Meet the Benzo Buddies Team: Pianogirl

pianogirl

My story starts with a trip to the ER for what were some dizzy, lightheaded symptoms I was having. I remember the day clearly, I had been painting our bedroom and although I had had episodes like this before, this time it was much worse. All the tests were normal and my doctor told me it was a middle ear issue and sent me to an ENT. Unfortunately the doctor was very busy and spent little time with me. He gave me a prescription for Ativan and said that the condition I had would just go away. After 6 weeks of taking Ativan I was dependent but didn’t know it, in fact I didn’t even know what a benzo was, because I’m stupid and have lived under a rock for the past 50 years. I was told to stop it, since it was a very low dose, for a vestibular wellness test, and that’s when I became very ill. Little did I know that I was going through withdrawal. My doctor said it wasn’t the Ativan because I had stopped it 2 weeks before. All the many medical tests came back normal. I was indeed anxious at this point and having so many scary symptoms, rather than keep trying the many sample meds my doctor gave me, which also made me ill, I decided to see a psychiatrist.

After being diagnosed as severely mentally ill, I was put on clonazepam and many antidepressants and other medications that my sensitive system could not tolerate. I began to feel sicker still and went for more tests and procedures. Around this time I started to research my medications, and asked my doctor many times about the safety of taking the clonazepam long term. My psychiatrist was on the right route, he just took a wrong turn. He’s stupid. He had my hormones tested as well as my thyroid because he didn’t see a psychological reason for the anxiety and other symptoms. After changing doctors once again, both my new doctor and I decided the medications were making me ill. I came across the Ashton Manual and we used it for a cross over to Valium since I was finding it difficult to taper from the clonazepam.

I found BenzoBuddies after I finished my taper and as with many here I so wish I had found it earlier. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but the most important. I am so much more proactive about my health and knowledgeable thanks to the people here at BenzoBuddies. They provided me a safe, kind and caring place to come whenever I needed encouragement or validation that what I felt was normal for withdrawal. This is a community of believers, believing that recovery will happen, that healing will occur, that Ashton and Colin are our gurus. Never lose sight of the goal to be benzo free, every day is a step in the right direction. I am happier than ever before even though I am not completely healed and I am so happy to be able to give back to those who have helped me so much.

2012-03-27

Benzo Buddies forces abused member to choose between cult and family

Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« on: August 19, 2018, 09:16:29 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m the caregiver for my elderly parents. Today they said they’ve had enough of my debilitating symptoms and that I’m choosing to be this way. That I need to see a psychiatrist because they can’t take it anymore. It’s been 2 yrs. and NOTHING is better. Which is true. I don’t know what to do. This is destroying my family. I have no siblings. I tried to explain.

F4m

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2018, 09:50:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I can so relate!

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2018, 09:54:26 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m devastated. It’s my own fault for taking the medication no one forced me.

F4M

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2018, 10:10:20 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 19, 2018, 09:54:26 pm
I’m devastated. It’s my own fault for taking the medication no one forced me.

F4M

You didn’t know… None of us knew.

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2018, 10:34:30 pm »

[Buddie]

Now, I have to pay the price. It’s been a nightmare and it keeps getting worse. I’m losing everyone I love. I either have to go back on or lose my life. It’s that real.

F4m

Re: Family Is Fed Up!!!!
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2018, 10:34:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Your parents are fed up? Doesn’t sound like they appreciate what you are trying to do. Can you let them go find their own help? I am sorry but your priority needs to be YOU right now and they could be preventing you from healing. Bye Bye Mom and Dad! That is what I would do. Sorry.

One day we will read of a Benzo Buddies member committing a mass shooting

Threw a tantrum like a little kid humiliated
« on: February 14, 2018, 03:59:03 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t know why but looking back just now I realized I threw somewhat of a tantrum when I was at a facility well it was called a facility bit it was terrible. Now I feel so embarrassed I don’t know why I did that I was so pissed and scared at the time I thought they were trying to keep me there. I was just cold turkeyed just before maybe that’s had something to do with it

Re: Threw a tantrum like a little kid humiliated
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2018, 05:34:20 am »

[Buddie]

It would […]. :tickedoff:

I was sitting on a very crowded and cramped bus stop about 3 weeks ago and it was really hot.  The bus had those air brake things, and as each bus arrived and departed the air brakes made a horrible hissing, squealing sound.

