Suicide victims of ‘benzodiazepine withdrawal forums’ cult abuse

Peer pressure and verbal abuse, moderators and administrators minimizing pain and anguish in order to promote cult dogma, doctor and pharmaceutical company bashing and hatred leaving the frightened members with no place to turn – this is what killed our beloved friends.

Could these deaths have been prevented if these beloved people hadn’t been steered away from their doctors and made to believe that their doctors knew nothing compared to the laymen giving them the cult’s dogmatic advice?

You be the judge.

Richie – 2008
Death by brainwashing

Death by brainwashing A member of Benzo Buddies. His sister registered at Benzo Buddies after he took his life looking for answers and wrote the following on July 29 2008: “We will never know why he felt that suicide was his only option.  We have so many unanswered questions. ” We have little information on this poor soul’s ordeal in the cult. R.I.P. Richie

Joyce aka joylaurel – June 2008
Death by brainwashing

Blame was cast on her detox doctor – joylaurel was unstable, switching from benzo to benzo. She was off benzos and was pressured into reinstating. Jana convinced joylaurel to go onto Valium and do the dual milk titration method. Joy could only get Xanax and Klonopin. After reinstatement Joy could not stabilize and felt desperate. She went to do the flumazenil detox, no doubt to escape the benzos and the crazy people she was dealing with on Benzo Detox Recovery. Several weeks later the news arrived that joylaurel had taken her own life. R.I.P. Joyce

Tom aka lasetter334 – February 2010
Death by brainwashing

Because Tom was a former moderator his death was kept a secret from the membership. Tom was a happy fellow and presented himself as a level headed attorney who didn’t have a difficult time tapering off of Valium. He was supportive and took on a moderator role. He helped people devise tapers. Once benzowithdrawal.com became a cesspool of madness and mayhem Tom disappeared. Andrew kept his name up as a moderator for over a year, even though Tom was not posting or logging in. Why did Tom disappear? He had lost his thriving practice as an attorney. Many people blamed it on benzos as they do with everything else. Shortly after the beginning of February of 2010 lasetter334’s user name made a short appearance on benzowithdrawal.com and was subsequently mysteriously removed as a moderator. We heard no more from or of him. We discovered through private sources that Tom had committed suicide during that very time. R.I.P. Tom

Darrin aka stepbystep – December 24 2010
Death by brainwashing

Blame cast on the doctors and pharmaceutical companies – Darrin came to Benzo Buddies eager to taper from his benzo, thinking he had found the correct answer as to how to properly wean. During the course of Darrin’s stay he made numerous posts about how he was feeling severely depressed, reported on his doctor visits. The posts regarding depression that Darrin was making more frequently as time went on were met with downplay from the staff at Benzo Buddies. Darrin was told that his suffering was “only the benzos” and that many had experienced depression and gone through what he was experiencing. They went on to minimize his plight with doctor blame and spewing hatred toward the medical profession. He was consistently urged to have a stiff upper lip and move forward, all the while hearing from moderators and cult members that his doctors were cruel and abusing him. Darrin couldn’t take the depression and confusion anymore. He had lost all hope and his faith and trust in doctors, friends, family and, most of all, the cult which he knew was hurting him. Darrin took his own life to be released from this pain and agony. R.I.P. Darrin

J2B8 (Name Unknown) – 2010
Death by brainwashing

Blame cast on doctors – J2B8 was a quiet member but those reading his posts knew his suffering was evident. He made several posts speaking of his depression and pain which was – again – downplayed and minimized in favor of blaming pharmaceutical companies and physicians and psychiatrists. Some time in 2010 his daughter joined benzowithdrawal.com and announced he had taken his own life. J2B8 fell through the cracks because of the bantering slaughter that was occurring at benzowithdrawal.com, the lack of concern from the owner and the egotistical and maniacal behavior of his one and only moderator – Sue – who only protected a select few. The only posts she removed were posts with regard to negative input regarding her cult, the Jehovah’s Witnesses. J2B8 was just another name. R.I.P. J2B8

Jacqi aka jellybean – January 2011
Death by brainwashing

Jacqi was a very happy person, full of life and generosity. After going through a cold turkey benzo withdrawal she found benzowithdrawal.com and benzoexodus.com and was urged to reinstate on Valium and do a slow taper. Jacqi was a very active member and made many friends. Over time she was taught to hate benzos and her doctors. Secretly, Jacqi was taking other psychiatric medications but could not, or would not, mention it in her posts because of the cult shunning that may have ensued. Jacqi read many horrible things at benzowithdrawal.com and Benzo Exodus – from doctor-bashing to pharmaceutical-bashing and people ruminating about how foods have affected their withdrawal. Soon jellybean began to call benzos the “devil’s vomit”. She became anorexic because of her acquired fear of foods causing benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms to escalate. Jacqi ruminated about her own death often, several months before the event. Starving to death and feeling no way out, Jacqi took her own life. R.I.P. Jacqi

