So disappointed in myself « on: December 27, 2017, 02:49:57 am »
After being free of Ativan for 2 days, I caved and had to take some because the anxiety was awful. I’m so disappointed in myself😞I feel like a failure.
Major setback to hell. « on: October 08, 2016, 09:03:51 pm »
I’ve just done the most stupid thing. I’ve been pretty stable on 5mg Lorazepam for 3 weeks now.
I was just about to take my 5mg and accidentally found a supply of Valium that my partner was hiding from me. I’ve had some bad news today and my anxiety/stress has been off the scale all day.
I was like a child in a sweet shop and just couldn’t help myself. I took my 5mg Lorazepam and 10x 5mg Valium. This adds up to 90mg benzo if I’m not mistaken.
My question is will this reset my taper/tolerance and will I have to start again. Will I go through a withdrawal process again until I stabilise.
I’m so mad at myself right now if I didn’t have family to worry about I would hang myself tonight.
Masturbation and withdrawal « on: April 23, 2016, 03:20:28 pm »
During my whole withdrawal I’ve also tried “NoFap” because my porn addiction. When Im not masturbating I get more dreams but also less withdrawal symtoms. Ive done several relapses when I masturbate and it feels like Im getting more withdrawal symtoms by then. I don’t know if it’s because I somehow sort masturbating as something “bad” and therefore I get anxiety when I relapse. Or actually because masturbating affects something in the brain like dopamine and prevent healing?’
Anyone know anything about this? Am I playing around with my minds receptors when I stop fapping and relapse, or doesn’t it matter if you masturbate or not to benzo withdrawal?
Seems like masturbating to porn lowers GABA just as benzos do. Quitting lowers the GABA even more during withdrawal but then of course they up regulate, just as benzo WD.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2016, 03:33:59 pm by [Buddie] »
Re: Masturbation and withdrawal « Reply #1 on: April 23, 2016, 04:17:46 pm »
Fapping during withdrawal is not a good idea. Sex in general revs me up so i try to limit it but it’s difficult with a high libido.
It has an impact on all the neurotransmitters, not just dopamine and GABA.
If i remember it well excitatory neurotransmitters rise during masturbation / intercouse to stimulate ejaculation, then GABA rises followed by a quick drop. Do this frequently during withdrawal and you will feel the effects, anxiety in your case.
Re: Please remove my membership and blog « Reply #27 on: September 25, 2011 at 05:59:09 PM »
I’m confused. Gail was in on this from the very beginning, as a matter of fact. She and Jon were the instigators of the entire chain of events at BW. She was the one who gave out Mike59’s personal information to everyone so they could post it all over BW and other places on the internet. Many players who play innocent but are guilty behind the scenes, as I previously mentioned. Don’t forget that she was a moderator for a short time at BE. I had occasion to witness her intense hate for Mike59. There is no question in my mind that she is deeply involved in this current feud.
Another thing that I am confused about is why we would need to bring Ross in on all of this. He has managed to stay out of all of it completely, having most of these people, save Flick, as members of his forum. What would his forum have to do with you encouraging me to ban Mike59? Also, are you saying that you would be willing to ban Donny?
Yes, we are not 100% sure of who is completely involved. Like I said, there are many players and none are innocent.
There is Jon, Gail, Flick, Robyn Hayle, Jim (Befuddled), Jannie Tyme (Whoopsie) and maybe others that I don’t know about. Zoe, although she is not a member on BE as far as I can see and I don’t know whether she is a member here. If you banned Mike59 as a gesture to the members of BW then you do know that there were others that caused many problems there too.
I’m not sure of your reasoning behind that gesture, to be honest.
TC is a moot point since he is already banned from most all forums. I’m sure he rubbishes everyone he can if he gets mad at them. He has issues. I haven’t been to TRAP in years except to make sure my account was secure there a few weeks ago and to ask for his help with a woman in his country who has subsequently passed away last fall.
Again, I am making the gesture/offer. We may never do it perfectly but it is the fairest thing to do. Whether BW or TRAP participates or not, it will send a message that we will no longer stand for what is happening, that we have a common goal and that is to stand up for what is right, and get on with encouraging, supporting and helping others in withdrawal.
