Family member highlight’s cult threat on anniversary of sister’s death

Death lies on her, like an untimely frost
Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.
- Romeo and Juliet, Act IV, Scene 5, Line 28

April 15, 2014

I have not been on this site for some time and I just read the postings of two more suicide’s since my sweet sister’s suicide (waitingforrelief) and her story is spot on to jer16′s brother’s story. She was confined to bed for 5 months and stayed on the bb website nonstop. She was convinced that she may never “get better” and that she may have permanent brain damage due to irresponsible doctors prescribing her “brain-bashing” drugs. I had to go thru hell the moment I found her lifeless body laying in by bedroom closest. I have been so screwed in the head since but thru the grace of God I am getting better. Is there any way to sue the bb website for the loss of my sister? It was a senseless death and I tried to get thru to her as the entire family did but she was just too far gone. I miss her daily…she was so beautiful, smart and giving. Sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, jer16. I can so relate. Hang in there as the questions and pain will soften but it is a long road…I have some good books on how to deal with losing a loved one to suicide if you need any guidance. Just let me know.

waitingforrelief (Marcy Lillian) – March 29, 2013
Death by brainwashing

“I AM IN SHOCK!!!! Just read about Lilly….(waitingforelief)  I am shaking….Knew she was not getting any relief. My heart aches for her. She was in such emotional and physical pain. Prayed it would let up for her. She was smart, a teacher, kind, sweet….. just in shock right now.  Peace Lilly Peace to you….” – comment from a fellow member of Benzo Buddies

Benzo Buddies member waitingforrelief cried out for help. Those cries went unanswered. She leaves behind a husband, children and grandchildren. RIP waitingforrelief

Helping one another

Kooks forced to sleep naked due to benzo withdrawal induced hot flashes

Hot flashes?
« on: April 10, 2014, 11:03:05 am »


Just wondering if this happens to anyone else. Typically the waves I get at night that prevent sleep are accompanied by hot flashes of a sort (though not limited to upper body, more like an all over thing) — generally feeling totally overheated, the way I used to when I had a panic attack.

Does this happen to anyone else? Heart racing, on high alert, overheated, kinda wired…and then unable to sleep for a while?

Re: Hot flashes?
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2014, 09:10:38 pm »


Hi [...],

Hot flashes are very common in withdrawal, so are temperature issues.

I had them in the beginning. They’re gone now.

I sleep naked and use sheets and blankets instead of a doona (duvet) as these things can be real heat traps.


Former cult member spills beans on shocking abuse of mentally ill

A lot of people that are prescribed benzos ARE mentally ill and a lot of said mentally ill people ARE on Benzo Buddies.

When I found Benzo Buddies last year I was traumatized for a second time in my life.

This is such self-defeatist bullshit.

ANYONE who is in the vulnerable state of even mild acute benzo withdrawal (assuming they are part of the minority of people that actually have a really hard time with it) would be extra susceptible and sensitive to the power of suggestion to the degree in which being unfortunate enough to stumble across BenzoBuddies during such a time could mean SEVERE psychological damage.

I know because it happened to me. Had I not found that site and had the EVER LIVING NIPPLES scared off of me I do believe I would be OK right now. First I came off of opiates (prescribed) that I had been a “true addict” to… as in, physically dependent and using the painkillers daily to run from a hellish psychological nightmare… a bundle of awful automatic negative thinking and cognitive distortions that I created in my own mind after experiencing severe trauma for the first time in my life as well as panic attacks beginning at the 18th birthday party my friends in highschool were throwing me. There’s a point to my delving into this.

We all used recreational drugs in highschool… products of our environment I guess you could say (but not trying to avoid responsibility for my own actions.) and on that night I swallowed one to many of some sort of designer pills a friend had and everything went all messed up, impossible to verbalize because there is no reference point in our perceptions to place the change in psyche in contrast beside what it may have been earlier. Hard to detect a change but definitely something terrifying. This initial fear turned my ultra confident, truly happy self into a nervous wreck and I NEVER learned how to deal with it. After 5-6 months I realized that opiates were the only thing that made me not care about the looping anxious thoughts I was having which I now believe was a fear of feeling worry and fear themselves associating themselves with philosophical/existential questions that I believed to be the cause of my distress but it was all just a big cognitive distortion which was TRIGGERED by an initial OVERLOAD of fear and panic… like say the kind of fear and panic one might feel when they are tapering off a medication that their trusty doctor prescribed them… decide to look it up… and find fucking BenzoBuddies and the Ashton manual… supposedly a benzo professional that knows more than your doctor with thousands of people to back it all up… all using their own lingo… no longer associating with the rest of society but amongst themselves exclusively. How is the potentially (extra) neurotic & anxious person supposed to know that these thousands of people and this professional… the way it is being presented to them… it is simply the terrifying results of what a mass of people can do using fear and negative reinforcement to break people and reconstruct their minds in a manner in which will benefit THEM or their cause. (Hail fucking Xenu).

So basically… my underlying cause for medicating myself for 7 years of my life was the automatic negative thinking that occurred after a traumatic period in my life. What I was running from by using opiates was no more than an illusion created in my own pessimistic mind which was only pessimistic because of the initial negative event to begin with.

