Kooks add frequent urination to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Frequent urination
« on: March 16, 2018, 03:36:45 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi

On this past Sunday I dropped my klonopin from .25 mg to .125 mg and four days later ( Tuesday) I started having to go to the bathroom like four or five times an hour. If I drink water I have to pee minutes later and it’s usually only a little bit. Is this from the withdrawal? I am worried because I also have a herniated disc which can cause bladder problems but I went and had an MRI and they said it wasn’t the disc. So now I’m wondering if it’s a withdrawal symptom.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks

Re: Frequent urination
« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2018, 04:02:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on March 16, 2018, 03:36:45 pm
Hi

On this past Sunday I dropped my klonopin from .25 mg to .125 mg and four days later ( Tuesday) I started having to go to the bathroom like four or five times an hour. If I drink water I have to pee minutes later and it’s usually only a little bit. Is this from the withdrawal? I am worried because I also have a herniated disc which can cause bladder problems but I went and had an MRI and they said it wasn’t the disc. So now I’m wondering if it’s a withdrawal symptom.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Thanks
Yes. It’s fairly common in withdrawal as the adrenal system is impacted. The hormone aldosterone is secreted by the adrenals and helps retain sodium and prevent excessive urination. I went through this and had to take desmopressin to control it. It will improve as adrenal function normalizes.  :)–V

Benzo Buddies members give up sex to devote years-long tapers to cult guru

Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« on: February 12, 2018, 12:05:30 am »

[Buddie]

Does orgasms make your symptoms worse? I feel like my anxiety, fatigue, depersonalization, everything gets worse after orgasm and doesn’t get better until about a week of abstinence…

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 01:27:07 am »

[Buddie]

My head starts hurting and I feel more pressure in it
It scares me
😒 can’t even enjoy sex

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2018, 01:41:21 am »

[Buddie]

Yes, I think this happens to me. If I feel good before, and […] for a few hours after having one, but a few hours later I feel horrid. I guess it takes a lot of our energy, or maybe the pleasure center in our brain is tapped too much. Fortunately, this symptom resolves itself for me after a while. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am »

[Buddie]

It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2018, 01:50:45 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am
It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.
Of course, as a guy. this doesn’t apply to me, but very recently I discontinued Melatonin, a hormone which I used as a sleep aid for 18 months, and from what I understand the US (where I am) is the only country that allows it to be sold OTC. Perhaps going off of it contributed to my post-O slump and other problems

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2018, 04:45:36 am »

[Buddie]

Orgasms don’t seem to bother me but I definitely notice feeling way worse during my period, so I can believe that hormones are involved.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2018, 07:44:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:50:45 am
Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am
It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.
Of course, as a guy. this doesn’t apply to me

Actually, us guys have hormones as well — they are just different ones. Testosterone is a hormone. And there is in fact a big hormonal change in the brain after orgasm in males. My impression is that the orgasm also has an affect on the central nervous system, and since said nervous system is irritated… It would make sense that there would be symptoms. In my first bad experience with quitting benzos years ago, I would always feel like crap after an orgasm. Never knew why! Now I do…

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2018, 02:02:44 pm »

[Buddie]

sex. i cant even imagine, i can barely make it outside through this much less meet a woman! :P
ugh benzo withdrawal

Rahke’s Ramblings: Sicko Flicko recounts tale of when his cult guru Adi Da Samraj translated into white light (died)

Beloved
November 14, 2011 at 10:58am

Thank you my dear friends. I am finding Facebook to be a gas and a major vehicle of the Avataric Guru Adi Da Samraj{my Guru for many lifetimes now}.

This is the real beginning now of the Badmitton Diaries and my life story and spiritual autobiography. It is fitting that I blog so late, cause I am wild late nite person. i cannot seem to get the discipline down of going to bed early and gettin up early. and I do not care anymore anyhow. LOL

So here is the scoop and I will elaborate over the next few days. In the last few months, Adi Da Samraj , my Guru has rapidly drawn me into the fourth stage of life. This is the beginning of real spiritual practice in HIs Way of the Heart and a sort of “beginner practice” But he calls it the Salvation Phase of Divine Enlightement. I am sitting here laughing my ass off now as I write . Humor Suddenly Returns.

In “lay terms” what this means is that my gross human level ego has been ‘blown out” in the Divine He and She. Many would be deluded into thinking they are “Enlightened” if they experienced some of what I experience every moment now and now and now, but Beloved gives his devotees discrimination and a perfect map of Life and Enlightment, so you know exactly who , what and where you are or are not really. no ego left no Oedipal patterning. no fear, no neurosis, no anger , no sorrow. non stop JOY and LOVE Bliss. no separation from the Goddess, no separation from Da God. tears and laughter. a non stop dance of joy effortless discipline, Big Balls LOL

I have to say that I owe much to the Institutional Church of Adidam. It is one of Beloved’s Divine Shakti vehicles in this world. But I owe everyting of This to my Guru Himself. We all know what I am talkin bout.

This really started an infinite amount of lifetimes ago. But it really really really started for me in the year of our LOrd 2000, at the ongoing Event known as Ruchiradam, where i was bodily present in the bedroom of my guru as he Translated into White Light. yikes This was actually two days after the actual Beginning of the Event.

I was not even a “formal devotee” then as i have been off and on since 1975. Davide asked me to come on a seva retreat and be his chauffeur since I was a pro cabdriver LOL

Anyhow we were all given Darshan one by one at the foot of Beloved Adi Da’s bed as He sat on his bed Radiating Divine Enlightenment. A Super NOva in yur face. Nuclear meltdown of your puny self ego. yikes. it was a Glory and I had no idea what would happen to me. I spent the next 10 years in a Purgatory or Hell , being completely purified by Mother Kali o many many lifetimes of karma. He , She was preparing me for this time. In some ways, not so fun , considering that my CNS was damaged by tranquilizers, that I was on for panic attacks, and extreme fear, insomnia, and more fear . I have been afraid of death and women for my whole life until the last few months. now no fear of death or women LOL

So now, with my damaged CNS, I am conducting the direct Heart Shakti of the Divine Being down my frontal line. Instant and effortless chi gung. all the way down Beloved is doing Everything. I get kriyas some but not much, considering. i get a bit “mannic” and just do my comedian thing and dance a lot “Dancing Down The Light” Too much pot gives me a bit of the shakes , due to my extreme sensitivity LOL

I love women so so much now and it ain’t from the testosterone cream I am using LOL they love me now too.
So I opened my Laughing Mama studio in Lake Co on my fiftieth birthday in 2000 and then the meltdown my dance partner , Heather performed with me that nite and mentioned how ai was finally healthty and in shape and my fifties would be “glorious” LOL LOL Then Ruchiradam and I lost it all, my physical and mental health, all my hard won fortune and property. I had a gallbladder surgery that destroyed me in one nite . Horrible scarring pain nonstop in my insides for years and years. panic, trauma , and fear and tranq addiction, horrible years of drug w/d s. horror upon horror never ending. I was in a Hell and had not the slightest idea what was going on.

I had no way to hold onto the toe of my Guru , but unbeknownst to me , He was holding me in His Loving Embrace { the Embrace of His Laughing Mama Form , that is} Mother Kali eats her young and is the destroyer of egos.

An actual human being, a male friend of mine, actually took on the form of Mother Kali for me. My friend’s name is Brian. We are friends now again. i did not trust him for awhile however LOL It is very difficult to trust Mother Kali while she is eating yu alive yikes, the nerve of Da Bitch.

I have always been very pro active to help me in my suffering LOL and this was actually very useful. I did a strong Buddhist mediation practice for years , often under the tutelage of a wonderful young tantric master, anam thubtenm in Point Richmond . I used to have a private audience with him and tell him how much I was suffering, He would laugh and ask me what I would be doing if I was not suffering, I said that i would be gettin high, surfing , and chasing gurls He laughed and said “See”? I cried a lot with sorrow back then and now I cry in Love Bliss a lot.

I was a devotee of Amma for a couple of years and she helped a lot in oh so gradual healing she took away all my fear once for two weeks, but Avatar Adi Da took it away permanently, this is a good thing LOL

So i am reopening the studio{well me and Brian are doing it as a coop team} on Jan 1 with me and others doing some fun and professional {LOL} performances with an all nite “Dancing Down the Light” initiated by Bhagavan Adi da the hippest Guru Who Ever Lived. I aleady booked Omer, the wizard of Harbin , to spin the Chillroom, from 2 to 5 a.m. more to come

Uncle Flicky Da Water Walker

Site mascot Flicko the Sicko starts GoFundMe for lyme disease treatments, CBD oil business, and new Prius

This is an urgent and life and death matter for me, because I will be literally in the street at the end of this month and I don’t think I can survive in the street with lyme disease.

I’m on the verge of becoming homeless and losing my precious 4 cats.

Wow $385 in the first two hours! Thanks!

The tofu was marinated in yeast and tamari and tasted kind of like chicken.

I need money to pay my past due bills and rent, and money to start a new online herbal tincture business for lyme disease patients. My good friend also manufactures the best CBD oil and wants me to market it online too. I also need money to continue all my lyme disease natural treatments.