Re: My journal « Reply #227 on: Today at 08:36:22 AM »
Well im back,2 days ago i took some tylenol extra strength for some jerks i was having at night. I dont think it did me too good at all . took away the pain i was having but gave me some anxiety that night and felt very tense the next day. I felt somewhat accelerated also and i couldnt sleep till bout 8 am woke up today at 5pm. Ate, went to a friends house and still felt somewhat accelerated. really couldnt stop talking! . and at the same time i felt tired . its now 3 am and i felt tired so i tried to pass out and i couldnt. was having all sort of irrational thoughts, like if i was tripping on acid or something felt like im dreaming but im awake. things didnt seem much real or my thoughts. was thinking of all sort of weird thoughts and still am . I really hope this doesnt send me back into hell . i felt like i was doing pretty good overall, but that tylenol seemed to have put me back some. im gettin that vibrating thing in my head again feels like someone is ringing a gong in my head. its so weird how im having all these irrational thoughts when my head feels SO clear, no cogfog or nothing!! hopefully it goes away soon.
Grizzle – Journal of a Laboratory Rat « on: January 30, 2011, 11:34:46 AM »
43 year-old White male, 6′ 1″, 220 lbs. (all that may be relevant). Was on klonopin, 1 mg, 20/month at first and eventually brought up to 30/ month. total time on klonopin 13 months. Ambien, maybe 7 months, 10 mg, again, 20 at first and 30/month later. Hit tolerance WD halfway through, began having extremely vivid dreams, paranoid thoughts, stomach growling, began on morphine sulfate for WD effects some months ago (I had no idea of the severity or duration of benzo WDs), became addicted. Up to 180 mg/day (lethal oral dose for 200 lb. male in good health is 240). Drank two months, liqueurs. Quit everything cold turkey about two weeks ago, stayed off four days, had some symptoms of benzo WDs, total sleeplessness, arms ached, lower abdominal pain, extreme sensory acuity – all senses. I had already switched to temazepam 15 mg/day shortly before attempting cold turkey. Reinstated to get over that experience before attempting taper. Not advocating reinstatement for others).
Warning – don’t read below if suicide particularly bothers you.
History – Had severe convulsions in first five years, some febrile, some not. Fevers up to and including 108 F. Was prescribed Phenytoin at age five. One week later went from normal happy child to brooding loner child. Agoraphobia and autism-like symptoms presented. Cerebellar atrophy is acknowledged side effect of Phenytoin (Dilantin). The cerebellum is a center of socialization reward and the inhibitor of the amygdala (brain parts that mediate fear and aggression). Reduced cerebellar volume implicated in autism. I could read and comprehend college biology texts at age 9 (gifts from aunt). At age 12, tested as having sophomore college reading level. Suggested by three teachers for participation in MENSA group. IQ never tested. I got by through imitating the behavior of others, and just holding it in. School was living hell. Last two years of high school, went to trade school due to relaxed atmosphere. Learned machining.
At age 18, due to termination of love relationship, had nervous breakdown, didn’t sleep for 14 days. Self-inflicted gunshot wound with 10% liver damage. Major abdominal surgery, doctor punished me for suicide attempt by withholding pain medication for four hours after awakening. First contact with mental health profession shortly after. Prescribed Elavil. Side effects, wore sunglasses indoors, urinary urgency and frequency and retention. Ran air conditioner in winter.
Attempted suicide with Elavil OD. Stopped Elavil without incident some months later.
At age 33 had surgery for abdominal adhesions resultant from first surgery. April 2001, due to troubles with mate, lost home, belongings, and 27 small animal pets. And more. Fortunately did not become homeless between then and now. Had various suicide attempts (acetaminophen, diphenhydramine+ dextromethorphan powder, ethylene glycol). Failed. Was in coma for three days after diphenhydramine + dextromethorphan OD. Hanged self from bridge in Oct of 2005. Rope broke and I fell 25 feet. Had non-displaced fracture of C2 vertebrae, healed without incident. Was prescribed (and pretended to take) various psych meds until I felt comfortable asking for what I thought was safer – low strength benzo (see above). On mental disability five years, diagnosis: bipolar (incorrect, no cycling, situational response), agoraphobia panic disorder.