I think this is a great analogy for the poor souls at benzobuddies that weren’t lucky enough to realize that these sites are the results of a mass of people after being frightened and then manipulated by some VERY sick people. Look at this poster above.

“Don’t tell me it’s all in my head.”

I am not saying at all that the awful distress that benzobuddies members must endure… the suicidal, hopeless despair they feel as a result of having their worst fears confirmed… truly believing they will be crippled… unable to live their lives for YEARS and based on the word of THOUSANDS as well as a “professional when it comes to benzos” and a freaking book. Sorry, ADHD… I’m not saying that this awful distress is not real. But it’s BECAUSE of the attitude that corresponds with “Don’t tell me it’s all in my head.”

This is disgusting. It suggests that the human mind is powerless within the limitations of its own neurotransmitter systems. I’ve wondered a great deal about this chicken/egg ordeal here but I think it’s either both or neither. Either way… people have the ability to choose to fight against struggles in their lives regardless of their GABA, glutamate, dopamine, endorphin configurations. It’s this disgusting mentality corresponding with that quote that makes these… absolute victims feel like “No matter what I do I’m going to be sick.” “If I am depressed and do nothing but sit on benzobuddies all day it is not my fault. My doctor did this to me. All I can do is wait instead of… challenging the horrific hopeless negative thoughts that ALL manifested as a negative and exponentially, malignantly growing way of thinking that you could think of like a computer virus copying itself to the person’s entire psychological state of being.

Ugh. Sorry for the book. I know Mike59 and some others probably understand and agree with what I’m saying but it really bothers me that not a lot of others seem to be able to grasp what’s going on.

“It’s not my fault if I’m depressed and have become an invalid because benzobuddies says the doctors have carelessly poisoned me.”

“That’s a load of crap”

“No! You just don’t know professor ashton wrote about it in this… book and all of the benzobuddies and waves and windows and benzo belly and benzo brain… you know what I’m just going to go back to talking to benzobuddies… the only people who know what’s up”

How does anyone not see what is going on here?

Should anyone… TELL these people that anxiety and stress have 250+ physical and psychological symptoms alone? How about the anxiety of having someone tell you while in an anxious state that your life is essentially over… for 2-3 years if you’re lucky. The anxiety from that and the hopeless despair DEFINITELY are the cause of more symptoms than the benzowithdrawal itself. Statistically speaking, only about 18 people out of the entirety on that site should be experiencing ANY withdrawal.

LOOK HOW MUCH SUFFERING IS GOING ON FOR NOTHING and mike59 makes a site like this and it comes off as if his motives result from a personal vendetta so whether or not he is sincere in his mission to stop suffering in this enormous amount of people… it doesn’t matter because for the same reasons that people get sucked into the benzobuddies crap.. they get sucked into believing the critiquing of benzobuddies = hate which is just bullshit.

I have no ill intentions towards anyone on those sites unless they really are aware of the suffering they’re causing and not stopping it for the sake of supporting something like scientology… for the sake of being a part of something… whatever reason. Aside from that I wish every member on that site luck and athough I do agree that the site contains good information… why couldn’t the owners type up something like this post and put it in the user agreement to spare people the hellish nightmare of needlessly thinking their lives are over when their chances of experiencing withdrawal at ALL let alone needing to taper for years are less than 50%?

WHAT IS IT THAT IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND HERE? Just another example of humanity ostracizing the one person that isn’t part of the problem… of ludicrous misinformation in this case. Oh the rest of the world can’t comprehend what this post I wrote up in 15 mins means even if it could save lives. Benzobuddies that sounds like a nice name! Look it says its a forum for SUPPORT! Someone is ridiculing the support site? Let’s go ahead and asume they’re wrong and post hate pages that show up on google of the real names of people behind it and potentially jeopardize their real lives and the lives of their families for speaking up against our RIDICULOUSLY unimpressive (when considering the potential it has to help rather than hurt) support forum.

Yeah mike59 you’re a dick. How dare you provide an outlet for this type of life-saving information.

Ps. I tapered my 3mg of clonazepam 0.5 mg at a time over 2.5 months and then went 1/8 mg per week for 4 weeks to get off of the last half mg. I was on it for over half a decade every day. When I found benzobuddies last year I was traumatized for a second time in my life. I’m glad I was blessed enough to be a naturally critical thinker which allowed me to question what I was being taught there as I do most things to the extent in which one day my anxiety and despair suddenly alleviated to a ridiculous degree… almost to the point of euphoria… because I was thinking about some of the realities surrounding what a “hypochondria heaven” of that many people could truly cause in vulnerable people and realized some of the things I’ve mentioned in this post… and thus the nightmare world had an escape. I wasn’t doomed. I then punched in what I thought of benzobuddies to see if ANYONE noticed the flaw in these benzo forums (I’m not even getting into the fact that a lot of people that are prescribed benzos ARE mentally ill… and a lot of said mentally ill people ARE on benzobuddies. You will never see them contemplating whether or not someone should stay on their meds. How does this stuff not JUMP OUT AT EVERYONE?!” and when I did that I found this site ran by one “Mike Fifty-Nine”. After googling that handle I immediately found a hate site directed towards him threatening real life harm on the man behind the username? Because he’s doing this!

