“Benzo Buddies ruined my life”

How benzobuddies ruined my life, long proctated withdrawal 4 years off
« on: June 01, 2018, 06:12:39 pm »

[Buddie]

my last name here was pil54, in 2014 here i Registered after a fast taper of 7mg prazepam, i was just reinstated 4,5mg and it wasnt enought to stabilized me, i should have gone back to 7mg at least or even more for it to be effective, and restart a slow taper.

Back of that i was first on 20mg, i discovered the Ashton manual and was doing it even slower, reducing 5% every 2 weeks with barely no symptoms at all, all was very manageable, working full time job through it. For one year i tapered from 20mg to 7mg very easily, it wasnt the hell people describe here to taper at all, everyone here who describe hell tapering psych meds is just going too fast . Until i stupidly lost patience andtryed to accelerate and it went hell and i ended cold turkey 7mg

I can remember moderators here telling me ” You are paradoxical you just need to quit and let your brain heal, Accute only last 3 month then it will get better, everyone heal”, That sentence EVERYONE HEAL, you will read it all day by every people here, those all unknow people behind their screen can litteraly destroy all your life if you listen them advices.

Its what i did, and thats what they did, they ruined my whole life, I tapered those last 4,5mg in 3 month, reducing 0,5or 0,25mg every 8 days, and i went severly ill because i wasnt stable at all before tapering, they told me ” dont care accute last 3 month “

Am still in accute 4 yeas later, next month i will be 4 years off every benzo or psych meds, and i never recovered from the symptoms of my fast taper here in 2014,

I still have akathisia, i wake up Everyday in terror with electricity in my whole body, with surge of feeling loosing my mind like i have mania, severe insomnia, depersonnalization that never went away 4 years laters, during those years i developped pots syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome from the daily severe terror my body was experiencing.

They told me ” its normal if withdrawal for years, and i Believe them, i thought it was normal, IT WAS NOT, IT WAS ABSOLUTLY NOT.

Am now living with the crazy idea on my shoulder that i was better 4 years ago while i was doing my slow micro taper, than now 4 years off after my last dose after my failed tapers.

And it’s been the same for my old friends here who Registered in the same generation of me, Hurtbrain, Crazypants, benzommama, rackshka, all those people who tapered wrong and been told they would heal, they are now 4-5-6 years later never healed because of listening people here on that same forum.

That message is to warm the newbies here and all the people suffering to realy inform you before you do a fast taper and listen people here telling you that whatever the way you tapered you will heal, it’s false, its the worse shit every spammed here but its not reality,

Jennyfer Leigh, baylissa,ian singleton, una corbet, They all lie, they all say what you want to hear just to reassurance, but they have no idea how long a brain damage from a rapid taper can take to recover, for years they lied to me saying i would heal if i avoid alcohol and psych meds, I DID, and i never healed 4 years later.

My life is a living hell now because i regret Everyday the mistake i did to listen unknow people advice behind a screen, even my doctor told me to reinstate to my last dosage if i felt sick and retaper slower, it would have been the think to do, instead i trusted that forum

Please inform yourself, the best safe way to escape benzo hell is a micro taper of 5% every 2 weeks of your dosage

Benzo Buddies doctor-bashers ridicule mentally ill member diagnosed with schizotypal disorder

Diagnosed with Schizotypal dissorder
« on: December 29, 2017, 03:39:11 am »

[Buddie]

I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder today. That of course being my first sentence because holy crap really!!!! I am 13 months in and in shock to be honest. I almost feel relieved because finally there is a diagnosis but at the same time like what the heck. Holy crap it is nuts and what is even more nuts is that some days I am perfectly fine and great with other people, like nothing at all is wrong with me. I guess the question is what is right at this point, 13 months in. I cannot wait until this is over then I go through it and think, oh, maybe this is it?? Anyone have a similar experience.