Waner drove out of Reno headed back to the Ponderosa loaded on pills and booze f-u-n times had a little, err trouble, driving and crash! like that He killed someone, someone innocent did three years in the pen Xanax cold turkey hallucinated he was living in the Bonanza TV show yeah got out of the pen wasted what was left of his life then died life's a gas RIP
Re: Jon in California « on: March 15, 2007, 02:03:23 am »
Hey, J.W., I think you think like a snuggly ole bear. lololol. or a little puppy dog, what do you think liz?
hey, jon, can you tell us all how you came out of your c/t? it is rather amazing! I think it is rather inspiring and may give some of us who have been off for a while some hope. you might have to make a song out of it just like Johnny Cash. lol.
Jay, I’ll be happy to relate the HELL I went through for 8 mos. getting off the Xanax. I’ll do it tonight after I get home, Savvy?
Y’all have a nice day
I’d really like to hear your story as well.
After I took the plea bargain (I didn’t really have a choice), it was about 9 mos. ’till I had to show up for the sentencing. The judge told me to get my “affairs” in order because I was going straight from the courtroom to jail.
I didn’t know it at the time, but I thought the state put you as close to your house as possible to allow for visiting…. Wrong! They put you anywhere in the state system that has “bed space”. I also thought that the judge could order the continuation of my meds…. Wrong again! Once you’re in prison, they “OWN” you.
I spent 3 days in the county jail before I was transferred to state prison. They did keep me on my Xanax there.
When the prison bus showed up I had papers from my doctor telling them what I was on and how much per day. Before I got on the bus I was strip searched and the guards told me I couldn’t take ANYTHING with me… They tore up my doctors papers.
First they took me to DVI in Tracy (a prison referred to as “gladiator school” because of the number of stabbings). That’s where I was “processed”. I was given an orange jump suit, 3 feet of toilet paper and a blanket. Then I was thrown in a cell. The next day I was taken to the prison “doctor”. He asked me if I had any medical problems so I told him about the Xanax. He said that I wasn’t going to get any there. I was already starting to have w/d symptoms… The doctor saw me for about 30 seconds and sent me back to my cell… 3 days later, I couldn’t even walk. The guards said, “you don’t walk, you don’t eat”…. I kept writing notes to the warden and sending letters to the wife asking her to contact the judge who sentenced me and see if he could do something…. I never got any mail back. (I later learned that the staff does this to EVERY new convict as a “game”. They hold the mail for about a month before you get it)..
About a week into this, I started hallucinating (auditory and visual), I thought I was on the Ponderosa (Bonanza) and was standing in line waiting to get my $0.25 for the days work… I knew where I REALLY was but it seemed real to me.
I hadn’t eaten in about 2 weeks by then and couldn’t stand up. The guards just laughed and said, “looky here, we got ourselves another nut”.
I finally got a reply from the judge saying that he had spoken to the warden, was told that I was getting “appropriate” medical care and not to contact him again. I also got a paper signed by the prison shrink saying that I’d been “evaluated” by him and was appropriate for “Mainline” placement. (General population)… I had never seen the guy.
I was “wired for sound”, couldn’t eat or sleep and really thought I was going to die. The guy in the cell next to mine didn’t get into his cell fast enough for the guards liking so he was thrown in by the guard. This kid was 24 yrs. old and had severe asthma. His inhaler was crushed when the cell door was slammed on him. His cell-mate was screaming, “Man down, man down!!!!” No-one came. They found him dead in the cell the next morning…. I guarantee you that his family wasn’t told the REAL reason for his death… Everyone around him was either shipped to another prison or moved out of the cell-block.
By this time I had been there about 2 and a half weeks… Oh yeah, I also got a copy of my medical “examination”… Gee, it had a blood pressure reading on it as well as a negative TB test, heart rate, Etc… NONE of these tests were ever done.
21 days in and I was just fading in and out, laying on the floor and my cell-mate told me that I’d had several seizures (I don’t remember that). I was starting to pee blood and told one of the guards who said he’d tell the doctor. I guess he forgot.
26 days in and I was carried out onto the tier by my cell-mate, who dropped me on the floor and told a guard that I was “sick”…. They took me to the prison hospital and was told that I had kidney stones and my kidneys were shutting down… The doctor tried to get me into an outside hospital… An associate warden who’s name was Schmidt said that I’d written too many letters and they didn’t want any outside institutions to know what was happening…. They put a lot of saline solution into me, shot me up with Morphine and sent me back to my cell. The warden ordered the staff to bring me 2 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches a day. By this time, I didn’t even remember my name.