I have been getting some nice donations today and hope to break $3000 today! My revised goal is $5000. which is a lot more realistic than $25,000 LOL

Thanks to all my devotee friends who have donated in the past day!

I felt like I was really in direct service to Beloved Adi DA.

I got to sit with Beloved Adi Da in the big hall, where He gave Darshan and answered questions from all, and even took complaints. It was a very very intense evening, but I felt His Transmission strongly.

I also need money for a down payment for a Prius so I can work for Uber while my business ramps up.

Almost broke the $3000 mark today It would be good to get to $3500 today because I know these gofundme things wear out fast LOL My new goal is $5000 , not $25,000

This is going great for one day! Thanks to all devotees helping!

Well, the link got shut down for a day, but I am glad it is up again. Part of my story was deleted, though

I pray that my campaign will pick up again soon. I am kind of stalled at $2387 and, now would like to bring in $5000 as a goal.

I remember very fondly being the cook and janitor at the original Big Wisdom school in Sleepy Hollow. All the kids were very young then and I loved talking with them.

I am grateful for my friend Roger setting this up for me on the Matrix. I started one also, but it all goes on Facebook, where a lot of devotees don’t spend any time.

I would love to make it to $4000!

Wow , my campaign has almost died out, but I would love to be able to still reach 4000 Thanks to all who donated and I hope there are a few out there I reached out to who will still chip in some and help me get to $4000! Thanks

I just need $550 more from this campaign, and I can start my tincture business and have a down payment for a Prius so I can work some that way driving in San Fran. I am not looking for handouts, really, just help to be able to make a living while I am still sick with lyme disease . Thanks to Bruce and Swanzie for the donations yesterday!

Any help for me and my cats would be most appreciated

https://www.gofundme.com/flick-back-in-business

https://www.gofundme.com/gc5dkbjw

Kooks add urinating all night to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Urinating all night!
« on: March 18, 2016, 07:57:12 pm »

[Buddie]

 Don’t know how to put this gently so here it is. When I go to bed, I’m up all night gong to the bathroom, lije 12-15 times a night . I’m 40 years old, I drink an average of 40oz. Of water per day. Can’t get any sleep because of this. Anyone?

DIRT

I did have a ballerina girlfriend at one point and also a bit later , a Roumanian girl who was a big time violinist in the symphony there in New York, I tried it a couple of times with a guy, that is my experience with it, although one roomate was always going at it with guys in our apartment, I got to hear a lot, ha ha Flick frak

No ,not gay, I decided to try it very briefly as an adult and did try it exactly twice, I did not get turned on and it was somewhat a fiasco, I am not sure what being attracted to women in their twenties and thirties has to do with gayness, or being single and not married,. Many older married men come out after years of marriage. I am not obsessed with it all like you, because i am not Catholically repressed. I do not consider women in their thirties and twenties to be “very very young women” i would consider women in their teens to be very very young, so why not go for it? just be your real self and come on out, Flik frack

Don’t pay too much attention to “texwatson” he is just an imaginary character dreamed up in the twisted mind of “Mike 59” who was foolish enough to pick the name of a sick and twisted Manson family psycho killer for the username here{due to Mike’s overly crazy fascination with the manson family} Flick

Mark 49 is the dumbest version of the Mike 59 troll. texwatson, with the obvious obsession with the Manson familiy killers is the most kinky and bizarre, which makes sense, since this character is pretty dumb but also kind of kinky and bizarre. “James” is the closest to the original, because “he” is the most obnoxious, toxic, and just nasty. “C” is rather bizarre because of the sudden change, but that was kind of an interesting effect. making him this whacked out pothead that he was attacking and then having “C” become his bosom buddy over nite and becoming “clean” ha ha. I wish these posts I put to remain, so when this all comes to the light of day, which is soon will, that people will remember what I wrote here and see how incredibly dumb they have been , buying this sick load of bull from the troll. pathetic reallly. Flick

Thank you , Julie for your common sense attitude that you posted here. a breath of fresh air in the midst of some rather narrow minded and hypocritical hysteria. sometimes these threads are like reading something from the movie “Reefer Madness” film that is now considered a comedy , but, as a propaganda film was taken seriously way back in the thirties. I don’t see any harm in coffee, but is is a stimulant, so many who are anxious{which is most who took benzos} or have trouble sleeping might want to be cautious about drinking it. depends on the individual. I can’t drink coffee myself, but i can use herbs with no problem . Heck marijuana does not impact me like coffee does . but I was never able to drink coffee after college. I think I had an overdose of espresso in an Italian place in Little Italy in New York when i lived there. ha ha that was the end of coffee for me. got wired over the top on three cups of espresso Flick

Yes, Mike 59, other wise know as scotty, holds the honor of being the biggest and nastiest troll here. been at it for quite a while. he was “laying in wait” for quite a while and then emerged from his cocoon to harrass as many as possible. gets a “thrill” out of it. Flick

Mikey 59 is off his five day ban now , and will be very activated here again in the form of his “sock puppets{imaginary and fake personnas}, “James”, “Mark 49”, “Texwatson{with the chosen user name of the Manson family psycho killer since MIke 59 is obsessed with Manson},“C”.

I love wednesdays. someday the w/d will be totally over too, not yet though ha ha

Yes, “abusive” to the troll who has hijacked this forum. he should be abused until he is outed by the light of day. This is not at all about “difference of opinion” or “freedom of speech”. this is about a troll deceiving and torturing people by using different sock personalities. this is not paranoia. the troll is the psycho one here. not me . If i had not been persistent about this here{and it truly is a pain in the butt} then this would just go on forever here, and it is not creating a healing forum to let this sick charade go on forever.

I will be glad to get back to more blogging . I will be glad to help some newer people{like I still do when they pm me} when this gets over, which I feel will be quite soon. Flick

no I am not wrong about any of it. and the proof of it will be shown.

Yes, Allison Kellagher used to describe the intense fear and anxiety that comes from benzos and w/d as “organic fear”. It is induced by the brain chemistry that was disrupted by the drugs, and not a lot to do about it except ride it out while the brain is healing, when it is very acute anyway. Flick

Looks like the troll put his “James” version down for the nite. haha or perhaps “james” went for his 7 hour bike ride. I hope you are following this , Andrew, so that I can tell you “I told you so” when this really comes to the light of day. this is shameful that this is being allowed here. Flick

Yep. “Mikey” or “C” has been obsessed with this doll thing for quite a while , obsessed with “dolls” obsessed with rats, this troll is a strange person to say the least. He gets very mixed up trying to play at being so many other people. mental suffering is pretty painful sometimes. obsessions really suck Flick oh he is obsessed with Charles Manson too. ha ha

Sorry , I will let the troll just talk to himself here all nite long . what a boring person. sits on his thumb and talks to himself all nite. wow

Mikey talking to himself again. who cares about a pic of Lyndon Larouche? no one knows who he is or what he looks like anyhow. hardly anyone on the planet has ever even heard of the kook . another “legend in his own mind” much like his brainwashed lil puppet.

“troll on board” the Mikey troll with his pet personna , “C” getting more clownish everyday buffoon clownish Flick

Yu can post your garbage “art” of reworked pics of me all over . who cares? I don’t . About as many people have heard of me as Lyndon Larouche

Hey Julie, thanks , when I was a teen in high school, there were always bonfire parties in the fall after the football games{ I was on the football team, if you can imagine that} these bonfire parties were all about getting drunk. everyone was getting loaded on whisky and beer. too bad really. I did it myself and am lucky to be alive with all of us teens driving drunk back then. some of us did get killed then , teens are still getting killed today drunk driving . bad stuff.

I go to dances and dance ecstatically with hundreds of people all at once. sometimes I do some pot vapor before. like tonite. not had much of late though. but still dancing . went to a hotshot Chinese medicine clinic today in San Fran. had a two hour consult and she gave me harbs to take for my chronic sinus stuff. I have a good feeling about it, but I will have to see how it goes. gave me instructions on “moxibustion” which is great. you have this stick of mugwort that you light up and it burns very slowly and puts out intense concentrated heat . you put it above your skin above various acupuncture points. it is like doing self acupuncture and the burning mugwort smells fabulous. very very relaxing. she also taught me some self massage on my head around my sinuses. they gave me some custom herbs too , next week they will start giving me a kind of sinus acupuncture. had a busy day.

I see that the troll caused such a stir that a thread I started on natural approaches to depression got axed due to too much fighting. well that would be the definition of a troll, to disrupt and create havoc, bad feelings , and chaos. we have a resident one here who also plays other characters he dreams up in his mind.