Leon1468 (Name Unknown) – November 2011
Death by brainwashing

Leon found benzobuddies.org only a few weeks after a cold turkey in 2009. His indoctrination began immediately. He spoke of depersonalization and derealization as well as depression. After five pages of flooded indoctrination when Leon begins his buddie blog he finally returns, no longer a candidate but a brother making his pledge. Constantly complaining of depersonalization and derealization, depression and pain from an accident, he is placated and told that he will one day get well, to ride it all out. Signs of Leon’s impending suicide were in his self-fulfilling prophecy years before he took his own life. “But in all this fighting, suffering, day by day sometimes I do think it will all end in suicide because there is no way out. There is just suffer and suffer………… All my energie i put on getting through the day, motivating myselfe, feeling my hopeness, stongness and my will to get through this dark world witch is my life in this times!!!” (June 9, 2009) Statements like this were ignored. Leon couldn’t take the pain, depression and brainwashing anymore. One only has to peruse through Leon’s blog to see why he chose to end his life. R.I.P. Leon

hollylejeune – January 31 2012
Death by brainwashing

Just days before Holly passed away she was begging for taper help.  Benzo support forum moderators were too involved in other matters to respond to Holly’s desperate pleas. Why were they moderating?  Only to keep law and order in place and protect their precious site? Where were the taper geniuses when someone needed them? Yes, they said a kind word in Holly’s blog.  They were sure that would be enough to show their false concern for a life lost forever.  Then came the mentality of  “lets move on, there are other people who need us.” Once Holly had been indoctrinated she could be easily slipped over, ignored and left hanging in the wind.  Did any take active concern for her case?  No. All benzo support forums are responsible for Holly’s death. The cast of delusional maniacs that comprises the staff of these forums had convinced Holly that she was what they call “paradoxical” giving her no hope and no taper help whatsoever. R.I.P. Holly

waitingforrelief – March 29, 2013
Death by brainwashing

“I AM IN SHOCK!!!! Just read about Lilly….(waitingforelief)  I am shaking….Knew she was not getting any relief. My heart aches for her. She was in such emotional and physical pain. Prayed it would let up for her. She was smart, a teacher, kind, sweet….. just in shock right now.  Peace Lilly Peace to you….” – comment from a fellow member of Benzo Buddies

Benzo Buddies member waitingforrelief cried out for help. Those cries went unanswered. She leaves behind a husband, children and grandchildren. R.I.P. waitingforrelief

Bonnie – December 2013
Death by brainwashing

R.I.P. Bonnie

Justin – date unknown
Death by brainwashing

From Justin’s brother jer16:

“I am very glad to see that a site like this exists. My brother was FINE coming off of his benzodiazepines under his doctors orders until finding Benzo Buddies (which I just learned about recently as a friend of his that attended his funeral was telling me) and suddenly becoming convinced that his whole life was over and wouldn’t come out of his bedroom at my parents house for about a month before taking his own life with my dad’s shotgun.

“I guess he learned that he would have to be sick for years and that his doctor had ruined his mind. In his last days he was devastated that his doctor would not switch him to a longer acting tranquilizer and his note mentioned 3 times that the doctors don’t understand how this permanently would ruin him. R.I.P. Justin”

45 thoughts on “R.I.P.

  1. Some Dude, you idiot, this is what Mike is fighting for since you are too fucking iliterate to actually read.

    So STOP badgering people who are suicidal. It doesnt matter WHY they are suicidal. Who are you to judge that? Who are to judge anything?

    I pray that Guy doesnt harm himself because of YOUR careless, callous comments. You never know what may be the very last straw that pushes someone over the edge.

    Grow up and stop your nonsense.

    Do u not C????


  2. I am going after Jana now. She is practicing medicine without a license, telling people which drugs to take and what doses. I have collected emails from 4 people (including my favorite-tortoise) who was banned from bb in September. I will persent my info to the state medical boards if she does not shut down her site.

  3. I am laying in my bed GRIEVING the loss of my beautiful sister and best friend, Marcy aka waiting for relief. I do not know how I found this site but for some reason I googled benzo buddies and found this. When I saw the headstone picture with her benzo buddies name on it it send shivers down my spine. She was in my care for 3 months before taking her life. She was bed bound and would do nothing for her severe depression. She blamed all her problems on benzo withdrawal and would not touch ANY psych drugs. She also cold turkeyed from her anti-depressant. She lived on the benzo buddies website. I came home on Good Friday to find that she took her life in my bedroom closet and we will never be the same. She was an amazing woman. She became convinced that ALL psych med’s were “brain-bashing” chemicals and doctors played God. I am trying to make since out of the past year but I am failing to do so. I have no idea what happened to my sister. All I know now it that I miss her terribly.

  4. Dear Kathy,
    My condolences to you and your family. I left Benzo Buddies over a year ago because of the lethal advice
    given to members by the moderators and the buddies. NONE of them have the qualifications or the right to advise people to stop medications or avoid their physicians advice. I didn’t know your sister, but I’m sure you and your family did everything they could. I am convinced that Benzo Buddies is a harmful website. Best to your family.

  5. These are tragic deaths. Only medical personnel should give medical advice, and then only in the context of a therapeutic relationship.

    The article states that the suicide rate is 13 percent. That overstates even the lifetime suicide rate by about a factor of ten, and by about 100-fold in any given year. It’s important to be factually accurate.

  6. You have my sincerest condolences. I have personally experienced familial suicide and understand the deep pain this causes those left behind.

