressful my business is. Coupled with many clients being demanding – there is stress at every corner. Stress is bad bad bad for withdrawal I have learnt – the hard way. I must learn mindful mediation, have to learn to deal with stress differently. Today I almost had a volcanic melt down when I was trying to fill out an insurance form. I don’t feel like myself. I miss the person I used to be before I slammed my body into the concrete wall that is Valium. I know there is no magic formula to make withdrawal go any faster – I learnt that the hard way. No supplements. Last week I had days mostly filled with windows – some waves. This week so far I have had days mostly filled with waves – with a few creaks of windows. I crave the windows. I loathe the waves. My appetite came back – I could only eat about 10 things but it was amazing – this week I have to force myself to eat. I was sleeping like a log last week – this week I’m fending off the madness of insomnia.
And then there is Corona craziness, Benzo withdrawal in the time of Corona virus hysteria is not the way forward at all. Supermarket shelves are empty, many people are in a panic. Try benzo withdrawal I want to mutter at them – then you’ll know what panic actually feels like to the core of your very being. I couldn’t have picked a worse time to withdraw from ghastly valium. I will never, ever touch another benzo again. I plead/bargain/beg with god for this withdrawal to be over. I promise to the universe or god or who ever is listening to my silent prayers that I will do anything, anything just to feel like myself again – for longer than a window – for good.
Any soothing words would be greatly appreciated. I”m having one of those moments where I”m losing hope that I will ever feel like I permanently reside in my own body again. At the moment – for most of today – I feel like I reside on the outside – looking in.
Thank you so much.