“All of this led me to start obtaining illicit benzos and just eating them like candy… I took the first one and I could feel a wave of euphoria run over me as the anxiety melted away into nothing… I’m not an addict!”

How to deal with the doctor
« on: July 01, 2018, 02:47:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Ill start at the beginning of my story as I feel its appropriate. I developed psychosis when I started university 4 years ago which was debilitating and somewhat scary this then led to me doing cocaine and somewhat overdosing. Since the OD I haven’t touched coke but it seems that the psychosis and OD had left me with severe anxiety. I went along to the GP who gave me a range of drugs which included diazepam and zopiclone and I would just go back and see the doctor from time to time and get more diazepam and zopiclone as needed. Now I didn’t take them everyday just when I had to do something that would really aggravate me. Now I have no doubt I got addicted to the diazepam as soon as I took the first one, it was just 2mg but it was pure bliss, I took the first one and I could feel a wave of euphoria run over me as the anxiety melted away into nothing and I felt normal which I hadn’t done in a long time.

I then had to move GP’s but it was fine as they sent me to a psych who instead of giving me 2mg when I felt like it she gave me 5mg 3x a day. Now at the time the 2mg just didn’t do anything and I don’t know why I kept taking them as they weren’t working except for sleep. Now I’m sure this should have been a warning sign to the doctor of impending dependence but it didn’t cross anybody’s mind. This GP was fine and handed them out like candies which was great (to me at the time) but then I again had to move due to uni but this time it was much further away from home in another county.

This is where the full nightmare begins, I go register at the nearest GP and make an appointment to set up repeat prescriptions. This is where I find out there are some really tricky, untrustworthy worthless doctors who shouldn’t be in the profession. I tell him what I was on with the boxes so he can see for himself and an actual unfilled prescriptions. I was on 2 anti d’s, stomach things, codeine and diazepam with an occasional zopiclone. This doctor rather than being helpful and courteous goes off on me about have diazepam and codeine are addictive and proceedes to tell me I will only be getting the one prescription on diazepam off him and that would be my lot.

So I continue just taking them as normal and when I come to run out I make an appointment to get more to which he refused. I left and started going into withdrawal after the second day which was truly horrific and I really couldn’t cope with it all. I make another appointment with the doctor whom again refuses the diazepam but give me zopiclone to help me sleep (only 10 3.75mg tablets and I was on 7.5mg). This gave me 7 days of comfort from the withdrawals and to make a plan on what to do. In the end I ordered them of the internet as I couldn’t trust my doctor to deliver appropriate care so had to take the matter into my own hands. Anyway I ran out of zopiclone and went back to the doctor with withdrawals but this time the withdrawals were taking there toll, I this time beg the doctor for more diazepam and said that it wasn’t fair that he abruptly stopped my medication and was agains prescription guidelines. All he said to me was “that is not true and the typical response from a drug seeking patient“, I didn’t know what to do I mean I’m not an addict but this hurt me that he could have been so cruel while I just wanted help. This led me to attack the doctor which wasn’t my finest moment and was kicked out of uni.

All of this led me to start obtaining illicit benzos and just eating them like candy. The accusations and non help of a doctor again happened when I moved practice again and went round the same thing again.

Now I’m on a stable dose of 3mg of Lorazepam which I really want to come off using diazepam but would need the doctors help to do this. Im planning on another doctors office to see if I can get anywhere with them as I’m desperate to come off these drugs now and need proper help. Ive also been refused therapy, counselling and mental health services and am currently seeing a addiction centre for it but they haven’t deal with benzos before so don’t know what they are doing at all and I really don’t trust them, I meant how can I cut up a rather small tablet into 16 evenly sized pieces? How the hell do I do this it really seems impossible for me at the moment and I also dosnt help I’m on probation so if I get caught with them I have to serve at least 6 months in prison.

End Psychiatry has epic meltdown

Follow the link to read all the comments.

