Brainwashed Benzo Buddies members trained to hide symptoms from family, embrace cult family

Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« on: September 14, 2018, 10:34:57 pm »

[Buddie]

I am really suffering terribly last months, but don’t speak about my symptoms anymore with family and friends. After so long I don’t want to bother them. I get the question “how are” you several times a week and actually the answer in my head is always bad, because that is what it is. The only reason why I am posting so much is because I need to share my thoughts somewhere. Sometimes with response which I appreciate. I am feeling so hopeless and the only thing I think; what if I don’t wake up tommorow? I am fine, wow the fact that these thoughts are going through my mind is something I could not imagine. I used to be the opposite always positive and happy, but don’t see light at the end of the tunnel right now. The fact that 18 months came and went by with 0 improvement is so depressing. Sorry for my negative post.

For all the (long) term sufferers how do you stay positive and what do you do to distract your mind on the worst days? How do you handle your emotions?

Some positive words are appreciated.
« Last Edit: September 14, 2018, 10:47:23 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2018, 10:42:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I can really appreciate your words. I too am trying so hard to keep how I actually feel to myself . I still breakdown with my husband on occasion . I cry most days and just wish the day away. I was always the happy person at the all the events now getting up is a struggle . I feel like I am falling farther and farther away . I am sorry I do not have any encouraging words but wanted you to know how much I understand . Sending you a gentle virtual hug as it is all I have right now

Re: Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2018, 11:00:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Thanks […], too tired and sick to help others right now. So understand your comment.

A bug hug for you too!!

Re: Hiding your actual feeling for family and friends. Feeling so bad!!!!
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2018, 11:23:41 pm »

[Buddie]

We have each other. We can lean on each other. Cry on each other, and no explanation needed. You Don’t have to exert the energy of faking how you are feeling. We know it’s hard. You are significant and only human. There is no judgement here. No one goes to battle and is happy, rested, feeling and looking their best. Just know that your brothers and sisters in this battle understand, support and validate your journey.

[…]

Benzo Buddies forces abused member to choose between cult and family

Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« on: August 19, 2018, 09:16:29 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m the caregiver for my elderly parents. Today they said they’ve had enough of my debilitating symptoms and that I’m choosing to be this way. That I need to see a psychiatrist because they can’t take it anymore. It’s been 2 yrs. and NOTHING is better. Which is true. I don’t know what to do. This is destroying my family. I have no siblings. I tried to explain.

F4m

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2018, 09:50:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I can so relate!

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2018, 09:54:26 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m devastated. It’s my own fault for taking the medication no one forced me.

F4M

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2018, 10:10:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 19, 2018, 09:54:26 pm
I’m devastated. It’s my own fault for taking the medication no one forced me.

F4M

You didn’t know… None of us knew.

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2018, 10:34:30 pm »

[Buddie]

Now, I have to pay the price. It’s been a nightmare and it keeps getting worse. I’m losing everyone I love. I either have to go back on or lose my life. It’s that real.

F4m

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2018, 10:34:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Your parents are fed up? Doesn’t sound like they appreciate what you are trying to do. Can you let them go find their own help? I am sorry but your priority needs to be YOU right now and they could be preventing you from healing. Bye Bye Mom and Dad! That is what I would do. Sorry.

Heartless family sends woman flying into arms of another family… a cult family

Pisses me off that this is not seen as a legimate illness (rant)
« on: December 14, 2017, 01:54:09 pm »

[Buddie]

My mom and other family members love to laugh about panic disorder and anxiety. Why? Because they don’t understand it. My distant cousin who’s gone through some trauma of her own is on 4 different medications for anxiety and depression. The way they just talked about her and another family member who has social anxiety really angered me. They dismiss everything about this illness and just made fun of how she shakes constantly and how the other one can’t look up to say hi to a stranger. I heard them in the back laughing how everyone has a panic disorder. The ignorance just blows my mind.

