Addict using substances never intended for human consumption but blames benzos for brain damage

What else could this be? + update/doubts
« on: March 02, 2017, 08:31:38 am »

[Buddie]

I feel like a walking nuclear power station in meltdown now. I have SO many severe neurological symptoms now that I am starting to doubt it is Benzo related anymore. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone else, but because I was using substances that were never intended for human consumption, and because there are rare neurological conditions such as Neuromyotonia in my family, I am going to tell the doctor today about all of it. I could have been gulping down poison or some kind of chemical neurotoxins for three years, who knows. I am a stupid idiot, I choked down dozens of those shitty blue ‘pellets’ an hour at some points. I did taper, but I had to taper very fast for the dose, with no medical assistance and a bunch of threats.

I also face the stigma that cloaks any kind of addiction, which frightens me because if I do land up being referred on for some investigations, it may cloud people’s judgement and I’ll just be accused of drug seeking again. This also excludes me from any kind of pain management too. I was in bed for a week last month (even more so than usual) with my period. I was delirious from the pain, felt like someone was repeatedly winding me and tearing my insides up with razors, couldn’t even speak or sit up, just yelp and whimper when the pain and buzzing tore through my insides (buzzing moves into my pelvic area when I get my period). All I managed was the odd 10 minute crawl to the bathroom to almost vomit (never did thankfully). If I stood up, I started seeing stars & darkness and started passing out. It was just me and the easily level 10 pain, in a little bubble of whimpering mess. All this is coming again around the 8th, so not long now!!!!. 
Try being an addict and getting any kind of pain addressed, it’s not going to happen, been there, tried it. Nobody will even investigate Endometriosis with me, probably because they think I’m after pain meds.

Another thing that makes me strongly suspect something else may be at play now is my lack of apparently very common psychological sxs like panic, terror, severe anxiety etc. All the info I have dug up suggests these are more prevalent than all the physical sxs combined. I don’t even have the classic one, Insomnia (I have totally the opposite, extreme exhaustion and inability to move). I haven’t read a single report that has been totally devoid of these mental symptoms. Even if I have a ‘window’ that for me only means a lessening of a couple of symptoms for a few hours, my most severe ones like burning skin, pain, neuropathy and internal vibrations never, ever go away. I imagine people with a variety of neurological conditions also have ‘good days’ where some of their sxs lessen, that pattern is not uncommon for any illness or condition, from flu to brain injuries. I think I was in such a fogged, addled state on Benzos that I ignored my deteriorating health and let something creep in. 

I need some form of resolution before this illness brings on the psych sxs I’ve so far escaped. I feel sort of blessed to have escaped the brunt of the psychological aspect of WD, specially given it certainly seems the worst and most distressing part to many people here. A lot of people also seem to be over the physical, which in withdrawal seems far more prevalent in acute than months out, and are now engaged in a mainly mental climb out of this mess. You can to a certain degree negate the mental aspects with many different coping strategies, not to downplay this aspect of withdrawal at ALL so please don’t think that.
I have suffered ongoing mental health issues such as anxiety (which Benzos quadrupled for me!) all my life. I manage these the same way as I always have. No amount of psychological intervention will negate physical illness though, and I am very, very unwell. It feels like my body is rotting, slowly but surely rotting like a zombie in the Walking Dead (I love that show! lol). I am losing not only weight, but muscle mass too, all my muscles are atrophying. I look like a Walking Dead extra too, my skin is ghost white, my eyes look like someone thumbed them three inches into my head, I am a mess. I simply cannot carry on this way, something has to give.

I am seeing the doctor today and I will be telling him about the family history and all my symptoms. I am really wondering if Benzos just opened the door, fried my CNS and allowed something to take hold. I will of course say I noticed all these sxs once I stopped using Benzos, but I must also take into account the fact Benzos may have been covering something up. They may have reduced both the symptoms of such a condition, and my ability to recognize it.

There are factors for me that point to this being far more than just withdrawal now. Some of my symptoms are above and beyond anything I’ve researched on Benzo withdrawal, and some don’t fit the bill at all.

My internal vibrations/tremoring is so severe now that it rules every last second of my life. I can’t stand, sit, walk or anything with any degree of comfort because it quickly turns to numbness and neuropathy if anything makes contact with my body such as a seat or if I lean against something. I have never, ever heard of this being so extreme or prevalent in WD from any drug. This symptom alone feels like it causes many sxs, and if I could get rid if it, I would get rid of them too. I feel like an alcoholic in acute inside. I wish I was in a way, it seems alcoholics have done the DTs in a few days and are basically ok physically a couple of weeks out. I am still very much ready to accept I may have something other than Benzo WD now though. I haven’t touched a Benzo for 5 months, I know I am over acute, but my body is severely damaged. My brain appears to have scraped through and continues to improve all the time, but having a functioning brain in a broken body is the worst thing any human can possibly experience.

