Benzo Buddies hags claw each other’s eyes out fighting over who has it worse

Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« on: July 08, 2018, 06:14:25 pm »

[Buddie]

I always thought I was a strong person, until this experience with Benzos. I’ve been clinging to the edge of my strength and sanity since 9/2016. {I don’t have a sig up because I’m too traumatized to recount the details of my doctor forced CT}. The level of suffering has morphed from vomiting daily for a year every morning, into unbelievable head and neck pain, into severe dizziness and confusion. Amongst 100 other symptoms. Seems the layers to this never end. I’m questioning is it worth the suffering, when all I experience is a shift from nightmare to another. Without any light and hope. My goal has been to get to tolderable, just tolerable! And, I feel as though I’m going backwards, daily. The strain this has put on not only myself, husband (who bailed when I was in tolerance and didn’t know it, haven’t seen him in 3yrs), my beautiful children, and elderly parents has been unconchinable.

Does it truly get better? Or, is it really just some that are genetically luckier than other’s? I just want some reassurance that things will improve. I’m not looking for perfection. I need a reason to stay in the fight…….

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2018, 06:32:28 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], yes things do get better.

I had a miserable 3+ year long taper with a year of recovery afterwards, but I gradually got to feeling better. I got most of my clients back, can now drive, see friends etc. And I moved twice!! But it was a long road on which I despaired that things would never improve.

If you want advice, I’ll give it: find a couple of BBs who feel as you do, but who are making progress and hang with them. It was my BB friends who helped me along through my ordeal. We cheered each other on, gave each other shoulders to cry on. One of my “gang” formed the Working Thread (because we all had to go to work) and we interacted there. It was very comforting.

Another great comfort to me was my therapist. She knew nothing about benzo w/d, but I educated her. She was always there for me. Alas, my partner not so much. I think we “wear out” those closest to us.

So those are two things that got me through my taper: BB friends and my wonderful therapist. A group that “gets it” . . . and one person who knows you inside and out and can be your “rock”.

Hope this helps you,

[…]

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2018, 07:38:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate your taking the time to reply. Wishing You Speedy Healing

Re: Reassurance PLEASE……😢
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2018, 07:39:01 pm »

[Buddie]

Your reason to stay in the fight is for your beautiful children and your elderly parents and for you because you are worth it. I believe with all my heart that you will get better over time. I have read how so many others have recovered and you will too. Like the other poster said, find someone similar to your situation and encourage one another. I will continue to pray until you get a break through.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2018, 07:51:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 08, 2018, 07:39:01 pm
Your reason to stay in the fight is for your beautiful children and your elderly parents and for you because you are worth it. I believe with all my heart that you will get better over time. I have read how so many others have recovered and you will too. Like the other poster said, find someone similar to your situation and encourage one another. I will continue to pray until you get a break through.

[…],
Thank you….. Thank you……

Haven’t found anyone similar to my situation. I’m pretty severe.
My children….I Love Them So Much.

Thank you for your prayers. You will me in mine, as well.
Thank you…..

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2018, 08:34:13 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], you DID meet someone who was possibly WORSE than you!!! ME. I think you read my Success Story so you should have an idea that this is the truth.
Here is another truth: We ALL think we are the worst off! That is just human nature.

Okay. YES you will feel better. No one knows (yet) why some people have it so rough and have it last so long. But it does happen. I didnt truly feel “normal” until my 4th year.

Going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Without a doubt. But getting through it made me such a better person! I now know that I AM truly strong. I learned a lot along the way as well. I learned how to go to sleep normally. I learned how to deal with any anxiety I had and in all truth, I have little to no anxiety now. Just “jitters” when I start a new job, or do something new. Normal anxiety. I learned what caused my awful symptoms, and knowing that helped me immensely!

[…]. You sound like an intelligent person. I personally think that makes it a bit harder, because we KNOW too much! But being smart is also such a blessing as it will allow you to start educating yourself about all of this. And it truly is key to have a basic understanding of WHY you have these awful symptoms. The human brain is very intricate and complicated, but basically, all it is is a bunch of different chemicals that perform certain functions. Our brains do control everything about us. Benzos temporarily mess up all those chemicals. In a huge way. And then, when you take away the benzos, all hell breaks loose. Those chemicals are going to go up and down and cause crazy symptoms until they do finally get back to normal. And they will, given enough time.

I urge you to stay the course. If I can do it, you can, because I am NOT SuperWoman! LOL! Hardly. I am a 68 year old lady with a long and hard history of abusing various substances. Benzos were my downfall. Taking benzos was the dumbest thing I ever did, but getting OFF benzos was the best thing I have ever done. Amen!

