Benzo addicts lament glory days of getting high

So...tried pot
« on: September 18, 2017, 03:06:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I live in NV so thought I would try some pot. Being 67 and remembering the great times back when. The good feeling and calmness I felt. Well, not now. I tried it a couple of times and felt wired, with no sense of well-being at all. Never again. How messed up is my body that it doesn’t react at all like a healthy body. My cns is so out of balance. I really feel this is for the rest of my life. 38 months out lots have healed, but my insomnia and fatigue is pretty much holding the same. In a very sad way, I have accepted it finally. Early on really thought I would get a life back. Oh well, tell myself I had 55 or so quite wonderful years. Many have not had that, with or without benzo use. I am grateful for those memories, as that is what gets me through the long lonely days and nights. Hugs to all.😏

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2017, 03:08:09 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh that’s too bad. Maybe it’s the strain? Either way, that doesn’t like fun.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2017, 03:13:29 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, don’t give up now, […]!! I’m 65 and 42 months out. I have to keep telling myself I’m going to make it through this. I don’t want to have my immune system go down for some damned drugs I’ve taken. I tried pot, too, in earlier times. Had wonderful experiences on it before. Especially liked it for exercising. I should have stayed with it instead of being put on a benzo, but at that time I thought “do the right thing” since it was illegal. HAH!! What a crock. Now I don’t feel the same way at all and had to forget about pot. It’s just not the same feeling anymore, unfortunately.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2017, 03:15:19 pm »

[Buddie]

If you tried a high THC strain, that’s why. I would suggest trying a high CBD strain instead. I don’t know how long you’ve been off, but high THC would throw many folks into paranoia.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2017, 03:45:56 pm »

[Buddie]

That isn’t the pot from your youth. It’s so much stronger. I’d guess that most of the stuff I did in high school (easy 70s) was 5-6% THC (maybe 8% if we got really good stuff). Nowadays, it’s usually 20% or higher, and can approach 30%. You have to take that into account and go super easy on it when you’re first starting (or re-starting).

Much depends on the strain as some have eluded to. Some strains make me all hyper (good for getting things done, but not for calming down). Some mellow me out. Those are the ones I seek to help with sleep. Best relaxing/sedating strain I found so far has a lot of myrcene (a terpene) in it.

Another route, as […] mentioned, was to add some CBD to the mix. A lot of people like strains that are moderate in both THC and CBD. Some use strains that are almost all CBD. So many choices today, so much information. Not like scoring a dime bag of whatever was available (often little better than ditch weed) back in the day.

FLICKO THE SICKO

Flick was a rather colorful member of Andrew Bressler’s benzowithdrawal.com and Colin Moran’s benzobuddies.org (Colin would later ban him). As readers can see, from Flick’s cannabis-fueled ramblings below, he was crazy, and DEEPLY involved in cults, long before he ever took a benzo, or heard of Ashton…

Nice post NC it’s good to feel that connection with Spirit, wherever it comes from. Personally maybe I will get into a bit of “head” stuff here myself, since I am a man after all. I find it interesting that the three biggest teachers in my life of spirituality died in the past year. Maharishi, Sri Chinmoy, and Adi Da. I learned the TM thing when I was 22 and strung out on hard drugs and could not quit them. The TM worked for me. I did it for years. Now there is a lot of controversy around Maharishi too, like maybe he approache Mia Farrow sexually, but that has pretty much been debunked now. Certainly there has been a kind of “cult” grown up around him and the “yogic flying” seems pretty silly. Still TM saved my life and Maharishi and his teachings have been very beneficial to many. I can’t find fault with his ideal of “world peace” through the vehicle of many people meditating. Now it is is easy for the doubt mind to debunk anything “spiritual” and always throw out the baby with the bath water.

When I was a young ballet dancer in New York, I went to an intro with Sri Chinmoy and this was my first experience of a transmission guru. I felt an intense descending light and bliss in his personal company and also meditatiing on his photo. I became a disciple and wore all white and tried to be celibate and hung out with Carlos Santana and John McGlauphlin who were also disciples. Now I could not handle the sort of strictness with that guru and the two musicians also left in their own time, but that does not devalue Sri Chinmoy or his group in any way. he was very respected in the United Nations did some cool yogic tricks with lifting weights and so forth. His transmission was very real and quite blissful also. Also is was pretty cultic around him , as it always is around a charismatic transmission guru. people like to feel blissful.

I came across Adi Da in 1975 in New York when I heard “Garbage and the Goddess” on WBAI radio “IN the Spirit” by lex Hixon. I had a bad flu and was so moved by Da’s laughter, that I had a sudden and spontaneous lifting of the flu. I read the KOL and saw a “A diffiicult Man” and went to California to join the community. This was the only time I have every felt actual transmission from a book. I felt it in all of Adi Da’s books. For most people, including myself, a relationship with Adi Da is a mixed bag. I felt incredible light and clear and conscious bliss and also states of non separation or “non duality” around him just like he always described in his books. There was always a hard edge to being a disciple of his though. And a certain sort of “darkness” , but I would not necessarily say it is the community’s darkness or Adi Da’s darkness. We all have our dark side and I tend toward depression and fear myself. This is a pretty weird life. Of course Adi Da was not your usual teacher or guru. I know people who were around him in the inner stuff and some feel bad about it and others feel just fine. I never was around the inner stuff and only got the “trickle down” Some people say they were hurt. I don’t know any of them personally except for a couple ahnd they are both still very angry. So everyone who was ever with Adi Da is still trying to figure the whole thing out. many play the “gotcha” game and he is easy to play this game with because of his controversial activities. I think it is a good thing to call out abuses in any arena , whether it be political or spiritual. I would say that George Bush has dwarfed any guru in history with his abuse of the whole world . So is goes round and round and we always feel abused by life itself. But Adi Da has passed now, and people are still so angry that they are beating a dead corpse. Wow I would check out this anger thing.