People seem to have sympathy for his “James” version, since it got banned , perhaps for good for all I know . I think I might post some emails “James ” sent me . I will post them here on my blog I think very nasty stuff and it tells how it works the forum with sock accounts , very nice

off to harbin tomorrow nite for dancing, hiking, soaking, swimmiing , and good food. I hope to get more health back over time ., but I am learning to be happy , whether that happens or not Flick

You might notice that the troll gets especially active late at nite with his sock puppets, because Andrew has retired for the nite, so no chance of getting banned for his shenanigans and trolling activities. and of course, Mike 59 rarely sleeps himself. he is on here day and nite. must be tiring, but , all that coffee keeps you going {and manic ha ha} Flick

the troll likes to talk to himself all nite long too much coffee, I guess , plus a large dose of schizophrenia, and paranoid delusions of grandeur. must be lonely though trapped in that bad mental cage. sitting on computers day and nite talking mostly to yourself what a silly image, but true enough sad but true, suffering comes in strange forms
Flick

Glad to see the troll activity is pretty minimal today here. made it to the market , which had some kind of harley biker convention in town an awful racket and the farmers were very upset by the loud adolescent noise of the weekend wanna be Hells Angels there. very loud and obnoxious. whatever , just one day. got lots of good veggies, fruits and greens . worked and will now attempt to get over to Bolinas for a surf , although the sun is going down earlier and earlier. don’t know how much I can get in before sunset. am not feeling that great either. but I like to push it. Flick

Hey julie thanks don’t know who the other woman was who posted but seemed nice enough well I guess ai was a bit wrong about the trolling activity. the troll gets pretty bored by nitetime and has been acting out on the cooking thread and of course drawing his fake socks out in support. same with Befuddled joke thread, flooding it with jokes for an 8 year old kid. very infantile and obvious. no one cares anyhow .

I will let the troll self destruct and get another one of his socks banned{like the “James” sock was banned again recently} The tactics are so much out of the “playbook ” of Lyndon Laroche, it is silly. I may have to post some of the yahoo emails that Mikey sent me under the guise of his sock puppet “James” remember that “James ” is not a real person. oh well, I will get some dinner. tired out. Flick

Hey Brent you are right about that. still, I am disappointed in you shmoozing up with one of the worst troll enablers here. not so good. but good luck. Flick

Yes, the whole thread has become very “MIkey” “bash and crash” “MIkey ” and his really really crass “creations” have fun talking to yourself ha ha I’m off to dinner. real food. Flick

Hey Matt , that sounds great to have some time for yourself in Thailand after what yu have been through it is a very healing and relaxing kind of place. I know that the Thai hospitals are excellent and much much cheaper than American. I know people who go to thailand for medical and dental care, because it is inexpensive and great quality. I have been to the islands on the other side, but not to Phukett town or Pi Pi. I hear Phukett is pretty busy and wild and Pi Pi is quiet and luxurious. Yes , I like Asian and southeast Asian women. I don’t know if it is because I just turned sixty, but I just don’t feel lonely at all anymore. I could have a wife or not, and it would make no difference to me one way or the other. I guess I am a committed bachelor, although I will probably go to thailand again and could easily “hook up”

My friend , Evan , who is an artist and also designs clothes that he has made mostly in thailand to sell out of his large pavilion each season at Harbin springs, will go live on one of the islands there this winter. his girlfriend lives there , she is Thai. He invited me , but I don’t have the time or money until maybe a year from now. Ashley, the young woman who works for him , is going there with her mom and sister and will hang with Evan there for several weeks. that sounds great,

Well I get to go to Kaui for a couple of weeks in either Dec or Jan, so I am satisfied with that.

They have these full on modern hospitals in Malaysia that specialize in treating with ozone . They have a new technology that delivers the ozone throughout the blood system safely and are having good results with a lot of diseases, including hepatitis. It cost on twelve thousand for a month stay with all treatments and herbs or whatever included. I would go to one of those places for a month if I had the money and time probably would get rid of my sinusitis and maybe even the hep c.

I had a pretty good day. the dance was really poppin, with good strong music and lots of people . I got a serious sweat on, felt very ecstatic and did a lot of yoga too. I got my 20 min super massage and went for a good lunch , did some shopping , and dropped a little medical weed off to a friend who has been having trouble sleeping, now that is a service if I ever saw one ha ha.

I got back to Marin Co. pretty late and made it to Whole Foods for some kombucha on tap. got some more groceries there and made it on home to here , now it is late 11 p.m. and I just finished my dinner, which I posted on the cooking thread. the day started out not so good , but evolved into something pretty awesome . that is how I intended it to be, I could have just moped at home over my problems and illnesses but i just kicked my butt in gear instead. that is my “secret” and was also my secret of tapering off benzos. now , I emphasize the word , “tapering”, because I also had the cold turkey experience first way back when , and that devastated me so much, that I could barely walk and it took months before I could hike or dance or anything else So a taper was certaintly much easier for me Flick

Jim, you did not get the whole pic yet. not many trolls , but one person troll with several hidden sock accounts creating false personnas to support his agenda.

one thing i decided on is that I will heretofore not address{“speak to”} the troll{Mike 59, Scott G} , any or his fake personnas{sock accounts such as “C”, “James”{if he ever comes off ban}, “mark 49”, “texwatson”, or any of the female troll enablers{the troll’s clueless “gang”] directly. not worth my precious time and energy to do so. I may comment on the trolling when I see it{which is pretty often} and I might post some relevant info on the troll and troll activiities, but that is about it. probably the info and comments I post will be here on my own blog. Flick

Hey Carl and Jim. I can’t think of any jokes and I don’t want to just copy and paste one, but just remember that “C” is not even a real living person He is just an image cooked up by the troll. that is what is called a “sock puppet”. so when you are addressing the “C” character, you are really addressing the troll . that is the reality. Flick

Mikey the troll is liking this thread, he uses two of his socks and maybe another on it. that shows an “interest” , a subject fond to his and Larouche’s hearts. anything “natural” is bad and evil. very Larouche. Flick

Hey Carl , I see the troll dug up your blog to hound you. I forgot you even had one. but the troll loves to dig through people’s blogs and bring old stuff up, even if it is years old. he has lots of time on his hands for his little “playground ” here. you don’t have to shut it down, just shut him down by keeping him off. the troll stays off my blog . Flick

I think I will take a break today at least. need to focus on my own healing and it is not the same for me to post on this forum on my own blog like it used to be. i used to post all my own fears, benzo w/d sx, my process in dealing with it, all personal and intimate things . for years, I got support for that here on this forum. things have changed radically since the Mikey troll took over and added all his fake sock accounts to back his dark garbage up. now he digs through my blog from over the years here, finds things that no one else would bother even looking for, twists them around, lies about it all and posts it all over the place.

so I mostly stopped posting here about my own physical and mental process of difficulties and also healings. I just get attacked for it anyhow. nice support forum it has become.

I even get stalked off the forum in the form of my yahoo email account and on Facebook by mikey the troll.

I think later on, I will post some of the toxic emails he sent me in the form of his “James” sock account. they are very relevatory as to how he works on this forum with lies and deception. Flick

This is pretty choice. “wake up and smell the coffee” coming from a complete caffeine addict in the form of excess coffee. If one want to call something a “drug” then caffeine would fit that much closer. it is physically addictive with a real w/d syndrome, it has side effects of anxiety, mania, insomnia, and digestive dysfunction, great for those in benzo w/d. The hypocrisy is rather obvious.

then the “road paved to drug hell ” ha ha. i really don’t think some niacinamide or peppermint tea {one of them “dangerous drug herbs”} is going to lead one down the road to “drug hell” hilarious . sounds like the propaganda movie “Reefer Madness” that people today look upon as a rather dated and old fashioned comedy. not reality. not at all Flick

So for MTV cartoon lovers, the question remains. Based on the “jokes” and “art” posted here , would one say that Mike’s created character , “C” , is based more on “Beavis” or “Butthead”. now this is a subtle distinction, since those cartoon characters are very similar to each other. Flick

I see the troll, Mikey is doing his wonderful “art” again. this guy is pathetic. Larouche really messed up his mind. Flick

Funny thing, that the “C” character has always been into organic psychelelics as a means of consciousness expansion. of course, that is before he “came out” as who he really is, that is the troll , “Mikey 59”. pretty funny stuff. Flick

A warrior must cultivate the feeling that he has everything needed for the extravagant journey that is his life. What counts for a warrior is being alive. Life in itself is sufficient, self-explanatory and complete. Therefore, one may say without being presumptuous that the experience of experiences is being alive.
~ Carlos Castaneda quotes from Tales of Power

Famous Quotes on: Attitude, Appreciation, Life, Warrior

Piss off nasty,angry, troll nut job. close all your silly, disruptive threads down, most were simply started to get into arguments. and you got your way and your thrills. very Mikey. flick

Remember that you are the one that posted the extensive article on the netopath referring to Mike 59. In fact you approached me via pm and asked why the obvious netopath here “mike 59” had not been banned already . now who here is psycho? not me. there are reasons I think that the troll has multiple accounts and personalities. I am finding out that that is often internet troll behavior, because they can get away with it. this is not paranoia but simple observation, and I don’t know how many I am right on, but certainly some . Flick

Yes, C, you are the one who brought out the netopath article, then you underwent a mysterious change. Also , I note that while you are talking , Mike 59 has been silent for a while. Not like him to remain silent very long. He seem to be getting his talking done through you, who i still suspect may be merely a sock puppet account of Mike59. Mike 59 is computer savvy, and is too interested in dominating this forum to not make use of sveral account, I think. You are one of several accounts that I suspect are really Mike59 and or his wife/partner. JIM

Well, still gradually but definitely recovering and got down to pt. reyes to the grocery to get fabric softener and some cinnamon raisin to make French toast with my fat organic eggs. got some veggies and fruits too. looked at the gym there, it is very small but looks like it has all the machines that I would use to buff up my upper body{need nothing for my legs with all the running and dancing I do} . it has aerobic machines to warm up with . very close to me and I would actually get to use it a few times a week, yippee. I like

I think eggs are going to to heavy for me. I forgot about that part. probably won’t stay with them. but they taste pretty good.

