RELAPSED!

Relapsed
« on: January 22, 2018, 02:41:09 pm »

[Buddie]

I want to join for support as I have relapsed.
I did a successful taper off Klonopin using Ashton from 2012-2014 with help of Psy NP. I cannot go back to him as he has retired and no one took his place.
Took 19 months to get off 4 mg K—was benzo free for 3 years then had A major life trauma — my son committed a crime attempted suicide and I had to help him through the criminal justice system by getting him lawyer and being his support person.
It was a horrible time and I fell apart after it was all over.
I started taking left over K and V I kept from original taper.

Relapsed around March 2017 on small doses – now up to 20-30 mg Valium or 2-3 mg K or a mixture of 5-10 mg V and 1-2 mg K
I am not going to beat myself up for going back on when I knew better.
I am starting down the path of dark hole depression, staying in bed, unable to take care of my house, I know it’s the drugs.
I need to get off and I want to do a CT as these are leftover pills from my table and I am not under a doctors supervision.

Relapsed
« on: January 22, 2018, 02:58:06 pm »

[Buddie]

I did a successful taper off Klonopin using Ashton from 2012-2014 with help of Psy NP. I cannot go back to him as he has retired and no one took his place.
Took 19 months to get off 4 mg K—was benzo free for 3 years then had A major life trauma — my son committed a crime attempted suicide and I had to help him through the criminal justice system by getting him a lawyer and being his support person.
It was a horrible time and I fell apart after it was all over.
I started taking left over K and V I had kept (should have tossed it all) from original taper.
I Relapsed around March 2017 on small doses – now up to 20-30 mg Valium or 2-3 mg K or a mixture of 5-10 mg V and 1-2 mg K. Running low on stach.
I am not going to beat myself up for going back on when I knew better.
I am starting down the path of dark hole depression, staying in bed, unable to take care of my house, not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. There is no food in the house because I do not want to shop. I know it’s the drugs and some PTSD from my son.
I need to get off and I want to do a CT as these are leftover pills from my previous taper and I am not under a doctors supervision.
Hello and help!
« Last Edit: January 22, 2018, 03:38:01 pm by [Buddie] »

BENZO BELLY BRAINWASHING

Benzo belly
« on: January 18, 2018, 12:35:40 am »

[Buddie]

Do you guys find the constant bloating all day and swelling makes your anxiety worse?

Re: Benzo belly
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2018, 01:03:05 am »

[Buddie]

Yes it does i can ‘t even breath……
The hardest part is that every day i wake up my intestents hurt like hell right in my diaphragma.

Cult benzo tapers land Ashton devotees in psych ward

5 days out... superior stupidity
« on: January 19, 2018, 07:46:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello buddies,
I am entering day 5, again, if you check my signature last time
I had 5 days I was running to the hospital and ended up 6 days in a psych unit.. put back on a rapid taper, 3 days, I feel the same symptoms coming on, cognitive impairement,
Confusion, brain zaps, head pressure, burning skin, twitching fingers… I am and will ride this out.. not going to the hospital again so maybe I know what to expect, the part that scares me the most are the mild hallucinations I experienced last time…
I will not dwell on it…
Just ride it out…

Re: 5 days out... superior stupidity
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 12:16:37 am »

[Buddie]

How are you doing since being released from the psych ward? Did they help you? I was in the psych was Aug, Sept, Oct, and November. I’m pretty much like you-don’t want to go back so I’m riding it out at home. My newest crappy symptom is chest pain and racing heartbeat. I hope you feel better soon!

Benzo Buddies = red meat to cyberchondriacs

Chickened out at the dentist
« on: January 17, 2018, 12:00:21 am »

[Buddie]

My back molar cracked in half. So I got a filling. Then an infection in the tooth. Took antibiotics for three weeks (caught strep at the same time this is why so long on antibiotics)
Then my tooth still hurts but I’ve read that a root canal can have negative effects on our body (not withdrawal or benzo related) do I opted for getting it taken out except my stomach has been hurting and I’ve had a hard time breathing and felt like headed that I started thinking maybe my h pylori is still there and now I have bad thoughts that I have a bleeding ulcer.
So now my thoughts are :
1. Bleeding ulcer
2. H pylori still present
3. Tooth infection causing light headbess, nerve pain, etc.

