Re: Menstrual Support Group
« Reply #569 on: December 19, 2014, 07:01:41 pm »


Hey ladies,

Just got my hormone results back. And apparently my testosterone is elevated. The doc is perplexed because I don’t show any of the classic high testosterone markers (large clitoris, a beard, deep voice). Anyway, now I am off to the endocrinological obgyn specialist in a couple of weeks.

Do you have any insight ladies?



Former Benzo Buddies member indicts cult for fomenting suicides

Pamster (former Benzo Buddies Adminstrator, fled after her role in suicides was exposed – Editor),

This is mavila1331 and I am one of the many many people who shared info with Mike59, and I am very glad for my role.

Why, because your site was dangerous.

We can look briefly at my situation.

In my situation, I went through an inpatient rapid Xanax detox and put on much safer Klonopin.

I then needed to of seen an outpatient doctor who would of raised the Klonopin to a level where I could function and THEN SLOWLY TAPERED OVER TIME from that benzo.

This would have allowed me to work and to be with my family.

Instead I stayed with you guys and suffered horrible benzo tolerance withdrawal. My spouse had to do EVERYTHING for me… I could not even BATHE, much less be a wife.

Eventually he went away to someone who was there for him. My daughter who is bipolar became suicidal and remains on a precarious path (do you see the RIPPLE EFFECT PAM! ).

Now a few words regarding other members:

I have been appalled at the suicidal feelings expressed by members and of how they are told to “hang in there” its just those pesky benzos.

Oops you killed yourself? Oh well, hide it from other members or downplay it so others won’t realize that maybe Benzo Buddies is WRONG, regarding the pesky benzo depression.

I have never forgiven any of you for Darrin’s suicide or for any suicide influenced by your site.

Your site supported people getting off all their psych medication, with you CHEERING all along. Did you know anything about these people’s mental history that made it okay for them to stop all psych drugs, even ones that treat for psychosis???

I was appalled at all the times people expressing suicidal tendencies were told it was “BENZO RELATED AND WOULD PASS” no worries… we will see you through it.

I was horrified at how members were SUPPORTED when they shared their fear of telling their doctor about the desire to die because they may go inpatient and be put on “drugs”.

Every time I tried to ADVOCATE FOR THEIR SAFETY, YOU, PAM, would move my posts, or tell me how I had an agenda and to stop posting the same advice for everyone on the “Depression” section, or one of your goonies would then post discrediting what I had said.

Maybe you should educate yourself and read about mental illness. I have lived with someone with depression who killed himself-my father.

When I shared this, it was always ignored since it went against the “all psych drugs” are bad motto and
I kept TRYING TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT SUICIDE IS REAL!!!!! I kept using my father as an example of someone who DID NOT TAKE HIS MEDS and that we can’t judge the severity of other member’s depression and tell them it will pass..

You, Pam and your group kept burying the post and supporting your GET OFF ALL DRUGS.

It is sad because Benzo Buddies was suppose to be about getting off benzo’s and then you allowed it to become a life sucking monster… pushing people to drop ALL their psych medication.

You caused people with mental illness to suffer needlessly. I hope I can someday forgive you for Darrin’s suicide and I hope someday his family can forgive you for literally killing Darrin last Christmas!!!!

Merry Christmas Pam!


Former Benzo Buddies member tells his story

Cult scare stories about withdrawal traumatize people

Doctor: Benzo Buddies-style forums cause Internet PTSD

My story is that I’ve taken clonazepam when needed for several years, I’d be on it for a few months, maybe for several, and then I’d stop it when my anxiety got better, and generally didn’t have any issues. I’d taken it in high doses a few times – once before my very first plane flight I took enough that I have no memories of the flight whatsoever, going on into the next day. I’d probably have a bit of rebound anxiety or some depression after coming off, maybe some rebound insomnia, but that’s it.

I was put back on it in July of 2013 because my anxiety had resurfaced and I knew it worked. I did make the mistake over that time of taking it also to help me sleep – I did develop some tolerance to that, so I ended up having my dose escalate, which the nurse practitioner (rightly or wrongly – she did prescribe it, but I happily took it) did allow. After a year and a few months on it, recently I was going to just let my prescription run out. My doctor was no longer covered by insurance and I’d moved farther away, so I decided I’d just quit. That’s a bad idea, I know. After a little over a week, my anxiety rebounded pretty badly. However, I was functional until I went online to look up withdrawals and what the best course of action would be – and found BB. The next day, I was in the hospital with an incredible panic attack. A shot of Ativan stabilized me within an hour. I was reinstated back on clonazepam – at a much, much lower dose than I had been taken – and though BB told me that was a bad idea, I should have just powered through it, no ER, no doctors, etc. – I became stable. But I still was freaked out about quitting the meds, so I decided to try to do a taper. I could find NO doctor who would go along with the switch to Valium. So I decided to just try to make my own taper schedule – using the Internet to help, which seems like most of it is dominated by BB and their ilk – and I kept ending up failing to take my dose down too much. I finally went back to the doctor who gave it to me to begin with as he, I later discovered, had done a video on benzo withdrawal. So I made the trek and paid the out of pocket fee and saw him.