Aha another creepo posting on my blog I already told not to post here. the only user name I have ever mentioned on this place is the “texwatson” one , the name of a manson cult psycho killer, very bizarre user name that reflects the mind of the chooser. Sedv is a sock puppet that needs to stay off my blog too. stay off creepo. Flick don’t clog my blog anymore with any of your garbaage posts. you will get that sock banned too if you do.

I always need to remember the daily joys I find in life, in spite of various kinds of mental and physical sufferings that tend to also arise daily. things like benzo w/d and other chronic illness and pains and discomforts. things all being are subject to.

I also am very well aware of the fact that finding any kind of joy or comfort in times of acute benzo w/d and illness can be pretty much impossible. then it is a matter of holding on and “riding the tail of the tiger” often just blogging and venting and getting support from others is all one can do. I certainly have been through those times, sometimes for many months on end. it is a kind of hell or, really a “purgatory”, because that hell does get better and end. but it certainly feels unbearable and unending in the midst of it. of course, that is the worst that benzo w/d throws at you and , often, during a slower taper, many people do not experience that kind of hellish intensity.

So many in taper and benzo w/d actually can find joy in their daily life if they open to it and intend it. proactive is the way as much as you can. even after my c/t and 10 months of pure hell w/d, I would go outside and force myself to walk on my street in the neighborhood and just seeing some nice homes and knowing that there were people enjoying life in them gave me some solace. I would have moments of enjoying nature , just moments , but still there. it got easier and better over time, and I got more and more exercise and strenght too. walking outside is good.

Anyhow, yesterday , I had many moments of joy. I got stuck in heavy traffic on the way to San Fran and it was very irritating and stressful. but I got to the Clinic and got to lay back on the table and they gave me a hot pack for my chest, which felt great. and then the acupuncture needles , which were very relaxing. the a wonderful young woman came in and gave me a moxabustion treatment and head and sinus massage. very joy and comfort producing.

Driving over the Bay Bridge to Berkeley, you get a wonderful view of the docks in Oakland and the houses all through the berkeley hills. lots of sparkling lights on the docks and the hills. very beautiful to perceive and I felt very grateful to be able to see such beauty , God’s “artwork”

going the other way into the city, you are literally still at the level of some high buildings as you come into San fran on the bridge. it is magnificent. you are coming in over the water and it looks like you are descending to land as if in a commercial airliner. always gives me a thrill.

then I was walking in downtown S.F. just after my appointment and it was nice out, very beautiful city and that made me feel appreciative too.

I got to the macrobiotic restaurant in Oakland and had a wonderful and peaceful dinner, there were lots of people in there. older people , younger people, black folks, Asians, much diversity. made me joyous to be around such diversity of people enjoying such peaceful and healtful food.

I got to talk to Lobsang, the head cook after it quieted down a bit and he had just seen his teacher, the Dalai Lama the day before in San Jose., there were 14000 people there. { I found it amusing that Sarah Palin was in San jose the next day talking to a few hundred people and they made such a big deal of it on the news ha ha sign of the times} Anyhow, this cook got to sit up in the front row and he was pretty stoked by it. So that was my day. Oh I got to shop in the wonderful Whole Foods in Oakland and got a raw chocolate pudding desert , some laundry stuff and some greens and frozen fruit for my smoothies. much diversity of people shopping there, many many young and hip adults of all races who are interested in their health.

Flick

Go ahead if you want the late nite troll frolickng , Mikey. no is here to care anyhow. just pissing in the wind. I don’t really care, I am watching a movie and find your impotence here amusing enough. so frolic on, but you will not be posting on my blog tomorrow in the day ha ha. I don’t get people banned. they get themselves banned. sock puppets of Mike’s are good at getting “themselves” banned. a seedy mind is not my fault.

Rahke’s Ramblings: “Welcome to ignore you weird hippy a**h***”

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

 

« Reply #7196 on: July 04, 2011, 05:19:40 PM »
Quote

Yes, donny and nina, turns out my lesbian stripper friend just recently started dating men again. lol.  she does still have her regular lover girlfriend too.  her girlfriend is 50 and very nice and very smart.

I just came home from dropping her in the city and we had a great time at “Enchanted Forest” camp out rave party.   music all nite till 6 a.m.   one state outside and one inside the lodge , where they were also serving vegan food day and nite all nite.   great crepes, salads and raw deserts and cooked muffin desserts.

This was a beautiful boy scout camp in the redwoods.  a river was right there and we did some nude swimming and sunbathing there.    of course, there were no boy scouts around lol.    In the mornings , they had Indian kirtan chanting and yoga class.   hardly anyone went to those lol.   I mean , up all nite.    the ages ranged from around 18 up to people in their seventies. { a few}    mostly people in their mid twenties to late thirties.   a very good group of pretty mellow and loving people.   all into raving music and dancing.   there sure was a lot of sweet cannanbis smoke blowing around everywhere and people were quite happy and ecstatic.  these camp out festivals are fantastic.

I think I am going to one around my birthday on the July 23 in southern oregon called “Mystic Garden Party”   It is for 5 days  , but I would just go for 3.   then , next weekend it the African dance and drum camp campout in the Sierras for 6 days . I will go for 4 days.   they have drumming and dancing classes all day and then  music and singing around the large campfire at nite.   the teachers are all native Africans.   I like to smoke pot with them lol   they are some of the best dancers and drummers on the planet.     Uncle Flicky da water walker

Report to moderator    Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Jam76

Sr. Member

Received thank yous 40
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 375

« Reply #7197 on: July 04, 2011, 07:15:05 PM »
Quote

Flick, lay the f**k off my youtube chan and stop posting hateful remarks. Bit childish for a 60 year old. stuff like ha ha ha and saying someone posting something up that looked like me, since when have I been an a**h*** to you. You some across as pretty stuck up child, I only posted those vids to help people.

Honestly, there’s more nutjobs here than I’ve encountered. Do it again and I’ll report you. Don’t mess with me flick, let this be your last warning.

Welcome to ignore you weird hippy a**h***.

Report to moderator   Logged

Used valium and lots of zolpidem on and off for 3 years, didnt use daily and didnt develop addiction, could stop and start. Started again in December 10-15mg daily for 3 months and accidentally went into addiction mode. Freaked out and spoke with the doc and went cold turkey. Spent 3 weeks out of my mind then was told to reinstate at 2.5mg daily. 3 weeks later built a tolerance and started getting worse. Spoke to a proper shrink and went up by 30, realising that over the years there was no ‘set’ pattern, I’d down them like smarties when I wanted to sleep. Needing to go slow, don’t want to end up like I was in c/t when I couldn’t breathe, had severe vertigo and balance was off.

Now down to 19.

hawk

Legend Member
Received thank yous 153
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 1222

« Reply #7198 on: July 04, 2011, 08:33:23 PM »
Quote

Just a thought…. but the former member who shall remain nameless impersonates people.  My guess?  It wasn’t Flick at all who made a comment on youtube.  I could be wrong though.  Just a thought.

hawk

Report to moderator   Logged

Put on klonopin for a mis-diagnosis of temporal lobe epilepsy, which turns out, I didn’t have.  k made me very depressed, so I ened up on 3 different anti-depressants.  Eight years later, epilepsy was ruled out and I was cold-turkey’d off 3 mg klonopin and 3000 mg keppra.  Depression lifted entirely within one week.  I got very physically ill from w/d.  Four months later, developed tardive dyskinesia.  Began taper off 300 zoloft, 300 effexor, 300 seroquel, finished those tapers in October 09.  Seven weeks later, terror symptom began.  Next eight months were pure Hell.  July ’10, began 15 mg of remeron and 10 mg celexa, which reduced the symptoms enough to continue to heal.  Currently at 3.75 remeron and 10 mg celexa.  Feel 90 % healed at this point.  Continuing toward goal of drug freedom.

djdonee

All-Star Legend Member

Received thank yous 524
click to thank for post
Online

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 3197

tranc3_add1ct@yahoo.com

« Reply #7199 on: July 04, 2011, 08:39:02 PM »
Quote

Yea it was the former member. There was just a misunderstanding, lol.
Report to moderator   Logged

2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.
If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!
Jam76

Sr. Member

Received thank yous 40
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 375

 

« Reply #7200 on: July 04, 2011, 08:42:49 PM »
Quote

Yeah, it was him. Flick I apologise SINCERELY.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2011, 08:44:52 PM by Jam76 » Report to moderator    Logged

Used valium and lots of zolpidem on and off for 3 years, didnt use daily and didnt develop addiction, could stop and start. Started again in December 10-15mg daily for 3 months and accidentally went into addiction mode. Freaked out and spoke with the doc and went cold turkey. Spent 3 weeks out of my mind then was told to reinstate at 2.5mg daily. 3 weeks later built a tolerance and started getting worse. Spoke to a proper shrink and went up by 30, realising that over the years there was no ‘set’ pattern, I’d down them like smarties when I wanted to sleep. Needing to go slow, don’t want to end up like I was in c/t when I couldn’t breathe, had severe vertigo and balance was off.