I feel like nothing I do is right
If I fix one thing
Something else goes wrong
I can’t take this
I’m so scared 😖

Anti-psychiatry gang at Benzo Buddies unable to help terrorized cop’s wife

In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« on: January 13, 2018, 05:35:39 am »

[Buddie]

He came home yelling at me. He’s a cop. He was in his uniform and he pulled out his gun, waived it around then stuck it to his head and then said he was going to blow his brains out. I threw myself off the other side of the bed to get away. I covered my head and screamed for help. He left. I’m in shock. I’m in the worst stages of withdrawal from an inhumane taper. I already have PTSD. I don’t know if I’m going to be alright. I am safe now. I just keep hoping I will wake up tomorrow and this will have been a nightmare.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2018, 05:38:08 am »

[Buddie]

This is not good, you need to get out— he is coming back and you are not safe. Get out now and call 911 please.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2018, 05:42:34 am »

[Buddie]

He came back and locked the gun up. I locked myself in the bathroom until it was locked up. He’s crying. Idk what to do. I’m in shock. It took a few hours for me to stop shaking enough to use my phone. My heart is hurting physically. A lot of pain. Huge migraine. Dear God someone please save me. My daughter is at a school function for the weekend. There’s one good thing.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2018, 05:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

Don’t let her come home. Have to believe in people outside of this situation, that they will believe you and help.

Moderators can help with this. I have notified them.

Hang in there and breathe slowly.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2018, 05:48:43 am »

[Buddie]

Please no one call the police. Please. There’s no point.They will believe him […] me like when he hurt me before. He would never admit to them the truth. He’s already said that. Just please be there for me on here. Please

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2018, 05:53:35 am »

[Buddie]

http://msmagazine.com/blog/2015/10/26/police-wife-the-secret-epidemic-of-police-domestic-violence/

DO NOT CALL POLICE

PLEASE SEE ARTICLE

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2018, 06:33:12 am »

[Buddie]

[…], has your husband seen what benzo withdrawal looks like in his line of duty? Does he understand what it’s like? Does he understand what’s going on? Does he suffer from depression?

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2018, 08:03:39 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 13, 2018, 05:48:43 am
Please no one call the police. Please. There’s no point.They will believe him […] me like when he hurt me before. He would never admit to them the truth. He’s already said that. Just please be there for me on here. Please

I personally think you need to admit that you, and your child, are going down a path that historically doesn’t improve on it’s own and doesn’t end well for anyone involved. There are avenues that exist, including recording the violent encounters, and seeking an order of protection through the courts, that can free you from your situation.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2018, 08:17:15 am »

[Buddie]

If a domestic situation escalate, I think that a voluntary inpatient stay would make a lot of sense. A temporary safety and an opportunity to see if meds need to be adjusted. It’s extremely difficult dealing with severe withdrawal, and such difficult domestic situation at the same time. Safety always comes first.

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2018, 04:43:13 pm »

[Buddie]

Are you okay?

Re: In withdrawal and husband just got his gun out
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2018, 06:10:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Do you have any parents or aunts or uncles or cousins or old friends places, that you and your child could go stay with? I really think you need to find a place to go to. I hope you are doing okay.

Benzo Buddies a nest of doctor hate

Re: False Charge: BB Is Full of People with BPD
« Reply #42 on: January 06, 2018, 01:43:52 pm »

[Buddie]

What GL friend said is judgmental and wrong. But she’s still her friend and I totally get that. I have a friend who is very offensive with her rude statements. But I cut her some slack, because I love her and I don’t want to equally as judgy.  :laugh: I think GLs friend’s statement rubbed us all the wrong way because we’ve had it with being dismissed and not believed by healthcare professionals, friends and family. It is amazing to me that there are still so many educated health professionals who have no knowledge, understanding or compassion regarding how dangerous benzos are and how real and hellish withdrawal can be. It is hard for us to believe because we are dealing with it right now and it’s ugly.