His medical advice was that I basically had to stick with the clonazepam for a few more months as I am in no state to taper at the moment. In his opinion – and I am absolutely listening to my doctor’s opinion – I had become traumatized by this experience, and by reading the stuff online. I asked him should I switch to Valium, and his response was literally that it would be a nightmare to do that. He claimed it would be much worse to try to switch and then taper off of that – echoing what Mike59 has said that doing so “kills” the patient – and that clonazepam is the benzo that he switches people to when they’re presenting to taper from Xanax or Ativan etc. But because of my experience with the online forums, I now have to continue on the meds – which, absolutely, positively, have made it possible for me to deal with my anxiety attacks and panic disorder, beginning 8 years ago when I was first given it for an anxiety attack that lasted literally two whole weeks and made me unable to function (I hadn’t slept without waking up from panic for two weeks; the night I was given a Klonopin, I slept and had no anxiety – it saved my job, it probably saved my life). I have to take the clonazepam for, he advised, a couple of months before he wants to work out a taper plan with me, because of the “Internet PTSD” of those forums. It’s funny, in the past I’d take these meds and when I felt I no longer needed them, or other circumstances arose, I could stop. Now, my anxiety is so centered on withdrawal that my meds – the meds that have helped me – have BECOME my anxiety, and that was NEVER the case before I took them. I even thought at one point that hell, if I have to take my .5 or 1mg of clonazepam for the rest of my life, so bed it if I can function. I’ve been more creative on it, I’ve been happier, I’ve absolutely enjoyed times in my life that I Know my anxiety would have made it impossible for me to enjoy. And I have had anxiety issues since childhood – I could tell insane stories about my untreated anxiety.

It’s ironic to me that the site actually put me back on the meds, and that the doctor told me that I basically had “Internet PTSD” as a result, and was so traumatized that there was no way I was in any shape to taper off of the meds at the moment (though he did offer to work up a plan with me now; he just didn’t think it was a good idea). I now actually need some time to distance myself from the things I learned from that site and what it caused me. I also find it amusing that he thinks that switching to Valium would make me worse. This doesn’t seem to be something accepted among psychopharmocology professionals, even though it is pushed on these forums. Reading online – such as reviews at drugs.com – the reviews of this drug are over 9 out of 10. I’ve searched local bookstores for books on benzo withdrawal, and there are NONE. (Amazon does not count; I can get a book on bestiality there if I wanted.) The only things I see in the books about medications are that benzos are relatively safe etc. Hell, one book called it literally the closest thing in the medical world to a “wonder drug” when it comes to what it is on-label to treat (anxiety/panic), and the concerns are motor control, etc. which wears off over time in most people. Why do Google searches bring up only these horror stories that use Ashton to back them up? It seems the Internet is dominated by this. I actually have to have my fiancee make sure I am not on these websites, because I am obsessive and certainly can suffer from cyberchondria and after that experience, it’s so easy to end up on those sites. But as you pointed out, tens upon tens of millions of people are prescribed these drugs, and as my doctor (and many, many others) pointed out, people with severe anxiety and panic are often on these for decades. My doctor said I could be on this indefinitely should I desire. “It’s keeping you from having panic, you can function, you’re going to therapy now – why would you stop?” Because, well, I don’t like being dependent on something, but also, I went on Benzo Buddies. How did this come to dominate the Internet info on benzos? What is up with the switching to Valium? My doctor – and you – said this often CREATES issues! I wish I’d never found that site, or Matt Samet’s for that matter (and no one points out that many people are on multiple, multiple drugs, but only blame the one for their issues – I do not understand that one either). I’m glad for what you’re doing here.

Poll: Who first prescribed a benzodiazepine for you?



9 years off drugs and unable to walk unaided?

Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« on: August 28, 2014, 03:42:26 am »


I healed after 4 years off xanax, was doing really well for 5 years. Had some stress, over exercised, over dieted, supplements. Am 2 months into a setback.

Anyone else heal from a setback? Please only positive stories as I’m feeling very fragile. The symptoms feel almost as bad as the beginning of withdrawal. The only difference is I’m having windows and waves almost daily, healing a lot quicker this time around.

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2014, 05:17:59 am »


can you describe your symptoms? i think it’s a good thing that you’re having windows and waves every day. means that you’re cycling through the symptoms and they’re not just staying the same.

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2014, 05:31:48 am »


Hello! Thanks for your response!

My symptoms started with dizziness, went away for a couple of days, then flu like symptoms and then progressively went into full blown withdrawal symptoms.