Now down to 19.

djdonee

All-Star Legend Member
Received thank yous 524
click to thank for post
OnlineMood:Gender:
Posts: 3197tranc3_add1ct@yahoo.com
« Reply #7201 on: July 04, 2011, 09:49:18 PM »
Quote

I wish I could sing like Steve Perry. haha this is an awesome song too.

 
  Report to moderator    Logged

2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.
If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member
Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
OfflineMood:Gender:
Posts: 10540
« Reply #7202 on: July 05, 2011, 02:00:36 AM »
Quote

You want some feedback , jam whatever? go blow yourself.   you can hang with texwatson here from now on and don’t attack me on my blog.   this blog is my happy diary and not to be invaded by t roll types.   Uncle Flicky da water walker
Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

djdonee

All-Star Legend Member

Received thank yous 524
click to thank for post
Online

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 3197

tranc3_add1ct@yahoo.com

« Reply #7203 on: July 05, 2011, 03:24:51 PM »
Quote

Report to moderator   Logged

2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.
If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

 

« Reply #7204 on: July 05, 2011, 04:09:15 PM »
Quote

Jam76, never even think of posting on my blog again with your hateful and nasty vitriol. you are one deluded a hole.  you would do better off hanging out with the  t rollsters here like texy watson and marky { the famous “Mr. M”}  I don’t know what the hell you are talking about with your youtube stuff.  you might consider wising up a bit lol   {NOT}

Uncle Flicky da water walker

Well, I think I will stay home today instead of going to african dance class and dinner in the city. but I might change my mind in a while after sunning on the deck and working some.  I don’t have much food made around here anyhow.

Will be driving up to the Sierra’s  on sunday to start the african dance and drumming camp .

I am pretty sure I will go to the next camp out music and dance festival , the Mystic Garden party .  that starts on right at my birthday , which is July 23.   I might even take some real Ecstacy for my birthday, since I have never done that and life is an adventure.

Tomorrow is acupuncture in san fran and the dentist.  my temporary bridge for my front tooth fell out so I look like some kind of Appalachia backwoods redneck pot grower now lol.    Uncle Flicky da water walker

Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member
Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
OfflineMood:Gender:
Posts: 10540
« Reply #7205 on: July 05, 2011, 04:22:34 PM »
Quote

By the way donny, good music vids. yes that is the best song Journey ever did. the only really good thing about Journey was Steve Perry’s voice and a couple of classic songs  they did like this one.   I do like the Crystal Method a lot though.    I guess i was born in the wrong generation, I left rock behind a long time ago and am only into electronica now and some ethnic and world music.   the early hippie rock was o.k.  like Hendrix, Led Zep and the beatles and so forth. that was all very good in its day.   Now rock is pretty much junk, except for some U2 stuff and so forth.    To me , also the old rock is boring and uncreative compared to modern electronica.   Uncle Flicky da water walker
Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

« Reply #7206 on: July 05, 2011, 04:26:19 PM »
Quote

I am somewhat disappointed in andrew, our illustrious founder.   I really thought he had finally wised up to who Marky 49 is and his real mission on this forum and had permanently “dumped the trash” so to speak.   too bad he did not get it straight yet.   now he let marky back on and he is up to his old shenanigans.    was mostly peaceful and postive here without him  .  Get it together andrew, lol      Uncle Flicky da water walker
Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Befuddled

Senior All-Star Legend Member

STAY HOPEFUL

Received thank yous 638
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 6702

 

« Reply #7207 on: July 05, 2011, 04:34:54 PM »
Quote

I am somewhat disappointed in andrew, our illustrious founder.   I really thought he had finally wised up to who Marky 49 is and his real mission on this forum and had permanently “dumped the trash” so to speak.   too bad he did not get it straight yet.   now he let marky back on and he is up to his old shenanigans.    was mostly peaceful and postive here without him  .  Get it together andrew, lol      Uncle Flicky da water walker

Well, Flick, old Friend…Charlie Boy is still on “vacation.”
Guess you can’t have everything , at least for now.  You wished for the stars, but at least you got the moon.   JIMBO The Wise Sage of the South

Report to moderator   Logged

Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

djdonee

All-Star Legend Member

Received thank yous 524
click to thank for post
Online

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 3197

 

« Reply #7208 on: July 05, 2011, 04:35:37 PM »
Quote

By the way donny, good music vids. yes that is the best song Journey ever did. the only really good thing about Journey was Steve Perry’s voice and a couple of classic songs  they did like this one.   I do like the Crystal Method a lot though.    I guess i was born in the wrong generation, I left rock behind a long time ago and am only into electronica now and some ethnic and world music.   the early hippie rock was o.k.  like Hendrix, Led Zep and the beatles and so forth. that was all very good in its day.   Now rock is pretty much junk, except for some U2 stuff and so forth.    To me , also the old rock is boring and uncreative compared to modern electronica.   Uncle Flicky da water walker

Flick go to pandora.com and type in crystal method and it will make a radio station of just that style, haha.

Report to moderator   Logged

2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!

djdonee

All-Star Legend Member

Received thank yous 524
click to thank for post
Online

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 3197

 

« Reply #7209 on: July 05, 2011, 05:52:10 PM »
Quote

If any of you don’t want to spend an arm and a leg for a nice pair of headphones, treat yourself to a pair of these. I’ve been watching movies with these and they are unreal for the price.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/tech-data/B003LPTAYI

Report to moderator   Logged

2 years of 1 mg Klonopin, did very rapid 3 week taper and jumped.If someone is causing trouble here please put them on ignore, Here’s how! Go up to “profile”, then click on “personal message options”, then put their exact id in the big box and click “change profile”. That’s it, it should ignore their pm’s AND their posts!

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member
Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
OfflineMood:Gender:
Posts: 10540
« Reply #7210 on: July 05, 2011, 05:55:26 PM »
Quote

Listening to Collie Budz right now. excellent stuff. i have been buying and downloading albums off I tunes. they got about everything. I can burn my own cd’s cheap for in the car.   wow, I have been reading up on the Mystic Garden Party and it looks beyond awesome. I am going to go for all five days.  this will beat hell out of Woodstock, no doubt about it,   much more advanced.    the hippie movement has actually come into its own with the newer,. younger generation combined with us oldsters in the movement.   for one thing, we are now dancing a lot more and a lot better.

I cannot believe the wonderful quality of the male dancers at the dance events i go to.  I grew up as a male in the dance and it was always a woman’s world there.  except for a whole bunch of gay dudes, but still it was ruled by women in general.   Men in our culture tend to be stuck in their heads and not much in their bodies in any kind of sensual way.  So you see these incredible stiff and unrhythmic dancers{ the white dudes lol} in the bars, mostly just trying to pick up women  and get laid.   pretty obnoxious really lol.

Now in the current hippie dance movement that really got going with the modern clubbing in Europe and the warehouse rave scene all over the world and merging more and more with spiritual and hippie values,  the men are pretty much on an equal footing with the women.  of course, black dudes always were at least pretty good, and mostly very good dancers.  now the young hippie guys at my dances are fantastic dancers .  I mean, just as good as the women.  very impressive and heart warming to me .  Of course, there has been a huge influx of ethnic dance classes all over the place including African and Brazilian, but still mostly women take those trainings[besides me and a few other men}.  so that does not explain it.  it is simply that guys have loosened up and they go to all these dances all the time. so they just get better and better. and , of course, so many are doing hatha yoga too these days, so men tend to be much more fluid and flexible than before.

to me this is part of the whole evolutionary movement of humankind.  I like it.

So this mystic garden party festival will be great.  my first african dance and drum master teacher, Chris berry will be headlining the live music.   he has a whole band now and is world famous.  there are theme camps this year{ like at Burning Man} and Chris is hosting an African dance and drum camp. that means that there will be drum circles and drum classes day and nite. I am going to bring a couple of my djembe drums with me to sit in the circles. i will also be jumping into the middle of the circle to do african dance solos.    it is fun to hear all the women in the circle giving you cat calls lol.    Only  a Leo like me would say that.   lol.

