Kook dumps husband to marry Benzo Buddies cult

Leaving Partner in WD
« on: June 17, 2019, 04:45:28 pm »

[Buddie]

I’ve decided to leave my husband, i can’t take the verbal and emotional abuse any more, we’ve been to counseling but the counselor said he was narcissistic and won’t change. The stonewalling, gaslighting and passive aggression from him is hindering my recovery I’m sure.

I’m on my third day of driving 900 kms with my dog to be with my son, having to stay in motels and getting a barrage of cruel emails from him. Tomorrow i will be there, hopefully i won’t get too much of a setback from this. Leaving the house was very difficult but i know I’ve made the right decision.

Anybody else out there done this in wd? Any support appreciated from anyone.

Xanax addicted pothead can’t watch TV without bursting into tears

Brain Hypersensitivity and Tension/Pressure Headaches and Sensitivity to TV
« on: May 08, 2019, 11:09:21 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi everybody,

Anyone else experiencing Tension/Pressure that hits you like a wave on the top of your head where it feels like someone is pushing you down? It’s really scary, I get dizzy and can’t walk. I also am really sensitive to noises (had to turn off the clocks in my house). And I am unusually sensitive/emotional to watching TV and news, I just feel very anxious and I cry when I normally NEVER cry, so I stopped watching it.

But, I am a HUGE Game of Thrones fan and it’s been really difficult/scary for me to watch the show because I get so much anxiety and I am scared I will have a stroke in my brain because it feels so weird! I feel like I know what part of my brain is being triggered with each different emotion. Anxiety/Stress gives me crazy Tension/Pressure Headaches, the other emotions feel like my brain is being stimulated with vibrations. Or I have goosebumps/chills in my brain (best way I can describe it), it’s just really weird and scary!

I’m scared to see my friends because I don’t know what emotion will be triggered with what they talk about or ask me, and how my brain is going to react to it! Has anyone else experienced this? If so, how long does it last? And do you have any coping tips or know of an OTC or herbal remedy? HELP!

I’m scared that this is permanent. I have been abusing Xanax for 13 years and started smoking marijuana, heavily for the past 2 years. I have a very high tolerance. The past 4 months I was pretty much smoking marijuana ALL DAY and night since I had really bad insomnia and was taking anywhere from 2 1/2-4 mgs of Xanax. About a month and a half ago I quit marijuana and smoking cigarettes, cold turkey. And decided to start tapering off Xanax by.25mg each week, but I started at 2mgs. And I think I reduced it too quickly and also the withdrawal from marijuana, I feel has magnified my withdrawal symptoms.

I feel like I’m going crazy and turning into a major hermit out of fear. Can anyone help, please? 🙏

Ain’t no love in the heart of the city: Girlfriend dumps addict for man who isn’t tapering Klonopin for 1000 years

Dumped during taper
« on: April 10, 2019, 12:33:03 am »

[Buddie]

Just lost one of the key players in my support network. She said, “I can’t do this for another 6 months, year, however long it’ll be before you’re better. I love you, I want you to get better, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But I just can’t do this anymore. I have to let go. I have to live my life”

This was 2 weeks ago. I tried to remain her friend, but she couldn’t help but rub her new relationship in my face. When I’d finally had enough and blocked her number, and on social media, she got pissy and finally left me alone. It’s strange how the ones we love the most can end up being the most toxic. Prior to this she would always be at my bedside. Checking in on me every day. Assuring me I’d get through this and that I’m strong for having made it this far.

I found myself up-dosing. I messed up. I let her hurt me even more. I’m trying to get back down to 0.5mg Klon per day, but the nights without her are much harder. Maybe I shouldn’t have been dating in this state. She tapered off klon a long time ago, I thought she’d be more understanding.

If anyone’s suffered a blow like this during taper, any advice would be appreciated.
(I know, “Try not to think about her, occupy your mind with other things.” I got that much, I’m trying.)

Benzo Buddies hags claw each other’s eyes out fighting over who has it worse

Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« on: July 08, 2018, 06:14:25 pm »

[Buddie]

I always thought I was a strong person, until this experience with Benzos. I’ve been clinging to the edge of my strength and sanity since 9/2016. {I don’t have a sig up because I’m too traumatized to recount the details of my doctor forced CT}. The level of suffering has morphed from vomiting daily for a year every morning, into unbelievable head and neck pain, into severe dizziness and confusion. Amongst 100 other symptoms. Seems the layers to this never end. I’m questioning is it worth the suffering, when all I experience is a shift from nightmare to another. Without any light and hope. My goal has been to get to tolderable, just tolerable! And, I feel as though I’m going backwards, daily. The strain this has put on not only myself, husband (who bailed when I was in tolerance and didn’t know it, haven’t seen him in 3yrs), my beautiful children, and elderly parents has been unconchinable.