Re: Diagnosed with Schizotypal dissorder
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2017, 06:56:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 29, 2017, 03:39:11 am
I was diagnosed with schizotypal disorder today. That of course being my first sentence because holy crap really!!!! I am 13 months in and in shock to be honest. I almost feel relieved because finally there is a diagnosis but at the same time like what the heck. Holy crap it is nuts and what is even more nuts is that some days I am perfectly fine and great with other people, like nothing at all is wrong with me. I guess the question is what is right at this point, 13 months in. I cannot wait until this is over then I go through it and think, oh, maybe this is it?? Anyone have a similar experience.

Can you tell us what critical, empirical testing was done to confirm this “diagnosis”?

And do you believe it?

Re: Diagnosed with Schizotypal dissorder
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2017, 09:02:17 pm »

[Buddie]

I read the wikipedia article about schizotypal disorder and I’m not convinced. This so-called disorder includes “unconventional beliefs” as a symptom, which seems very weird. At a certain point in time, psychiatrists started trying to classify everything as a disorder/disease so that other physicians would consider them as equals. The other day I read that they are trying to classify a disorder called “school refusal”. Can’t you just hate school or think the school system is crap without being considered mentally ill?!!

Re: Diagnosed with Schizotypal dissorder
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2017, 10:46:30 pm »

[Buddie]

There are all kinds of words for all kinds of things.
Mostly they they explain nothing.
Words are not needed to steer through.

Re: Diagnosed with Schizotypal dissorder
« Reply #4 on: December 30, 2017, 04:02:49 am »

[Buddie]

Sounds like a shiney new term for Bipolar 1. I told my psych that  I am bipolar, and he didn’t believe me! So, I  had a phoney diagnosis for 15 years. These kind of things can make legal matters difficult, and can strip you of your own power. Please get a second opinion asap. Remember: a disease always needs a cure, meaning more pills. Research meds till your brain hurts. You will thank yourself in the end.  :thumbsup:

Re: Diagnosed with Schizotypal dissorder
« Reply #5 on: January 02, 2018, 01:11:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I myself have had several strange diagnoses: schizophrenia, ALS, borrelia, fibromyalgia, etc. What are you doing, it’s just so crazy! But I do not believe in these diagnoses, for my part it’s only withdrawal.

Ativan addict eats handful of pills to calm nerves, tosses years-long taper in garbage

So disappointed in myself
« on: December 27, 2017, 02:49:57 am »

[Buddie]

After being free of Ativan for 2 days, I caved and had to take some because the anxiety was awful. I’m so disappointed in myself😞I feel like a failure.

Benzo Buddies cult orders member NOT to attend grandmother’s funeral

Advice of rescue pill do or dont.
« on: December 27, 2017, 10:16:54 am »

[Buddie]

Does a 5 mg of Valium destroy my w/d ? I am benzo free since 1 of October 2017. I am going to a funeral and I have a hard w/d.
Is zoplicone as bad as benzo? I need to sleep the night before the funeral.
If i take one of them will I be back to zero and has to do all crap again

Re: Advice of rescue pill do or dont.
« Reply #1 on: December 27, 2017, 12:51:08 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 27, 2017, 10:16:54 am
Does a 5 mg of Valium destroy my w/d ? I am benzo free since 1 of October 2017. I am going to a funeral and I have a hard w/d.
Is zoplicone as bad as benzo? I need to sleep the night before the funeral.
If i take one of them will I be back to zero and has to do all crap again

Please don’t reinstate. You have three months of very hard work – the worst period –
behind you now. Taking any risk with that is definitely not something to take lightly and it is most certainly not in your best interests.

You do not have to go to any event, funeral or otherwise; put your recovery first. Not only are you ‘entitled’ to put yourself first, it is imperative that you do so, for your own benefit and the benefit of others who are dear to you.

In time, there will be plenty of opportunity to ‘make up for’ your absences and inabilities of this current period, when your mind is clear, your abilities and capabilites have returned and external activities have become an easy, ordinary thing to do, once again.

I had to miss my son’s wedding for similar reasons and (at the time) suffer the ignominy of my own embarrassment which resulted from that, along with those ‘confirming’ feelings of utter helplessness that also arose from it. (That’s not to mention my second-guessing the uninformed assessments of others and “what they must have thought of me”…) However, my abilities and circumstances now are very different and I am the living proof to others, to myself and now, hopefully, you, that very careful management of your condition has to be your first priority and that no one else can do it for you.