    I also left BB. Another danger if the BB belief system is use of the super long taper AKA The Ashton Method. This method keeps benzos in the system for years which keeps people dysfunctional and sicker longer than needed as they enter tolerance withdrawal (a nonsensical term commonly used on BB). This is a contraction on BB’s part: don’t take pdrugs, don’t listen to your MD, but in order to engage in a long taper one must see a MD for a RX, unless one goes to the black market.

    Only a trained medical doctor can prescribe the appropriate protocol for each individual. NOT love, hugs, vitamins, exercise and enabling negative emotions and concepts from strangers whose real life or agendas are unknown.

    I apologize for going off topic during your period of grief.

    Again, I am sorry for your loss.


  7. you have a vile website
    another buddy told me about your hate site
    i am contacting Scientology
    you are an evil little man
    somebody showed me a picture of Ashton
    she is ugly, but you’re evil
    you monster
    btw, BB is never going anywhere you creep

  8. Pissed off
    The point being made is:
    Psychiatric medications are not evil.
    Yes benzodiazepines are a problem but DONT tell depressed people that it’s “only the benzo talking”. This is the point.

  9. When considering the magnitude and the true degree of harm that Benzo Buddies as well as some similar websites really do cause it is absolutely and utterly sickening.

    What is also sickening is the reality surrounding the fact that THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE ON THE INTERNET in which this harm is addressed due to the disguise that the website has on that portrays it as helpful.

    People wanting to help each other through bad times and supporting those that share with them a similar wound? At first glance it appears quite innocent… It even appears to be a breath-taking example of human decency. Unfortunately it only seems that way and it is unbelievable how much damage these sites can, and do, cause.

    I could type up ten thousand words explaining why and how this site ABSOLUTELY CRIPPLES people psychologically and I think I may spend some time doing just that and getting it out there as quickly as possible… Because today, someone experiencing relatively minor and temporary discomfort will google the situation that they have found themselves in and they will go to sleep tonight (maybe) before experiencing a period (perhaps permanent) of EXTREME distress after finding benzobuddies. That is only the beginning. As someone that is very educated in regards to the human mind and the way we work – I can assure anyone reading this that the initial horror is only the beginning and the simple change in mindset that being presented with the information on BB while in a temporary state of mildly heightened anxiety is enough to to cause an exponential increase in suffering which will then cause HUNDREDS of symptoms (as intense anxiety – like say from reading from thousands of people how you are going to be tortured for the rest of your life) as it is a fact that stress and anxiety alone can and do cause hundreds of symptoms.

    Then these people will equate THAT to benzowithdrawal and when they can not properly communicate their suffering to those in their lives outside of the internet, they will turn to BB which has now isolated their victim and they will start undergoing the process of being brain-washed whether it is intentional or not. Their minds will act as sponges to the power of suggestion of thousands of people who have all had this happen to themselves… of people that have all been prescribed psychiatric medication at one point in their lives WHO ARE WITHDRAWING FROM ANXIETY MEDICATION.

    The thing that keeps people from seeing the truth… the cause that Mike is standing for here… the thing that causes people to paint him as the bad guy rather than someone noble (there are actually lots of things) IS the limited respect people have (and understandably) for the power of such a mass of people all in vulnerable states extra sensitive to the power of suggestion.

    I mean it when I say that the increase is exponential. This will continue to grow like a disease and genuinely RUIN human beings and cause them to experience unimaginable suffering and torture due to the changes in thought processes that the initial viewing of the content on that site provokes in anxious people… due to how they will then be even more susceptible dangerous mis-information that actually causes them to stop seeking information in places outside of the site… how they will equate the horror of torture (that is unneccessary) to benzo withdrawal and what I fear is likely impossible to escape after their natural perception of their seemingly horrifically negative situations causes automatic negative thinking patterns and devastating cognitive distortions that are a result of it.

    This HAS to be stopped and no one is doing anything about it because the site is disguised as something that is righteous! Whether the owners have malevolent intentions or they truly are trying to help like they say – it doesnt matter! This IS SERIOUSLY HURTING PEOPLE and it needs to be exposed and respected as something very, VERY dangerous. Mike has endured all sorts of problems in real life (he speaks of death threats and I have seen other websites describing him as someone that bullies people of the benzodiazepine withdrawal support communities making him look evil) because of THIS site and this site is the ONLY THING on the internet that is fighting against all of the horrors that BB can cause whether they are good intentioned or not… and the guy is getting ridiculed immensely for it.

    Something needs to be done! ASAP! Also, MAJOR respect for mike for doing just that even when it is bound to cause him problems in real life.

    These people on here that are upset with him and this site – They are the people he is trying to save from the nightmare they are stuck in often for years or a lifetime as a result of the very thing that they use for support for benzowithdrawal when the truth is likely around half of them would not be suffering even CLOSE to that severely or for that duration of time if they had withdrawn from benzos under their doctors orders and NOT found BB.

    Sorry for the length. It makes me so angry that this is occurring and the only one doing something about it is Mike and a couple of others that arent afraid to show their support for what he is standing for on here.

