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Considering Nursing Home care « on: November 01, 2017, 11:34:47 pm »
Hello everyone,
I have been through multiple withdrawals, almost on a monthly basis, over the past 5 years of being on klonopin. I made a huge mistake doing that, and I now know it. I was so frightened and terrified that I couldn’t even think straight. Even on the medication, I was in a lot of distress. I am now hardly able to take care of myself. I have lost almost all proprioception and can’t feel the muscles I’m tensing. This actually started possibly years ago. I am at a point where I have encountered near death experiences of being completely out of my body, much more than just dr/dp. I haven’t been able to let my body relax since my high anxiety took me into dr/dp 7 years ago (upon which I became frozen in my own body and couldn’t get help or info anywhere), 2 years before I was on meds. I am afraid to move or even think about most of my body and head. My sense of my body is constantly fluctuating. I have saucer sized pupils almost all day every day. When I look at them under light in the bathroom, they are constantly becoming huge then small. My mother has been taking care of me for the past 3 years, but she is getting older and I can’t put this on her anymore. I am only 31, but I am becoming severely disabled by this. If I even think about my body I feel pain. Over the years of repeated withdrawal, I have been mentally running away from what is happening to me more and more. The more I go on, the worse everything is getting. I am now having near-death compelete out of body experiences frequently. My nervous system is so wired that when I get up to do something, I am completely out of my body and can’t feel anything. When I sit down I start to feel all kinds of pain and horrible sensations. My proprioception is totally gone. My mouth feels sideways sometimes. Other times it starts to feel gigantic. And it is all I can really notice. Something is very wrong with me. I’ve done some kind of damage that I couldn’t feel because I’ve been outside of my body for years. I do have a feeling that I’m going to die, but it’s not a panicky one that I had 7 years ago when I entered dr/dp. This is an oddly calm acceptance.
So, I really think I need to be in a nursing home under medical care despite my age. I just contacted my doctor about it and I’m waiting for a reply. I know this seems crazy to everyone else in my life, but I know it’s what needs to be done in case something happens and to relieve the burden on my mother. I’m only getting worse and worse, and I have a feeling I’m on the verge of a serious occurrence that may threaten my life. I may even have to go back on klonopin just to stabilize. Just maybe there is a possibility I could do a supremely slow taper at some point in the distant future after I possibly correct the things that are physically wrong with me. To be honest, a lot of what I read here is what I experienced during my first or second year on the med. I feel like I unknowingly kindled myself dozens of times and found out all of this information I found way too late.
So, I guess my question is, what do you guys think? I’m losing my abilities to do anything even worse than before. I was hardly able to take care of myself the last few years on klonopin. I just sat in my chair hoping to distract myself at my computer. I had to leave grad school a year before I had my phd, and I pretty much became homebound then. I thought it was all just some mysterious thing that was destroying me and no one could figure it out. Now I know, but it’s too late. Do you think I will be able to do this? Do they have to have a definite diagnosis for me to be put in there? Please let me know anything you have to say about this.
Re: Considering Nursing Home care « Reply #1 on: November 02, 2017, 12:05:41 am »
If you tell your doctor what you just wrote they won’t put you in a nursing home unfortunately, they’ll send you to a psych hospital. I know your feeling rough and guilty but you got to pull yourself together for your family. Vent all you want, it helps for sure but just know that you aren’t broken forever. This will end one day. You might have underlying issues as so I as well but this isn’t baseline if you weeent like this prior to the meds.
This can't be normal losing hope! 7 month wave that is getting worse! Help « on: June 11, 2017, 10:01:09 pm »
Ok I’m really getting scared now and I don’t know what to do? Please don’t be made at me I know I keep talking about these symptoms but they really are continuing to get worse and today even more so than yesterday it hit yet another level of increased severity.
I woke up this morning to a new level of suffering that’s even worse than the last 3 weeks combined and I even tried to get up and shave and take a shower and go to church and that was a challenge in and of itself.
I somehow made it to church although I don’t even remember hardly any of it the pain physically and emotionally has been so severe but I made it. Sat in my car for I don’t know how long then tried to stand up and go into the church and could hardly walk the pain pressure burning numbness and physical symptoms in my head were so severe I couldn’t think or hardly stand up I was extremely disoriented and was kinda going in and out of reality it seemed almost I guess what it would feel like having a concussion and severe migraine at the same time. My nervous system was so bad and the anxiety so high I was literally shaking very nauseous light headed dizzy and couldn’t breath and the horrible intrusive and racing thoughts were on so loud I couldn’t think or hardly talk or keep my head up.
I made it into the church and had to set down immediately and could only lay my head down on my lap and couldn’t even focus on what the minister was saying. At the end of church my mom wanted me to come up for prayer and she had to help me up there I couldn’t stand up or walk on my own and after the church prayed for me I just feel on my moms shoulder and started crying and couldn’t move and thought I was gonna pass out.
We we went to eat after church and it was all I could do to get through the meal and had to come straight home and came straight in my room and feel out on the bed. I guess I feel asleep for a little bit but now I’m awake again and don’t wanna be cause this is crazy and the symptoms are so severe now I can’t hardly function at all and I feel like with the physical symptoms my brain and body are completely shutting down and the emotional symptoms are so severe I feel like I’m having a complete psychotic breakdown and losing all sense of reality.
I don’t understand how and why these symptoms continue to get more and more severe but I’m losing it and I can’t handle anymore this is crazy.
I haven’t changed anything with the Zoloft now in 3 months and I’ve heard about the 6 month wave that comes with benzo WD and many I’ve talked to have had a major increase or uptick in symptoms between 6-9 months before improving but this is out of control and it’s getting to the point I can’t handle it it’s so bad.
Its been over 3 almost 4 weeks since this wave hit and it’s. It getting any better just worse. It was so bad this week that I ended up in the ER had to call out one day of work and left early one day and if this continues like this I want survive and I for sure want be able to work.
This can’t be normal and I’m literally hanging on by a thread. In the last 3 weeks I’ve went from bad and coping the best I could to the worst symptoms I’ve ever experienced with this and not being functional at all and feeling like I’m losing my mind.
There is so much pressure pain burning and numbness in my head I can’t walk or talk or stand up for any length of time o feel physically sick and nauseous and like I’m gonna pass out can’t even hardly hold my head up. And the emotional symptoms are so severe the confusion, DP/DR, racing and intrusive thoughts that I really am don’t having a complete psychological breakdown losing it and don’t know how much more I can take?
