Unsupervised benzo tapers putting lives at risk

please help me
« on: July 11, 2018, 04:21:25 am »

[Buddie]

ambulance just left my house. was talking to my husband. i felt very dizzy. started to vomit and some stomach cramps. my legs shaking uncontrollably. felt like i was gonna pass out. then the chest pain and arm pain. called 911. ambulance came. ekg ok. blood pressure good. heart rate ok. they told me i was just anxious. didnt recommend i go to er. i literally felt like i was going to die right then and there. i have never felt anything so scary. i am still nauseous and my left arm hurts. about 50 days into my slow klonopin withdrawal. bam! out of nowhere this came. i was decent up until tonight. anyone can reassure? anyone have a nightmarish thing like this? i was feeling like i had to say goodbye to my kids for good. does this mean i should go back up and drop the wean. i cannot go through this every night

“All of this led me to start obtaining illicit benzos and just eating them like candy… I took the first one and I could feel a wave of euphoria run over me as the anxiety melted away into nothing… I’m not an addict!”

How to deal with the doctor
« on: July 01, 2018, 02:47:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Ill start at the beginning of my story as I feel its appropriate. I developed psychosis when I started university 4 years ago which was debilitating and somewhat scary this then led to me doing cocaine and somewhat overdosing. Since the OD I haven’t touched coke but it seems that the psychosis and OD had left me with severe anxiety. I went along to the GP who gave me a range of drugs which included diazepam and zopiclone and I would just go back and see the doctor from time to time and get more diazepam and zopiclone as needed. Now I didn’t take them everyday just when I had to do something that would really aggravate me. Now I have no doubt I got addicted to the diazepam as soon as I took the first one, it was just 2mg but it was pure bliss, I took the first one and I could feel a wave of euphoria run over me as the anxiety melted away into nothing and I felt normal which I hadn’t done in a long time.

I then had to move GP’s but it was fine as they sent me to a psych who instead of giving me 2mg when I felt like it she gave me 5mg 3x a day. Now at the time the 2mg just didn’t do anything and I don’t know why I kept taking them as they weren’t working except for sleep. Now I’m sure this should have been a warning sign to the doctor of impending dependence but it didn’t cross anybody’s mind. This GP was fine and handed them out like candies which was great (to me at the time) but then I again had to move due to uni but this time it was much further away from home in another county.

This is where the full nightmare begins, I go register at the nearest GP and make an appointment to set up repeat prescriptions. This is where I find out there are some really tricky, untrustworthy worthless doctors who shouldn’t be in the profession. I tell him what I was on with the boxes so he can see for himself and an actual unfilled prescriptions. I was on 2 anti d’s, stomach things, codeine and diazepam with an occasional zopiclone. This doctor rather than being helpful and courteous goes off on me about have diazepam and codeine are addictive and proceedes to tell me I will only be getting the one prescription on diazepam off him and that would be my lot.

So I continue just taking them as normal and when I come to run out I make an appointment to get more to which he refused. I left and started going into withdrawal after the second day which was truly horrific and I really couldn’t cope with it all. I make another appointment with the doctor whom again refuses the diazepam but give me zopiclone to help me sleep (only 10 3.75mg tablets and I was on 7.5mg). This gave me 7 days of comfort from the withdrawals and to make a plan on what to do. In the end I ordered them of the internet as I couldn’t trust my doctor to deliver appropriate care so had to take the matter into my own hands. Anyway I ran out of zopiclone and went back to the doctor with withdrawals but this time the withdrawals were taking there toll, I this time beg the doctor for more diazepam and said that it wasn’t fair that he abruptly stopped my medication and was agains prescription guidelines. All he said to me was “that is not true and the typical response from a drug seeking patient“, I didn’t know what to do I mean I’m not an addict but this hurt me that he could have been so cruel while I just wanted help. This led me to attack the doctor which wasn’t my finest moment and was kicked out of uni.

All of this led me to start obtaining illicit benzos and just eating them like candy. The accusations and non help of a doctor again happened when I moved practice again and went round the same thing again.