  10. mike sixty nine first you say that i am lying and then you say ”from his sister jer16”

    i am a guy. not finding it all that funny. well i guess it is a bit funny but still please change it

  11. I have not been on this site for some time and I just read the postings of two more suicide’s since my sweet sister’s suicide (waitingforrelief) and her story is spot on to jer16’s brother’s story. She was confined to bed for 5 months and stayed on the bb website nonstop. She was convinced that she may never “get better” and that she may have permanent brain damage due to irresponsible doctors prescribing her “brain-bashing” drugs. I had to go thru hell the moment I found her lifeless body laying in by bedroom closest. I have been so screwed in the head since but thru the grace of God I am getting better. Is there any way to sue the bb website for the loss of my sister? It was a senseless death and I tried to get thru to her as the entire family did but she was just too far gone. I miss her daily…she was so beautiful, smart and giving. Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, jer16. I can so relate. Hang in there as the questions and pain will soften but it is a long road…I have some good books on how to deal with losing a loved one to suicide if you need any guidance. Just let me know.

  12. Mild increase in anxiety? That was not my experience. I went from a fully functional college student to bedridden and failing all my classes after benzo discontinuation. I was hopeless because I had no idea what was going on. I didn’t even know my medication was a benzo. This was before I ever knew of any benzodiazepine support groups. Most people do not get these symptoms but that is not proof that it doesn’t exist.

    Some people struggle immensely coming off this drug and their is little support from the medical community. They are often misdiagnosed and put on other psyche meds which do little to nothing to treat the condition. From my experience, I was called an addict for wanting my prescription filled even though I took it exactly as the doctor advised and I wanted it to be functional not high. This is probably the source of much of the doctor bashing that goes on in these sites. I don’t believe that anybody conspired to do this to me and I know doctors have only wanted to help with the treatment of my anxiety condition but their incomplete knowledge led to accidental harm and the harm was significant.

    I agree that checking a website and looking at the horror stories can be detrimental for recovery but for many their is no support from their doctor or mental health professionals so they are driven to these sites. There needs to be more acceptance of the risk these medications pose when taken long term. When I’ve researched some common benzos many say their are no studies done on the repercussions of using the medication longer than six weeks and it is up to the individual doctor to judge the efficacy of the medication. That doesn’t sound too scientific. Shouldn’t more studies be done on patients taking the medication for extended periods so doctors can make more educated decisions?

    I’m very sorry that people became hopeless in this condition and took their own lives. I have to believe that the consistent tone of desperation on these sites reflect at least to some to degree the severity of this condition. If I created caffeine withdrawal support web site I don’t people would be taking their lives just because of the creation of the website.

    This is just my anecdotal story of benzodiazepine withdrawal. You can label me a kook or mentally ill but I don’t want any more lives lost either. I believe there have been suicides due to benzo withrawal from people who never visited a support website

  13. There are no experts regarding benzo tapering….not even folks like me who have tapered with success……plenty of trial and error, adjustments and corrections along the way.
    Ashton makes some good points, but for myself, I never etched anything into stone as if she was the only truth…..she ain’t. Neither am I.

    I finished a slow taper in the past few months (sure, I would ‘a loved a quicker one)…..it was hell in a hand basket but I managed to stick to my guns, my plan and it worked for me.
    The things that got me where I wanted to be were doing my own homework and gathering as much knowledge as I could retain….I filtered out the BS, hysteria, horror stories and kept only the stuff I felt had more truth than street smart comments.
    I learned a lot along the way, didn’t freak out when things got rough plus I knew altering some stuff was going to happen as I continued to make progress.

    I’m not going to laugh at anyone for trying to do something as hard as getting benzo free….god knows I sure don’t have nearly all the answers. The best I could do for another benzo person is just relate what worked for me….I wouldn’t pretend to know what might work for them (of course don’t buy into BB and don’t think everything Ashton says in written in stone).
    If you can find a doctor who really knows their stuff, you’re 10 steps ahead of most people.
    I did my own tapering protocol’s and my own compounding….sure, I would of rather had a doctor pulling the switches in my corner….but living in a small town all I had were some GP’s who at least said “Geez, good luck….I can’t help you”.

    The best thing I can tell anyone thinking about doing a taper is to follow some simple rules like I did. Educate yourself….you’re in charge and in control. This ain’t rocket science at NASA…don’t complicate it!
    You’ll taper at different rates as you go….you’ll start off pretty quick and slow down as your doses get smaller…duh.
    It’s not a race…don’t treat it like one…..but don’t go so slow you get stuck…. (Stick this on your fridge…it’s a good reminder).

    Blah, blah, blah…..hey, what do I know? I researched, I learned and I did it.
    You might want to stay away from Benzo Buddies. It’s like holding on to a bunch of drowning people in the deep end of the pool…..just find ways to keep your head above water and you’ll be fine.

    I read some of the posts here and I do wish people didn’t laugh at anyone trying to live without the “miracles of better living through science”….benzo’s, etc.
    And I really fucking wish people didn’t use such harsh fucking language towards each other…this means you asshole!
    That feels better…I got a small chuckle.

  14. Oh, fuck you. 🙂

    Seriously, though, I’m glad you found a solution and are doing better. It’s good to keep an open mind about this sort of deal, and with your situation (I lived in Alabama for a couple years… I totally understand the frustration with small town doctors who only know what pharmaceutical reps tell them and pay them to promote), it sounds like you did just fine. Good on you, sir. I wish you well, you motherfucking bastard son of a diseased bitch!