I am so sick now I would not be surprised if I am not sent straight up to the hospital for some urgent tests today. My long suffering husband was a couple of weeks ago, because to top all of this off, he has both Cauda Equina Syndrome (neurological spinal condition), he also has a swollen calf muscle from a suspected partial tendon rupture. They had to rule out DVT. He’s had two normal D Dimer tests, so that’s one thing it’s not. I want to help him with this as much as I can but I am bedridden and extremely unwell. Everything is too much now. Many of my ancestors were tortured and killed in German extermination camps during WWII, and somehow many also survived and told their horrendous stories, so maybe, just maybe, if a human being can survive something as atrocious as that, I will survive this?. I am ready to accept the worst though. I have forgotten what it’s like to wake up and feel ‘well’, I don’t even know what ‘well’ is anymore. I get very upset when I see someone jogging or cycling or jumping around, because I can barely lift my arms above my head. I feel like it’s time to ask for something like a mobility scooter or a f*cking wheelchair. Pardon my language but I’ve had enough of my torture chamber body.

I can deal with this very real possibility, even if whatever it is is going to kill me, fine, just tell me what it is because if something’s going to kill me, I want to get acquainted with it first, please don’t shoot me in the back.

Last off, if anyone suggests I ever reinstate, I will give it some serious consideration because I have reached the end of my rope now, out of slack, no more room for movement in my little box.

« Last Edit: March 02, 2017, 09:09:23 am by [Buddie] »

Cult lionizes Stevie Nicks but always leaves out she abused illegal drugs

Stevie Nicks: ‘I was the worst drug addict’

  • Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks was so addicted to cocaine, alcohol and Quaaludes she blacked out and nearly overdosed repeatedly
  • She wore gold and turquoise bottle inlaid with diamonds around her neck so she was never without coke
  • To avoid body searches by customs in Europe, they hired Hitler’s private rail car complete with the elderly attendant who served the Fuhrer

Before Stevie Nicks checked herself into rehab in 1986, she had snorted so much cocaine it tore a hole through her nose. She bought $1 million worth of cocaine and it burned a hole in her nose the size of a dime. Rumors spread that she had to have the drug blown up her derriere by an assistant.

“All of us were drug addicts,”  the 66-year-old rock icon admitted to Rolling Stone. “There was no way to get off the white horse and I didn’t want to,” Nicks said.

Some poster girl for Ashton’s Church of Benzos huh?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2912497/I-worst-drug-addict-Stevie-Nicks-recalls-cocaine-habit-discusses-dating-60-Rolling-Stone.html

Addict wants to use Ashton to beg shrink for more Xanax

shooff the street
« on: October 29, 2016, 09:10:26 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi ive been geting alprazolam of the stret now for a while if i said 2 a psychiatrist id been geting them of the stret would he or she give me a decent amount of alprazolam & valium if i showed them the ashton manual. I know it their desicion but just wandering

After thirty years addict wants off benzo merry-go-round

30 year Headache!
« on: October 16, 2016, 01:09:45 pm »

[Buddie]

In 1986 I was prescribed Ativan…….In 1995 Diazepam was substituted. until the last year I was unable to come of Benzos. This time last year I was on 40mg of Diazepam daily ( Taken in one go in the morning ) I was told by the local GP surgery I had to come off them. What staggers me is the lack of information, total lack of support. I have done my own research. Phoned a helpline in Bristol. Presented an ignorant GP with tapering guidelines. X wanted me to cut from 15mg to 20mg in less than 2 weeks…The withdrawal was horrendous and totally ruined my Christmas and that of other family members. X Told me I was not suffering from Withdrawal 18 days later and told me I was depressed……Giving me anti-depressant medication.”016 has seen me totally on my own try to withdrawal…I am now down to 8mg and am horrified to feel so awful on trying to cut by 1mg every 2 weeks. I live with daily tension headaches and have had them since taking Ativan years ago…they hav3 never gone away. I just want to share with others anything that can be helpful and also to top feeling so alone in this daily struggle. This last week has been one of the worst weeks of my whole life…..Thank you […]

Pill-crazed hophead eats handfuls of benzos in search of nirvana

Major setback to hell.
« on: October 08, 2016, 09:03:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi friends

I’ve just done the most stupid thing. I’ve been pretty stable on 5mg Lorazepam for 3 weeks now.

I was just about to take my 5mg and accidentally found a supply of Valium that my partner was hiding from me. I’ve had some bad news today and my anxiety/stress has been off the scale all day.

I was like a child in a sweet shop and just couldn’t help myself. I took my 5mg Lorazepam and 10x 5mg Valium. This adds up to 90mg benzo if I’m not mistaken.

My question is will this reset my taper/tolerance and will I have to start again. Will I go through a withdrawal process again until I stabilise.

I’m so mad at myself right now if I didn’t have family to worry about I would hang myself tonight.

Please help.