I’m ending this for the sake of the attention-spans of potential readers/lurkers with the assumption that my point has been made clear to anyone that is capable of thinking on a level that is not “absolutely moronic”. I don’t mean to be hostile but are there really only ~6 people in the world that are;

1. Aware of benzobuddies or similar sites.


2. Capable of understanding this?! Seriously?

TL:DR – Take some d-amphetamines and try again. I’m not catering to people who can’t be bothered to read what I took the time to write with good intentions towards the very people that would be most likely to criticize the validity of what I’m saying and my motives for typing it. What a sad and frustrating state of affairs. Someone read this… and do something about the absolutely ludicrous existence of “benzo support forums” under the premise that it is QUITE OBVIOUS how they do more harm than good?

There. I tried. Let’s see if it was worth it. (I doubt it.) If anyone doubts the validity of what I’m saying still after reading this post I can keep going. I could specify on literally every quote on that poster up above and logically spell out why it’s representative of benzobuddies causing more harm than good (by far) and I still wouldn’t be 10% through making every point that I could brainstorm to back up my opinion (facts) surrounding BB and similar sites.

>: [

“Benzo Buddies mods receive training”


Could I be going backwards?
« on: April 01, 2014, 05:48:16 pm »


I feel like I’m either going backwards or things are getting worse. I started taking Klonopin (.5 3Xday) in January 2013. Didn’t know anything about it. My body started having side effects in May and June – reached a tolerance point and started to taper (with my pdoc’s help). Family got scared and went into a rehab hospital to detox. So – cold turkey with the help of Phenobarbital. Last day of Klonopin was July 4 and checked myself out of hospital on July 10. Still taking Celexa and Remeron (15 mg) daily and Trazadone to sleep. I feel like I am slowly letting my life slip away. No interest in friends or family or food. I feel weak and without any hope. Read Benzo Buddies every day.


Benzo Buddies terrorizing mentally ill

TIME Magazine: Benzos being used to "wake" people from comas.
« on: March 23, 2014, 05:38:04 am »


This article disturbs me in that such dangerous drugs are being given to coma victims on a regular basis to try and “wake” them from comas. And they’re only going to do more research using these “miracle” drugs.

Someone has to stop them.

Re: TIME Magazine: Benzos being used to "wake" people from comas.
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2014, 12:57:09 pm »


Why does this disturb you? If you’ve ever cared for somebody in a coma or watched helplessly as somebody you love lies there unresponsive you would feel differently.

There’s no denying the fact that most of us here have had these drugs inappropriately and over prescribed to us but to scoff at the possibility that they might be of great value under certain circumstances is just throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Like it or not, these drugs very well may be a “miracle” for some …

Re: TIME Magazine: Benzos being used to "wake" people from comas.
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2014, 03:08:12 pm »


Glad to hear someone is being helped by these meds. However, how long before these people go into tolerance w/d? Or interdose w/d? Just saying this might not work out long term. Although I hope it does.

Re: TIME Magazine: Benzos being used to "wake" people from comas.
« Reply #3 on: March 23, 2014, 05:22:23 pm »


No scoffing here. That’s actually hurtful. I’m genuinely concerned for people who are in a semi-conscious state that are being given Benzos on a regular basis (by their well-meaning loved ones), who may be thrown into tolerance withdrawal or interdose withdrawal. Or worse yet, what if the med is stopped for any reason? They could be thrown into acute withdrawal?

I have no problem with these drugs being given occassionally here and there-they can be valuable for many medical procedures, etc.-but in the article, the patient was given Ambien 3 times a day for years. It did seem to help him at first which is a very interesting phenomenon. But what if they decide to stop it? We all know how these drugs can turn on you. Even though the Ambien seemed like a miracle drug at first, his parents may eventually suspect the drugs are turning on him (interdose or tolerance withdrawal) and decide to suddenly stop administering them. He can’t communicate what he’s going through in any way. That is a terrifying thought.

Re: TIME Magazine: Benzos being used to "wake" people from comas.
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2014, 08:38:30 pm »


I am sorry [...], there was no hurt intended.

It was just the knee jerk reaction of someone who has loved somebody who never woke up again.


Would you feel safe with a nurse cranked up on benzos?

« on: March 12, 2014, 08:12:23 am »


Have been on 2 benzos x 30 yrs., Dr. Prescribed, never abused, started w/d in Jan./13 on psych. advice, cold-turkey end off Ativan and Clonazepam and started Valium 80 MGM.

Now down to 5 MGM. but getting worse, probably due to cold- turkey and too fast w/d. I’m a total mess- lost all family and friends, nobody understands, esp. Dr. Panic, vomiting, diarrhea, insomnia, lost 80 lbs., can’t eat, bad tinnitus, racing thoughts, mood swings, suicidal- no help! Don’t know if I’ll make it.(60 yrs. old, nurse). I’m tough but losing the battle ALONE.