Re: Advice of rescue pill do or dont.
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2017, 01:17:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 27, 2017, 12:51:08 pm
Quote from: [Buddie] on December 27, 2017, 10:16:54 am
Does a 5 mg of Valium destroy my w/d ? I am benzo free since 1 of October 2017. I am going to a funeral and I have a hard w/d.
Is zoplicone as bad as benzo? I need to sleep the night before the funeral.
If i take one of them will I be back to zero and has to do all crap again

Please don’t reinstate. You have three months of very hard work – the worst period –
behind you now. Taking any risk with that is definitely not something to take lightly and it is most certainly not in your best interests.

You do not have to go to any event, funeral or otherwise; put your recovery first. Not only are you ‘entitled’ to put yourself first, it is imperative that you do so, for your own benefit and the benefit of others who are dear to you.

In time, there will be plenty of opportunity to ‘make up for’ your absences and inabilities of this current period, when your mind is clear, your abilities and capabilites have returned and external activities have become an easy, ordinary thing to do, once again.

I had to miss my son’s wedding for similar reasons and (at the time) suffer the ignominy of my own embarrassment which resulted from that, along with those ‘confirming’ feelings of utter helplessness that also arose from it. (That’s not to mention my second-guessing the uninformed assessments of others and “what they must have thought of me”…) However, my abilities and circumstances now are very different and I am the living proof to others, to myself and now, hopefully, you, that very careful management of your condition has to be your first priority and that no one else can do it for you.


Yes, you are so right.. It is my grand mothers funeral. It makes me so sad. Feels like I am in a mental prision.
I was taking a glass of Baileys last weekend and I start to feel anxiety after that….So no more alcihol

Parents send ‘gentle giant’ to funny house after threats and violence

Son in hospital
« on: December 18, 2017, 06:42:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone here been hospitalized when in full psychosis, and the docs don’t believe you were in w/d and gave you anti-psychotics? That’s what has happened to my son this past few days, due to an episode at our home that involved physical violence, and threats. He’s a really big guy and we had no choice but to call for help.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2017, 06:50:41 pm »

[Buddie]

I truly believed this happened to me 3 weeks ago. I first had a panic attack then started rambling then had an episode of full rage. I was shaking back and forth and had no idea what I was saying or doing.. Wow did it scare me and my parents. I had no control over my actions or thoughts and I don’t remember much of what I did. I finally calmed down but they were also going to call for help. My uncle convinced them they they were only going to give me benzo-like medications to calm me down so they decided not to.

I’m so sorry for your son, I truly hope he gets better. I haven’t had an episode since but my god did it scare us. My mom cried for days afterwards.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2017, 06:52:00 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on December 18, 2017, 06:42:17 pm
Anyone here been hospitalized when in full psychosis, and the docs don’t believe you were in w/d and gave you anti-psychotics? That’s what has happened to my son this past few days, due to an episode at our home that involved physical violence, and threats. He’s a really big guy and we had no choice but to call for help.

Awful sorry to read this, […]. 

No, I don’t have any experience of what you have described, but i can well believe it, given the current state of “knowledge” among the medics. What happened to the doc you found who had some understanding of benzo WD?!

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2017, 09:22:26 pm »

[Buddie]

[…]—–I talked about this on another thread I started (sigh, I’ve got to stop that) but the trouble is, that doc who ‘believes’ we use basically for our family doc although he is an internist, and he has referred son to the psychiatrist and others. So he no longer takes care of son’s psych meds. He hates to refer and then “take back” treatment of a patient while he is still seeing the ref. doc, as it is considered sort of ‘bad form” in the doc world, sort of unethical. He has been wonderful tho, about giving us phone advice and helping us through some of this. My hubby has a call into him right now, he should respond by after office hours. Just to pick his brain about how much damage (or good maybe?) these antipsychotics will do his withdrawal process.