So this festival I am very excited about, even more exciting than the African dance camp.   Uncle Flicky da water walker

Report to moderator    Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

« Reply #7211 on: July 05, 2011, 06:01:48 PM »
Quote

Report to moderator    Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

 

« Reply #7212 on: July 07, 2011, 04:37:26 PM »
Quote

Off to harbin hot springs for the dance tonite and nude hot bathing and steam and sauna.     back to harbin tomorrow for  hiking , swimming , more nude bathing   and an awesome dinner.   going to go look at my friends big outdoor medical grow around sunset then.     side of a mountain. nice.

many dances to choose from on friday nite.   then one day at home and off to the Sierra’s for african dance camp.  very busy with fun stuff in my  birthday month of July.     Whoopee      really look forward to “Mystic garden party

I think I have at least two beautiful woman riders with me for that one, maybe three    .  Uncle Flicky da water walker

Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Befuddled

Senior All-Star Legend Member

STAY HOPEFUL

Received thank yous 638
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 6702

« Reply #7213 on: July 07, 2011, 04:41:49 PM »
Quote

Off to harbin hot springs for the dance tonite and nude hot bathing and steam and sauna.     back to harbin tomorrow for  hiking , swimming , more nude bathing   and an awesome dinner.   going to go look at my friends big outdoor medical grow around sunset then.     side of a mountain. nice.

many dances to choose from on friday nite.   then one day at home and off to the Sierra’s for african dance camp.  very busy with fun stuff in my  birthday month of July.     Whoopee      really look forward to “Mystic garden party”

I think I have at least two beautiful woman riders with me for that one, maybe three    .  Uncle Flicky da water walker

Aw Heck,   Some guys have all the fun. Good Karma?
Have fun, Uncle Flicky…  JIM

Report to moderator   Logged

Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

« Reply #7214 on: July 07, 2011, 05:02:13 PM »
Quote

No problem , Jimbo.  save up some money and come on out to the fun zone for awhile.   there is plenty more fun to be had this summer and into past october with the good weather in  the fall here   more festivals and harbin is always there. you are not too old to learn surfing either  , never too old to have fun. Uncle   Flicky    One has no excuse not to come to california.
Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet
Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member
Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
OfflineMood:Gender:
Posts: 10540
« Reply #7215 on: July 09, 2011, 01:23:33 PM »
Quote

Had a great time up at harbin in Lake co.  it is a very beautiful , semi mountainous county.   the dj at the dance thurs nite was fantastic.  he played electronica in many forms from the eitghties and nineties and contemporary,  house music,   trance,  drum and bass,  plus the more “modern” stuff.   he has created an album combining kirtan chanting{ the guy has a great voice too} with electronica dance music.  pretty cool I bought the cd and have been listening in my car.Anyhow I had my usual steams and saunas and mineral  water hot soaks and swimming laps in the large spring water pool{ no chlorine at all than God}  .  finished with a great dinner in their fabulous restaurant.  they always have 2 chicken dishes , two fish dishes and two or three vegan dishes and always soups and salads and raw deserts. I had one of the best curries I ever had with a side salad and tofu. I had a raw mango mousse for desert and it was amazing too along with some organic gunpowder green tea from China from the Numi tea company which is local in Oakland.  great teas, some of the best.

There are a lot of organic outdoor marijuana growers up there in Lake Co. and I got to tour the one of one of my friends  .   full sun on the side of a gorgeous mountain and completely legal.   LOL   large, beautiful plants with wonderful smells.   anyhow, the law enforcement helicopters fly over every day, not to arrest anyone{ unless they are cartels with over the legal limit numbers of plants} but to check up and make sure they are o.k. and that there is no robberies or violence going on.    now that is a good use of law enforcement.

Getting ready to dance in Oakland in the morning, grab a lunch and drive off to the Sierras to African drum and dance camp.  I will be dancing again there on sunday nite and for the next three days after.  these Africans are not only master dancers and drum musicians but they also like to paaarty. there will be campfire parties every nite with singing and dancing .   these guys love it when I come to camp , because I bring my “goodies” lol.  and I share.A week from sunday is guru purnima day, which is the celebration of the guru or great teacher in Hinduism. I will go to a big celebration for that, which will include meditation and a lot of chanting .  then the next week off to Mystic garden party for a five day festival and camp out in south Oregon.  lots of dancing, swimming and so forth.   Uncle Flick da water walker

Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member
Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
OfflineMood:Gender:
Posts: 10540
« Reply #7216 on: July 11, 2011, 01:29:54 PM »
Quote

did not make my African dance camp due to work schedule right now.   think I might try a regular surf or rent a paddle board and practice trying to catch waves. there is a lot of overcast here now , but good waves from a south swell.  I think I will have a protein green smoothie and get out there walking on the water.  I will get in some african dancing tomorrow nite however in san fran.  that is fun too . Uncle Flicky da water walker
Report to moderator    Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

JOHAN05

Legend Member

Received thank yous 141
click to thank for post
Online

Mood:
Posts: 1505

 

« Reply #7217 on: July 11, 2011, 03:28:28 PM »
Quote

Hi Flick,
Thought i would stop by and say Hi. I am seeing some amazing transformation physically. The vegetarian diet some new supplements i am taking for the gym it is unbelievable . I have gone from a flabby 187 to 157 of toned muscle in a matter of three and half months. I knocked another mg off the poison too. I started a thread in the lounge on massage I am thinking of going to school and looking in to the healing touch courses. I love giving massages and have been told i am good at it. I want to start a career where I can give back and help others. I am not going to let B/W beat me it can just go to hell lol. Anyway looks like you have a busy Birthday weekend trip planned I hope you have a great time.
Take Care Anton
Report to moderator   Logged

Crossed from 1.5 mgs of Kolonpin to 30mgs of Valium stabelized 12/09/09. First cut to 28 mgs
01/05/10.Second drop 01/15 to 27 mgs 01/24 26mgs 03/15 24mgs 03/21 22 mgs 04/04 20mgs 04/16 19mgs 4/29 18mgs 05/09 17mgs 05/19 16mgs 06/09 14.5mgs 06/17 14mgs /07/07 13mgs 07/22 12.5mgs 08/04 12mgs 08/18 11.5mgs 08/28 11mgs 09/12 10.5 mgs.Lost my partner of ten years and like a fool updosed to 12mgs late 01/11 trying to get back on track big mistake 11.5 04/13 11mgs 05/01 10 mgs 06/12 9 mgs 07/07 Three years On Benzos starting with Ativan then Klonopin .Can’t wait to be free god help me

Flick

Hall of Fame Legend Member

Received thank yous 615
click to thank for post
Offline

Mood:

Gender:
Posts: 10540

 

« Reply #7218 on: July 12, 2011, 12:30:12 PM »
Quote

Thanks for posting on my blog, anton. you are doing great with your taper and life these days. you have overcome a lot of obstacles,  and that is what life is all about, eh?Well here is something I got a laugh and hoot out of today.
sometimes, I look in at bb.
So he is harboring a guy who attacks me regularly {and also others from here} all over the internet, from facebook, to youtube  LOL.    Uncle Flicky da water walker
Report to moderator   Logged

on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

“C IS NOT EVEN A REAL LIVING PERSON”

I did have a ballerina girlfriend at one point and also a bit later , a Roumanian girl who was a big time violinist in the symphony there in New York, I tried it a couple of times with a guy, that is my experience with it, although one roomate was always going at it with guys in our apartment, I got to hear a lot, ha ha Flick frak

No ,not gay, I decided to try it very briefly as an adult and did try it exactly twice, I did not get turned on and it was somewhat a fiasco, I am not sure what being attracted to women in their twenties and thirties has to do with gayness, or being single and not married,. Many older married men come out after years of marriage. I am not obsessed with it all like you, because i am not Catholically repressed. I do not consider women in their thirties and twenties to be “very very young women” i would consider women in their teens to be very very young, so why not go for it? just be your real self and come on out, Flik frack

Don’t pay too much attention to “texwatson” he is just an imaginary character dreamed up in the twisted mind of “Mike 59” who was foolish enough to pick the name of a sick and twisted Manson family psycho killer for the username here{due to Mike’s overly crazy fascination with the manson family} Flick

Mark 49 is the dumbest version of the Mike 59 troll. texwatson, with the obvious obsession with the Manson familiy killers is the most kinky and bizarre, which makes sense, since this character is pretty dumb but also kind of kinky and bizarre. “James” is the closest to the original, because “he” is the most obnoxious, toxic, and just nasty. “C” is rather bizarre because of the sudden change, but that was kind of an interesting effect. making him this whacked out pothead that he was attacking and then having “C” become his bosom buddy over nite and becoming “clean” ha ha. I wish these posts I put to remain, so when this all comes to the light of day, which is soon will, that people will remember what I wrote here and see how incredibly dumb they have been , buying this sick load of bull from the troll. pathetic reallly. Flick

Thank you , Julie for your common sense attitude that you posted here. a breath of fresh air in the midst of some rather narrow minded and hypocritical hysteria. sometimes these threads are like reading something from the movie “Reefer Madness” film that is now considered a comedy , but, as a propaganda film was taken seriously way back in the thirties. I don’t see any harm in coffee, but is is a stimulant, so many who are anxious{which is most who took benzos} or have trouble sleeping might want to be cautious about drinking it. depends on the individual. I can’t drink coffee myself, but i can use herbs with no problem . Heck marijuana does not impact me like coffee does . but I was never able to drink coffee after college. I think I had an overdose of espresso in an Italian place in Little Italy in New York when i lived there. ha ha that was the end of coffee for me. got wired over the top on three cups of espresso Flick

Yes, Mike 59, other wise know as scotty, holds the honor of being the biggest and nastiest troll here. been at it for quite a while. he was “laying in wait” for quite a while and then emerged from his cocoon to harrass as many as possible. gets a “thrill” out of it. Flick

Mikey 59 is off his five day ban now , and will be very activated here again in the form of his “sock puppets{imaginary and fake personnas}, “James”, “Mark 49”, “Texwatson{with the chosen user name of the Manson family psycho killer since MIke 59 is obsessed with Manson},“C”.
I love wednesdays. someday the w/d will be totally over too, not yet though ha ha

Yes, “abusive” to the troll who has hijacked this forum. he should be abused until he is outed by the light of day. This is not at all about “difference of opinion” or “freedom of speech”. this is about a troll deceiving and torturing people by using different sock personalities. this is not paranoia. the troll is the psycho one here. not me . If i had not been persistent about this here{and it truly is a pain in the butt} then this would just go on forever here, and it is not creating a healing forum to let this sick charade go on forever.