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2018, 09:58:27 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 08, 2018, 08:34:13 pm
[…], you DID meet someone who was possibly WORSE than you!!! ME. I think you read my Success Story so you should have an idea that this is the truth.
Here is another truth: We ALL think we are the worst off! That is just human nature.

Okay. YES you will feel better. No one knows (yet) why some people have it so rough and have it last so long. But it does happen. I didnt truly feel “normal” until my 4th year.

Going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Without a doubt. But getting through it made me such a better person! I now know that I AM truly strong. I learned a lot along the way as well. I learned how to go to sleep normally. I learned how to deal with any anxiety I had and in all truth, I have little to no anxiety now. Just “jitters” when I start a new job, or do something new. Normal anxiety. I learned what caused my awful symptoms, and knowing that helped me immensely!

[…]. You sound like an intelligent person. I personally think that makes it a bit harder, because we KNOW too much! But being smart is also such a blessing as it will allow you to start educating yourself about all of this. And it truly is key to have a basic understanding of WHY you have these awful symptoms. The human brain is very intricate and complicated, but basically, all it is is a bunch of different chemicals that perform certain functions. Our brains do control everything about us. Benzos temporarily mess up all those chemicals. In a huge way. And then, when you take away the benzos, all hell breaks loose. Those chemicals are going to go up and down and cause crazy symptoms until they do finally get back to normal. And they will, given enough time.

I urge you to stay the course. If I can do it, you can, because I am NOT SuperWoman! LOL! Hardly. I am a 68 year old lady with a long and hard history of abusing various substances. Benzos were my downfall. Taking benzos was the dumbest thing I ever did, but getting OFF benzos was the best thing I have ever done. Amen!

[…],
Read your Success story a couple times. I just watch this weird brain stuff going on in my head would stop. Can cope with the rest. But, the brain stuff is so hard. Feels like fireworks and a LSD trip all at the same time.

Trying to accept all this intense stuff…. If I had truly been intelligent I would have NEVER taken a Benzo.

Thank you for your constant support, and encouragement. It means so much…. Thank You….

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2018, 01:13:01 pm »

[Buddie]

After 25 years, I did a CT. My husband died. Then, a reinstallation, with Xanax and sleeping pills. CT- again. I have been in a dark room, with hallucinations, until month 23. Have I had worse, than others? No. Everyone, lives in their own little hell, in their own way. There is no scale, on who has the most difficult. My best, and closest word, is Respect. If I wrote, that my symptoms were the worst, I would not have it. It is very difficult, for all of us. Right? :)
« Last Edit: July 09, 2018, 01:24:58 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2018, 01:54:50 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey […], sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time.
I’m feeling much the same at the moment… Feel free to reach out as I completely get the
Strain on family (I’m living with my parents who practically have to look after me) and I’m not even close to jumping… But we can do this 👊🏼

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2018, 03:29:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 09, 2018, 01:13:01 pm
After 25 years, I did a CT. My husband died. Then, a reinstallation, with Xanax and sleeping pills. CT- again. I have been in a dark room, with hallucinations, until month 23. Have I had worse, than others? No. Everyone, lives in their own little hell, in their own way. There is no scale, on who has the most difficult. My best, and closest word, is Respect. If I wrote, that my symptoms were the worst, I would not have it. It is very difficult, for all of us. Right? :)

[…],
Not sure what you mean by your comment. I will respond how I think you meant it.
It was suggested to me to find a B.B. with symptoms similar to mine. I have yet to find anyone with symptoms similar to the severity of mine. None of us has fully shared every little thing they have experienced in this journey. I know MY truth and MY experience and have not read anything that closely resembles my journey. Certain general aspects yes, many other aspects no. To have it suggested to me that I don’t have RESPECT I find truly offensive. This forum, I thought was a place to lend support. I reached out for that support. Not to be kicked when I’m down. RESPECT is a word that maybe you should look at the definition. If you can’t help a fellow BB then don’t post anything.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2018, 09:05:14 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], get a grip, please. You are pushing yourself into thinking you are so different from others here, worse, THE WORST, etc. And that is a total lie you are telling yourself. That lie will not help you, it will hinder your recovery.

You are NOT the worst off here. I have heard that so many times now it is a bit funny. When I was a Moderator here, we had several people similar to you, (and me-) people who truly thought they were the worst case ever. (And that includes me, because for a fairly long time, I thought I was the worst one here! And who knows, maybe I WAS!) But in the end, none of this really matters. What does matter is how much effort you put into helping yourself, by remaining positive, by learning as much as you can, and by trying to help someone OTHER than yourself.