    (I’m hoping you got the gist of my vulgar teasing as being just that… if not, well, fuck off). 🙂

  15. Mike-

    I’m a member of BB, currently tapering off a benzo. I’m so grateful that I found your site. Immediately, a fog was lifted from my eyes. Ever since joining BB, I have become overwhelmed with hypochondria, feelings of hopelessness, as if I’m going to have to endure this pain forever. I’ve now realized that me thinking this is the biggest issue I’m having.

    I don’t know how to send you this link. After I had seen it a couple days ago, I was immediately aware of the absolute selfishness & disgust of the site & it’s mods. A woman (MarthaQ) admitted to being severely depressed after the tragic deaths if her best friends and to attempting suicide by taking a total 150 0.5mg Klonopin. She miraculously survived this suicide attempt enough to post on BB.

    The responses are absolutely disheartening. They began to trail completely off topic and not once did anyone address the fact that this woman attempted a pill overdose. Not once did anyone tell her to seek mediate medical care. She took 150 pills, which HAD to have been extremely toxic to her system. Not once did anyone tell her to seek immediate Psychiatric care. Not once did anyone express concern for this HUMAN BEING!

    I do not know what happened to her, she has not posted on BB since. I wish I had seen the post sooner. I can only hope that she sought the medical attention that she so obviously needed.

  16. You have no right to post about Tom here. There was nothing kept from anyone at BW. Tom had done his taper and was not on the board anymore. He committed suicide……it had nothing to do with BW or the forum or tapering you ass. Tom was the best person you could have ever known and I will tell you this…..if you in any way told his son anything other than the fact that Tom was a great guy that helped many then there is a special place in hell for you Mike. Even Tom, before he left BW told me and others that you, Mike had gone off the deep end and he advised many to try to stay away from you on the forum. If not for Tom I would not be here today…..off of all medication living a wonderful life. You will burn in hell for all of the pain you have caused people with your selfish agenda…….I suppose you don’t really have Hep C either do you? You are no better then RIK Roberts…..in fact I bet you are really RIK aren’t you ? Sick little troll.

  17. First of all, this particular webpage regarding those who have attempted self-harm has some merit. It IS true that an internet forum is not a safe, nor reliable place to get sound advice about tapering from medication. Nor could we expect all the people on such a forum to be benevolent, even if they DID know how to give advice. I think the point you make is warranted and thoughtful.

    I am not sure that what the medical establishment provides is any more helpful, however, or that such an attempt on life wouldn’t have been inevitable anyhow, as we have seen this occur in celebrities who WERE being followed by physicians and who were not involved in an internet forum.

    So, your post brings up a good point about just the need for sound, reputable help. That is true.

    However, this website also seems to be intent on scaring people and calling attention to those who are suffering in derogatory ways. So it may be fair to say that the creator of this website is no more helpful than the forums the website is demonizing.

    It seems that in the least, on the whole, the forums were created with the INTENTION to help, regardless of their imperfections. But the intention of THIS website seems to be one of ridiculing and belittling people.

    If the creator of cesspoolofmadness DOES want to help, why not do so via effective means. In the least, the person maintaining this website is spending a lot of energy with very little effective change. Why not focus on creating a forum that IS helpful or with the kind of leadership and moderation that is deemed safe and responsible?

    Obviously the creator of the website is savvy and intelligent. Such talents are better spent initiating positive change in the world.

  18. I read all of this, but I must comment. We are not to speak of suicide in any of these group settings. I know that some have had depression before taking a benzo, but that is not my story. I took them to deal with something I didn’t know how to cope with. No, I didn’t think I would be like this. It was an anxiety pill. I had no time to look up how you could become so dependent on them. Shhh, you can’t talk about one of the biggest side effects of what they can do to you. I don’t mean just in withdrawal, but even while just taking them. I am not that lively person I was before. I hate sympathy! This is the cold hard truth of what a percentage of people go through on benzos. I am empty and hopeless. I don’t want to feel like this, but I do. I strive to stay alive even when I don’t want to. i do this for the ones that love me, but even now they have come to understand if I do go because they see I’m not me anymore. How frightful that is! This is real, and I don’t think I can taper off of this stuff. So I live on them because i can’t go get off of them. What I need to do is to be locked down for my survival. I might die while doing this. I have epilepsy now, and so I must be looked after by a medical staff. I don’t want to go on, but I can’t do this to my family. They will always wonder what they could have done to save me. This is no joke! It’s who I am now! I don’t want to be this way! I have lived through cancer twice. We ask for support, but if one of our biggest symptoms is feeling hopeless and we can’t share how bad it is, then is that really being there? We, who can’t talk about how hollow we are, so we suffer in silence. Everyday is the same and I can’t see past the darkness. Not everyone will go through this, but for me, I don’t look forward to anything anymore. These so called support groups frown upon rehabs or psych wards, but if I am going to make it, then I need to go. I must wait, but not for long. If I have any hope at all of making it through this, then I must commit myself to a place where they can look after me. Pathetic that I must be babysat, but in order for me to be well one day, I must go through this torture and persevere in order to see the light one day. I want to give up, but how can I do this to the ones I will leave behind. I’ve felt nothing but despair for years already, and soon I will surrender myself to the only ones who can give me a glimmer of hope, even if it means that my body and mind will be in the deepest torture. It’s a choice that only one can make. You fight or flight, but I choose to surrender and allow to be restrained from doing an irreversible decision. What I would really like to do is let go and be at peace, but that will leave many broken hearts. I need help! I can’t be coached into thinking that I will get through this because I won’t! Some will understand this deep sadness that you can’t escape on these pills. I only hope that I can come back and tell you all that life is better than you can imagine. I see things magnified, and I love me! I love life! This is a war and I am wounded. I need supervision and care. It’s alright to feel this way. Your not alone! DON’T GIVE UP! I obsess over this, but I know it is not me, but my brain chemistry is really off! Somehow I now believe that Mike59 really does care about us. Stop slandering and have an open mind! Love always, Anomaly