I don’t find this funny at all. I’m shaking cause I’m so upset right now. What would they do if they experienced 5 minutes of panic? 5 minutes of the mental torment. I bet they’d swallow every pill in sight as well in the hopes of feeling normal again. I know I’m healing and what I’m going through is w/d but there are people out there with legitimate illnesses. For some people this isn’t w/d and is a part of their everyday lives..

Do we need to get cancer for someone to actually care? Do people with mental illnesses need to be hooked up to 4 ivs in a hospital bed for someone to understand? This is not cool. There needs to be more awareness, more compassion in our society. This just sickens me.

I might’ve lost my temper at them and am complelety ok with that. Someone needed to.

FLICKO THE SICKO

Flick was a rather colorful member of benzowithdrawal.com and benzobuddies.org (he would lated be banned). As readers can see, from his cannabis-fueled ramblings below, Flick was crazy, and deeply involved in cults, long before he ever took a benzo, or heard of Ashton…

Nice post NC it’s good to feel that connection with Spirit, wherever it comes from. Personally maybe I will get into a bit of “head” stuff here myself, since I am a man after all. I find it interesting that the three biggest teachers in my life of spirituality died in the past year. Maharishi, Sri Chinmoy, and Adi Da. I learned the TM thing when I was 22 and strung out on hard drugs and could not quit them. The TM worked for me. I did it for years. Now there is a lot of controversy around Maharishi too, like maybe he approache Mia Farrow sexually, but that has pretty much been debunked now. Certainly there has been a kind of “cult” grown up around him and the “yogic flying” seems pretty silly. Still TM saved my life and Maharishi and his teachings have been very beneficial to many. I can’t find fault with his ideal of “world peace” through the vehicle of many people meditating. Now it is is easy for the doubt mind to debunk anything “spiritual” and always throw out the baby with the bath water.

When I was a young ballet dancer in New York, I went to an intro with Sri Chinmoy and this was my first experience of a transmission guru. I felt an intense descending light and bliss in his personal company and also meditatiing on his photo. I became a disciple and wore all white and tried to be celibate and hung out with Carlos Santana and John McGlauphlin who were also disciples. Now I could not handle the sort of strictness with that guru and the two musicians also left in their own time, but that does not devalue Sri Chinmoy or his group in any way. he was very respected in the United Nations did some cool yogic tricks with lifting weights and so forth. His transmission was very real and quite blissful also. Also is was pretty cultic around him , as it always is around a charismatic transmission guru. people like to feel blissful.

I came across Adi Da in 1975 in New York when I heard “Garbage and the Goddess” on WBAI radio “IN the Spirit” by lex Hixon. I had a bad flu and was so moved by Da’s laughter, that I had a sudden and spontaneous lifting of the flu. I read the KOL and saw a “A diffiicult Man” and went to California to join the community. This was the only time I have every felt actual transmission from a book. I felt it in all of Adi Da’s books. For most people, including myself, a relationship with Adi Da is a mixed bag. I felt incredible light and clear and conscious bliss and also states of non separation or “non duality” around him just like he always described in his books. There was always a hard edge to being a disciple of his though. And a certain sort of “darkness” , but I would not necessarily say it is the community’s darkness or Adi Da’s darkness. We all have our dark side and I tend toward depression and fear myself. This is a pretty weird life. Of course Adi Da was not your usual teacher or guru. I know people who were around him in the inner stuff and some feel bad about it and others feel just fine. I never was around the inner stuff and only got the “trickle down” Some people say they were hurt. I don’t know any of them personally except for a couple ahnd they are both still very angry. So everyone who was ever with Adi Da is still trying to figure the whole thing out. many play the “gotcha” game and he is easy to play this game with because of his controversial activities. I think it is a good thing to call out abuses in any arena , whether it be political or spiritual. I would say that George Bush has dwarfed any guru in history with his abuse of the whole world . So is goes round and round and we always feel abused by life itself. But Adi Da has passed now, and people are still so angry that they are beating a dead corpse. Wow I would check out this anger thing.