I’d try to eat, throw up, eat some more, throw up again and so on… Then I went before the “classification committee”. They decide your custody status and what kind of job you’ll be assigned to… They took one look at me and transferred me to Vacaville (CMF), another prison as a “cat-J” (Mental case). I got there and was thrown into another cell… I got lucky, my cell-mate had some food and I was able to eat a little here and there. My wife was denied visitation rights because the warden told her that I was a danger to myself and others and was in a PCU (Protective Custody Unit). No visitation allowed. This was a complete lie.
I saw the prison psychiatrist and told him what was going on… He said he had no choice but to reject me as a “cat-J” and sent me back to Tracy. I went before the same classification committee and they sent me down south to Solidad… Even though I was a minimum security convict, the prison did what they call a “population over-ride” and set my custody at “MAX-A” (The highest custody there is). I was in the same cell-block as Sirhan, Sirhan (Not sure if I spelled that right but he’s the guy that shot Robert Kennedy)… Again, I got lucky and got a good counselor who lowered my custody to “MAX-B“. He read my case and told me he would do what he could to get me out of there.
About 7 weeks had passed by then… My symptoms were, dizziness, vomiting, blurred vision, tingling all over, bleeding from my nose and ears, stiff muscles, ringing in my ears, insomnia, lack of appetite, muscle twitching and involuntary jerking, complete loss of bladder control, couldn’t walk, metal taste in my mouth, dry mouth, heart pounding, breathing problems, and complete depersonalization, cramps. I really thought I was going to die.
About this time a guy approached me asking if I wanted any drugs? I said yeah, get me some Xanax or valium… He couldn’t but got me something called Doxepin. This stuff put me to sleep and I slept for 4 days. At 2:00 AM a couple of guards came into my cell, grabbed me and took me to a prison bus heading for San Quentin. My counselor had arraigned my transfer. I hit S.Q. in early June.
I managed to smuggle some Doxepin in there in the bottom of a deodorant stick. It did take the edge off a little, not much.
I was placed in North-block one floor below death row. I was managing to keep some food down by then and some of the really severe symptoms started to subside. I still had trouble remembering my name and still couldn’t walk without assistance.
When I went before classification committee, they lowered my custody level to “MIN-B-ORWD” (The lowest custody level there is). At that point I was able to “front myself off” as just a regular convict… I spent 6 weeks in North-block and was transferred to “H’ Unit (Medium security) awaiting transfer to “The Ranch” (Minimum security). Drugs were rampant in there and I started snorting heroin… I could eat and function OK that way. I was also taking the Doxepin for sleep… I hadn’t seen my kids or my wife in over 3+ mos. by then.
At that point my symptoms were dizziness, muscle spasms, nausea, vomiting, loss of balance, twitching, depersonalization, mild hallucinations, severe agoraphobia (I hardly ever left my cell), ringing in my ears, drooling, severe nightmares, blurred vision, Anxiety through the roof, and shaking all the time… I could remember my name and prison #.
I lucked out again and met an old acquaintance from my younger days who happened to be the head of the Aryan Brotherhood (AB)… That’s the “gang” that “con,ed” the prison… Now the Aryans are supposed to be NON Jewish and what they do is to control all the drug trafficking. They’re called “skinheads” on the street here. “Red” (The guy I knew) and I go back to grade-school. His last name is Rosenzweig. He passed that off as a German name but he knew that I knew in reality He’s a full blooded Jew… He obviously didn’t want this getting around… He made me a deal… I keep my mouth shut about him being Jewish and he’d put out the word to protect me… I agreed and he kept his end…
Red told me who was who in there and what I could get from them… He also got my visits approved in a couple of days (I didn’t ask how). He also set me up with some of the guards that brought in drugs. Between him and my wife smuggling drugs to me, I now had all the Xanax and Valium I wanted. After almost 8 mos. of pure HELL, I started to feel “normal” again. Once the warden found out that I had a state smog inspection and repair license, I was “set”….