Now I’m on a stable dose of 3mg of Lorazepam which I really want to come off using diazepam but would need the doctors help to do this. Im planning on another doctors office to see if I can get anywhere with them as I’m desperate to come off these drugs now and need proper help. Ive also been refused therapy, counselling and mental health services and am currently seeing a addiction centre for it but they haven’t deal with benzos before so don’t know what they are doing at all and I really don’t trust them, I meant how can I cut up a rather small tablet into 16 evenly sized pieces? How the hell do I do this it really seems impossible for me at the moment and I also dosnt help I’m on probation so if I get caught with them I have to serve at least 6 months in prison.

14 months of brainwashing fails as cult member goes back on medication

Bit the bullet...
« on: December 03, 2017, 05:06:34 pm »

[Buddie]

So today I decided that I have suffered enough… 14 months. I’ve decided to take Zoloft at 25mg to start. It may make things better, it may make things worth however, at this point in my recovery I have nothing to lose because my depression is getting worse by the day. Thank you everyone for your support and listening to my rants. I’ve tried everything to stabilize… maybe some people who did the same will chime in and give me some hope.

love to all,

Doctor bashers bully suicidal patient

I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
 « on: November 17, 2017, 05:19:42 am »

[Buddie]

I’m trying so hard not to go back on Klonopin but I can’t take much more of this. My anxiety and akathisia is so bad I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending panic attack. How can I be feeling this bad 15 months off benzos? I feel worse now than I did when I started my taper.

edit: self-harm reference removed.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2017, 05:39:29 am by [Buddie] »

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #1 on: November 17, 2017, 05:31:28 am »

[Buddie]

Hi […],
Your 15 months off this crap, you hang in there!!!!
It does get better. I’m just about 17 months off and life is good. You can do this. Reinstatement could make things worse then what’s going on now.
Think it threw real good before you do that.
Imo if you’ve went threw 15 months your very close to feeling better.
Don’t give up !!
We all heal !! Yeah I know waiting is hard with symptoms. But distract and stay positive. It’s coming 😁😁 […]

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2017, 06:09:14 am »

[Buddie]

Keep battling!!!!

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2017, 06:18:00 am »

[Buddie]

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so bad. How did you do your withdrawal? I’m just curious. Your signature just says that you jumped.

Anyway, I agree with […] that you should try to not reinstate. There was a reason that you decided to stop taking klonopin. It wasn’t working for you in some respect. Going back on it will probably just bring that problem up again.

It doesn’t help to compare time lines. People heal at different rates. I don’t think anybody understands why it’s that way or can predict who will heal faster/slower. A few days ago, I read a very positive post from a buddie who had been feeling very poorly for longer than you have, and in the past two months, it’s gotten significantly better for her.

How are you doing otherwise? Are you eating well? What kinds of things are you still able to do? Sucks that you’re suffering from akathisia. Does that prevent you from getting out or are you just uncomfortable in certain situations? I think people who are able to get out and at least take a long walk are better able to cope with their anxiety. Long walks are great distractions. I rode a bike a lot during my withdrawal. Not very fast, but sometimes for hours.

I need to mention that I removed part of a sentence from your original post on this thread. It referred to thoughts of self-harm and those kinds of comments can be really upsetting to some of our members. Many are just as anxious as you, and they don’t need any extra ‘excitement’. I hope you understand.

I know this ordeal is difficult, but for those who see it through, it works out. Try to relax as best you can. Distraction and mindfulness are your allies. Hang in there, and try not to despair.

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2017, 09:17:43 am »

[Buddie]

I know I shouldn’t reinstate Klonopin but if I can’t cope, I don’t really have a choice. Klonopin completely ruined my life. I’m actually seeing a psychologist in January for disability benefits because there’s no way I can work with the tremendous amount of anxiety and depression I experience on a daily basis. I feel like a totally different person. I don’t enjoy any of the activities that I used to enjoy. I used to build computers and program applications for fun. I’ve totally lost interest in that. It’s like I’m stuck in a dysphoric state of mind and nothing satisfies me anymore. Distracting myself is nearly impossible because I can’t get my problems and thoughts of harming myself out of my head. Also, I’ve turned into a recluse because it’s become extremely hard for me to talk to people. I can’t hold a conversation. I speak in very short and sometimes incomplete sentences. I’m hoping the psychologist will notice all of this so I get disability benefits.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2017, 09:22:45 am by [Buddie] »

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2017, 09:36:45 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on November 17, 2017, 05:19:42 am
I’m trying so hard not to go back on Klonopin but I can’t take much more of this. My anxiety and akathisia is so bad I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending panic attack. How can I be feeling this bad 15 months off benzos? I feel worse now than I did when I started my taper.

edit: self-harm reference removed.