I am pretty versed in the Traditions since I have studied extensively in Buddhism and under Tibetan lamas and also zen and vipassana. These are real practicing schools. I have never been much attracted to the Ramana lineage myself , partially because it can be pretty mental and I have seen the circus that Poonjaji created by creating all these mini gurus like Andrew Cohen and Gangaji, both of which I have seen and I feel to be real “talking school” so to speak, Just my opinion and preference,

But many love Ramana Maharshi and also Sri Nisardagatta and I respect that for their practice with their teachings. There is certainly and incredible radiance coming off the photos of Ramana and this is not to be discounted. I feel that your really can tell something about a teacher by their photo. This is an intuitive matter and not a mental one.

I have also spent quite a bit of tiime around Ammachi , the hugging saint, and there is a very strong transmission with her too. Of course, many people debunk her too. And certainly it is somewhat “cultic” around her. So what .

I gave lots of money to Adi Dam and to Adi Da personally although it was all underground. I am pretty broke now , but i do not regret it . I felt good about it at the time and felt like i was doing some good with my money rather than hoarding something that never really belongs to you to start with. Generosity is a founding principle of Buddhism. Money comes and goes, and we are closer to death every moment, Flick Rahke

https://nonduality.org/2008/11/28/adi-da-is-dead/#comment-1175

Scientology-lover at Benzo Buddies calls doctors fuckers, threatens to bring them down

I wish we could bring these f*ckers down
« on: October 12, 2016, 01:19:25 pm »

[Buddie]

Disclaimer: I am sorry, this thread won’t be very positive.

I am almost at the end of my taper and I am getting angrier at, especially my ‘doctors/psychiatrists’ (but also on my pharmacy and the manufacturer) by the day. They took at least 10 years of my life and there is nothing we can do nor do I feel that they can do anything to repair this.

However, when I do feel better and have more energy I will definitely try to sue all of them. They should have told me about the potential of addiction and what it can do long-term. Also, when I started this all this stuff wasn’t mentioned in the leaflet. Also, I don’t understand why my pharmacy didn’t warn me, they should never have given me dosages for such long periods.

I do have the problem however that most-likely it has been too long ago that the first psychiatrist gave me this benzo and secondly that I’m located in The Netherlands where my chances of receiving more then a miserable €1000 for this would be close to none. I don’t care too much about money, but I couldn’t finish my college study because of this.

I want to sue these f*ckers even if my chances of winning are close to none and even if this is very negative, I want to let them know what they have done.

THE ADDICT FAMILY

I'm 6 months free and now I find out my son is an addict. Help me please buddies
« on: September 27, 2016, 03:01:40 pm »

[Buddie]

My son has been out of college for two years. He moved to another state to seek employment in his field . He has worked on and off in his craft . His dad and I have financially helped him make ends meet. His last visit home, long story short, we realized he was on drugs. Full disclosure is a whopping habit of 8 mg of Xanax and Subutex per day. He very much wants to stop and we want to allow him to move home to get his life back together. We want to start with a 10 day, outpatient clinic to taper him offthe Subutex (out of state place found on internet that looks reputable. We had a long talk with their doc). At the clinic they would change him over from Xanax to Valium. He would return home and taper off the Valium with the help of a psychiatrist. Could be a very long haul because as we all know Benzo withdrawal is not quick. He will still be withdrawing from Subutex too, l assume, although the drug will have been stopped after 10 days at the clinic. As long as he obeys all our rules is it OK to help him? is the first time he has asked for help with drugs although he has been on Subutex for 4 years and street Xanax for 1 year approximately. . We knew of marijuana smoking but nothing else. I want to provide but tough love. He has no other place to go because he has no money saved yet. I love him more than anything and want him to succeed. Any advice or comments? Thank you all in advance