Cult member turns to alcohol to feel normal after benzo taper fails

Where to live? Dilema
« on: May 07, 2019, 04:52:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone,

I need to make a major life decision and whilst I have people who care for me trying to help I feel like the only people who can truly understand the factors involved in a decision like this are others who have gone through or are going through b.withdrawal. Therefore any comments on this would be hugely appreciated.

I’m due to move house next month but the area I want to move to is very expensive. The reason why I want to move there is because I have some friends and contacts there, and feel I’d be able to my life forward. Whilst going through withdrawal I’ve been making some extra income with art and illustration and think this city will facilitate being able to take that to a career-level. (Which is also amazing therapy). I have also been producing some music remotely with a guy who lives near there and if I moved closer we’d take the music to another level too. In a nutshell I feel like it’s the place to be to start getting myself back on my feet and feel some sense of ‘living’ and working again, even whilst still in recovery.

I’ve lived in numerous different cities and across two countries for work throughout my twenties but I turn 31 next week and I’d like to put some roots down – which this city feels right for.

One major thing is the fact that since being in withdrawal I have been relying on alcohol to feel ‘normal’ when going out and about. It’s not been regular, I’d say I’ve been housebound on average 5 days a week and then will have a couple of glasses of wine to meet up with family for example at the weekend – that kinda thing. It’s something I’m deeply ashamed of, although now I understand this was due to withdrawal. But, I know in order to make a full recovery I need to steer clear of it, maybe for a year and allow the brain to heal. That’s my goal. To do that living alone seems like the best option, rather than with a housemate. If I’m around people when I’m feeling particularly bad it’s too tempting sometimes to have some wine to ease the symptoms (otherwise literally the symptoms can get so bad people call for paramedics despite trying to suppress/stop them).

It seems the most realistically way to do this self-styled ‘rehab’ is to be in an environment that I can control. I’ve also had bad luck with housemates during my twenties where they’ve always turned out to be slightly nuts and I don’t think I can handle the stress of that again, especially at the moment.

However, the cost to rent a studio place is above what I can afford whilst relying on disability support (due to withdrawal). I’m two and half years into this and hopeful in a year or so I will recover and therefore be able to work again. So my friends and family are encouraging me to get something above my budget, even offering to help financially a little in the beginning and telling me to be positive that I’ll be able to work again soon. But, as we all know from BW it’s unpredictable and it’s one thing being positive I will be able to work again soon, it feels like another thing betting the roof over my head on it.

So here are the options I’ve come up with but I’m just going round in circles in my head trying to figure this out – hence reaching out on here.

Option one:
I rent something suitable for my health, slightly above my budget, accept some help from my father and work hard to get my art and design business off the ground to sustain the payments. Risk: fail to meet payments – have to move again.

Option two:
Share with someone. Cheaper but not ideal for a ‘rehab’ environment or lifestyle and probably not much space to grow the art business (I work quite large). Risk: using alcohol to keep up appearances / stressful situations with housemate/s – have to move out again.

Option three:
Rent a studio in a different part of the country. In my budget we’re looking at somewhere fairly rural/crappy city. Risk: feeling isolated / lack of opportunities and friends. Mental health could suffer.

My closest confident that I’ve known for ten plus years, who’s seen me go through this from day one, got frustrated with me for not being able to just pull myself together and got a full time job so I can afford a studio in this city. My Dad is encouraging me to ‘think positive’ and ‘take the adventurous risk’, but it’s exacerbating trying to explain that just getting through this is being positive, and that it’s a balance between being positive and being prepared for any worst case scenarios/risks.

I don’t think (understandably) anyone fully understands the mental and physical challenges that come with BW. There are days when I just feel I need to be alone to recharge, not putting on a brave face to housemates, and equally I want to be able to go out and do things that lift my spirits (meet gallery owners / record music) when I feel able to. NB – I find travelling challenging too at the moment (and currently don’t drive) so being within a short walking/cycling distance to a community feels pretty key.

I want to live in my own little safe space where I can recover at my own pace, sustainably without financial stress, in a community that encourages some socialisation and a brighter future. It just seems like I can have two of these things, not all three.

Any suggestions from anyone?
(Thank you)

Kook ditches pills, finds lump in testicle, goes back on pills, starts to cry

Going nuts.... literally
« on: April 20, 2018, 05:36:03 pm »

[Buddie]

Every since i jumped ive had a on and off pain in my testicles, i found a lump and had it checked a while back and doc said it was a cytst and nothing to worry about. Im back on 1mg and this pops up every know and then.i was able to tell myself for a while that it was nothing and push it back. Im not sure why but im getting the impending doom and crying alot in the morning. Especially when my stomach or my tenders are bothering me. My stomach and everything below feels inflamed. I wouldn’t even call it pain just annoying and enough to mess my head completey up. Before i jumped cold turkey i never had one problem out of that area down there. Sorry i know theres females on here and im trying to keep it pg. But anyone else ever had this? The whole inflamed stomach, pelvic tightness, aching tenders ect…

Pill gobbler hungry for new party drug after benzos let him down

Benzo Substitue
« on: February 13, 2018, 07:56:12 pm »

[Buddie]

Ok so I’ve gone the Benzo route and we all see how that went. I legit have anxiety – is there anything non-rebound/dependent out there?

Scientology and Benzo Buddies both lie about their membership numbers

  • In 2001, the American Religious Identification Survey (ARIS) reported that there were 55,000 adults in the United States who consider themselves Scientologists.[158] A 2008 survey of American religious affiliations by the US Census Bureau estimated there to be 25,000 Americans identifying as Scientologists.[159][160]
  • The 2001 United Kingdom census contained a voluntary question on religion, to which approximately 48,000,000 chose to respond. Of those living in England and Wales who responded, a total of 1,781 said they were Scientologists.[161]
  • In 2001, Statistics Canada, the national census agency, reported a total of 1,525 Scientologists nationwide,[161] up from 1,220 in 1991.[162] In 2011 census the number of scientologist raised to 1,745.[163]
  • In 2005, the German Office for the Protection of the Constitution estimated a total of 5,000 – 6,000 Scientologists in that country, and mentioned a count of 12,000 according to Scientology Germany.[164]
  • In the 2006 New Zealand census, 357 people identified themselves as Scientologists, although a Church spokesperson estimated there were between 5,000 and 6,000 Scientologists in the country.[165] Earlier census figures were 207 in the 1991 census, 219 in 1996, and 282 in 2001.[161]
  • In 2006, Australia’s national census recorded 2,507 Scientologists nationwide, up from 1,488 in 1996, and 2,032 in 2001.[161][166] The 2011 census however found a decrease of 13.7 per cent from the 2006 census.[167]
  • In 2011 support for Scientology in Switzerland was said to have experience a steady decline from 3,000 registered members in 1990 to 1,000 members and the organization was said to be facing extinction in the country. A Church of Scientology spokeswoman rejected the figures insisting that the organization had 5,000 “passive and active members in Switzerland”.[168]
  • Benzo Buddies currently lists 39,257 members. In actuality, less than 1% of that figure are active members. A simple way to prove this is by checking who has posted, easy for any member to do (most members have posted once, or twice). Another way to prove this is by looking at any of the cult’s so-called benzo petitions – you will find most of them can barely manage 200 people (worldwide).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_Scientology#Membership_statistics

Benzo Buddies fanatic begs cult’s permission to get a dog

Dogs
« on: October 17, 2017, 12:36:38 pm »

[Buddie]

Is a dog a good idea or a bad idea. 12 months out still not too well. My wife bought a puppy for me.