I am pretty versed in the Traditions since I have studied extensively in Buddhism and under Tibetan lamas and also zen and vipassana. These are real practicing schools. I have never been much attracted to the Ramana lineage myself , partially because it can be pretty mental and I have seen the circus that Poonjaji created by creating all these mini gurus like Andrew Cohen and Gangaji, both of which I have seen and I feel to be real “talking school” so to speak, Just my opinion and preference,

But many love Ramana Maharshi and also Sri Nisardagatta and I respect that for their practice with their teachings. There is certainly and incredible radiance coming off the photos of Ramana and this is not to be discounted. I feel that your really can tell something about a teacher by their photo. This is an intuitive matter and not a mental one.

I have also spent quite a bit of tiime around Ammachi , the hugging saint, and there is a very strong transmission with her too. Of course, many people debunk her too. And certainly it is somewhat “cultic” around her. So what .

I gave lots of money to Adi Dam and to Adi Da personally although it was all underground. I am pretty broke now , but i do not regret it . I felt good about it at the time and felt like i was doing some good with my money rather than hoarding something that never really belongs to you to start with. Generosity is a founding principle of Buddhism. Money comes and goes, and we are closer to death every moment, Flick Rahke

https://nonduality.org/2008/11/28/adi-da-is-dead/#comment-1175

When convicted drug dealer Flick joined Benzo Buddies Colin forced him to change his name to Jetstream

new member post
« on: October 04, 2011, 01:26:47 AM »

jetstream

Hi folks, my name is jetstream, which says it all. I am cruising high and happy in the clouds these days. I did a 2.5 year taper off of 1.25 mg of klon, which I had been on for two years. I switched to 25 mg of valium and did a slow slow taper, which I managed very well in spite of various sx. I switched to liquid valium at 10mg and did a daily titration from there, which did make it quite a lot easier.

I have been off for three years as of Thanksgiving and am grateful very much. I still have a dash of dp/dr, which may resolve in more time and a tad of peripheral neuropathy in my fingers and toes. that is about it. not bad, eh? sure it takes time to taper and heal, but well worth the effort and a forum such as this is invaluable in the process. I hope I can contribute some positive input here . In my journey I have learned many valuable things. I no longer have anxiety disorder or panic attacks for a long time now. I am no longer depressed at all, and if fact am feeling very happy with life. and believe me, I went through my own private hell for years. hang in there Buddies. peace to you Jetstream

Attention Flick: Hernandez used synthetic pot before he hung himself

Aaron Hernandez ‘wrote bible verse John 3:16 on his forehead and smoked synthetic marijuana before taking his life in his prison cell’

Investigators also looking at possibility he smoked K2 synthetic marijuana before hanging himself – the same kind he smoked after killing Lloyd. It is known to cause psychotic episodes

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4426674/Aaron-Hernandez-wrote-bible-verse-John-3-16-blood.html

Kook laments pot isn’t legal

It just hit me
« on: March 08, 2017, 10:14:34 pm »

[Buddie]

Almost a year in this hell, and it just hit me how ridiculous our laws are. Benzodiazepines, which we all know what it is doing to us (suicidal thoughts, psychosis, deprrssion, addiction, etx) are legal, yet marijuana is ? Shaking my head.

This country is messed up. These doctors are the biggest drug pushers in the world.

Moran had to intervene to save Flick from Jana (Rahke was later sent to prison for narcotics offenses)

Re: Flickster Blog
« Reply #57 on: May 28, 2007, 06:44:37 PM »

Flick

hi Colin I was just noticing you mentioning to Genie about titration again. i am having a rough time with the every other week dry cuts now and have tons of liquid left over from when I tried a liquid titration recommended by Jana . It worked great for awhile, but I was cutting 3mg a month which was way too much for me even titrating and it caught up with me big time after 7 weeks. But I thought about doing it again now. I thought I could keep it at 1mg a month but the measurements on my syringe are hard to figure at that amount. 1.5mg a month would be much easier to figure how to measure. But that would increase my rate of taper by 50% and I am not sure that is a good idea either. I have to do something because I am sitting here at 10mg afraid to make another .5mg dry cut because the last one clobbered me and .25mg is impossible to measure with the pills. If you cut a 2mg pill into 8 pieces, you get no accuracy at all. from flick stuck in benzo hell

Re: Flickster Blog
« Reply #58 on: May 29, 2007, 01:21:35 AM »

Colin

 

Hi Flick.

Can you give me the details of your benzo regimen, and I’ll work out a taper that fits your needs. The system we’ve been developing means that cuts are very easy to measure. You will need a 100ml measuring cylinder, with at 1ml graduations. The methods means that you will be removing 1ml each day (or two or three days). It is the overall starting volume of liquid that allows the system to suit your need particular needs. I’ll explain more when you post the details of your taper, and the amount you’d like to cut, and over what period of time.

Site mascot Sicko Flicko surfaces in bizarre Facebook post