Moran's WEEPER

Brainwashed member sobs uncontrollably after joining Benzo Buddies

Expanding my comfort zone resulting in a crying spell?
« on: March 24, 2015, 07:19:16 am »

[Buddie]

I was a bit more active today, going to a few places, had something nice to eat outside, just like in the old days. Felt normal for a while. Then, I got home and emailed someone, and then re-read some of my old emails before benzo use, and I recalled how full of life I was back then. Then I started sobbing.

Is all this crying bad for my health, or should I continue doing it? I am not sure that it’s all that healthy, but if it releases all that extra cortisol, maybe it is.

Do you folks go and do some activity, feel normal for a while and then get sad remembering how life used to be better? I’m trying to distract, but this seems to come pretty spontaneously.

CULT VILLAINS

“Hello beautiful people…”

Hello Beautiful people.. Support/words please :)
« on: April 01, 2015, 04:40:31 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello all… I am a 28 year old female who has been on 30mg Valium/day consistently for at least 5 years. It has been a LONG journey making it this far, but I will try to keep this short and sweet- as I honestly don’t even have the energy to recall my whole journey in getting to the ridiculous 30mg/day Valium dose today. So here goes…

I started having panic attacks at least 2-3 times a week throughout highschool. I was always just a “ball of nerves” as my papa would say. I had (still have) no reason to feel the anxiety all of the time that I was feeling (and still feel.) My father and his mother are both very anxious people. Maybe that has something to do with it. Anywho– ALL throughout highschool (4 years) I was suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, not knowing that THAT was what it was. I thought I had some un-diagnosed sickness, or even heart disease. Ridiculous I know, because I was only in highschool, but I consistently had chest pain and palpitations. I was scared. I’ve worn 3 heart monitors, all showing no sign of anything physically wrong, with the exception of my heart beating at an exceptionally high rate and arrhythmia which I was prescribed a beta-blocker for. (Lorpressor 40mg 2x/day) This helped with my racing heart, but of course did nothing for the anxiety and panic. I stopped having panic attacks (still haven’t had one since highschool– 2003) But my anxiety has TAKEN OVER MY LIFE. I went from dr to dr and finally found a wonderful psychiatrist who actually listened to me and didn’t just want to force anti-depressants down my throat. (I’ve been to hell and back on anti-depressants, will not take them anymore) I started out on something to the effect of an antihistamine that could be used for anxiety, to klonopin, to xanax (too fast in-and-out) She realized I just needed something that would keep me “steady” or balanced throughout the day. (That’s how I eventually was put on Valium) I never weighed more than 98 pounds, couldn’t gain weight no matter how hard I tried, simply because I was anxious for no reason and couldn’t eat. What a nightmare just recalling it. Hell, I’m still living it. My brain does NOT shut off. I have a long story so lets skip to January of this year, where I have been on Valium 10mg 3X/day for 5 years. I’d say that’s a lot for a 100 pound girl? But I started out at a smaller dose, and of course grew more tolerance, growing more and more anxious, therefore my Dr increasing my daily dosage. In the last 2 years I have met a wonderful man , gotten engaged, moved to Houston where he and my father reside, and started a wonderful life with him, with a fantastic job to go with it. We talk about children ALL the time. We always have, children are something we both desire greatly, and I want nothing more than to start a family with him, he feels the same way, strongly. Right now we’re both working and saving money for this. We also just recently got a beautiful new home, and 2 dependable cars. We have accomplished so much, and for that- I am proud of us! Back to children– as this is why I started tapering my Valium in the first place. I can NOT get pregnant while on a such high dose of poison-I mean Valium. It is now April and I have tapered from 30 mg to 15 mg/day. I have been at 15mg/day for 24 days now. And I’m staying there because I’m MISERABLE. I’ll take 5 mg at a time, one in the morning, one before lunch, and one before dinner. I like to let them “kick in” before I eat- to give me some sort of comfort that it’s in my system. 24 days ago, I weighed 110 pounds, the most I’ve ever weighed in my life. I was ecstatic. Now, I have lost 7 of those pounds in only 24 days. I simply cannot eat. I wake up sweating and shaking, I’l vomit from time to time–only in the mornings. My hands sweat ALL day. But this seems to just be rebound anxiety, I don’t feel like I’m going to seizure out or have had hallucinations or anything of that sort. Just a HIGH increase in my anxiety. GABA, where are you?? My heart races, I’ve had diarrhea for 3 days in a row, shaking, etc. Just plain ANXIETY. I figure that I’ve made it 24 days… this is normal… just my body/brain getting accustomed to not being exposed to so much valium all day. If I can make it 24 days on 15mg… Then I can definitely make it 30 days– 2 months. And I have held strong, not taking that extra valium when I feel I need it. So many times I felt like I needed one and have not taken it, because that is how I have “relapsed” before. Mostly because of the anxiety and my losing weight. When I start to lose weight, I would start taking my valium again. But not this time. And I feel like someone has pulled all of the energy out of me. My muscles are SO weak. It’s hard for me to file the top file-shelf at work, but I do it, because I just keep telling myself THIS HAS TO BE DONE. YOU ARE STRONG. YOU ARE NOT DYING, THIS IS SIMPLY A CHEMICAL IMBALANCE AND YOUR BRAIN IS HEALING. I woke up this morning and threw up again– OH and I have zero sex drive– my poor fiance says he just wants to make love to me and I don’t have the drive or “want” to. I feel numb. I want my life back.

