Ativan addict eats handful of pills to calm nerves, tosses years-long taper in garbage

So disappointed in myself
« on: December 27, 2017, 02:49:57 am »

[Buddie]

After being free of Ativan for 2 days, I caved and had to take some because the anxiety was awful. I’m so disappointed in myself😞I feel like a failure.

Benzo addicts jealous of opioid addicts

does anyone else feel frustrated about the amount of attention on opioid WD
« on: August 09, 2017, 10:34:34 am »

[Buddie]

It is hard not to feel angry about the amount of attention being given to the opioid problem and the amount of financial support or resource support going to opioid use / withdrawal……. i suspect benzo WD is far more profound a problem but because benzo use is associated with anxiety and many of the WD symptoms appear to be “psychological” – we are dismissed …….. i know anger is not a productive emotion but yesterday saw a press conference with President Trump and how he’s tackling this and it was hard not to feel angry….. i worked so hard in corporate america for 20 yrs – 50-60 hour weeks – paid a fortune in taxes and yet there is no help and i could lose everything for taking a prescription given to me following a surgery and used according to the instructions provided…… from people i know who got off opioids – their WD is not fun but its nothing compared to this…… we deal with both GABA and dopamine receptors being screwed up …… you read stories where people say getting off heroine was easier…. what does that say? feeling very frustrated by this….

Elderly mom forging Xanax prescriptions, obtaining endless supply illegally

Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« on: July 19, 2017, 01:21:44 am »

[Buddie]

About 2 years ago my mom’s whole personality changed. Her OCD symptoms got much worse, she says incredibly rude things she NEVER would’ve said before & her memory has gone down the toilet. Her routines & rituals are set in stone & she won’t deviate from them. She leaves the stove on 2x per month on average now. She started taking Xanax (1mg-2mg per week on average) around the same time her personality changed. The worst memory lapses–such as leaving the stove on & forgetting basic words–always happen the day after she takes her Xanax dose. She’s also excessively tired the day after taking Xanax. Worst of all, she denies any change in her personality & gets defensive even talking about it.

Could using Xanax one night per week be sufficient to affect someone’s mood, cognition & anxiety levels to this degree? She’s had a CT scan of her brain at my insistence to see if there was any sign of previous strokes or other issues, and it came back relatively normal. (Some age-related shrinkage & atherosclerosis). The doctor did not seem concerned about it, though it was an ear/nose/throat doctor rather than a neurologist. She’s 65 w/ no family history of Alzheimer’s but at moderate risk for stroke. She’s lost a good bit of vision & hearing due to age, so it’s hard to tell whether she’s doing things like leaving the stove on because of those impairments or something more sinister.

I’m not asking anyone to definitively diagnose her here; just wanted to see if anyone’s experienced this degree of side effects from low dose, once weekly benzo use. (Personally, if I took a benzo or barbiturate one time per week, that would be sufficient to cause rebound mood/anxiety problems but I don’t know how common that is). My mom absolutely refuses to go to doctors, so that’s out of the question. She swears up and down she doesn’t take Xanax more frequently than 1x per week, which I believe because she’s so regimented & afraid of drug addiction, but she could be taking it more often. I’m at a loss.

OCD runs in our family, as do other mental illnesses. I’m absolutely terrified it’s dementia, which would probably cause me to kill myself or be institutionalized because I could not handle that. Cancer is preferable to dementia. I’m praying it’s the Xanax at this point because the alternatives are so awful.

Thanks.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2017, 01:31:29 am »

[Buddie]

I am curious to why she takes one Xanax a week. It seems like she would be in perpetual withdrawal. Her symptoms could well be withdrawal symptoms. It certainly causes brain fog and forgetting things.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2017, 02:26:13 am »

Also, you might want to take into consideration paradoxical reactions:

Benzodiazepine Side Effects: http://www.benzo.org.uk/sidefx.htm

So-called “Paradoxical” Effects
According to Professor Malcolm Lader, 5% of those using benzodiazepines may be affected by so-called “paradoxical” reactions in response to the drugs rather than the desired tranquillising effects. Such reactions include increased aggressiveness (in some individuals even violent behaviour), depression (with or without suicidal thoughts or intentions), and sometimes personality changes.

Paradoxical” side effects occur in all age groups but are more likely to be found in children and in the elderly where they may be fairly frequent yet erroneously diagnosed as various psychiatric disorders. The risk of such reactions is generally greater with short-acting compounds but may occur with all benzodiazepine drugs. It is important to remember that the “paradoxical” reactions can also be encountered in short-term use and, in rare cases, even following the first ingestion of the drug.

