Taper causes sexual confusion

The word bisexual = panic
« on: August 03, 2020, 12:07:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I am confused as to why this is happening now. I was perfectly satisfied with my sexuality and all the sudden I am questioning it. So much so that my new engagement makes me feel like a fraud and is sending me into benzo withdrawal symptoms…

I tried telling my boyfriend I am not ready for this commitment but he’s not listening to me. I took off the ring and my heart is shattered again.

I am in a serious wave. I am in so much pain…I would be totally fine coming out as anything that I am but why is this happening now? I’m 37, and did not have these feelings before. I always respected that community greatly, I’m super supportive because I understand their hardships. I just always appreciated men more so than women.

I remember my last inpatient stay I was roomed with another woman that was a lesbian. Totally fine with it just did not want her coming on to me. I have had a woman hit on me in my early twenties, I was not offended at all…just preferred not to date women, again I liked men.

I can sit here and convince myself I am straight, but I think I could also convince myself I am bisexual. I am again, absolutely fine being attracted to women, I just do not feel anything towards either sex right now…

I do however feel severe nerve burning when I think about being lesbian, feel a little better about bisexual. Bisexual seems maybe more natural for me? I can look at women and acknowledge their positive attributes and not actually fantasize about women right?

Same way I look at male attributes but definitely feel something, especially the thought of a strong man like my fiancé etc…sorry too much information.

I feel like if I say I am bisexual its a lie, but if I’m heterosexual it’s a lie. I feel like a fraud and in a wave of symptoms because of it.

I have barely eaten, been shaking, nerve burning, complete and sheer panic for two days. I would hate to come out now as bisexual and have it not be real or say that I am straight and have it be a lie. I guess I just have to be, with this beautiful ring and an uncertain future.

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