A sampling:

The damages are to my reputation. The statements also effect me psychologically and make me fear for my life as I am a political dissident in my own country and I speak against state backed psychiatric torture. Calling me ‘crazy’ et al leaves me at serious risk of being tortured. I am psychologically damaged from these types of defamatory statements made in public.” – DC

“Jesus Christ man, let it go. Seems to me you don’t want anyone else’s opinion on any matter. If you don’t want an opinion, then don’t take it. There’s no need to make a storm out of a tea cup. And yes, you seem to love a rant. I write a one sentence comment and you reply 5 times with several paragraphs. That is a rant. Surely you have more important things to worry about than my opinion? IMO saying you have head issues is not slander. You think it is. You’re going to court anyway so you’ll find out. Why is this an argument? Why is this an issue that’s taking up your valuable time? I hope you get what you’re looking for. Good luck. No need to rant on and on about it.” – MA

“I’m blocking now. It’s just not fair for this poor guy. He’s going to have a meltdown if he has to continue replying to all of these comments. I’m just in a state of shock! It’s pure insanity!” – MA

End Psychiatry oh and you’re stalking my personal page too. You know slanderous comments are only slander if they’re not true right? You’re doing a great job making a case for the opposition here…” – MA

“Maybe dont end psychiatry…it might be needed haha” – LW

Do you always wake up in the morning and think about how you can derail civil rights movements and jeopardize the safety of human beings?” – DC

“Can someone explain this to me?The only reason I’m here is due to the admins reputation for blocking people and making unsupported claims. You’re making yourself internet famous due to posts like this…..you’re the one posting mate. Can you really blame them for laughing at your child like responses?” – MB

Ryan Owen so are you implying the statement ‘you definitely have head issues’ is factual? Do you have any evidence to support this assertion if that is your assertion?” – DC

“Mate I was actually trying to help you. This post makes you look crazy AF!!!” – RO

Does psychiatric torture make you happy? Does it make you happy to jeopardize the safety of those I represent by publicly claiming my messages about psychiatric torture of human beings and slander of those who speak out for them ‘makes me look crazy af’?

“You weren’t tortured you were medicated and from my point of view with good reason.” – RO

I was born to lead, get used to it” – DC

It’s the same guy swapping between accounts….it’s pretty funny. We’ve known the whole time. No one agrees with him so he swaps accounts and likes his own comments…..Bwahahaha.” – MB

“I am in the same matter here, in a shabby abandoned locked Ward, London Brixton, not the first time, this time for a compensation due to medical negligence. Taking pictures and videos as well and all sorts of evidence material. Time has changed. International medicine has changed to respect the union of body mind and soul. This is just a hoax of the pharmaceutical industry and repetitive if we go back in time when the concentration camps sold individuals to Bayer for experiments.” – KIS

“Is this a joke?” – PF

“Sadly the admin is real….I thought it was fake too!! He uses fake accounts and likes his own comments but this moron is definitely real.” – MB

Three decades of diet soda robs addict of youth, sanity

What If...
« on: July 15, 2017, 03:17:28 pm »

[Buddie]

So, I am 67, 13 years on Xanax, 3 off. Did 3 decades drinking diet soda. So, June 1, 2017, I went off the sodas and, of course, aspartame. This morning looked at how old I look and feel. Each passing month seems worse. I was wondering what I would look like and feel like if I had never taken any of these poisons. Too late now but a real sad commentary on where I took myself. Sure many of you feel the same. 😢

Benzodiazepine Information Coalition accused of addict shaming by Benzo Buddies members

Re: Benzodiazepine information coalition: does this place exist?
« Reply #42 on: June 23, 2017, 01:34:52 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 22, 2017, 09:53:40 pm
Quote from: [Buddie] on June 22, 2017, 09:32:51 pm
[…],

wanted to ask you your thoughts about the difference between the benzo’s “withdrawal” damage/injury iatrogenic illness, benzo discontinuation syndrome or whatever you want to call it and opiate addiction? because i know for me that opiates caused a craving where as i never craved benzos. you know what i mean/ there’s just a difference in these two drugs. i ponder this a lot.

My only experience with opiates has been the few times I have taken hydorcodone or percocet. I remember having this “wow” feeling the first time I took them so I can see how they could rope someone in.

It seems like benzo withdrawal (or whatever you want to call it) is a completely different animal. They don’t create physical cravings for most people but the severity and duration of the damage they cause to the body seems to be worse in general. I wouldn’t want to find myself addicted to opiates but if I could trade that for what I have experienced over the past 6.5 years from benzos I would do it in a heartbeat. At least if the bulk of your problem is staying off the drugs you might have a fighting chance.