  19. These people all killed themselves bc of benzos. Once you become tolerant to these hellish drugs, many people become suicidal. Thankfully, I found BB and they saved my life. I will be forever grateful. This website is so full of lies and untruths.

  20. Hi Colin’s benzo soldier mod

    What are these lies? You might save people from these lies, if you would only be kind enough to share what they are, and how you know them to be untrue. Thanks!

  21. Pdocs were drugging me to death. I got so sick until I was suicidal from all the drugging. They rx one drug to cover up the symptoms of another drug and before you know it, you are on these chemical cocktails which can be deadly in many instances. Many medical doctors don’t even consider psychiatrists real doctors. They simply throw psych drugs at you by the handfuls and hope something works. They are nothing more than legal drug pushers. Colin and BB helped to save my life.

  22. You know Mod, if you repeat a lie often enough, you will start to believe your own lie. I think this might be the case here for you and your buddies. I am interested to hear what was your part in the drug use and suicidal feelings. Surely you understand you were not an innocent victim with no culpability in your problems, right?

    This famous quote might help you to empathize with your physicians: “Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less, in human beings of whom they know nothing.” – Voltaire

    Voltaire was born in 1694. Funny how little has changed since then. Medicine is practiced by good people who mostly do a good job. Their is no conspiracy to harm patients. Is medical science perfect? No, but the hard working doctors of today do save lives and should be respected for their often noble efforts.

    Imagine if you, Mod, worked as a doctor with about 5 minutes average time allotted for each patient you met with, could you perfectly get to know them, their ailments, and develop their treatment protocols? I think not. This is the imperfect medical care system we have here today. It is amazing to me how much success these doctors do have In spite of the level of difficulty involved.

    Please consider abandoning some of your hatred. If you can do this you will begin feeling better right away.


  23. But nothing is more estimable than a physician who, having studied nature from his youth, knows the properties of the human body, the diseases which assail it, the remedies which will benefit it, exercises his art with caution, and pays equal attention to the rich and the poor.


  24. These groups go from Benzo Wd to every psych medicine is evil. I’m also curious what you were diagnosed with that you were put on a cocktail of medications. I’m glad that your doing well, but I’ve seen horrible comments in these groups. What works for one, may not for another. If you believe in the benzo wd syndrome, how can you say that someone should not be put on an anti-depressant? It’s hypocrisy! If one pill can alter the brain, then how come another couldn’t help it? So if you had anxiety, you can say that a benzo didn’t first initially help that? Of course it did! So if a person has depression, then isn’t it possible that being on a medication could be beneficial? To write that all psychiatrists are whackos is so reckless! There ought to be more accountability for uneducated people’s advice! Sometimes you can plainly see that someone is has given up, but hey, KEEP TAPERING, and WHATEVER you do, DON’T GO ON ANOTHER PILL!

  25. The people who are coming off of benzos are in a sort of no man’s land. Unfortunately, much of the medical field is relatively ignorant of the problems that a significant percentage of the people who are coming off benzos experience and the doctors end up dismissing or misdiagnosing what is happening. Patients then end up searching for answers on the internet and end up on sites like benzo buddies. Benzo buddies is primarily just a forum of people who have a common experience. Some of the advice can be good and some of the advice can be bad. You are really asking for advice from regular people without a whole lot of idea how good there judgment really is. However, people who are experiencing the very real and difficult symptoms of benzo withdrawal don’t really have much an alternative as the medical establishment has done very little research on benzo withdrawal and really has nothing to offer on how to handle it. I would also like to add that many people are forced off the drugs by their doctor or take themselves off the drugs after experiencing problems while on the drugs so just continuing the drugs may not be an alternative. Unfortunately, then there is a site like this which mocks the people on these benzo withdrawal forums ( the kooks ) and demonizes the sites. Fortunately, this site and it’s owner will almost assuredly continue to exist in well deserved obscurity.