[…]—He is listed at the hospital as “allergic to benzos” so that helps. But otherwise, yes, your uncle is right, they might have done so with you. If you were as big as my son (BIG guy) they might have had to take you somewhere, we are just worried that if this happens again, he could end up in jail or worse. This is not the first time he has been talking out of his head or had auditory hallucinations, but this is the first time our ‘gentle giant’ has ever behaved this way. And you’re right, it is so heartbreaking. We are looking for longer term care (which he is against, of course), for his own safety and ours too. Unfortunately. I’m glad you were able to stay home. I’m going to cry like your mom if we have to find a facility for him…for now.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2017, 09:40:48 pm »

[Buddie]

I caught that on the other thread, thanks.

Hugs :smitten:

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2017, 09:59:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Nope but I took anti-psychotics for like a year after I had some terrible hallucinations and other strange things when I tried to take prosac. They might not believe you, but taking anti-psychotics for a bit isn’t the end of the world. I hope it helps.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2017, 10:05:08 pm »

[Buddie]

Nothing like a chemical straight jacket to kill the buzz.
If someone is in extreme mental distress and begging for benzos, It is cruel to disregard them. Anti-psychotics are very disabling drugs, and should not be used on people who are not delusional.
If anti-psychotics are the answer to the problem. It should resolve in a few days.
If not, it is more difficult and you should have your son’s back.

Re: Son in hospital
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2017, 12:54:56 pm »

[Buddie]

After I crossed over to Librium from Klonopin things became manic for me. On top of that I recently quit Suboxone at the time and started taking kratom daily. At the time, I was taking phenibut as well and switched to baclofen. The day I switched to baclofen, literally day 1 on baclofen….I went to an intensive outpatient group meeting. I was acting weird the entire time. I realized that I forgot to take a baclofen pill on the way to the meeting. I expressed my concern with my dad but he said I would be okay on drive over there. I was pretty much okay I think but I said something that set alarm bells off. I said I wanted to punch my dad over an argument we had and that sometimes I wish he was dead. I kind of yelled it too and was really amped up when I said it. They called the police and they took me to a hospital. Then they sent me to a psychiatric hospital for violent individuals. They would not listen to me. They didn’t care about my withdrawal symptoms. Once you start acting crazy and making threats in a public place it is over. I didn’t hurt anyone either.

They didn’t force me to take antipsychotics but when I was at the hospital they constantly threatened to give me a shot of Haldol and Ativan mixed together. I got injected with it the first day I was there. It was an extremely painful shot. Not a place you want to go. I’m sorry about your son.

Benzo Buddies advice for members paralyzed by taper: “move your bed to stare at different wall”

Move your bed
« on: December 12, 2017, 03:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

I wanted to post this a couple of weeks ago but I forgot. No surprise. About 3 weeks ago I was bed ridden for a brief time, again and I moved my bed so I could stare at a different wall. That turned into rearranging my whole bed room, then to cleaning up and uncluttering my home. It’s like it used to be and I was just lying here looking at my room and thinking how lucky I am to have this beautiful home. The home I ignored for 5 years because I was sedated for so long I just want to encourage those who might be in that darkest place of withdrawal. You will return, You will be the same, You will have a life again and be happy to be in the here and now with the people and the things you loved before benzos.

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 09:19:49 am »

[Buddie]

Small things that matter. Thanks […]. 🙂

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2017, 07:08:54 am »

[Buddie]

Thanks for this. Encouraging words.. 

Benzo Buddies members can’t stop crying after torture of years-long tapers

Cannot Stop Crying......
« on: December 09, 2017, 08:58:05 pm »

[Buddie]

From the relentless nonstop torture utter despair and sorrow this has all caused me
The sorrow is so deep
Please make it stop

Re: Cannot Stop Crying......
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2017, 10:09:37 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve so been there. Sending hugs.

Re: Cannot Stop Crying......
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2017, 10:15:07 pm »

[Buddie]

Me too….. incredibly hard at times. ….and to make things worse my boyfriend basically gets upset with me and tells me to “get myeflf under control”. 🙁 Sending you comforting hugs.