I kept enduring until I just screamed at the final bus and told it to shut the F up.  Everyone looked at me.  Aarrgghh.

I was so embarrassed but did apologise to those around who looked at me strangely.  I never do stuff like that, it just overcame me.

I was in early WD and my apology was accepted.

It gets better.

Dee  :smitten:

Re: Threw a tantrum like a little kid humiliated
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2018, 11:30:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Vyea I just got into a big fight with my dad and I told him off he asked to help and I told him no and he kept going. And I started a fight with him and cursed him out I don’t feel to bad about it I’ve walked on eggshells a lot and it felt good to say f-u to him
« Last Edit: February 16, 2018, 11:40:26 pm by [Buddie] »

Pro-Scientology End Psychiatry leader: ‘Psychiatry inspired the Holocaust’

BenzMom’s off pills but will be right back on them after a few months at the online Jonestown called Benzo Buddies

BenzMom Introduction
« on: February 05, 2018, 06:33:25 pm »

BenzMom

I am the mother of two children who was placed on Xanax over 15 years ago shortly after my daughter was born. In the course of those years I went off and on Xanax for about 5 years then my mother who was battling a long term battle with a malignant brain tumor became very sick. The Xanax led to other drugs all prescribed by my dr but I like many others needed more not realizing I was dependent. My mother passed away and other tragedies followed in my family. This past August I entered a rehab facility in another state for 5 weeks and gained my life back. I am off of Xanax and all other meds I was on for almost 6 months.

Thank you to this forum.

Cult benzo tapers land Ashton devotees in psych ward

5 days out... superior stupidity
« on: January 19, 2018, 07:46:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello buddies,
I am entering day 5, again, if you check my signature last time
I had 5 days I was running to the hospital and ended up 6 days in a psych unit.. put back on a rapid taper, 3 days, I feel the same symptoms coming on, cognitive impairement,
Confusion, brain zaps, head pressure, burning skin, twitching fingers… I am and will ride this out.. not going to the hospital again so maybe I know what to expect, the part that scares me the most are the mild hallucinations I experienced last time…
I will not dwell on it…
Just ride it out…

Re: 5 days out... superior stupidity
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 12:16:37 am »

[Buddie]

How are you doing since being released from the psych ward? Did they help you? I was in the psych was Aug, Sept, Oct, and November. I’m pretty much like you-don’t want to go back so I’m riding it out at home. My newest crappy symptom is chest pain and racing heartbeat. I hope you feel better soon!

Benzo Buddies = red meat to cyberchondriacs

Chickened out at the dentist
« on: January 17, 2018, 12:00:21 am »

[Buddie]

My back molar cracked in half. So I got a filling. Then an infection in the tooth. Took antibiotics for three weeks (caught strep at the same time this is why so long on antibiotics)
Then my tooth still hurts but I’ve read that a root canal can have negative effects on our body (not withdrawal or benzo related) do I opted for getting it taken out except my stomach has been hurting and I’ve had a hard time breathing and felt like headed that I started thinking maybe my h pylori is still there and now I have bad thoughts that I have a bleeding ulcer.
So now my thoughts are :
1. Bleeding ulcer
2. H pylori still present
3. Tooth infection causing light headbess, nerve pain, etc.

I feel like nothing I do is right
If I fix one thing
Something else goes wrong
I can’t take this
I’m so scared 😖

Are Benzo Buddies members forbidden to have sex?

Physical intimacy (for women mostly) Getting it back
« on: January 16, 2018, 04:39:48 pm »

[Buddie]

I miss having passion. Initially, I know the benzos just about killed it. Tapering (and the wd) put the nail in the coffin. I am in the later stages of menopause, that contributes. I do believe once I finish my taper, then heal from that, it will come back, perhaps just not as strong. Anyone find a way to wake up your desire while in the prices of tapering?? (not porn) Thanks!

Re: Physical intimacy (for women mostly) Getting it back
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2018, 09:41:57 am »

[Buddie]

I was tapering through the menopause, which was no picnic! I had a problem with dryness – which I solved by using a simple OTC lubricator.
I didn’t take any HRT – my own choice. I am now about 2 yrs post menopause and the dryness has actually improved.
Tapering is stressful, and when you’re under stress – it’s hard to feel playful and sexy – but I still appreciated the closeness of an intimate relationship with my husband. Try and have some fun outings together, or do things you both enjoy – or whatever you like to do together. Just enjoying each other’s company will help to bring the passion back.