TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Members terrorized by cult beliefs

Fear
« on: April 18, 2017, 04:04:20 pm »

[Buddie]

When does the fear ever subside? Every day has been different. Sometimes, I’ll awaken and I’ll be experiencing high crying episodes then other days, I feel fearful-where nothing “feels” the same. I can’t make a routine because it feels so “off” and different. It is truly the scariest thing; feels as if I’ve had a stroke. What can you do but rest in it? I don’t even know how to cope…

Re: Fear
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2017, 05:23:36 pm »

[Buddie]

I experience terror-not fear mostly in bed at night to the point i couldnt sleep until sunrise and could see the light. I was on a much higher dose then you were for a linger period of time. The terror subsided at around 5-6 months and is gone now at 11 months. I prayed all night long to combat the terror. Good luck.

Four years later, cult still panicked over Matt Samet’s relapse

“So perhaps you’re wondering, once a year, or two, or three go by off benzos or antidepressants or antipsychotics or whatever chemicals have been foisted on you, will you still have to be vigilant or can you dive fully back into your ‘old life’ again? Can you pound coffee or smoke weed or drink socially, or have a stressful job or commute, or eat foods with lots of MSG and not blow out, not have a setback? Can you overextend yourself physically or mentally or emotionally without incurring ‘the wrath’?” – Matt Same

“I only passingly flirted with psych meds myself but I did a fair and regular share of weed, coffee, alcohol, psychedelics, and the occasional benzo, opiate, and even friends’ neuroleptics (to help me sleep off binges) for several years.” – Matthew Cohen

Re: How is it possible Matt Samet had a setback???
« Reply #97 on: March 20, 2017, 09:10:18 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 02, 2013, 01:15:38 pm
I have a guess. A guess is all it is, so please don’t jump on me. It is possible that his relapse was not what he says it was. He might have an underlying condition that led to his initial benzo use, and has now reared its ugly head again.

He would have us believe that his healed nervous system was so fragile that seven years of abuse crashed it again. That’s a possibility, but I can think of other things that might also explain it.

Obviously I don’t know. But why should we all get freaked out and worried that we will never truly recover 100% and will always have this hanging over our heads if we drink too much coffee? As long as it’s possible that his problem was not simply a return to withdrawal seven years later, why should we worry about it?

I don’t think Matt Samet did the benzo community any favors by scaring the hell out of us. As long as there are other possibilities, I choose to ignore Matt Samet’s claim that we never really recover from benzo use. On average, I’m sure we are not all like Matt Samet.

Matt Samett has written about smoking marijuana and this is a HUGE no no when it comes to the post benzo brain. Marijuana is like taking a sledge hammer to your brain’s GABA receptors. The caffeine probably didn’t do him any favors, but caffiene wont reset you back to square one benzo withdrawal. Alcohol and pot however will launch u back into benzo withdrawal.

As for Matt’s claim that we never fully recover…he’s eight. We heal and gain back the ability to live our lives but the regenerated GABA receptors are fragile and genetically different than the original ones we were born with. One smack to these fragile receptors and ur right back in hell

YouTube benzo videos terrify cult members

I saw scary videos on youtube. Are they true?
« on: December 29, 2016, 12:34:46 am »

[Buddie]

I am about to begin my liquid taper of klonopin this week. I went online to see how other people were doing it just for some pointers and some of the people on youtube make titration sound like it is impossible. One person on there who posted alot looks like she is about to die. Please tell me she is just nuts. This was very discouraging and it scared the h#### out of me.

Benzo Buddies ghouls gang up on addict who relapsed

The abuse goes on for ELEVEN pages! They later accused poor Timmy of being a troll and a hacker. That’s the kind of support an addict gets at Benzo Buddies – no support at all. 🙁

It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« on: September 13, 2016, 05:32:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I couldn’t handle the intense pain last night of my depression it was so excruciating that i swallowed 3 mg of klonipin. I know people in here have tried to help me but i can tell you today that i give up. I cannot handle this intense withdtawal and i think it’s from kindling. If i can be a poster boy of what not to do, please learn from me.
Slowly taper and no rescue doses. I have the most severe depression thst i dont even think it helped. I just made another huge mistake and in sure it’s one il never recover from. I’m so sorry benzo buddies and in ashamed that im such a failure. I guess i couldn’t pull up my big boy pants. I’m leaving the site now and i don’t know what to do from here, but i obviously can’t handle this wirhdrawal. It’s way too much depression and chest pain. I’m out of answers and unfortunately you don’t get 2nd chances in life.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2016, 05:41:56 pm »

[Buddie]

<<yawn>>>

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2016, 05:48:20 pm »

[Buddie]

So you either did not run out of all of them the other day, or you drove to the pharmacy in excruciating pain last night to get more. My feeling is you had them.You know I don’t really know what to say. Past experience for you has proved that reinstatements and rescue doses have done more harm than good for you. You have greatly regretted each time you have done so. Do you expect if to me different this time around. Your right, kindling has probably caused your withdrawal to be worse. I don’t know what your future plans are for Klonopin, but reaching tolerance quickly would not be out of the question for someone who has kindled. Is you plan to just keeping up your dose over time time you reach tolerance? I don’t know timmy. I think you should have tried to hang on a bit longer.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2016, 05:53:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Good grief, Timmy. I think you need to step back from all this and ask yourself some tough questions as there is obviously a lot more going on here than just withdrawing from benzos.