Xanax-fentanyl combo kills

Fake Xanax cut with potent pain med can be a killer

1 person died, 8 were sickened when illicit pills circulated in San Francisco, doctors report

TUESDAY, Aug. 9, 2016 (HealthDay News) — At least one San Francisco-area drug user died and eight more landed in the ER in late 2015 after taking counterfeit Xanax tablets that had been cut with a powerful and dangerous opiate, a new report shows.

The nine people all had taken tablets that looked very similar to prescription Xanax, down to bearing the same pharmaceutical markings as the legitimate anxiety drug, said report author Dr. Ann Arens. She is a former ER physician at Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital.

But the tablets had been cut with fentanyl, a cheap, synthetic opioid that the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration says is 100 times more potent than morphine. The rock star Prince died of a fentanyl overdose at his Paisley Park recording studio in Minneapolis in April.

“They look exactly the same, and the users that were exposed to these tablets had no idea it was anything other than what they thought they were buying,” said Arens, who recently took a new job as attending ER physician at Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis.

Three people who took the fake pills suffered from heart attacks and one from heart failure, while others experienced a dangerous dip in their respiratory and nervous system function, according to the case report.

The patients included an infant who had to be placed on a respirator after taking a fake Xanax pill he found lying on the ground at home.

The case report was published online Aug. 8 in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine.

Manufacture of counterfeit medications has increased with the epidemic of prescription drug abuse, said Marcia Lee Taylor, president and CEO of the Partnership for Drug-Free Kids.

Drug abusers turn to street dealers to buy prescription drugs when they can’t purchase the medications through a pharmacy, Taylor said. These dealers have no scruples about selling fake tablets that may contain other substances, she said.

Fentanyl is a common ingredient in these counterfeit drugs because it’s cheap and potent, Taylor said.

“Oftentimes illicit drugs are cut with cheaper substances to stretch the product. Fentanyl is just another sort of product on the shelf to cut drugs with,” Taylor said. “Unfortunately, unlike baking soda or other materials used to stretch the active ingredient in a drug, this has very dangerous side effects. It doesn’t take much fentanyl to lead to an overdose.”

Drug abusers turn to street dealers to buy prescription drugs when they can’t purchase the medications through a pharmacy, Taylor said. These dealers have no scruples about selling fake tablets that may contain other substances, she said.

Fentanyl is a common ingredient in these counterfeit drugs because it’s cheap and potent, Taylor said.

“Oftentimes illicit drugs are cut with cheaper substances to stretch the product. Fentanyl is just another sort of product on the shelf to cut drugs with,” Taylor said. “Unfortunately, unlike baking soda or other materials used to stretch the active ingredient in a drug, this has very dangerous side effects. It doesn’t take much fentanyl to lead to an overdose.”

Xanax is a mild sedative normally used to treat anxiety and panic disorders.

The fake Xanax containing fentanyl came to the attention of San Francisco doctors in mid-October 2015, when a man in his 20s and a woman in her 30s were taken to the ER at Zuckerberg San Francisco General Hospital after consuming the pills.

A third person with them, a woman in her 30s, was found dead in their home, Arens said.

The blood of all three tested positive for fentanyl, even though the survivors said they had only used alcohol, cocaine and Xanax, Arens said.

The doctors suspected the Xanax was counterfeit and laced with fentanyl, and their suspicions were confirmed when a fourth patient wound up in the ER. The patient, a man in his early 20s, still had some of the counterfeit Xanax on his person, and testing revealed that the tablets had been cut with fentanyl, Arens explained.

Five more hospitalizations involving fake Xanax cropped up after that, including the infant, two boys in their late teens, a man in his mid-20s and a man in his mid-40s, the report said.

These were difficult cases to treat, because the patients were suffering from symptoms that didn’t line up with what they said they had taken, Arens said.

“People may be presenting differently than what they think they took, and it makes it difficult to diagnose,” Arens said. “It’s hard to predict what someone could have gotten into when they buy things off the street.”

Other deaths occurred as a result of the fake Xanax, Arens said, and will be detailed in an upcoming paper from the San Francisco medical examiner’s office.

These cases should serve as a warning to people tempted to buy prescription medications from illicit sources, be it a street dealer or a shady online retailer, Taylor said.

“If you buy it outside of the medical system and on the street, you’re putting yourself at risk for a counterfeit product,” Taylor said. “You don’t know what’s going to be in it, and how you’re going to react to it.”

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20160809/fake-xanax-cut-with-potent-pain-med-can-be-a-killer

Kooks blame high humidity for taper torture

Does High Humidity Make You Feel 10x Worse?
« on: July 31, 2016, 11:00:34 am »

[Buddie]

I’m holding my taper in an attempt to stabilize and the last week has been much worse but so has the humidity. I stay inside all day with AC but does anyone know what humidity does to a body on benzos/in withdrawal/unstable?

Re: Does High Humidity Make You Feel 10x Worse?
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2016, 12:06:18 pm »

[Buddie]

Yes…it happens the same to me. Now in Spain we are hitting 40 degrees (european system)…and with the humidity it’s fucking insane.

I feel it a lot in the legs…and burning feet.