  26. Hi Anomaly
    Thanks for the thoughtful post. I do not think all patients should dump the psych drugs and taper at all costs. Many need to try and stay on drugs. The drug addictions they are suffering from might have such a devastating discontinuation syndrome that the addicts life might be put into an even more precarious position.
    Please try and recognize these psychiatric drugs are inherently flawed, at best. They can sometimes work very well in emergencies or in a very short window of use. Just read the drug companies clinical trial data and the prescribing information that comes with each prescription. People develop tolerance to all mood altering drugs fairly quickly.
    Undesirable side effects are well documented. All people are different and some have more or worse side effects than others. Science is gradually discovering many strange and unanticipated consequences to using these various drugs. For example, Atypical anti psychotic drugs life respirdal and Invega cause gynecomastia. Gradually, the scientific community is discovering when drugs effect the desired neurotransmitter, they also effect a whole series of unintended and extremely complex set of other brain chemicals. How all these neurotransmitters relate with one another is poorly understood at this time. It is prudent to not mess with ones brain chemistry by taking mood altering drugs over a long period of time. The results of such experimentation can be devastating over the long haul.

  27. I don’t know about entertainment Moo, I think it’s fairer to say self defence of certain moderators.

  28. Heh.. since when do Americans spell defence with a C? Don’t they say defenSe?

    Freudian slip, perhaps?

    C for Cu… I mean Colin, more like. Lololol.

  29. Ps, I don’t believe that’s really Moo, either, not for a second, but the comment is pretty damn accurate and I agree with it wholehearetedly!

    Tut tut, ‘C’. 😉

    Pps, I’m not hiding my ip address and so far no hacking attempts. Another benzobuddy lie, I suspect.

  30. Ppps (had to stop to eat a curry, yum),

    Of course, why not try hiding your ip address on benzobuddies, you won’t be allowed to view the forum let alone post, even if you’re already a member.. so there’s no anonymity from the forum admins who could well be just as crazy, or change their personalities when coming off benzos, as anyone else there, and they have access to moderators real-life personal credentials!

    They expect transparency but give none. Hmm. Isn’t there a universally understood issue with that? Pretty sure there is. I think it’s also a common tactic of right-wing churches and cult-like groups to hold those kinds of intimate details about members (including personal experiences & life traumas which are permanently on-record in your blogs etc) in case they wish to speak-out about their ‘leaders’ at a later date. In other words, very subtle intimidation.. “talk about us and we may give your details to the crazy CoM bloggers who we TELL you are cyberstalkers but really it was someone else form a different benzo forum (our competition) that’s long closed”.

    I believe most who fall foul of it will find benzobuddies to be the site you’ll be hacked by visiting, not CoM!

    This site gets a LOT of bad press at benzobuddies, as does its’ creator, M59. BUT, what harm does it cause people compared to the harm we KNOW benzobuddies – as an entity – causes people, including several suicides, suicide attempts and persistent real-world stalking of members who mistakenly trusted others with their private data? Zilch, apart from anecdotal stories that have never been verified independently, or from people with a long history of mental illness / benzo ‘use’ (or from what I often saw, socially-acceptable / hidden abuse / neuro-chemistry addiction).

    Double-standards like that are commonly associated with ‘owners’ of forums having an agenda, and giving them what’s known as an ‘uneven yolking’ which, also, is associated with cult-leader-like behaviour.

    I’m not saying it’s an actual cult (it could be I don’t really understand the full criteria for a cult), but when it walks like a duck, swims like a duck, quacks like a duck, and tries to control every aspect of your beliefs, thinking & search for scientific truth about benzo withdrawal.. I call it a.. well, a cuck. Or a dult. 😉

    The farther one gets away from benzobuddies thought-manipulation and the MANY verified, unhinged members there who really ARE out to get some of you, compared to the ONE ‘alleged’ unhinged creator here.. the clearer that point becomes.

    I say try this place for yourself for a while and avoid bb’s, then see if what Colin TELLS you about CoM rings true.

    In my experience, it does not, and I now officially call bullshit on most of their claims.

  31. Facebook:


    It’s still in its birthing cycle, but feel free to contribute to our page, or if you’re a part of the doctor-bashing community feel free to come and attack the page creators before having the first idea about why we’ve come about.



  32. I wish the people who support this disgusting blog were resting in peace. Benzos are evil addictive meds, much worse than illegal heroin.

  33. I had a good laugh at your satirical work about Benzo-Buddies. There certainly are some individuals there that over analyse and are, maybe, even hypochondriacs. That said, did you have a fall out with them? Maybe they censored your pottie mouth? Are you trying to raise sponsorship from big pharma? Big pharma has saved lives but there are also a lot pills out there that do little or nothing and, far worse, there are pills out there that do harm and big pharma hoodwink people into believing they are beneficial. Ever consider that if you use benzos permanently and do not end up a rebound wreck that you are very fortunate, lucky and physiologically different? If they work for you permanently and you can stay on them without a down side well then, very good for you. I do not know how many people out there present as you do but from the support groups and blogs out there people who can stay on benzos and lead a mostly normal life are very rare. You are a DIAMOND! Please consider those who are not rare gems like you and do have huge problems with benzos and are dependant and in pain from it. Consider those who trusted the system and got hurt very badly by it and paid for the service! Do you pay for your own benzos or are they given to you? Do you hold down a job while setting up and maintaining this very professional website? Benzo Buddies is recognised by the WBAD site and they provide links to BB. Benzo Buddies does not promote Scientology anywhere on its site? I admit I have not looked at the whole site. Maybe you say such extreme things to get your point across, in that case yes, they must be cautious and tell people to discuss planned actions with their doctors – I recall seeing such statements quite regularly which I just see as a legal statement – it was the doctors and psychiatrists that peddle the pills in the first place so we all keep coming back and buy into the “science of psychology” con anyway. Maybe there are people who cannot do without the benzos, how did they do before benzos? You present extreme double standards when you satirise the hypocratic oath. Hey, maybe I am just an oaf, balance is needed, not false news, misinformation etc. I do think your point of the drama queens and hypochondriacs is valid but the group (Benzo Buddies) is there to support and not to turn people away.