It’s been suggested, many times, that you have a plan in place for the time when w/d becomes too overwhelming for you. Have you done that? Simply posting on this forum after you’ve reinstated/changed meds/added new meds/reduce dosed does NOT constitute a plan.

Furthermore, you are both right and wrong in regards to not getting second chances in life. We actually don’t just get second chances….we get third, fourth, fifth, etc. The key to this however, is the ability to adapt, or change or accept your circumstances….something that you are indeed struggling with.

You’ve been on this forum long enough to know that benzos cause depression, so the fact that you continue to take them FOR depression is bewildering. Of course it didn’t help.

If you’re depressed, it would likely be in your best interest to start some intensive therapy, continue your long walks, get some sunshine and eat properly.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2016, 05:58:12 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on September 13, 2016, 05:53:44 pm
Good grief, Timmy. I think you need to step back from all this and ask yourself some tough questions as there is obviously a lot more going on here than just withdrawing from benzos.

It’s been suggested, many times, that you have a plan in place for the time when w/d becomes too overwhelming for you. Have you done that? Simply posting on this forum after you’ve reinstated/changed meds/added new meds/reduce dosed does NOT constitute a plan.

Furthermore, you are both right and wrong in regards to not getting second chances in life. We actually don’t just get second chances….we get third, fourth, fifth, etc. The key to this however, is the ability to adapt, or change or accept your circumstances….something that you are indeed struggling with.

You’ve been on this forum long enough to know that benzos cause depression, so the fact that you continue to take them FOR depression is bewildering. Of course it didn’t help.

If you’re depressed, it would likely be in your best interest to start some intensive therapy, continue your long walks, get some sunshine and eat properly.

The mental pain and anguish last night was just too much. I literally felt like my life was on the line. Worse is a friend gave them to me and now im totally out. This is really goung to kill me. I know il get flamed but the mental torture from kindling is so bad i had zero choice in my mind. I’m throwing in the towel. I am not capable of this obviously.

edit: fixed quotes
« Last Edit: September 13, 2016, 06:36:45 pm by [Buddie] »

Frenzied Ashton kooks make up fake accounts to save World Benzo Awareness Day Wikipedia page

Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Articles_for_deletion/World_Benzodiazepine_Awareness_Day

Wikipedia:User Da’locin

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:User_Da%27locin&redlink=1#/editor/0

Wikipedia:User MixieLove

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:User_MixieLove&redlink=1#/editor/0

Benzo Buddies brainwashes member into fearing menthol cough drops

Menthol
« on: May 28, 2016, 11:01:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Does anyone know if menthol is ok post withdrawl? Perhaps I’m being overly cautious. I have a cold and want to see if anyone had any problems with cough drops. I have had so many setbacks that I fear things. Thanks

New member on drugs for only six weeks terrified by cult scare stories

scared new member
« on: February 12, 2016, 06:22:12 pm »

[Buddie]

hi I wanted to join this site as support and information I have been on diazepam for 6 weeks 10mg at night due to anxiety im down to 9mg at the moment hoping to reduce by 1mg per week I am completely terrified of coming off after the horror stories ive read

Two Advil = cult panic

advil set back
« on: December 29, 2015, 06:15:01 am »

[Buddie]

Is it possible that 2 advil could have brought this acid burning and brain buzzing back full force ? I’m screaming in hell. I have not had this,degree of burning in months nor anY brain symptoms. I’m terrified I set myself up for months more of this or years. How is thjs even possible? I can’t continue on like this. I’m in literal hell on earth!!! Every single nerve ending is torched!!!!

Re: advil set back
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2015, 07:59:27 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t think so…I take advil and never have this happen but we are all different.

Re: advil set back
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2015, 03:16:22 pm »

[Buddie]

Some people can handle NSAIDS. I’m not one of them. The one thing I’ve found out about taking other pharma drugs during w/d is that they tend to enhance some of the side effects of benzo w/d and vice versa.

I would stop taking the Advil altogether if I were you. I think this is just a temporary setback. Just hang in there, and you’ll stabilize.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hugs to you!! :smitten: