Unsupervised benzo tapers putting lives at risk

please help me
« on: July 11, 2018, 04:21:25 am »

[Buddie]

ambulance just left my house. was talking to my husband. i felt very dizzy. started to vomit and some stomach cramps. my legs shaking uncontrollably. felt like i was gonna pass out. then the chest pain and arm pain. called 911. ambulance came. ekg ok. blood pressure good. heart rate ok. they told me i was just anxious. didnt recommend i go to er. i literally felt like i was going to die right then and there. i have never felt anything so scary. i am still nauseous and my left arm hurts. about 50 days into my slow klonopin withdrawal. bam! out of nowhere this came. i was decent up until tonight. anyone can reassure? anyone have a nightmarish thing like this? i was feeling like i had to say goodbye to my kids for good. does this mean i should go back up and drop the wean. i cannot go through this every night

People who joined Benzo Buddies not healed seven years later

Difficult topic - potential for trigger
« on: June 05, 2018, 05:36:07 pm »

[Buddie]

Why are there people still not healed 3,4,5,6,7+ years out? Is there a common theme to this?

I just don’t understand it when the “stats” show that everyone heals between 2-3 years at the latest from the studies that were done. More than that, how do these people who haven’t “healed” this far out manage to live? Are they now working or is someone supporting them financially? I just don’t get how people can simply exist with an illness like this without going completely nuts. Maybe I’m just a lightweight because I am just (and I mean just) getting through each day now at 19/20 months.

Re: Difficult topic - potential for trigger
« Reply #1 on: June 05, 2018, 09:14:02 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 05, 2018, 05:36:07 pm
Why are there people still not healed 3,4,5,6,7+ years out? Is there a common theme to this?

I just don’t understand it when the “stats” show that everyone heals between 2-3 years at the latest from the studies that were done. More than that, how do these people who haven’t “healed” this far out manage to live? Are they now working or is someone supporting them financially? I just don’t get how people can simply exist with an illness like this without going completely nuts. Maybe I’m just a lightweight because I am just (and I mean just) getting through each day now at 19/20 months.

Hello […], I think there are many reasons why some of us are taking many years to recover. i am obviously one of them. It may be genetics, underlying health conditions, many complicating factors, sometimes it is very difficult to know. I am lucky, I am 63 and retired, I have a pension and I am okay financially. Not everyone is so fortunate. I am sure you are not a lightweight. For me, I got through it hour by hour, suffering was intolerable, but nevertheless, I got through it. I have very supportive friends but not much in the way of family support. BenzoBuddies was my lifeline for a very very long time. I used many different strategies to distract … as best as I could. But basically I existed ..

None of the stats we have are robust but I think we generally accept that most people will recover in a couple of years and a minority will take longer and a small minority will take even longer. It is important to remember that even when we take quite a number of years to recover we generally improve as I have done so although the first few years were hellish, that does not mean the next few years will also be hellish. I am still not recovered but I am not suffering .. that is all over. I am no longer existing but I am not living either .. but I can cope perfectly well now. Of course I would much rather be living a normal life.

So as much as you are suffering right now, it will get easier. It is extremely unusual for that not to happen. I only know a handful who seem to be getting worse and I have been around for a long time and that may be due to other health issues, I don’t know.

I have never been particularly well so I have had a whole lifetime of coping with illness and disability and that has probably helped me to cope, others will not have that experience to draw on if they have been used to good health.
« Last Edit: June 05, 2018, 09:20:08 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Difficult topic - potential for trigger
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2018, 10:17:11 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 05, 2018, 05:36:07 pm
Why are there people still not healed 3,4,5,6,7+ years out? Is there a common theme to this?

I just don’t understand it when the “stats” show that everyone heals between 2-3 years at the latest from the studies that were done.

I am not aware of any study that says that everyone heals within 2-3 years. MOST people certainly heal within that timeframe, but it Ashton herself is pretty clear that this isn’t the case for everyone.

Quote
More than that, how do these people who haven’t “healed” this far out manage to live? Are they now working or is someone supporting them financially?

I am 7 1/2 years off and have seen significant improvement in some symptoms, others not so much so. I was able to start a business when I was about 3 years off and I have recently moved back out on my own again. Every day is still a challenge but somehow I manage to hold it all together.

Quote
I just don’t get how people can simply exist with an illness like this without going completely nuts. Maybe I’m just a lightweight because I am just (and I mean just) getting through each day now at 19/20 months.

You aren’t a lightweight, you are just projecting. MOst people feel better and become more functional with time, so you will probably be better off in a few years.

“Benzo Buddies ruined my life”

How benzobuddies ruined my life, long proctated withdrawal 4 years off
« on: June 01, 2018, 06:12:39 pm »

[Buddie]

my last name here was pil54, in 2014 here i Registered after a fast taper of 7mg prazepam, i was just reinstated 4,5mg and it wasnt enought to stabilized me, i should have gone back to 7mg at least or even more for it to be effective, and restart a slow taper.

Back of that i was first on 20mg, i discovered the Ashton manual and was doing it even slower, reducing 5% every 2 weeks with barely no symptoms at all, all was very manageable, working full time job through it. For one year i tapered from 20mg to 7mg very easily, it wasnt the hell people describe here to taper at all, everyone here who describe hell tapering psych meds is just going too fast . Until i stupidly lost patience andtryed to accelerate and it went hell and i ended cold turkey 7mg

I can remember moderators here telling me ” You are paradoxical you just need to quit and let your brain heal, Accute only last 3 month then it will get better, everyone heal”, That sentence EVERYONE HEAL, you will read it all day by every people here, those all unknow people behind their screen can litteraly destroy all your life if you listen them advices.

Its what i did, and thats what they did, they ruined my whole life, I tapered those last 4,5mg in 3 month, reducing 0,5or 0,25mg every 8 days, and i went severly ill because i wasnt stable at all before tapering, they told me ” dont care accute last 3 month “

Am still in accute 4 yeas later, next month i will be 4 years off every benzo or psych meds, and i never recovered from the symptoms of my fast taper here in 2014,

I still have akathisia, i wake up Everyday in terror with electricity in my whole body, with surge of feeling loosing my mind like i have mania, severe insomnia, depersonnalization that never went away 4 years laters, during those years i developped pots syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome from the daily severe terror my body was experiencing.

They told me ” its normal if withdrawal for years, and i Believe them, i thought it was normal, IT WAS NOT, IT WAS ABSOLUTLY NOT.

Am now living with the crazy idea on my shoulder that i was better 4 years ago while i was doing my slow micro taper, than now 4 years off after my last dose after my failed tapers.

And it’s been the same for my old friends here who Registered in the same generation of me, Hurtbrain, Crazypants, benzommama, rackshka, all those people who tapered wrong and been told they would heal, they are now 4-5-6 years later never healed because of listening people here on that same forum.

That message is to warm the newbies here and all the people suffering to realy inform you before you do a fast taper and listen people here telling you that whatever the way you tapered you will heal, it’s false, its the worse shit every spammed here but its not reality,

Jennyfer Leigh, baylissa,ian singleton, una corbet, They all lie, they all say what you want to hear just to reassurance, but they have no idea how long a brain damage from a rapid taper can take to recover, for years they lied to me saying i would heal if i avoid alcohol and psych meds, I DID, and i never healed 4 years later.

My life is a living hell now because i regret Everyday the mistake i did to listen unknow people advice behind a screen, even my doctor told me to reinstate to my last dosage if i felt sick and retaper slower, it would have been the think to do, instead i trusted that forum

Please inform yourself, the best safe way to escape benzo hell is a micro taper of 5% every 2 weeks of your dosage

Benzo Buddies alcohol experiment

5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« on: April 28, 2018, 01:20:38 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 5 months off of 1mg Klonopin after 6 years of daily, as-prescribed use. It should be noted that I wasn’t well-educated about benzo withdrawal until after I jumped, so my taper was pretty fast in retrospect (0.25mg cuts every 1-2 months).

Aside from anxiety/anger, muscle tension and episodic bouts of lethargy, I’ve been in a pretty good place since the start of month 4.

I know it’s frowned upon, but I’ve been having ONE beer every two months or so to see how I react. In my mind, this is the way to tell if/when I’ve completely healed (when I no longer experience negative effects from a single drink). I’ve never been big on alcohol, so I’m not worried about trading one dependence for another or anything like that.

Anyway… Here’s my latest report.

4/27/18
16oz Coors Light at dinner
(I drank it pretty quick and didn’t nurse it)

Tinnitus (only lasted about an hour) 1/10
Muscle tension 6/10 (worse when asleep)
Sleep sweats 3/10 (not as bad as previous times)
Flatulence 5/10 (still not as bad as previous times)
Neuro weirdness (Eyes darting around/coordination issues/brain zaps 5/10 (not as bad as previous times)
Anxiety 3/10 (mindfulness that this will pass and is par for the course helps- no outright panic)
Overall lethargy 5/10

I’d like to point out that the weird “burning” sensation in my legs has completely gone away after having a drink, so that’s exciting.

I definitely feel “hungover,” but nothing crazy. I do know that sometimes a few of the effects lag and don’t show until a solid 24 hours later, so we’ll see what tonight brings, I suppose.

Does anyone else occasionally try this method? At first I was strictly no alcohol at all, but… I’m angry. I’m done. I want normalcy returned to my life. And dammit, I will get there. :P

***I don’t recommend this method to anyone. This is my own experiment but surely I can’t be the only one.***

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2018, 01:35:26 pm »

[Buddie]

5 months off and feeling pretty good, you are lucky!!!

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2018, 02:03:42 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on April 28, 2018, 01:35:26 pm
5 months off and feeling pretty good, you are lucky!!!

Thanks! Yeah, I really am. Especially considering I tried CTing about 3 years back. I only lasted maybe 3-4 days before reinstating at full dose because I turned into a monster. It was bad. I have tremendous support from my husband and friends, which has been so helpful.

I try to keep a positive outlook, because I refuse to be beaten by this.

Swift healing to you!

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2018, 08:37:38 am »

[Buddie]

let us know how it goes, I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine since new years. But I had a glass each time over 4 5 hours haha still too scared to drink how I used to. I’m sure we’ll get there we just need time unfortunately.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2018, 04:42:38 pm »

[Buddie]

Alcohol is called liquid Benzo in this trip. Chose for yourself. You’ll heal faster without it.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2018, 06:41:33 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on April 29, 2018, 04:42:38 pm
Alcohol is called liquid Benzo in this trip. Chose for yourself. You’ll heal faster without it.

Some truth to this, although I’ve never heard it called liquid benzo. They both affect the same receptors (GABAa), which may be why the burning went away after a drink.

Even at six years off I rarely drink, but when I do I limit it to 1/2 glass of wine as alcohol has led to borderline panic a few hours later, and I am normally never panicky.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2018, 06:49:27 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve never been a big drinker and I didn’t have an alcoholic drink until I was sure I was healed. I didn’t want to do anything to derail the slow progress I had towards recovery. Once healed I’ve been able to enjoy a glass of wine or a margarita on occasion. I don’t feel any negative effects from the drink. I am a one and done kind of person, no refills for me.

[…]

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2018, 10:10:25 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m personally too scared to go near alcohol, I’ve heard too many horror stories of it ramping up people’s symptoms and I feel bad enough as it is. I would be careful with your experiment, tolerating alcohol is not the best litmus test for healing. If you have a bad reaction I would wait a good while to test the waters again.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2018, 10:12:53 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote
Once healed I’ve been able to enjoy a glass of wine or a margarita on occasion

Me, too. I have a (small) glass of wine maybe twice a week with dinner. No problems.

Re: 5 months. Alcohol experiment.
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2018, 12:42:39 pm »

[Buddie]

I am scared to even use rubbing alcohol on my skin.

Kooks add frequent urination to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Frequent urination
« on: March 16, 2018, 03:36:45 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi

On this past Sunday I dropped my klonopin from .25 mg to .125 mg and four days later ( Tuesday) I started having to go to the bathroom like four or five times an hour. If I drink water I have to pee minutes later and it’s usually only a little bit. Is this from the withdrawal? I am worried because I also have a herniated disc which can cause bladder problems but I went and had an MRI and they said it wasn’t the disc. So now I’m wondering if it’s a withdrawal symptom.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks

Re: Frequent urination
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2018, 04:02:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on March 16, 2018, 03:36:45 pm
Hi

On this past Sunday I dropped my klonopin from .25 mg to .125 mg and four days later ( Tuesday) I started having to go to the bathroom like four or five times an hour. If I drink water I have to pee minutes later and it’s usually only a little bit. Is this from the withdrawal? I am worried because I also have a herniated disc which can cause bladder problems but I went and had an MRI and they said it wasn’t the disc. So now I’m wondering if it’s a withdrawal symptom.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks
Yes. It’s fairly common in withdrawal as the adrenal system is impacted. The hormone aldosterone is secreted by the adrenals and helps retain sodium and prevent excessive urination. I went through this and had to take desmopressin to control it. It will improve as adrenal function normalizes.  :)–V

Shocking story of woman who spent 50 years on benzos

After 50 years (yes, really, 50 years) I am benzo free x 2 months
« on: March 02, 2018, 03:07:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Greetings everyone,