  • burning feet
  • anxiety/adrenaline rushes
  • off balance
  • sensitive to heat
  • depression/fatigue
  • emotionally numb (sometimes)
Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2014, 05:35:16 am »


For the first month I went up and down like a yoyo! Cycled through windows and waves every day, second month still cycling every few days but less severe for the most part, with the exception of at the moment things feel pretty bad but then ease up. Am having hours of feeling pretty normal (maybe 70 – 80%) but doesn’t last long, feel slightly better after every wave.

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2014, 11:02:57 am »


Could it have been any medication you were taking for something else? Dietary like caffiene, sugar or maybe alcohol that triggered it?

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2014, 12:32:59 pm »


I am only (ha!) 5 years into withdrawal but I have noticed that I always fall into a nasty setback (recurrence of old symptoms, overall increase in intensity, etc) before I get improvements in my baseline condition. I believe it’s a sign of healing. Even though you’ve been feeling better for so long, I think it takes many years for us to completely heal. There are still very subtle changes happening in our nervous systems even when we feel completely better. Your situation seems to be rather common, unfortunately. I spoke to Matt Sammet last year (author of ‘Death Grip’) and he was experiencing the exact same thing around 7 or 8 years off.

I think it’s highly probable that you’ll feel even better after this passes. Maybe there is some little physical or mental thing you don’t even associate with benzo withdrawal that will improve after this. Remind yourself that it will not last much longer and that it’s just a sign of further healing of your brain.

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2014, 01:51:34 pm »


I was at work and all of a sudden it was BANG! I had been on a vegan diet and over exercised and was slowly going down hill.

And as for more healing this far out, I agree, I was thinking that last week when I was having fits of emotional outbursts, it’s like I have been slightly numb all these years off, not enough to bother me, as I was doing so well.

How is Matt Samet going? Read his setback story from last year but he seems to have disappeared? Would love a follow up or if anyone knows how he is?

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2014, 02:27:29 pm »


I have been in touch with Matt Samet via email a few times and just recently. He’s still struggling but seeing slow improvement. He’s able to get out for walks, etc again. He’s expecting a 2nd child in October and that is keeping him busy.

Hope you feel better soon!

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2014, 04:59:06 pm »


Thank you, I hope Matt us a lot better than he was when he wrote the Setback article, makes me scared, I am able to power walk a couple of times a day for an hour each which is good, it’s the anxiety and depression that get me, that are slowly improving though. Having waves and small windows all the time is quite strange as it’s hard to plan anything (I can’t work anyway) I could be up down or sideways at any given point!

I hope frequent waves means a more rapid recovery

Re: Anyone have advice for setback after 9 years off?
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2014, 09:25:20 pm »


There is another buddie who had a setback after going vegan, I wonder if there is a connection. Glad you are feeling better already. That’s a good sign. It seems this will be short lived for you.

Cult members admit abusing drugs and alcohol but blame benzos, want doctors to suffer

Re: Just a question...
« Reply #5 on: September 20, 2014, 08:27:53 pm »


I was somewhat afraid of drugs until I was 17. Then I started my recreational drug use with cannabis that would eventually lead me to my current situation (just turned 20 and in benzo w/d); stimulants were my favourites but as time went on I developed a taste for benzos and opiates (even the big H, just once 4 months ago though; oxy was my d.o.c for a while). I’m not proud of taking any of them but as far as I’ve come I still wouldn’t take back the experience if I had the opportunity to.

Once I tasted one I had to try them all. Along with frequent alcohol use all I used to do before I quit benzos was take various drugs on a daily basis. Didn’t really look at it as a problem until it hospitalised me and I was never prescribed any benzos until then. Drugs counsilling starts next week  

Re: Just a question...
« Reply #6 on: September 21, 2014, 08:06:21 pm »


The thought of psychotropic drugs never cross my mind. After my mother passed away, I had a difficult time dealing with the loss, I miss her so much, I just thought I would have to deal with the sinking feeling in my stomach till it evenly stopped….but the boyfriend I had a the time and his neighbor who is a nurse thought I wasn’t getting over it as fast as THEY thought I should and convinced me to get “something” from my dr. The neighbor who is the nurse came over to my boyfriend’s house and gave me one of her Ativan’s and said, here, take this, it’s safe, get your dr. to give you this…..and like an idiot, I trusted them. So, I went to my dr. and he said, oh, yeah, it’s no different than taking a vitamin and gave me a prescription. WORST ADVICE EVER !!!!!! I get so angry at that, especially when I think about how my health and my life have been destroyed, and they’re just going on about their lives happy go=lucky……while I suffer in pain and misery every day. I find myself wishing for revenge, hoping that karma will bite them in the butt and hoping that they experience some kind life altering event that makes them suffer as much as I have. Needless to say that bf, is no longer a bf…..once I got sick b/c of the Ativan w/d, he had the nerve to tell me it was out of his way to come to my house….pretty rotten considering he and his neighbor pushed me in that direction in the first place.