Denying that benzos create physical craving in most people is simply addict shaming, […]. It’s intolerance and approaches bigotry. It shuts down conversation about benzos and is seen by many professionals and lay people as denial. Denial is a hallmark of addiction. This conversation is unpopular here and it’s not my fight. My fight is overcoming a lifetime of taking these pills and regaining my life.

Benzo craving is prevalent here at bb’s and can be seen in the vast majority of early posts before people are indoctrinated into the bb’s culture. Even then the veterans display the cravings in many posts but rationalize it away as specific symptoms. Rationalization is another hallmark of addiction.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate. Humans do!

The term addiction fits for most of us. Breaking the symptoms of withdrawal down into minute details is again denial and rationalization best used only in support groups. The broad picture of the minute details supports an addiction definition and paradigm. Post withdrawal syndrome and the time it takes for the small subsection of us to recover is a whole other discussion.

Refusal by some members here to accept that many many people here are addicted despite the overwhelming evidence otherwise shuts down healthy and critical analysis of our issues. I understand why people don’t want to be associated with addiction. But the very nature of being here at bb’s involved in support for getting off benzos suggests we are associated with addiction. That’s how most of the real world understands this.

I agree that the definition af addiction carries with it many awful preconceptions that it shouldn’t, but that definition is embedded into the worldwide human culture. Overcoming those biases held by everyone who is culturally assimilated is a tall task. Overcoming those biases in our worlds cultures changes the conversation for those of us who are trying to recover to something else.

I apologize to anyone that is offended by this post. It’s not my intent to offend but out there in the real world most people I run into only know this as addiction. It’s how they understand the issue.

Addict shaming sucks where ever you find it.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2017, 02:46:26 pm by [Buddie] »

Klonopin addict loses mind, torches house

I'm 45 and have lost ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
« on: March 14, 2017, 10:16:14 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve been fighting clonazepam withdrawal for four years now. I’ve made it through it twice only to b launched back into it by mistakes. Once from taking a prescribed drug called perphenizine which totally reset me back to zero. And once from taking Aleve. I’m 45 and have lost everything I own. My savings, my 401 k, my stock portfolio and my house ..which burned down while in clonopin withdrawal. My credits destroyed too. I’ve lost over 200,000 total.

I’m 45 yrs old and feel there’s no use in trying to start over. I’m too old. My life is over and I simply do not want to exist anymore.

“Help! Should I take a rescue dose?”

Use of Benzo while withradwing
« on: January 24, 2017, 10:16:50 am »

[Buddie]

Tomorrow I have a meeting with a customer of my company and am of course scared to death.

I know it’s not good, but after dumping all my Valium, I bought a couple of xanax tablets for just in case.

I am really thinking of taking one pill of 0,5 mg only for tomorrow.

Anyone been in the situation in which you have the urge to take a benzo for just the most difficult situation?

Addict back on benzos after wild Mary Jane session ends in ER

Made a big mistake and paying for it- help!
« on: January 10, 2017, 08:45:36 am »

[Buddie]

So this weekend I was very stupid and tried medical marijuana (~15mg). Not completely sure why as I’ve never liked pot before and this was my first time having anything pot related in years. I chalk it up to being young and stupid and a little escapist. It gave me such a bad panic attack I went to the ER. Since I was hyperventilating, vomiting, etc and couldn’t control the panic on my own I was given a single Ativan dose, probably 2mg.

My question is- if there is a “hangover” from the weed, how long until it goes away and/or when will the w/d symptoms from the Ativan reach their max point?

I’ve been feeling horrible and it’s about two days out. Slept one of the two nights, I’m up again tonight with anxiety and nausea/heartburn. It’s not the worst w/d symptoms I’ve had but I work now and it’s getting debilitating. I took tomorrow off and now I’m wondering if I need to take the week as well… I know my chance of some of the more life threatening symptoms from w/d are low but my anxiety just won’t let me believe it :/

Edited for typos 🙂
« Last Edit: January 10, 2017, 09:24:19 am by [Buddie] »