I’m posting this to give others hope. One of the things I needed most during my interminably l-o-n-g taper, was HOPE. I’m in a category of VERY long time benzo users who started taking the various benzo meds as a child for seizure disorder and I was “cold turkeyed” numerous times without anyone seeming to know what was going on with withdrawal symptoms so when symptoms from withdrawal got bad, they would simply put me back on the benzos — often at an even higher dose. There just is no data or comparison available for someone in my situation so neither I, nor my docs, nor even my pharmacology specialist, has had any idea of what to expect. I realize I am very early days yet and I keep wondering if symptoms are going to come crashing down on me, but after the first two months completely off, things are starting to feel better. I definitely have symptoms and I am concerned, at my old age and with my long term use, about permanent neurological damage, but I am managing day to day and starting to feel better.

I did a long, slow taper starting with the Ashton protocol for a cross over from Lorazepam to Diazepam, then went to liquid micro-tapering for about a year and a half, then ended the last 2 mg of Valium with dry tapering the pills by cutting them into small pieces and and taking rather long holds between the cuts. During the taper I was able to work part-time, travel overseas, move households to another state, travel frequently to another state to help care for my elderly parents, organize a wedding for my daughter and managed to usually be a semi-functioning human being, although there were days, weeks and sometimes months when I was tremoring, in a brain fog, unable to sleep, felt like my head would explode, wearing dark glasses all day, walking with a cane and lying around the house with all the curtains closed fearing it would never end. I will post some of my symptoms, my coping mechanisms and my experiences in the board for those who have been “off benzos for two months or more” in case there is anything others might find helpful.

I was extremely fortunate to have excellent Medical, pharmacological and emotional support along with a stable income from a gainfully employed and incredibly supportive husband. AND, very critical, I had the same Medical Insurance as US senators, Congressmen and Federal Employees have access to. Everyone derseves the kind of help and support I have had and I cannot overemphasize the role that support has played in my being able to do this. I was also fortunate to have received plenty of help and support early on in my taper from all you wonderful folks here on BB. Without your knowledge, experience and encouragement, I wouldn’t have been able to tell my doctors what I needed to do to get better. For this, I am eternally, and deeply from the heart, grateful!

I had doctors, friends and family members tell me tapering off at my age was; “a huge mistake”, “not worth it” and “against medical advice”, and I have no idea what is in store for me long term, but I can honestly say again, with gratitude, excitement and hope, thanks to all the wonderful support, I DID IT AND I FEEL BETTER!!!

Don’t lose hope!

Best to everyone,

Mo
« Last Edit: March 02, 2018, 03:31:25 pm by [Buddie] »

THIS TAPER FAILED

Considering Reinstatement
« on: January 24, 2018, 04:11:57 am »

[Buddie]

I’m considering going back on the diazepam because my sx’s are too unbearable. I’ve been stuck in bed for 2 1/2 weeks now and can barely take care of myself. I keep having severe intense panic attacks, my body hurts so bad all over, and have intense feeling of terror all the time. I no longer feel in control of my body and it is frightening. I also have been experiencing bouts of akathisia.

This all started 4 years ago when I tried to taper off of paroxetine. The severe insomnia is what got me started on diazepam to begin with. I reinstated half my paroxetine dose but I never really stabilized and the diazepam seemed to take the edge off. I’m starting to think maybe the paroxetine is causing the terrible panic attacks and terror now and I need to try to slowly taper off of it first.

I don’t really know if this is a good decision or not but I’m at my wit’s end. 4 long years of no life and living in terror now is horrendous! Any thoughts on this?

Re: Considering Reinstatement
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2018, 04:26:26 am »

[Buddie]

explore your options before you reinstate. if you reinstate the pain and suffering will continue forever, it will never end.

i felt like you once did, but i am 18 (or so?) months out now and i feel much better and i feel free and happiness and freedom are right around the corner.

Re: Considering Reinstatement
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2018, 07:28:20 am »

[Buddie]

hi, paxil did this to me. doctors think theres no withdrawals from ssri and stuff but this is not true. paxil has lots of akathisia and nasty symptoms. just same intense as benzos

Cult micro-taper pushes addict to edge pf sanity

Feel crazy
« on: December 09, 2017, 06:23:32 pm »

[Buddie]

That is it. I feel confused and loopy. Dumbfounded and cloudy. Like I might be on the verge of going insane. Are these normal mental symptoms?