I will be glad to get back to more blogging . I will be glad to help some newer people{like I still do when they pm me} when this gets over, which I feel will be quite soon. Flick

no I am not wrong about any of it. and the proof of it will be shown.

Yes, Allison Kellagher used to describe the intense fear and anxiety that comes from benzos and w/d as “organic fear”. It is induced by the brain chemistry that was disrupted by the drugs, and not a lot to do about it except ride it out while the brain is healing, when it is very acute anyway. Flick

Looks like the troll put his “James” version down for the nite. haha or perhaps “james” went for his 7 hour bike ride. I hope you are following this , Andrew, so that I can tell you “I told you so” when this really comes to the light of day. this is shameful that this is being allowed here. Flick

Yep. “Mikey” or “C” has been obsessed with this doll thing for quite a while , obsessed with “dolls” obsessed with rats, this troll is a strange person to say the least. He gets very mixed up trying to play at being so many other people. mental suffering is pretty painful sometimes. obsessions really suck Flick oh he is obsessed with Charles Manson too. ha ha

Sorry , I will let the troll just talk to himself here all nite long . what a boring person. sits on his thumb and talks to himself all nite. wow

Mikey talking to himself again. who cares about a pic of Lyndon Larouche? no one knows who he is or what he looks like anyhow. hardly anyone on the planet has ever even heard of the kook . another “legend in his own mind” much like his brainwashed lil puppet.

“troll on board” the Mikey troll with his pet personna , “C” getting more clownish everyday buffoon clownish Flick

Yu can post your garbage “art” of reworked pics of me all over . who cares? I don’t . About as many people have heard of me as Lyndon Larouche

Hey Julie, thanks , when I was a teen in high school, there were always bonfire parties in the fall after the football games{ I was on the football team, if you can imagine that} these bonfire parties were all about getting drunk. everyone was getting loaded on whisky and beer. too bad really. I did it myself and am lucky to be alive with all of us teens driving drunk back then. some of us did get killed then , teens are still getting killed today drunk driving . bad stuff.

I go to dances and dance ecstatically with hundreds of people all at once. sometimes I do some pot vapor before. like tonite. not had much of late though. but still dancing . went to a hotshot Chinese medicine clinic today in San Fran. had a two hour consult and she gave me harbs to take for my chronic sinus stuff. I have a good feeling about it, but I will have to see how it goes. gave me instructions on “moxibustion” which is great. you have this stick of mugwort that you light up and it burns very slowly and puts out intense concentrated heat . you put it above your skin above various acupuncture points. it is like doing self acupuncture and the burning mugwort smells fabulous. very very relaxing. she also taught me some self massage on my head around my sinuses. they gave me some custom herbs too , next week they will start giving me a kind of sinus acupuncture. had a busy day.

I see that the troll caused such a stir that a thread I started on natural approaches to depression got axed due to too much fighting. well that would be the definition of a troll, to disrupt and create havoc, bad feelings , and chaos. we have a resident one here who also plays other characters he dreams up in his mind.

People seem to have sympathy for his “James” version, since it got banned , perhaps for good for all I know . I think I might post some emails “James ” sent me . I will post them here on my blog I think very nasty stuff and it tells how it works the forum with sock accounts , very nice

off to harbin tomorrow nite for dancing, hiking, soaking, swimmiing , and good food. I hope to get more health back over time ., but I am learning to be happy , whether that happens or not Flick

You might notice that the troll gets especially active late at nite with his sock puppets, because Andrew has retired for the nite, so no chance of getting banned for his shenanigans and trolling activities. and of course, Mike 59 rarely sleeps himself. he is on here day and nite. must be tiring, but , all that coffee keeps you going {and manic ha ha} Flick

the troll likes to talk to himself all nite long too much coffee, I guess , plus a large dose of schizophrenia, and paranoid delusions of grandeur. must be lonely though trapped in that bad mental cage. sitting on computers day and nite talking mostly to yourself what a silly image, but true enough sad but true, suffering comes in strange forms
Flick

Glad to see the troll activity is pretty minimal today here. made it to the market , which had some kind of harley biker convention in town an awful racket and the farmers were very upset by the loud adolescent noise of the weekend wanna be Hells Angels there. very loud and obnoxious. whatever , just one day. got lots of good veggies, fruits and greens . worked and will now attempt to get over to Bolinas for a surf , although the sun is going down earlier and earlier. don’t know how much I can get in before sunset. am not feeling that great either. but I like to push it. Flick

Hey julie thanks don’t know who the other woman was who posted but seemed nice enough well I guess ai was a bit wrong about the trolling activity. the troll gets pretty bored by nitetime and has been acting out on the cooking thread and of course drawing his fake socks out in support. same with Befuddled joke thread, flooding it with jokes for an 8 year old kid. very infantile and obvious. no one cares anyhow .

I will let the troll self destruct and get another one of his socks banned{like the “James” sock was banned again recently} The tactics are so much out of the “playbook ” of Lyndon Laroche, it is silly. I may have to post some of the yahoo emails that Mikey sent me under the guise of his sock puppet “James” remember that “James ” is not a real person. oh well, I will get some dinner. tired out. Flick

Hey Brent you are right about that. still, I am disappointed in you shmoozing up with one of the worst troll enablers here. not so good. but good luck. Flick

Yes, the whole thread has become very “MIkey” “bash and crash” “MIkey ” and his really really crass “creations” have fun talking to yourself ha ha I’m off to dinner. real food. Flick

Hey Matt , that sounds great to have some time for yourself in Thailand after what yu have been through it is a very healing and relaxing kind of place. I know that the Thai hospitals are excellent and much much cheaper than American. I know people who go to thailand for medical and dental care, because it is inexpensive and great quality. I have been to the islands on the other side, but not to Phukett town or Pi Pi. I hear Phukett is pretty busy and wild and Pi Pi is quiet and luxurious. Yes , I like Asian and southeast Asian women. I don’t know if it is because I just turned sixty, but I just don’t feel lonely at all anymore. I could have a wife or not, and it would make no difference to me one way or the other. I guess I am a committed bachelor, although I will probably go to thailand again and could easily “hook up”

My friend , Evan , who is an artist and also designs clothes that he has made mostly in thailand to sell out of his large pavilion each season at Harbin springs, will go live on one of the islands there this winter. his girlfriend lives there , she is Thai. He invited me , but I don’t have the time or money until maybe a year from now. Ashley, the young woman who works for him , is going there with her mom and sister and will hang with Evan there for several weeks. that sounds great,

Well I get to go to Kaui for a couple of weeks in either Dec or Jan, so I am satisfied with that.

They have these full on modern hospitals in Malaysia that specialize in treating with ozone . They have a new technology that delivers the ozone throughout the blood system safely and are having good results with a lot of diseases, including hepatitis. It cost on twelve thousand for a month stay with all treatments and herbs or whatever included. I would go to one of those places for a month if I had the money and time probably would get rid of my sinusitis and maybe even the hep c.

I had a pretty good day. the dance was really poppin, with good strong music and lots of people . I got a serious sweat on, felt very ecstatic and did a lot of yoga too. I got my 20 min super massage and went for a good lunch , did some shopping , and dropped a little medical weed off to a friend who has been having trouble sleeping, now that is a service if I ever saw one ha ha.