I disagree with your feeling that most people dont try to tell the truth here. I did, on my Blog and Success Story. I attempted to describe the utter hell I lived in. I DID avoid yakking about it on this part of the forum, the Cold Turkey Dept.. I knew that I should fake it here, and tell the real truth “privately.” This strategy worked very well for me. I did not lie here, but I did avoid talking about how awful I felt, EXCEPT on my Blog and finally, in my Success Story. I think you know how difficult it is to explain these symptoms. It is beyond belief what some of us go through. Nothing prepared me for the hundreds of symptoms I had. It came as an enormous shock to this old Nurse.

You will get through this. Time is on your side, because the brain always tries to heal itself and almost always, it does.

TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Members terrorized by cult beliefs

Fear
« on: April 18, 2017, 04:04:20 pm »

[Buddie]

When does the fear ever subside? Every day has been different. Sometimes, I’ll awaken and I’ll be experiencing high crying episodes then other days, I feel fearful-where nothing “feels” the same. I can’t make a routine because it feels so “off” and different. It is truly the scariest thing; feels as if I’ve had a stroke. What can you do but rest in it? I don’t even know how to cope…

Re: Fear
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2017, 05:23:36 pm »

[Buddie]

I experience terror-not fear mostly in bed at night to the point i couldnt sleep until sunrise and could see the light. I was on a much higher dose then you were for a linger period of time. The terror subsided at around 5-6 months and is gone now at 11 months. I prayed all night long to combat the terror. Good luck.

Four years later, cult still panicked over Matt Samet’s relapse

“So perhaps you’re wondering, once a year, or two, or three go by off benzos or antidepressants or antipsychotics or whatever chemicals have been foisted on you, will you still have to be vigilant or can you dive fully back into your ‘old life’ again? Can you pound coffee or smoke weed or drink socially, or have a stressful job or commute, or eat foods with lots of MSG and not blow out, not have a setback? Can you overextend yourself physically or mentally or emotionally without incurring ‘the wrath’?” – Matt Same

“I only passingly flirted with psych meds myself but I did a fair and regular share of weed, coffee, alcohol, psychedelics, and the occasional benzo, opiate, and even friends’ neuroleptics (to help me sleep off binges) for several years.” – Matthew Cohen

Re: How is it possible Matt Samet had a setback???
« Reply #97 on: March 20, 2017, 09:10:18 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 02, 2013, 01:15:38 pm
I have a guess. A guess is all it is, so please don’t jump on me. It is possible that his relapse was not what he says it was. He might have an underlying condition that led to his initial benzo use, and has now reared its ugly head again.

He would have us believe that his healed nervous system was so fragile that seven years of abuse crashed it again. That’s a possibility, but I can think of other things that might also explain it.

Obviously I don’t know. But why should we all get freaked out and worried that we will never truly recover 100% and will always have this hanging over our heads if we drink too much coffee? As long as it’s possible that his problem was not simply a return to withdrawal seven years later, why should we worry about it?

I don’t think Matt Samet did the benzo community any favors by scaring the hell out of us. As long as there are other possibilities, I choose to ignore Matt Samet’s claim that we never really recover from benzo use. On average, I’m sure we are not all like Matt Samet.

Matt Samett has written about smoking marijuana and this is a HUGE no no when it comes to the post benzo brain. Marijuana is like taking a sledge hammer to your brain’s GABA receptors. The caffeine probably didn’t do him any favors, but caffiene wont reset you back to square one benzo withdrawal. Alcohol and pot however will launch u back into benzo withdrawal.

As for Matt’s claim that we never fully recover…he’s eight. We heal and gain back the ability to live our lives but the regenerated GABA receptors are fragile and genetically different than the original ones we were born with. One smack to these fragile receptors and ur right back in hell

YouTube benzo videos terrify cult members

I saw scary videos on youtube. Are they true?
« on: December 29, 2016, 12:34:46 am »

[Buddie]

I am about to begin my liquid taper of klonopin this week. I went online to see how other people were doing it just for some pointers and some of the people on youtube make titration sound like it is impossible. One person on there who posted alot looks like she is about to die. Please tell me she is just nuts. This was very discouraging and it scared the h#### out of me.