This is getting to be a “book” so I’m going to cut it short. I spent my last 22 mos. livin’ pretty darn good in there. I NEVER ate in the chow hall… I did so much work on the correctional officers personal cars and all the smog checks for the 250+ vehicles in there + the Golden Gate Transit authority vehicles + the wardens personal car, I always had a breakfast burrito on my smog machine in the morning, Pizza or burgers for lunch and believe it or not, steak, asparagus and mashed potato’s for dinner almost every night…. Not to mention the food I had that the staff looked the other way on…
The first 8 mos. were HELL! after that, I did pretty much as i pleased in there. I even had a vehicle assigned to me so I didn’t have to walk so much and only had to present myself once a day for “count” instead of every 4 hrs…
Also had all the conjugal visits I wanted whenever I wanted them (You’re only allowed to have ’em every 6 mos)
Well if ya’ took the time ta’ read this “book”, I hope it answered your questions… If not, let me know specifically what you want to know and I’ll be happy to answer you
Good night all!
My Story - A Trip away from me « on: June 18, 2012, 08:55:57 am »
Hi. I’m a 27 yr old male from Vancouver B.C. I was 18 years old when I had a bad anxiety attack from smoking weed. I saw a psychiatrist who put me on 0.5mg of clonazapam. I was told to take it indefinatly. I got my life back…… for a while. I finished high school, went to work for a year, then went to university. All the while I began to drink more and more and more. I was drinking everyday and smoking weed, doing coke, and poping t 3’s. My life lead me down to a dark path. I was hanging around the wrong people and ended up having a tramatic event happen to me at the age of 20. My anxiety kicked it ten fold. I fell into a horrible depression. I quit the drugs but kept on drinking and taking benzo’s. Eventually my depression and anxiety sx got so bad I attempted suicide by taking a handful of asprins and 2 bottles of wine. I ended up in hospital, they pumped my stomach, and put me in the psychward. I couldn’t move or get out of bed for 2 months. I was given lithium, serequel and effexor. Eventually through alot of hard work I came back to life. I had to learn how to walk again and how to talk again. I went to rehab for 4 months and felt about 80% back to normal. I went back to school for a year. Then one day I got the idea that a drink or two wouldn’t kill me. I had one drink at my buddies cabin. By the next day I couldn’t stop. I drank around the clock for the next 3 months. I ended up back in rehab. This time though they cut off my benzo’s c/t. I ended up going insane. I lasted about a month or so then I slit my wriste, they immidiatly put me on an even higher dose of clonazapam then before. I was now on 1.5mg. Things were shaky after my failed c/t. I never felt right. I suffered from depression, dp/dr, anxiety, dizzyness, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thinking, and restlessness. I got involved in A.A. Everything was going smoothly. I was going to a meeting a day, volenteering, working here and there and going to therapy. However those sx’s lingered. No matter how hard I tried I just never felt right, I never felt I was getting any rewards for the work I was putting in.
FINALLY I talked to a therapist who informed me about benzodiazapeins. I was shocked. But at the same time my situation finnally made sence. I was suffering from benzo tolerance withdrawal! AND THE SOLUTION WAS TO GET OFF THESE MEDICATIONS!.
So thats exactly what I started to do. I found informatin on the net about how to withdrawl. I tried to follow the ashton manual but my tapper became very scattered. I would cut down from 1.5 to 1.2 then back up to 1.3 then down to 1.1 then up to 1.2 and on and on and on. My sx’s became unbearable. I could no longer leave my house. I locked myself in my room. I was in isolation 24/7. My mind started playing tricks on me. I had horrible depression, dp/dr, panic attacks, aggression, insane thoughts, I would think I was someone else, I didn’t know who I was, I lost my identy, I was suicidal, constently tried to figure out life, terrified of death, lost faith in my faith, my self, my life, life became pointless, I was utterly hopless.
I remember when the day when I went to a friend/adviser. She is an amzing person, someone who has overcome many many obsticals in her life and full of advise. I told her I could no longer go on. She kept telling me “don’t stop, don’t quit your taper, you’ve come so far” But to my regret I didn’t listen. I was taking to the psychward where they uped my dose. They put me on 2.5mg’s, a full mg over my original dose.
We all waited. My family, my friends, myself waited for me to feel better. But I never did. My sx’s never improved. I thought I was hopless before, now I knew I was hopless. I couldn’t come off benzo’s and couldn’t be on them. There was no way out. I was admited once again to the psych ward
I escaped the nut house 2 times, and staggered back to the arms of the secuirity gards a few house later drunk from alcohol I had stolen from the liquore store up the street. It must of been quite a sight to a guy in a hospital gounde with two bottles of wine running down the street.