Buddie bemoans everyone thinks she’s in a cult

Disbelief
« on: April 05, 2015, 06:02:20 am »

[Buddie]

hello,

How have you dealt with people that don’t believe you or think it’s a cult?

I’m trying my best but am near being a sociopath.

k

Re: Disbelief
« Reply #1 on: April 05, 2015, 03:02:54 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on April 05, 2015, 06:02:20 am
hello,

How have you dealt with people that don’t believe you or think it’s a cult?

I’m trying my best but am near being a sociopath.

k

Hi,

It can be very hard for other people to understand what we’re going through, since we usually look fine on the outside. And, since most folks have never experienced or even heard of benzo withdrawal, they tend to discount it as something that’s “in our heads.” This is a very common reaction from family and friends, in fact, it’s more common than not. Ironically, many doctors tend to have the same attitude–the same doctors who prescribed us these drugs…

Benzo Buddies claims doctors are experimenting on people (like they do on rats)

The Secret of NIMH
« on: March 15, 2015, 10:53:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Psych drug parallel in The Secret of NIMH. This movie was a part of my childhood and I watched it again last night with one of my kids. The part where the doctors test their psych drugs on the rats which sends them into severe pain and torture, whoa! Well, you’ll just have to watch that part to see for yourself.

Fast forward to 25 seconds and you’ll see what I mean:

Strung out buddies joke about home gas explosions

Gas Leak
« on: March 19, 2015, 01:06:25 am »

cheeker

Came home and after 15 minutes, noticed the house smelled like gas. I hadn’t used to stove in weeks but when the gas company came out they said the burner knob had been cocked so that there is no flame but there is gas. This is so strange. I’m still trying to air out my house.

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #1 on: March 19, 2015, 01:32:08 am »

FluterByee

Quote from: cheeker on March 19, 2015, 01:06:25 am
Came home and after 15 minutes, noticed the house smelled like gas. I hadn’t used to stove in weeks but when the gas company came out they said the burner knob had been cocked so that there is no flame but there is gas. This is so strange. I’m still trying to air out my house.

DAAAANG…HOW SCARY!
I WONDER HOW LONG IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN LIKE THAT?
DO YOU THINK IT WILL TAKE A WHILE FOR EVERYTHING TO AIR OUT?
I’M GLAD YOUR OKAY….
FB 

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2015, 02:01:52 am »

cheeker

It took about 2.5 hours to air the house out. What a pain.

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #3 on: March 19, 2015, 08:02:02 am »

nova 1

Quote from: cheeker on March 19, 2015, 01:06:25 am
Came home and after 15 minutes, noticed the house smelled like gas. I hadn’t used to stove in weeks but when the gas company came out they said the burner knob had been cocked so that there is no flame but there is gas. This is so strange. I’m still trying to air out my house.

To actually went to bed and slept with the gas pumping out all night and had no idea until i went out my kitchen what the weird smell was all over my home or why felt sicker than just benzos sxs, It never even smelt like gas. I was advised by the NHS on the phone to go to Hospital but being house bound with benzo sxs and still being alive and conscious I stayed home and recovered.

Nova xxx 

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #4 on: March 19, 2015, 08:30:23 am »

babyangel

you might want to look by your stove behind it or on the side of it to see a shut off valve that should be on the natural gas line pipe but um its dangerous to be around that gas leak just breathing it is dangerous . it woiuld be around $5 to buy a natural gas shut off valve from your local hardware store if your gas line doesnt have one by the stove. it would be best to instal it at where small connections are at so you dont have to cut any of that pipe . you’ll just have to shut off the gas outside for a little while , while instaling this shut off valve . you’ll need some teflon tape thats like .50 cents also to wrap at connectors . only thing is , you’ll have to use the shut off valve each time to turn off after you turn off stove . you could find a USED gas stove for $30-$50 in your local craigslist or classified ads

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2015, 12:26:24 pm »

cheeker

Nova, I’m glad you’re okay and didn’t get more sick.

Babyangel, fortunately the gas has been shut off. Two gas leaks were spotted by the gas company and I’m going to have to hire someone to fix them.

