Addict ditches wife to marry cult

Losing Marriage
« on: March 01, 2019, 11:16:21 pm »

boomboxboy21

Has anyone felt the withdrawal process caused you to completely lose the connection you had with your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend? I am pretty worried my wife and I aren’t going to make it through this. We never have fun together anymore, even though we do try and do things, but it just feels forced now. We tried to play darts the other night and we both acknowledged that we weren’t having fun. It honestly feels like we are still together because we have a child now. All […] do is talk about what I’m going through and she doesn’t want to hear it, which I understand, and even when I don’t talk about, I feel like we have nothing to talk about or do together.

Father goes on bender as horrific cult abuse story of parents doing drugs in front of kids surfaces

Reintroduce myself after two years
« on: February 24, 2019, 01:48:49 pm »

[Buddie]

First of all I’m sorry for the run on sentence….I wasn’t completely sure where to post this but I need some kind of answers, I struggled for months after a cold turkey wd but eventually the sky opened and I was fine and back to my normal self besides benzos I would have an occasional drink but I was never a hard drinker and I started smoking marijuana regularly again, last week we had a run in with cps and I had to quit smoking bc my wife’s therapist told them we smoked in front of our children which wasn’t true we smoked in the garage whenever our son was awake anyway I turned to liquor for that week of not smoking I probably drank a bottle of crown a few beers and a bottle of wine or two then during the weekend I went to a ski resort with the guys from work and I drank HARD harder than ever I remember ordering a whole bottle of wine at one of the dinners needless to say I haven’t been feeling great and the symptoms are mimicking my ct withdraw slightly less in every way but I’m still in agony in and out of the dr and hospital most of this week just for them to say blood work and ekg are fine just high bp is the only thing they can see which leads me to my question did this onset some alcohol/ protracted benzo withdrawals or am I dying?? I’m so scared and feel like poo

Benzo Buddies tells mentally ill drug addict NOT to go to the psych ward

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #22 on: January 20, 2019, 12:35:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 19, 2019, 07:19:22 pm
Hope you are holding up, […]. Things hit the fan here because all my cuts caught up with me in a really bad way, so I can definitely sympathize with what you are going through. I’m in a holding pattern because this has become too much to bear.

I hope you are doing ok. Sometimes life can be dealt with only 1 minute at a time.

I’ve also had an attempt in 2016, so I understand all too well. Stabilizing is the most important thing now. I am not tapering any further until these extreme thoughts subside a bit for me. It’s too much to bear for me at the moment, so that’s why I am holding.

Oh no! I hope you stabilize soon Lfree!!! It really is an awful feeling having those thoughts and I think the dp/Dr makes them somehow feel easier to accomplish (at least for me) like there were no consequences.
I had a bad day today, restarted an old drug for pain/ sleep and even though I was only off it for 2 weeks I think it’s hitting me hard. Migraine most of the day, just wanted to sleep and just felt unwell. But it’s also that ‘special’ monthly time AND I tried vaping CBD oil last night…so many things at play right now, we also had a snow storm (which flares my fibromyalgia)

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2019, 04:58:09 pm »

[Buddie]

NO, don’t do inpatient, I did that twice and they poly drugged me to death. was so scary locked up with crazy people and an evil shrink. taper slow, u can do it

Re: Mom wants me to go to the psyche ward...
« Reply #24 on: February 20, 2019, 05:06:56 am »

[Buddie]

[…], I hope you’ve been able to avoid the psych ward. It’s the absolute worst place for anyone in psych drug withdrawal as the people there have no clue what is wrong with you and only heap on more poisonous drugs. I’m so sorry for your suffering. Stay home regardless of how bad it gets….that’s the safest place to be, unless you are truly and actually in the process of trying to take your own life.

Benzo Buddies gives free reign to doctor-bashers

Overcoming fear/mistrust of Doctors.
« on: February 19, 2019, 10:28:13 pm »

[Buddie]

I know from all posts I’ve read that I’m very far from alone in this and do have that question. (I’m not even sure whether or not moderators will take down this thread or let it be, since I do find it a little odd that I haven’t already come across a thread like this. I do take great care composing a thread/posts that they won’t possibly distress or offend anyone.) I’m concerned some symptoms I’m having are serious, but I have these mistrust and fear issues. My experiences with doctors haven’t been highly favorable to begin with, never mind this travesty. My doctor had prescribed for over a decade and when his group practice was taken over by a larger one informed me, on phone, that the refill he was giving was the last – which, rapid detox could’ve killed me. I’d only known about tapers b/c I’d had a gut feeling that the depression I’d been feeling for 2 years @ that time was due to the ativan, so I’d already begun my research. He’d also overprescribed, which I hadn’t taken full amount, so I’ve had a reserve to do my dry cuts…

I’ve been experiencing many w/d sxs; won’t go into all the details here; anyone wanting more back-story can click on my username and look through my posts history. Since August ’18 have experienced steady weight gain (especially in truck of body) and pain in right ankle. I don’t remember twisting it; but it’s possible I did. Since end of December, everything’s much worse, & which I’ve attributed to w/d with decreasing amounts being in my system & all the poisons having to be expunged. I can’t, though, ignore how much worse the right ankle pain is (the only time I’m not in pain is when asleep, blessed relief/hard to come by), along w/both calves swelling now & the calf skin being tight & shiny. Now, I’m thinking the additional weight gain may all be water-retention (esp. as I’ve been slim whole life & so were parents).

My concern is that this may be heart-related, as my blood pressure had been borderline high & it may have been the ativan keeping it even at that level & not higher. During this same time period, a loved one had awful experiences of her closest loved ones & their ultimate demises; one of whom had much swelling w/skin weeping & an awful 2-3 months before he was finally granted the ultimate respite from a higher power, but not before doctors/hospitals tortured him further. I know how much she detests and reviles doctors now, too, from those experiences, but that she does keep her own doctor appointments. Hearing those experiences, combined with my own already existing ones during this same time period, I’m more mistrustful and fearful of the medical community than ever. I do have a call out to her (leaving out the exact specifics, b/c even w/her, I’m afraid she’ll just advise going to dr. or hospital) asking how she gets over any of her own feelings in order to visit a doctor at all. She’s actively grieving (& why I’d hated to pose this question to her at all, but did it as obliquely as possible, b/c I know she’ll be concerned about me & she’s been though enough) – so, I don’t know if/when I’ll hear from her…

Any helpful tips appreciated. (on getting over the fear/mistrust – please, not just advising “go to” dr./hospital- thank you)
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 11:16:41 pm by [Buddie]