When the psychiatrist got word of this he told me I had ran out of options. I was simply not getting any better. The only thing left to do was Electro Shock Therapy. The nurses brought me into a small room and showed me a video of the ‘miricals’ of E.C.T. I was more than horrified. When I told my parents, they came to get me immidiatly. Before I left I had to talk to the head of the psychiatry at the hospital. I clearly remember him telling me that I was a hopless case. Over and over he repeated these words to me “you don’t want to get well you want to die” those were is exact words and he repeated it about five times. I left his office in tears. For someone who is suicidal those arn’t exactly the words you want to hear.
I became a full time job. My parents, more than once, found suicide notes I had writen. Luckily they found me before I could do anything. They decided I couldn’t be alone so they constently watched over me. They got tired of doing this and sent me to a trusted family friends house. There I had to sign a contract saying that if I tried suicide or if I felt like it I would tell her.
Over the next 3 months I was admited to the psychiatric ward 8 times. Either for suicidal behavior or cutting my wriste. Eventually they stoped taking me. I will never ever be able to express the hell I felt at this time. I wanted to die. It was all I thought about. The pain was so over the top it was unbeleivable. I found out that it is absolutly impossible to discribe Hell.
I was sent to another facility for the severly mentally ill. I stayed the maximum lenghth of time and forced to leave. I tried 5 different anti depressents, 2 different mood stabalizers, and had my benzo’s switched, decreased, increased, you name it. I was given the diagnosis of major depression, bi polar, boarderline personality disorder, ptsd, and even scizophrenia. I started to hear voices and see things that were not there. The voices came on as a rare side effect of a medication. They stoped once I got off it.
During this time alot things happend. I got stories for days, it was just insane. There was a month were I ran drugs for a ‘friend’ in exchange for money and booze. I had an incident with a clint that had me pinned to the floor with a knife to my neak. All I remember was screaming at him to do it, but he never did. Another time I purposly drove my truck into a telephone pole going 70 km/h. I was completly unharmed. I often wondered how I managed to stay alive.
Eventually they put me on lithium which I must say is the best medication I have been on. It definatly stoped the suicidal thoughts.
I moved back to my parents place and was on the waiting list for a mental health and addictions center. Unfortuanatly I started to drink again. I have a history of alcoholism. I was on 60mg of valium a day along with effexor, serequel, and lithium.
I drank and drank and drank. I had six months to kill while I waited to get into this treatment center. During those six months I was sober only 3 times. And that was for days when I was so physically and mentally sick I feared I would have a heart attack. My weight went up to 260pds from 200pds only a year later. I had trouble breathing, constently sweated, and delerium tremers.
One night I had attempted to go out with some friends. It had been months since I had ventured out of my house. I got so drunk I made a fool of myself. My social skills were obviously out of wack. Everyone, including myself, had difficulty understanding me. I stole as much liquore as I could find and made my way home. I drank all that I could. I found a rope and made a noose. I hung it from the roof of my garage, wraped it around my neak, and jumped. I was so drunk that instead of hanging my head sliped out of the noose and I landed flat on my ass. I dusted myself off, drank some more and passed out.
My drinking continued on until finnaly a bed opened at the recovery center. I found out later that this was place were people were sent who were to sick to get into regular rehab centers. I remember calling alot of other rehabs and being told I was to unstable to be accepted. They said I was a danger to myself and others.
When I arrived at the treatment center I quickly found out that this is not so much of a treatment center than it is a mental hospital. The only remain insane assylm had shut down and alot of the patients were sent here. About half of the patients are scizophrenics. There is fights almost everyday, people trying to escape, and drug use almost every where you look. I often walked in the bathroom to find people shooting heroin. Many people smoked crack or meth in right in there rooms. People often talk to themselves. Cursing the voices in there head. The halls are narrow and the rooms small. We have small activities through out the day to keep us busy. Thats helped me out a lot with my benzo withdrawal.
I have gone from 60mg of valium to 16mg in 6 months. Its been far from easy. I have countless stories about the facility I’m in and the journey through this hell that I’ve been on.
I just hope that I can somehow someway find a way back to me.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2012, 09:12:43 am by Metheral66 »