In December 2016 while an inpatient at a behavioral health hospital I was told by the APRN (advanced practice registered nurse, a nurse practitioner who can prescribe) that my meds were being changed. Lots of changes all at once including discontinuation of Adderall and Clonazepam.I questioned her about this, especially the clonazepam, and she did not like that one bit. When she asked why I thought I should continue I told her that everyone I’d seen kept me on 2 mg. She snidely laughed and asked, “Were these doctors?” I was highly offended because, heck, SHE wasn’t a doctor! And I told her yes, internists, psychiatrists and a neurologist. Needless to say she didn’t back down and I ended up in cold-turkey withdrawal.

Is it too much to ask that doctors and psychiatrists (and APRNs) stay up-to-date? Maybe they all have BPD.  :laugh: :thumbsup:

Kooks chase their tails looking for benzo withdrawal cure, cryotherapy latest magic bullet

cryotherapy
« on: January 02, 2018, 03:04:32 pm »

[Buddie]

Did anyone do cryotherapy in an attempt to reset the body (hormones etc.) ?
And sleep better ?

I start a series of cryo sauna this week.

Re: cryotherapy
« Reply #1 on: January 02, 2018, 05:10:27 pm »

[Buddie]

i would be cautious with cryotherapy – it is very extreme – the whole idea of it is to set off a massive endorphin release to heal and repair the body – which is normally a great thing – but in withdrawal – that could be a tough thing for the body to tolerate and could ultimately make things worse. when i was in withdrawal round 1 and didnt understand what was wrong – i took low dose naltrexone – as it’s a similar concept although no where near as extreme as cryotherapy – and i didnt sleep for 10 days. it set off a dramatic adrenal gland reaction that was awful.

i know a lot of people who’ve done cryotherapy to heal from lymes – it normally is a great healing modality but i’d approach it with caution.

not sure how your body responds to exercise. if you are one of the people who does really well with it – cryotherapy may have a positive outcome – if you do not tolerate exercise – like it sets off adrenaline and makes your symptoms worse – i can almost guarantee cryotherapy will have a paradoxical effect for you.

if you try it – certainly let us know how it went. I have a facility right near by that i plan to use once i feel my body could handle it.

Re: cryotherapy
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2018, 05:17:46 am »

[Buddie]

A word of caution…I have read of many different therapies having been used by folks on BB and have tried many myself. So far I have not heard of, or experienced, any that work. A whole lot of money and time was spent chasing these hopes. I have long since come to the conclusion that time is the only healer of what we are all going through.

Re: cryotherapy
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2018, 01:57:53 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on January 02, 2018, 03:04:32 pm
Did anyone do cryotherapy in an attempt to reset the body (hormones etc.) ?
And sleep better ?

I start a series of cryo sauna this week.

I Agree with Aloha and […]. I spent $7,000 going to the Coleman institute in September 2016 for his touted Flumazenil treatment. It did nothing except reset my recovery clock by X amount of time and flatten my wallet! Unfortunately the only way out is through the recovery process, which is all about time and more time. I will be 17 months off on Friday and I am still recovering in the sleep department. I had a decent night of sleep last night, but the night before was about 4 hours of broken sleep. There will be many ups and downs until your brain “fixes” things. In desperation we all look for that “magic” cure, treatment, supplement, therapy, etc. They don’t exist.

Re: cryotherapy
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2018, 04:37:58 pm »

[Buddie]

Tomorrow I will start the first of 3 treatments.
I focus my hope again, already did acupuncture, supplements, and I exercise and do normal sauna .

It is not that expensive, 20 euros per session.