Cognitive Side Effects
Memory functioning is markedly and measurably impaired, especially the ability to store acquired knowledge into long-term memory. This memory impairment is highly relevant to students. The risk of acute amnesia is more pronounced with short-acting drugs. Ativan (lorazepam), Halcion (triazolam), Xanax (alprazolam) and Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) are especially likely to induce such memory impairment.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2017, 03:00:09 am »

[Buddie]

Here’s some more info on this: http://w-bad.org/paradoxical/

I hope it’s the Xanax and your Mom might agree to stop taking it to test out whether this is the case.

Kind regards.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2017, 06:41:33 am »

[Buddie]

Thank you so much 

She’s very regimented due to OCD (which has gotten worse with age/Xanax use). She goes shopping one day per week, so the Xanax is to help her sleep the night before. I’ve seen her take it twice in a week when she had other things to do, so she may be taking it more often than 1x per week.

She has an endless supply obtained from…well, let’s just say this isn’t coming from a doctor. She’s had prescriptions for it in the past & even forged one prescription to have 4 refills instead of zero. So that tells me she’s got some kind of issue right there. But she could’ve just forged it because she hates going to the doctor. Either way, it’s a crime & she could’ve gone to jail for it. But back then she didn’t take Xanax as often as she does now.

I’m very familiar with rebound symptoms like anxiety & low mood, as I get them after a single use of barbiturates, benzos or Ambien. Thanks again for the links & quotes. That gives me some peace of mind. The part about short-acting benzos being even more likely to cause issues is especially comforting. I’ve tried explaining rebound effects to her before, but she doesn’t believe that can really happen even after SEEING what a single dose of benzos does to me the following day. She once became manic from a single dose of Valium too.

Ugh. This is all very frustrating since I now live with her. But if it’s “just” the benzos causing her insanity, that would be a good thing 

Trouble at BALA?

The word on the street is that an admin – a very special admin – has been booted from the tiny private club for being negative, bordering on abusive, toward fellow addicts.

I wonder if this palace coup has to do with accusations of Benzodiazepine Information Coalition addict shaming by Benzo Buddies members?

Kooks compare their struggle with drug addiction to Martin Luther King and the civil rights struggle

New Blog About Community Silence Versus Action
« on: June 23, 2017, 07:33:29 pm »

[Buddie]

https://www.benzoinfo.com/single-post/2017/06/23/After-60-Years-of-Silence-A-Highly-Funded-Organization-Can-Finally-Help-Us-Can-Our-Community-Organize-to-Tell-them-How

Re: New Blog About Community Silence Versus Action
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2017, 05:09:35 am »

[Buddie]

This is so important. Just reading this document chokes me up. I would fill out this FDA Report a thousand times myself if I could, but I can’t do it even once because I’m in Canada and it wouldn’t count.

What I can do is bump this.

“When I finally got a 4 mg fix from that ER doctor what a great high that was!”

Re: Addiction/Dependence Discussion
« Reply #42 on: June 26, 2017, 06:04:04 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 25, 2017, 05:07:42 pm
Those of you who don’t understand the difference between dependence and addiction, have never actually had an addiction.
<<“Those of you who don’t understand the difference between dependence and addiction, have never actually had an addiction.”>>

I’ve had both. I am currently dependent on immunosuppressants to control an autoimmune disease. Without them, the disease would progress to a dangerous stage. There are side effects but there is no withdrawal. Thank goodness I’m not also dependent on Insulin. But I do depend on the U.S. Postal Service, as unwise as that may seem.

But, up until 6 months ago, I had been physically addicted to lorazepam for 20 years. I engaged in drug seeking behavior. When faced with the possibility of running out of the drug, I would contact my dealer (doctor) and arrange for a stealthy pick-up (pharmacy). And there certainly was withdrawal every six hours, although not as difficult as when my first supplier 20 years ago abruptly cut off my 3mg daily supply of Xanax and I ended up in fetal position on my bathroom floor begging God to kill me. (But boy, when I finally got a 4 mg fix from that ER doctor…what great high that was!)

So yes, I understand the difference between dependence and addiction because I’ve experienced both. But, honestly, that’s not why I take issue with the herd moving toward the nice, safe-space-friendly word “dependence.” The beef I have with the word is that it has no clear meaning “out there.” No edge, no bite and too many word-associations that dilute its meaning. It’s not the kind of word that motivates action and can help force a solution to a public health problem. I’ll give you this, though, it’s better than “iatrogenically injured.” Try that one on Main Street!