Does it truly get better? Or, is it really just some that are genetically luckier than other’s? I just want some reassurance that things will improve. I’m not looking for perfection. I need a reason to stay in the fight…….

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2018, 06:32:28 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], yes things do get better.

I had a miserable 3+ year long taper with a year of recovery afterwards, but I gradually got to feeling better. I got most of my clients back, can now drive, see friends etc. And I moved twice!! But it was a long road on which I despaired that things would never improve.

If you want advice, I’ll give it: find a couple of BBs who feel as you do, but who are making progress and hang with them. It was my BB friends who helped me along through my ordeal. We cheered each other on, gave each other shoulders to cry on. One of my “gang” formed the Working Thread (because we all had to go to work) and we interacted there. It was very comforting.

Another great comfort to me was my therapist. She knew nothing about benzo w/d, but I educated her. She was always there for me. Alas, my partner not so much. I think we “wear out” those closest to us.

So those are two things that got me through my taper: BB friends and my wonderful therapist. A group that “gets it” . . . and one person who knows you inside and out and can be your “rock”.

Hope this helps you,

[…]

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2018, 07:38:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate your taking the time to reply. Wishing You Speedy Healing

Re: Reassurance PLEASE……😢
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2018, 07:39:01 pm »

[Buddie]

Your reason to stay in the fight is for your beautiful children and your elderly parents and for you because you are worth it. I believe with all my heart that you will get better over time. I have read how so many others have recovered and you will too. Like the other poster said, find someone similar to your situation and encourage one another. I will continue to pray until you get a break through.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2018, 07:51:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 08, 2018, 07:39:01 pm
Your reason to stay in the fight is for your beautiful children and your elderly parents and for you because you are worth it. I believe with all my heart that you will get better over time. I have read how so many others have recovered and you will too. Like the other poster said, find someone similar to your situation and encourage one another. I will continue to pray until you get a break through.

[…],
Thank you….. Thank you……

Haven’t found anyone similar to my situation. I’m pretty severe.
My children….I Love Them So Much.

Thank you for your prayers. You will me in mine, as well.
Thank you…..

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #5 on: July 08, 2018, 08:34:13 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], you DID meet someone who was possibly WORSE than you!!! ME. I think you read my Success Story so you should have an idea that this is the truth.
Here is another truth: We ALL think we are the worst off! That is just human nature.

Okay. YES you will feel better. No one knows (yet) why some people have it so rough and have it last so long. But it does happen. I didnt truly feel “normal” until my 4th year.

Going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Without a doubt. But getting through it made me such a better person! I now know that I AM truly strong. I learned a lot along the way as well. I learned how to go to sleep normally. I learned how to deal with any anxiety I had and in all truth, I have little to no anxiety now. Just “jitters” when I start a new job, or do something new. Normal anxiety. I learned what caused my awful symptoms, and knowing that helped me immensely!

[…]. You sound like an intelligent person. I personally think that makes it a bit harder, because we KNOW too much! But being smart is also such a blessing as it will allow you to start educating yourself about all of this. And it truly is key to have a basic understanding of WHY you have these awful symptoms. The human brain is very intricate and complicated, but basically, all it is is a bunch of different chemicals that perform certain functions. Our brains do control everything about us. Benzos temporarily mess up all those chemicals. In a huge way. And then, when you take away the benzos, all hell breaks loose. Those chemicals are going to go up and down and cause crazy symptoms until they do finally get back to normal. And they will, given enough time.

I urge you to stay the course. If I can do it, you can, because I am NOT SuperWoman! LOL! Hardly. I am a 68 year old lady with a long and hard history of abusing various substances. Benzos were my downfall. Taking benzos was the dumbest thing I ever did, but getting OFF benzos was the best thing I have ever done. Amen!

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #6 on: July 08, 2018, 09:58:27 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 08, 2018, 08:34:13 pm
[…], you DID meet someone who was possibly WORSE than you!!! ME. I think you read my Success Story so you should have an idea that this is the truth.
Here is another truth: We ALL think we are the worst off! That is just human nature.

Okay. YES you will feel better. No one knows (yet) why some people have it so rough and have it last so long. But it does happen. I didnt truly feel “normal” until my 4th year.

Going through this was the hardest thing I have ever done. Without a doubt. But getting through it made me such a better person! I now know that I AM truly strong. I learned a lot along the way as well. I learned how to go to sleep normally. I learned how to deal with any anxiety I had and in all truth, I have little to no anxiety now. Just “jitters” when I start a new job, or do something new. Normal anxiety. I learned what caused my awful symptoms, and knowing that helped me immensely!