TERROR AT TESCO

I went to TESCO today!
« on: January 02, 2018, 05:19:06 pm »

[Buddie]

In the car!! By myself!!!

I haven’t been able to go there to do any shopping at all for months and the whole ‘online shopping and getting someone to get bits and pieces in between’ has become so stressful I decided that was one of the first things I was going to try and do when I felt stronger.

Last night I had a better sleep and felt half-decent after lunch so decided to have a go.  I haven’t been able to drive on the main roads outwith the housing estate but thankfully TESCO is about 10-15 minutes away from the house but still within the estate.  However even if I get there, I can’t go in the normal way because there are traffic lights and I seem to freak out if I get ‘trapped’ anywhere like a queue or a busy roundabout or lights.  And then I figured out I could maybe park in the staff car park round the back which is reached via a side street before the main entrance to TESCO and means I don’t have to negotiate any traffic lights at all so that’s what I did today.  And then did a LOT of deep breathing in order to get out of the car and make it to the front entrance!

But make it I did.  I grabbed two filled rolls, two salads and 4 yoghurts, saw an empty checkout and tried not to hyperventilate going through it.  There was a Holland and Barrett shop in the same complex so I popped in there afterwards and got some papaya and pineapple as a snack treat then stopped at the cash machine on the way back to the car to get money out as well.  Three things I would have had to ask someone to do for me normally.

And I discovered the other good thing about the staff car park is that it’s pretty quiet so I was able to give a whoop of delight when I got back to the car without any men in white coats appearing to take me somewhere padded :laugh:

And then I took the car for a 10 minute run which involved going onto one of the main roads which did produce a mild panic attack but I was able to calm myself down once I turned off into a side street.

Now that’s a big deal for me because whenever the panic has started before when I’ve done something like that, it’s always just got worse and worse and no amount of breathing exercises or calming strategies have worked in the slightest.  As you can imagine, being the driver in a car when that happens and still having to have a 20 minute journey to get back home makes that a frightening experience and results in eventual avoidance.  So the fact that I seem to now be able to become calmer while still IN the car says to me that my brain is very definitely healing and reduces the terrible fear factor somewhat.  Well it reduces it in theory ……  ;D

Once home, I popped the shopping in the fridge and took myself off for a walk to celebrate.  Possibly being the only human being on the streets, it being a very wet and windy afternoon but you know how it is – you feel better and you just want to do some ‘normal’ stuff for a change.

I was able to go much further away from the house than I normally do although timewise my walk was only 5 minutes longer than yesterday’s but it was much more of a WALK if you know what I mean.  Yesterday I was tootling around the lanes and paths very close to my house and eking out the walk to give me a decent time – today I was properly walking on the pavements at a good pace and being ‘normal’ tired rather than ‘scared’ tired.

Which of course means I am now knackered, feel terrible and could go off to bed right this minute!! :laugh:

Still it’s nice to put a tick (for a window) in the notebook where I’m keeping track of what I take and how I feel on a daily basis instead of a cross because there’s been somewhat of an abundance of crosses lately :-\

Good start to the year eh?

Kooks howl as Professor of Nursing claims sites like Benzo Buddies are full of people with borderline personality disorder

False Charge: BB Is Full of People with BPD
« on: December 26, 2017, 10:20:24 pm »

[Buddie]

I have a psych nurse friend who is convinced that online forums, such as BB, are full of people with borderline personality disorders implying that they (the forums) should be avoided. She is a professor of nursing at a highly prestigious university’s graduate school of nursing and has a Post Masters in Psych-Mental Health Nursing. She teaches graduate and doctoral students in that same program.

She has also made statements such as, “You may need to be on psych meds the rest of your life like a diabetic needs insulin.” As we know, these are statements that those in the uninformed medical community make when they are not educated about the risks of psych meds, having drunk the Kool-Aid of Big Pharma.

Is there any information I can use to counter this claim of “forums are full of people with BPD”?