  34. Hey Bene,

    The reality is that it’s a tiny, tiny, tiny fraction of people that ever report problems with benzos, and most of that fraction also happen to be hypochondriacs, chronic malingerers and/or later claiming it was never benzos but an autoimmune disease that was the culprit all along.


  35. Oh Jake, you state that only tiny fraction of benzo users present with problems. Even big pharma state in their literature most human subjects have severe problems with side effects beyond three months of daily use. I have managed to build a reasonable career over 22 years of benzo use. The cycle of normal and terrible came and went. Terrible become longer and normal – not sure if I remember that. Sure, every time I upped my dose I improved for a few days or weeks – luckily I always weaned back to 1mg per day (clon). I got to a point where a higher dose no longer helped. I presented with most of the difficult and soul destroying symptoms that your “malingerers and hypochondriacs” mostly all talk about. I am still working. I think my productivity is maybe 50%. Tapered, sleep is not good but best it has been in years. I hit a wall with benzos, I tried many different ones in the end, still it was to no avail. Maybe you have not hit the wall yet? Apologies, I assume you are medicated or were medicated on benzos. I have read some more of your sites comments and you or your staff/volunteers responses. You do raise a few very good points but you are also very aggressive in certain cases. I hope you find your ground where you can serve others without shock and controversy. I hope so, hope you are not a “captured” acolyte of big pharma. Best wishes to you and your team.

  36. I haven’t read past your first line about what you claim big pharma say about brnzos. Let’s address that first before moving on:

    That’s a false premise.

    If it isn’t, prove it by showing us where ANY drug manufacturer ever says what you claim they do, or are you merely parroting a cult narrative?

    Back to you.

  37. Just one single quote from “big pharma” or excerpt from a Drug Information Sheet that supports your assertion wold suffice, Bene.

    Just one will do to show that you’re not just here to promote the same old cult narrative with personal testimonials.

    Just one. You have that, right? No?

    Okay, well, in that case, you’re demonstrating only that you’re another faker from benzobuddies, no more reliable than a Roswell fan that claims to have witnessed a UFO.


  38. Apologies that I have taken so long to return to this website. The site clearly represents a pro – benzo agenda regardless of the realities experienced by scores of benzo users worldwide for several decades. So I stated above that; “Even big pharma clearly state in their literature that most human subjects have severe side effects beyond three months of daily use.” You ask me to quote just one source for that statement and you further accuse me of being an anti – benzo activist which is clearly me being an enemy of your agenda, if that were the case. If you read the packaging insert (printed material) that is supplied in the box of medication and go to DOSAGE AND DIECTIONS FOR USE and the SIDE EFFECTS AND SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS you will find that the producers clearly state 2 to 12 weeks (numbers vary from molecule to molecule and manufacturer to manufacturer) as a maximum recommended time to use “INCLUDING TAPERING”. Furthermore, I used the word “severe” which, I admit, is my interpretation of the list of side affects stated in the latter section. Please look, the example I have with me today lists 67 side effects. Maybe the FDA or medical control board in the USA does not require a packaging insert in the box in the USA? Forgive me if that is the case. I have not been to the USA. Maybe you have never read the insert or never used benzos? I admit I was foolish to listen to the doctor who, when I asked about the list of side effects, said that the producers (“big pharma” with your kind permission) only print that there to protect themselves from evil legal eagles that exploit the legal system to extract money from them (the producers from American style litigation).

  39. By the way I would like to mention that I am not a member of benzobuddies and while I think that their site is an excellent source of insight, experience, guidance, in fact possibly the best on the web – I recognise that there are some people there who for good or bad reasons (I have never been in their shoes) appear to be moaners, attention seekers, over reacting, hypochodriacs and possibly blur the edges of the scientific data of the benzo experience. As I say I have never been in their shoes, what if they are being 100% honest? There is no way you can prove not (which also implies the complainants can exaggerate). Also, you claim a Scientology influence or agenda at benzobuddies, is that dramatisation on your part to get the point across that they are simply anti – psych meds (as Scientologists completely are anti – meds too)? Or do you have actual evidence of them presenting through stealth, or openly, a pro Scientology agenda? I personally do not wish to be a part taker in anything with a cult agenda. I again thank you for the valuable and reasonable critisism of the “get off benzos” movement that your website presents in places. Wishing all readers a good closing of 2017 and a healthy and prosperous 2018.

  40. I will be happy to take photographs of the packaging inserts of some benzos and send them to you if you like.

  41. Let’s not get distracted by your wall of text.

    Your assertion was that “even big pharma say that most human subjects have severe problems with side effects beyond three months of daily use”.

    I’ll ask again.. where does any drug manufacturer make that claim? Show us a link that substantiates that claim.

    Stop sidetracking.. focus on the question at hand.

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