[…]. You sound like an intelligent person. I personally think that makes it a bit harder, because we KNOW too much! But being smart is also such a blessing as it will allow you to start educating yourself about all of this. And it truly is key to have a basic understanding of WHY you have these awful symptoms. The human brain is very intricate and complicated, but basically, all it is is a bunch of different chemicals that perform certain functions. Our brains do control everything about us. Benzos temporarily mess up all those chemicals. In a huge way. And then, when you take away the benzos, all hell breaks loose. Those chemicals are going to go up and down and cause crazy symptoms until they do finally get back to normal. And they will, given enough time.

I urge you to stay the course. If I can do it, you can, because I am NOT SuperWoman! LOL! Hardly. I am a 68 year old lady with a long and hard history of abusing various substances. Benzos were my downfall. Taking benzos was the dumbest thing I ever did, but getting OFF benzos was the best thing I have ever done. Amen!

[…],
Read your Success story a couple times. I just watch this weird brain stuff going on in my head would stop. Can cope with the rest. But, the brain stuff is so hard. Feels like fireworks and a LSD trip all at the same time.

Trying to accept all this intense stuff…. If I had truly been intelligent I would have NEVER taken a Benzo.

Thank you for your constant support, and encouragement. It means so much…. Thank You….

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2018, 01:13:01 pm »

[Buddie]

After 25 years, I did a CT. My husband died. Then, a reinstallation, with Xanax and sleeping pills. CT- again. I have been in a dark room, with hallucinations, until month 23. Have I had worse, than others? No. Everyone, lives in their own little hell, in their own way. There is no scale, on who has the most difficult. My best, and closest word, is Respect. If I wrote, that my symptoms were the worst, I would not have it. It is very difficult, for all of us. Right? :)
« Last Edit: July 09, 2018, 01:24:58 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2018, 01:54:50 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey […], sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time.
I’m feeling much the same at the moment… Feel free to reach out as I completely get the
Strain on family (I’m living with my parents who practically have to look after me) and I’m not even close to jumping… But we can do this 👊🏼

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2018, 03:29:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on July 09, 2018, 01:13:01 pm
After 25 years, I did a CT. My husband died. Then, a reinstallation, with Xanax and sleeping pills. CT- again. I have been in a dark room, with hallucinations, until month 23. Have I had worse, than others? No. Everyone, lives in their own little hell, in their own way. There is no scale, on who has the most difficult. My best, and closest word, is Respect. If I wrote, that my symptoms were the worst, I would not have it. It is very difficult, for all of us. Right? :)

[…],
Not sure what you mean by your comment. I will respond how I think you meant it.
It was suggested to me to find a B.B. with symptoms similar to mine. I have yet to find anyone with symptoms similar to the severity of mine. None of us has fully shared every little thing they have experienced in this journey. I know MY truth and MY experience and have not read anything that closely resembles my journey. Certain general aspects yes, many other aspects no. To have it suggested to me that I don’t have RESPECT I find truly offensive. This forum, I thought was a place to lend support. I reached out for that support. Not to be kicked when I’m down. RESPECT is a word that maybe you should look at the definition. If you can’t help a fellow BB then don’t post anything.

Re: Reassurance PLEASE......😢
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2018, 09:05:14 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], get a grip, please. You are pushing yourself into thinking you are so different from others here, worse, THE WORST, etc. And that is a total lie you are telling yourself. That lie will not help you, it will hinder your recovery.

You are NOT the worst off here. I have heard that so many times now it is a bit funny. When I was a Moderator here, we had several people similar to you, (and me-) people who truly thought they were the worst case ever. (And that includes me, because for a fairly long time, I thought I was the worst one here! And who knows, maybe I WAS!) But in the end, none of this really matters. What does matter is how much effort you put into helping yourself, by remaining positive, by learning as much as you can, and by trying to help someone OTHER than yourself.

I disagree with your feeling that most people dont try to tell the truth here. I did, on my Blog and Success Story. I attempted to describe the utter hell I lived in. I DID avoid yakking about it on this part of the forum, the Cold Turkey Dept.. I knew that I should fake it here, and tell the real truth “privately.” This strategy worked very well for me. I did not lie here, but I did avoid talking about how awful I felt, EXCEPT on my Blog and finally, in my Success Story. I think you know how difficult it is to explain these symptoms. It is beyond belief what some of us go through. Nothing prepared me for the hundreds of symptoms I had. It came as an enormous shock to this old Nurse.

You will get through this. Time is on your side, because the brain always tries to heal itself and almost always, it does.