This taper failed: 60-year-old wants back on Klonopin after sitting in garage with gun in hand, ready to end it

Failure
« on: June 30, 2021, 07:19:46 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 9 wks CT from K at .75 mg that I was on for three months. Now I remember why doctor put me on this to begin with. I have extreme health anxiety. I have been doing fairly well with my withdrawal symptoms and even sleeping pretty well. Now I have just got news that something was wrong with my liver function test. I haven’t talked to doctor or got results, but I am living in extreme fear and panic and it’s not the withdrawal. I just can’t deal with health issues. If he tells me there’s problems with my liver I don’t know what I’d do. I can’t even make the appointment. I don’t know how I’d […] see him or get liver tests done. Seriously what would happen if I went back on K? I know it’s not recommended but lots of people do it. I think I’d rather live my life calmer than live with this anxiety even if it means a lifetime of drugs. Or would it not work for me? I can’t do it. I mean I literally can’t. I can’t get it out of my head the what if’s. I am paralyzed with fear. I would be like this for any health emergency for life, not just because I’m in withdrawal. I have been suicidal. Yes have even sat in the garage with the car running, taken the overdose, had the gun in my hand. Please help me make a decision. What else could possibly help me. Is there a drug that’s not a benzo? I can’t wait for an antidepressant to work. I’ve tried two and they made me sick as a dog. . I can’t […] on like this. I’m 60 yrs old.

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