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2015, 12:56:07 pm »

nova 1

Mine was some one leaving my gas turned on by accident and I never noticed as I had really bad pain and brain fog and just went to bed to lay down as there was nothing else I could do as we all know unfortunately 

Nova xxx 

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2015, 01:34:52 pm »

Rockingchaircat

Congrats on being so lucky. Gas is not only a potential spontaneous combustion but is also an oxygen displacer.

Re: Gas Leak
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2015, 02:00:39 pm »

babyangel

Quote from: Rockingchaircat on March 19, 2015, 01:34:52 pm
Congrats on being so lucky. Gas is not only a potential spontaneous combustion but is also an oxygen displacer.

MEOW !! h rockingchaircat ! wanted to congradulate you on quitting Ativan a month ago MEOW! , i imiss my cats how they used to leave cat hair all over my clothes after i held them i lost my cat of 14 years last june  the first 2 months were the hardest for me quittng alprazolam (xanax) i felt hours of relief just going for a walk , its best to walk before you start feeling bad . i also take these vitamins they help very very good with sleep i take these 3 at same time vitamin C, D & magnesium yesterday i took those 3 before an afternoon nappy that was supposed to be 1-3 hours i was sound asleep for 6 1/2 hours !

i just wanted to give you a heads up on that i really do care im 6 months and i feel 85% healed just try to avoid excess sugar & tobacco use and exercise / activate more than ever that was the key to my sucess in quitting and feeling so much releif , god bless you, pls do a favor for me and give your kitty cat a big big hug for me !!

Katie (babyangel )

PIG

Benzo Buddies Manson girls attack woman who rejected cult dogma

Could FinallyJoining63 and Morreweg be any more bitter? Any more hateful? FinallyJoining63 can barely hide her jealousy of lindsaylouwho for daring to be recovered. Not having a shred of professional medical experience doesn’t stop pity addict Morreweg from telling lindsaylouwho she will get sick again. They use fear mongering to try to intimidate lindsaylouwho.
To her credit, in Reply #4, lindsaylouwho correctly scores Benzo Buddies as a cesspool of harmful negativity: “I know many people on other support forums who don’t want to quit because they come here once and are completely alarmed by the long-term sufferers. I know this because I have to talk them off the ledge.”
FinallyJoining63 and Morreweg are hateful, bitter women who – with apparently nothing better to do than sit at Benzo Buddies moaning about their victimhood – try to suck the joy out of lindsaylouwho (and don’t succeed). They’re professional victims who blame everyone but themselves for their mental health problems, and related drug abuse issues. Lindsaylouwho isn’t. Bravo lindsaylouwho.
2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« on: March 19, 2015, 11:07:08 pm »

lindsaylouwho

I know it can be discouraging to come to BB and see so many stories of protracted withdrawal. But not everyone will suffer that, and it’s important to go into it knowing you could be one that doesn’t experience long, difficult withdrawal. I refused to suffer long term–I just couldn’t do it, after 2 years of suffering following a serious car accident, head injury, uncontrolled seizures, then benzo withdrawal. And so, I didn’t. I did have the withdrawal symptoms most have–muscle spasms, muscle pain, horrible insomnia, this buzzing feeling everywhere, shortness of breath which I confused with a new case of asthma (but wasn’t), and frequent seizures once I discontinued. (I went on benzos for seizures so the fact I had them was not a huge surprise.) I treated these symptoms as I had been treating similar symptoms for years: Self massage on the muscle spasms, high but acceptable doses of magnesium, a diet very high in potassium and calcium, no glutamate, food additives, or processed food of any kind, lots of water but not too much, adding sodium to my diet to replace what I was flushing away with all the water (important–low sodium adds to muscle spasms). Most importantly, I did deep breathing and meditation during acute, and that made a huge difference. What I say to anyone going through withdrawal is: Don’t assume. Don’t assume your withdrawal will last forever, or you are at risk of making everything worse through anxiety, which will protract your withdrawal. Believe you could be lucky and have an easier experience, because a positive mind can effect your health and well being. And know your nutrition, breathing, and calmness of mind are not just ‘gooshy granola ideas’–they really do make a difference.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2015, 05:12:15 am »

one year

Your an inspiration. I’ve never looked at this topic and I hope I can someday be writing my own success story. Thanks.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2015, 05:27:21 am »

FinallyJoining63

I’m happy for you that you recovered so fast, especially since you had already been through the wringer with your accident, but sitting here tonight still feeling shitty 19 months off of Xanax and 26 months off of opioids, I find the implication that somehow I might have prolonged my suffering by fearing the worst and ramping up my anxiety just a bit hard to take. If I had just “refused to suffer longterm” that would have done the trick? Is it too late for me to stand up and refuse? Who’s in charge here? I’ll bet there are more people on this board who went into this hoping for the best, as you did, who are simply appalled by how long their healing has taken than there are people who actually made their healing take longer by fearing the worst. I doubt we can speed or slow down the time it takes our brains to heal in any case. We are not in control.