Hi […]  I know its a little further out than you are now but I’m sure you’d be more than welcomed to join this group their nice people its the 18 to 30 month post jump group http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=141544.0;topicseen. I hope its of help to you 

Love […] xxx 

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #6 on: November 17, 2017, 12:46:57 pm »

[Buddie]

Are you taking any other poison right now that doctor prescribed you?

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2017, 03:55:42 pm »

[Buddie]

Nope, I’m not taking any prescription medication.

Re: I might have to reinstate Klonopin.
« Reply #8 on: November 17, 2017, 07:55:00 pm »

[Buddie]

Hang in there. Kpin turned it’s back on me and I would never take that rat poison again. If I took it again, I feel it would makes things even worse.

BENZO BELLY NIGHTMARES

Benzo Belly
« on: November 15, 2017, 04:33:52 am »

[Buddie]

Before I started my taper, I worked out every day, ate super healthy, and was in tip top shape. Standing at 5’8″, I weighed about 185 lbs, and was 7% body fat. Then I began my taper 9 months ago, and of course everything changed. During my 6 month taper, I could not work out, better yet even go walking. During that time period I gained 10 lbs (no help to the Remeron I was on for insomnia), and went from 7% body fat to about 30%. Yeah I know, all those years of hard work in the gym, I went from looking like a body builder to looking like I had the biggest beer belly ever. (all the body fat is basically in my abdominal region). I quit taking the Remeron 2 months ago, and I basically lost 25 lbs in 1 month. This was due to kicking Remeron and not eating at all for the 1st month in withdrawal. So anyways, I’ve been running for 30 mins a day, usually within the 3 mile range, and even been doing intermittent fasting. The problem is that I have only lost like 3 lbs total within the past 2 months, and I’ve been running every day and eating extremely healthy. It’s crazy because even though I weigh 160 lbs, my body fat is still around 20%. This is so frustrating because I’ve lost all this weight, but my body fat doesn’t seem to want to go away. I’m starting to blame benzo withdrawal for this and lack of sleep (you burn about 80 calories per hour when you sleep, and I’m dealing with am extreme case of insomnia). Has anyone else had trouble kicking body fat around the abdominal region, even with rigorous exercise? If so, how long was it before you started making some serious progress? Thank you!

Re: Benzo Belly
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2017, 10:45:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m surprised no one answered this, as I figured many people have the same problem. I’m old, 65 years, but I certainly felt the extra fat especially in my middle region, and had terrible benzo belly. It seemed as if I was lugging around extra fat all over. I especially gained weight right when my taper was over with. I don’t weigh myself, but at one point I weighed 116 according to the doctor’s scale. Then after tapering was finished I was weighed again, and I weighed 130! It seems that just recently I’ve noticed a change. My body is getting to the same level it was before benzos. I’m a very slow healer, though, and have had severe symptoms. I really think there must be something about benzos being stored in the muscles and fat. I’ve never had this before. I’m sure you’ll recover sooner and have the body you used to have!

Elderly forced into years-long tapers

Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« on: September 26, 2017, 12:52:06 pm »

[Buddie]

I was wondering if there are any here who are over 60 years of age and tapering. I feel it is a lot harder now that I am older. I am going to press on with this at a very slow taper rate. I don’t care how long it takes, as long as I have minimal to no symptoms. I need to be able to function and want quality of life. Just thought I would inquire. Thanks.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2017, 02:11:39 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi,

I was 62 when I began my taper, which, of necessity was a fast taper. Though it took me a long time to heal, I don’t regret it at this point, and am much better for being off benzos. It really was worth it. I’m 5.5 years off now.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2017, 02:26:09 pm »

[Buddie]

I completed my taper just after my 60th birthday. Now I am recovered and I feel good and I feel young again. I’m so glad I tapered off this crap. It’s worth doing at any age.
Love,
[…]