I got back to Marin Co. pretty late and made it to Whole Foods for some kombucha on tap. got some more groceries there and made it on home to here , now it is late 11 p.m. and I just finished my dinner, which I posted on the cooking thread. the day started out not so good , but evolved into something pretty awesome . that is how I intended it to be, I could have just moped at home over my problems and illnesses but i just kicked my butt in gear instead. that is my “secret” and was also my secret of tapering off benzos. now , I emphasize the word , “tapering”, because I also had the cold turkey experience first way back when , and that devastated me so much, that I could barely walk and it took months before I could hike or dance or anything else So a taper was certaintly much easier for me Flick

Jim, you did not get the whole pic yet. not many trolls , but one person troll with several hidden sock accounts creating false personnas to support his agenda.

one thing i decided on is that I will heretofore not address{“speak to”} the troll{Mike 59, Scott G} , any or his fake personnas{sock accounts such as “C”, “James”{if he ever comes off ban}, “mark 49”, “texwatson”, or any of the female troll enablers{the troll’s clueless “gang”] directly. not worth my precious time and energy to do so. I may comment on the trolling when I see it{which is pretty often} and I might post some relevant info on the troll and troll activiities, but that is about it. probably the info and comments I post will be here on my own blog. Flick

Hey Carl and Jim. I can’t think of any jokes and I don’t want to just copy and paste one, but just remember that “C” is not even a real living person He is just an image cooked up by the troll. that is what is called a “sock puppet”. so when you are addressing the “C” character, you are really addressing the troll . that is the reality. Flick

Mikey the troll is liking this thread, he uses two of his socks and maybe another on it. that shows an “interest” , a subject fond to his and Larouche’s hearts. anything “natural” is bad and evil. very Larouche. Flick

Hey Carl , I see the troll dug up your blog to hound you. I forgot you even had one. but the troll loves to dig through people’s blogs and bring old stuff up, even if it is years old. he has lots of time on his hands for his little “playground ” here. you don’t have to shut it down, just shut him down by keeping him off. the troll stays off my blog . Flick

I think I will take a break today at least. need to focus on my own healing and it is not the same for me to post on this forum on my own blog like it used to be. i used to post all my own fears, benzo w/d sx, my process in dealing with it, all personal and intimate things . for years, I got support for that here on this forum. things have changed radically since the Mikey troll took over and added all his fake sock accounts to back his dark garbage up. now he digs through my blog from over the years here, finds things that no one else would bother even looking for, twists them around, lies about it all and posts it all over the place.

so I mostly stopped posting here about my own physical and mental process of difficulties and also healings. I just get attacked for it anyhow. nice support forum it has become.

I even get stalked off the forum in the form of my yahoo email account and on Facebook by mikey the troll.

I think later on, I will post some of the toxic emails he sent me in the form of his “James” sock account. they are very relevatory as to how he works on this forum with lies and deception. Flick

This is pretty choice. “wake up and smell the coffee” coming from a complete caffeine addict in the form of excess coffee. If one want to call something a “drug” then caffeine would fit that much closer. it is physically addictive with a real w/d syndrome, it has side effects of anxiety, mania, insomnia, and digestive dysfunction, great for those in benzo w/d. The hypocrisy is rather obvious.

then the “road paved to drug hell ” ha ha. i really don’t think some niacinamide or peppermint tea {one of them “dangerous drug herbs”} is going to lead one down the road to “drug hell” hilarious . sounds like the propaganda movie “Reefer Madness” that people today look upon as a rather dated and old fashioned comedy. not reality. not at all Flick

So for MTV cartoon lovers, the question remains. Based on the “jokes” and “art” posted here , would one say that Mike’s created character , “C” , is based more on “Beavis” or “Butthead”. now this is a subtle distinction, since those cartoon characters are very similar to each other. Flick

I see the troll, Mikey is doing his wonderful “art” again. this guy is pathetic. Larouche really messed up his mind. Flick

Funny thing, that the “C” character has always been into organic psychelelics as a means of consciousness expansion. of course, that is before he “came out” as who he really is, that is the troll , “Mikey 59”. pretty funny stuff. Flick

A warrior must cultivate the feeling that he has everything needed for the extravagant journey that is his life. What counts for a warrior is being alive. Life in itself is sufficient, self-explanatory and complete. Therefore, one may say without being presumptuous that the experience of experiences is being alive.
~ Carlos Castaneda quotes from Tales of Power

Famous Quotes on: Attitude, Appreciation, Life, Warrior

Piss off nasty,angry, troll nut job. close all your silly, disruptive threads down, most were simply started to get into arguments. and you got your way and your thrills. very Mikey. flick

Remember that you are the one that posted the extensive article on the netopath referring to Mike 59. In fact you approached me via pm and asked why the obvious netopath here “mike 59” had not been banned already . now who here is psycho? not me. there are reasons I think that the troll has multiple accounts and personalities. I am finding out that that is often internet troll behavior, because they can get away with it. this is not paranoia but simple observation, and I don’t know how many I am right on, but certainly some . Flick

Yes, C, you are the one who brought out the netopath article, then you underwent a mysterious change. Also , I note that while you are talking , Mike 59 has been silent for a while. Not like him to remain silent very long. He seem to be getting his talking done through you, who i still suspect may be merely a sock puppet account of Mike59. Mike 59 is computer savvy, and is too interested in dominating this forum to not make use of sveral account, I think. You are one of several accounts that I suspect are really Mike59 and or his wife/partner. JIM

Well, still gradually but definitely recovering and got down to pt. reyes to the grocery to get fabric softener and some cinnamon raisin to make French toast with my fat organic eggs. got some veggies and fruits too. looked at the gym there, it is very small but looks like it has all the machines that I would use to buff up my upper body{need nothing for my legs with all the running and dancing I do} . it has aerobic machines to warm up with . very close to me and I would actually get to use it a few times a week, yippee. I like

I think eggs are going to to heavy for me. I forgot about that part. probably won’t stay with them. but they taste pretty good.

Aha another creepo posting on my blog I already told not to post here. the only user name I have ever mentioned on this place is the “texwatson” one , the name of a manson cult psycho killer, very bizarre user name that reflects the mind of the chooser. Sedv is a sock puppet that needs to stay off my blog too. stay off creepo. Flick don’t clog my blog anymore with any of your garbaage posts. you will get that sock banned too if you do.

I always need to remember the daily joys I find in life, in spite of various kinds of mental and physical sufferings that tend to also arise daily. things like benzo w/d and other chronic illness and pains and discomforts. things all being are subject to.

I also am very well aware of the fact that finding any kind of joy or comfort in times of acute benzo w/d and illness can be pretty much impossible. then it is a matter of holding on and “riding the tail of the tiger” often just blogging and venting and getting support from others is all one can do. I certainly have been through those times, sometimes for many months on end. it is a kind of hell or, really a “purgatory”, because that hell does get better and end. but it certainly feels unbearable and unending in the midst of it. of course, that is the worst that benzo w/d throws at you and , often, during a slower taper, many people do not experience that kind of hellish intensity.

So many in taper and benzo w/d actually can find joy in their daily life if they open to it and intend it. proactive is the way as much as you can. even after my c/t and 10 months of pure hell w/d, I would go outside and force myself to walk on my street in the neighborhood and just seeing some nice homes and knowing that there were people enjoying life in them gave me some solace. I would have moments of enjoying nature , just moments , but still there. it got easier and better over time, and I got more and more exercise and strenght too. walking outside is good.

Anyhow, yesterday , I had many moments of joy. I got stuck in heavy traffic on the way to San Fran and it was very irritating and stressful. but I got to the Clinic and got to lay back on the table and they gave me a hot pack for my chest, which felt great. and then the acupuncture needles , which were very relaxing. the a wonderful young woman came in and gave me a moxabustion treatment and head and sinus massage. very joy and comfort producing.

Driving over the Bay Bridge to Berkeley, you get a wonderful view of the docks in Oakland and the houses all through the berkeley hills. lots of sparkling lights on the docks and the hills. very beautiful to perceive and I felt very grateful to be able to see such beauty , God’s “artwork”

going the other way into the city, you are literally still at the level of some high buildings as you come into San fran on the bridge. it is magnificent. you are coming in over the water and it looks like you are descending to land as if in a commercial airliner. always gives me a thrill.

then I was walking in downtown S.F. just after my appointment and it was nice out, very beautiful city and that made me feel appreciative too.

I got to the macrobiotic restaurant in Oakland and had a wonderful and peaceful dinner, there were lots of people in there. older people , younger people, black folks, Asians, much diversity. made me joyous to be around such diversity of people enjoying such peaceful and healtful food.

I got to talk to Lobsang, the head cook after it quieted down a bit and he had just seen his teacher, the Dalai Lama the day before in San Jose., there were 14000 people there. { I found it amusing that Sarah Palin was in San jose the next day talking to a few hundred people and they made such a big deal of it on the news ha ha sign of the times} Anyhow, this cook got to sit up in the front row and he was pretty stoked by it. So that was my day. Oh I got to shop in the wonderful Whole Foods in Oakland and got a raw chocolate pudding desert , some laundry stuff and some greens and frozen fruit for my smoothies. much diversity of people shopping there, many many young and hip adults of all races who are interested in their health.

Flick

Go ahead if you want the late nite troll frolickng , Mikey. no is here to care anyhow. just pissing in the wind. I don’t really care, I am watching a movie and find your impotence here amusing enough. so frolic on, but you will not be posting on my blog tomorrow in the day ha ha. I don’t get people banned. they get themselves banned. sock puppets of Mike’s are good at getting “themselves” banned. a seedy mind is not my fault.