Further, I think there are a whole lot of A types like me who launched in expecting to have everything under control and have actually had to relax their need for control. I’ll never forget my acupuncture doctor telling me this: “You are doing everything right. And you are going to get well. But you have to stop trying so hard.”

Your attitude kind of reminds me of parents who brag about something that went right with their kids when actually they just got lucky. My first baby slept through the night at ten days old. I didn’t try to take credit for it, though. That was his decision, not ours.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #3 on: March 20, 2015, 10:54:34 am »

Morreweg

Hi lindsay, I’m glad to hear you are feeling so good now after such
a short time, congratulation….keeping a positive attitude during this
process is surely important but unfortunately not always a magic
cure, wish you well. 

P.S. just in case things will change for you again…..keep in mind
Benzo-wd is unpredictable and don’t assume its a nother health issue.
hope it will never happen…just a little tip…….to be prepared. 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2015, 03:40:07 pm »

lindsaylouwho

A note to all: This was not written for those of you suffering long term with real protracted withdrawal or point fingers or accuse. It was written for anyone coming into it new. I know many people on other support forums who don’t want to quit because they come here once and are completely alarmed by the long-term sufferers. I know this because I have to talk them off the ledge. Not everyone will suffer like that–the vast majority of those who quit and have short term wd (a fair number of people who quit, by the way) don’t stay on this board, or even come here in the first place, so their numbers are very underrepresented here, and this board can greatly overbalance the perception that all withdrawal will be a hellish nightmare lasting at least a year. If you don’t like seeing a story of optimism and hope that you could be a short term sufferer, you don’t need to read it. I’m here to give hope and optimism–and I do believe in Mind over Medicine and that the power of the mind can in some way help control the state of our bodies. You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want, but I won’t apologize for giving hope and setting a sense of optimism, which I believe can help some people.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2015, 04:00:25 pm »

Morreweg

Love hearing a story of optimism thats why I congratulated you on it,
no harm in sharing some of my wisdom, if its not appreciated…..
i do apologize, no big deal ! 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #6 on: March 20, 2015, 04:08:39 pm »

FinallyJoining63

Lindsey–if you looked at all my posts–not that you should–you would see that I am always quick to assure the fearful launching into this that they really needn’t plague themselves with fears that their healing will take forever because many people do heal quickly.

You should know though, that EVERYBODY reads the success stories for inspiration. Maybe the longtimers are the first to go there looking for something to hang onto. (That’s what I was doing.) Nobody’s asking you to apologize, but you should be aware of how your claim to have simply “refused to suffer longterm” would be taken by many. It’s not as if we ticked off a box marked “Sure, I’ll choose to suffer longterm if it means I can stick with my bad attitude.” I don’t disagree at all with the importance of the mind/body connection, but if you read a lot of the stories here, you’ll see that there are a lot of good people who also believe in this and still have a very hard time waiting out the time it seems to take for their neurotransmitters to repair themselves.

Morreweg’s post was very wise in gently reminding you that you might not actually have every withdrawal symptom in your rearview mirror yet. I think maybe she was feeling better than I was when she read your post and was able to be kinder. 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #7 on: March 20, 2015, 04:21:32 pm »
Morreweg

FinallyJoining63 

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #8 on: March 20, 2015, 05:42:50 pm »

lindsaylouwho

As I said: It was not meant to condemn anyone. And my attitude about not being willing to suffer and doing everything possible to not do so was uniquely mine. You can take that as you will. It does seem almost as if you hope my suffering isn’t over, which is unfortunate. If you knew the hell and fear I’ve lived since I was hit by a drunk driver maybe you wouldn’t be so angry. I am not waiting for wd to reappear, nor do I think it will. Nor will I continue to debate this. I hope this post is inspirational to those who it was intended for. Over and out.

Re: 2.5 Months off--healed at 1 month off
« Reply #9 on: March 20, 2015, 06:01:19 pm »

Morreweg

Quote from: lindsaylouwho on March 20, 2015, 05:42:50 pm
As I said: It was not meant to condemn anyone. And my attitude about not being willing to suffer and doing everything possible to not do so was uniquely mine. You can take that as you will. It does seem almost as if you hope my suffering isn’t over, which is unfortunate. If you knew the hell and fear I’ve lived since I was hit by a drunk driver maybe you wouldn’t be so angry. I am not waiting for wd to reappear, nor do I think it will. Nor will I continue to debate this. I hope this post is inspirational to those who it was intended for. Over and out.

Come on……whats your problem now. Nobody here is hoping your suffering
isn’t over. This is no Kindergarden , there is nothing wrong in having
a healthy debate about your miraculous recovery.

We plead not guilty and wish you all the best, over and out.