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2017, 04:56:22 pm »

[Buddie]

I will be 58 tomorrow so not quite 60 but close enough. I did a slow taper but I am still having issues. I don’t know that it can be avoided completely. Good luck with your taper. I am sure it will all be worth it in the end.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #4 on: September 26, 2017, 07:30:57 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m 64 but don’t know if there is a big difference between tapering at 20-30 years old or 50-60 years old. I just know that whatever time I have left, I want to be totally drug free including antidepressants that don’t work anyway.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2017, 07:37:04 pm »

[Buddie]

I am 61 and took my last xanax May 31st 2016. I tapered for four months and in hindsight I think my healing would have been smoother if I had gone a bit slower on the taper. I am so grateful at this point though to be free of xanax- the battle was worth it. I am living a pretty normal life now and most symptoms have lessened to a tolerable level. I wanted to give you hope that there is life on the other side even when you are 60 or older.

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2017, 08:22:56 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m 68 and have been doing a very slow taper for years. For the most part I have been functional. My fears made and still do make the symptoms much worse! I’m down to 1.75mgs of Valium now. I was only on xanax .25 mgs for sleep for 18 months. I have been tapering on Valium for 4 years. I had some very long holds due to life altering events. I have never updosed. I have learned so much about myself during the last 4 years. I’m grateful for that. I look forward to the future and I know the best is yet to come! I do think age has an impact on tapering. My doctor agrees. Best of luck to you! 

Re: Being Over 60 and Tapering?
« Reply #7 on: September 26, 2017, 09:43:36 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you all for the encouragement and hope! It’s never too late and I know that I will feel much better when it is completed. Going low and slow is key. 4 years is what I think I may be looking at. That is fine as long as I can function. I have a mother who will be 90 in a few months and have to make sure she is doing well. She lives 3 hours away and I have to be able to travel and keep going. Sometimes we have no control over life’s circumstances and it does get harder as we get older. I also have some friends who are sick and I try to see them and help with their care. I am a retired RN so I still have the nurse in me. My husband is very supportive even though he can’t understand. I have sometimes say no to doing too much activity wise. I commend you all for your determination and positive attitudes! Thank you so much!
Happy Birthday […]!

Klonopin eater goes on hate-filled doctor-bashing rant

Is the System evil or ignorant?
« on: September 01, 2017, 10:44:05 pm »

[Buddie]

Is anyone else ANGRY at the doctor who turned you into a drug addict? I submit that most doctors ignorantly believe if patients take their meds as prescribed, there won’t be any issues. Here’s the problem: Your brain doesn’t give a flying f%@$ about US law or what your doctor thinks. All it knows is that it’s regularly been influenced by a powerful psychoactive and it wants more. We’re every bit as much an addict as anyone else, and our addiction can actually kill if you just stop taking it. It also creates the longest and most horrific withdrawal known to man. (I’ve confirmed this with heroin addicts, alcoholics, meth addicts, anyone who has been through a withdrawal). Heroin addicts feel sorry for me! No one is taking responsibility for ruining lives by the million in the name of the almighty dollar.

Pharmaceutical companies send hot girls to doctors offices to persuade them to hand out their drugs. Wtf?! Our society is so brainwashed by the DSM-V, thinking about which acronym fits them because life sucks sometimes for everyone but there has to be something wrong with you. ADHD, OCD, PTSD, GAD, MDD…choose a f@$!ing acronym so you can become a lifetime customer.

We’ve all gone through he’ll because our doctor’s either didn’t know or didn’t care what they were doing. Our society gives so much reverence to doctors…we trust them implicitly because they went to med school. My doctor literally opened Web MD when prescribing my klonopin. They’re not f@$&ING special, they’re human beings just like anyone. They are succeptible to greed and the powers that be are so god damned cocky they don’t even attempt to hide the fact that the people we trust with our health are being bribed by drug companies. Doctors who prescribe things they don’t understand have betrayed the public trust and should be dealt with accordingly. They’re drug dealers…in every sense of the word. We have a war on drugs that imprisons people for smoking a plant while the system were supposed to trust is getting us hooked on the drugs they can profit from.