Benzo Buddies ghouls gang up on addict who relapsed

The abuse goes on for ELEVEN pages! They later accused poor Timmy of being a troll and a hacker. That’s the kind of support an addict gets at Benzo Buddies – no support at all. 🙁

It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« on: September 13, 2016, 05:32:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I couldn’t handle the intense pain last night of my depression it was so excruciating that i swallowed 3 mg of klonipin. I know people in here have tried to help me but i can tell you today that i give up. I cannot handle this intense withdtawal and i think it’s from kindling. If i can be a poster boy of what not to do, please learn from me.
Slowly taper and no rescue doses. I have the most severe depression thst i dont even think it helped. I just made another huge mistake and in sure it’s one il never recover from. I’m so sorry benzo buddies and in ashamed that im such a failure. I guess i couldn’t pull up my big boy pants. I’m leaving the site now and i don’t know what to do from here, but i obviously can’t handle this wirhdrawal. It’s way too much depression and chest pain. I’m out of answers and unfortunately you don’t get 2nd chances in life.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2016, 05:41:56 pm »

[Buddie]

<<yawn>>>

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2016, 05:48:20 pm »

[Buddie]

So you either did not run out of all of them the other day, or you drove to the pharmacy in excruciating pain last night to get more. My feeling is you had them.You know I don’t really know what to say. Past experience for you has proved that reinstatements and rescue doses have done more harm than good for you. You have greatly regretted each time you have done so. Do you expect if to me different this time around. Your right, kindling has probably caused your withdrawal to be worse. I don’t know what your future plans are for Klonopin, but reaching tolerance quickly would not be out of the question for someone who has kindled. Is you plan to just keeping up your dose over time time you reach tolerance? I don’t know timmy. I think you should have tried to hang on a bit longer.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2016, 05:53:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Good grief, Timmy. I think you need to step back from all this and ask yourself some tough questions as there is obviously a lot more going on here than just withdrawing from benzos.

It’s been suggested, many times, that you have a plan in place for the time when w/d becomes too overwhelming for you. Have you done that? Simply posting on this forum after you’ve reinstated/changed meds/added new meds/reduce dosed does NOT constitute a plan.

Furthermore, you are both right and wrong in regards to not getting second chances in life. We actually don’t just get second chances….we get third, fourth, fifth, etc. The key to this however, is the ability to adapt, or change or accept your circumstances….something that you are indeed struggling with.

You’ve been on this forum long enough to know that benzos cause depression, so the fact that you continue to take them FOR depression is bewildering. Of course it didn’t help.

If you’re depressed, it would likely be in your best interest to start some intensive therapy, continue your long walks, get some sunshine and eat properly.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2016, 05:58:12 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on September 13, 2016, 05:53:44 pm
Good grief, Timmy. I think you need to step back from all this and ask yourself some tough questions as there is obviously a lot more going on here than just withdrawing from benzos.

It’s been suggested, many times, that you have a plan in place for the time when w/d becomes too overwhelming for you. Have you done that? Simply posting on this forum after you’ve reinstated/changed meds/added new meds/reduce dosed does NOT constitute a plan.

Furthermore, you are both right and wrong in regards to not getting second chances in life. We actually don’t just get second chances….we get third, fourth, fifth, etc. The key to this however, is the ability to adapt, or change or accept your circumstances….something that you are indeed struggling with.

You’ve been on this forum long enough to know that benzos cause depression, so the fact that you continue to take them FOR depression is bewildering. Of course it didn’t help.

If you’re depressed, it would likely be in your best interest to start some intensive therapy, continue your long walks, get some sunshine and eat properly.

The mental pain and anguish last night was just too much. I literally felt like my life was on the line. Worse is a friend gave them to me and now im totally out. This is really goung to kill me. I know il get flamed but the mental torture from kindling is so bad i had zero choice in my mind. I’m throwing in the towel. I am not capable of this obviously.

edit: fixed quotes
« Last Edit: September 13, 2016, 06:36:45 pm by [Buddie] »

Frenzied Ashton kooks make up fake accounts to save World Benzo Awareness Day Wikipedia page

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/World_Benzodiazepine_Awareness_Day

Wikipedia:User Da’locin

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:User_Da%27locin&redlink=1#/editor/0

Wikipedia:User MixieLove

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:User_MixieLove&redlink=1#/editor/0

Benzo Buddies brainwashes member into fearing menthol cough drops

Menthol
« on: May 28, 2016, 11:01:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Does anyone know if menthol is ok post withdrawl? Perhaps I’m being overly cautious. I have a cold and want to see if anyone had any problems with cough drops. I have had so many setbacks that I fear things. Thanks