Anyone who has suffered as I have suffered must surely feel the same injustice. I got out of the military after serving honorably for 6 years…I told my doctor I didn’t feel quite right. Then I was a drug addict. Klonopin took everything in my life. I barely survived it….and that piece of shit probably did the same thing to someone today.

No one should ever go through what I’ve been through. Helping people who are suffering with hope and advise is great, but shouldn’t we be doing something to stop the system that put us here? The average person has no idea what a benzo is…if they tell their doctor they’ve been anxious lately, chances are they’re gonna join our ranks. How do we save those people?

Benzo Buddies: Flea spray affects GABA

Please help, desperate, got fleas in house but flea spray affects GABA
« on: August 08, 2017, 09:50:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello

My friend brought his dog in my flat and the dog has left fleas, ive been bitten.
I’ve tried vaccumming, but I am so depressed and anxious and stressed about other things including withdrawal that I only have the energy to vaccuumm part of a room a day, ,whereas to get rid of the fleas, eggs and larvae you either have to vaccuum every day for a week or use flea spray with insect growth regulator in.
The problem with these substances is that they all have chemicals in which, on doing research, affect gaba in a bad way, I wont ramble.
I even tried to find a respirator online so that I did not breathe in any of the vapours, but there is so much choice that I am totally confused as to which respirator to buy to prevent me inhaling the fumes of the flea spray, as you have to keep windows shut while it works when you spray.
Has anyone ever used any of the strong flea sprays in withdrawal?
Did they react with you in a bad way?
I am desperate to hear of anyone’s experience with these flea sprays, they worked for me when i wasnt on valium but I am scared to use them given what I have read online about them interacting with GABA.
Thanks

Benzos not to blame for singer’s death

Stevie Nicks blames psychiatry, not abuse of illegal drugs, for her decline


The anti-psychiatry cult venerates Nicks as an anti-benzo apostle yet Stevie was an out of control drug addict:

  • Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks was so addicted to cocaine, alcohol and Quaaludes she blacked out and nearly overdosed repeatedly
  • She wore gold and turquoise bottle inlaid with diamonds around her neck so she was never without coke
  • To avoid body searches by customs in Europe, they hired Hitler’s private rail car complete with the elderly attendant who served the Fuhrer

She quickly descended into drug hell and became addicted to cocaine, alcohol, Quaaludes to sleep, and cigarettes – until her system broke down and she started having nosebleeds, falls on stage, blackouts and near overdoses.

She bought $1 million worth of cocaine and it burned a hole in her nose the size of a dime. Rumors spread that she had to have the drug blown up her derriere by an assistant.

“There was no way to get off the white horse and I didn’t want to,”  the now 66-year-old Nicks said.

She only slowed down her drug consumption when her doctor warned her she was risking permanent mental and physical damage as well as heading for a brain hemorrhage or an early grave.

The group called for an intervention and saved her life by urging her to check in to the Betty Ford Center.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2941749/Stevie-Nicks-1million-cocaine-habit-fueled-wild-affair-married-Mick-Fleetwood-burned-hole-nose-big-took-drug-private-parts-reveals-new-book.html

Can anyone blame Big Pharma, or psychiatry, for that?

In a March 2017 Rolling Stone interview, instead of advising her younger self never to take illegal drugs, and thereby help other addicts, Nicks irresponsibly blames the psychiatrist who tried to help her recover:

What advice would you give to your younger self?
“How about my early-forties self? That’s when I walked out of Betty Ford after beating coke. I spent two months doing so well. But all my business managers and everyone were urging me to go to this guy who was supposedly­ the darling of the psychiatrists. That was the guy who put me on Klonopin. This is the man who made me go from 123 pounds to almost 170 pounds at five feet two. He stole eight years of my life.”

Look at what this poor, brainwashed, slob at Benzo Buddies says about Nicks:

Resist
« on: May 24, 2017, 02:51:03 am »

[Buddie]

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/stevie-nicks-talks-drugs-men-aging-fleetwood-macs-future-w470914

Start fighting back folks. No more suicides. Lost jobs and homes. No more drugged toddlers and babies, elderly and infirm. Come on guys! This is a grass roots effort! If Stevie Nicks still has the balls to stand up against big pharma and the drug dealers that push their poisons, so do you!

Love you all,

Talk about delusional.