Stop playing the victim role
« on: February 28, 2019, 06:56:44 pm »
I am so frustrated right now, my ex partner told me to stop acting as a victim. This makes me so angry. She has no idea what the hell on earth we are experiencing every minute, hour of the day. My nerves are on fire, because people think we are acting. What is the definition “normal”?
I have stopped talking about it, but that only makes my anxiety worse. Any advice?
I can’t hide my symptoms under a pokerface any longer, they are too severe.
Re: Stop playing the victim role
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2019, 07:07:54 pm »
They are not where you are. My grandsons and daughters are doing the same thing to me. They don’t think this is a big deal and it’s very hard on me especially at 70. Stupid GP gave me the Adivan in 2017. I started tapering in 2018. SO I was not on it long, but it’s really put me through hell. Lost 35lbs in one month. Scary to look at my body. They see it and IGNORE the obvious.
It is not happening to them so why and how could they comprehend or understand?
CONSIDER THE SOURCE! They don’t know………so don’t expect them to understand. Take your stand and you do what you know is best for you and what you have to do.
Forget about their attitudes. There is nothing you can do about it unless you make them take this medication and have it happen to them. That is the only way they will understand.
But it has happened to you and me………so we have to deal with it ourselves and get off this poison and help ourselves. DIG IN YOUR HEELS and stand up for yourself, or don’t talk to them about it. Just do whatever you have to do to get better. That is your first and foremost concern. The rest can be just IGNORED.
There was Guinness in the Irish Stew
« on: November 04, 2018, 12:10:16 pm »
My brother put Guiness in the Irish stew last night I had a suspicion when eating it but thought I was just being paranoid…I had a bad night sleepwise last night and today I feel like I,ve been hit by a truck again…I,m twitching more etc and worrying like crazy about stuff..He obviously didnt do it in purpose.
I,m worrying about all sorts of stuff now like my doctors surgery havnt put down my benzo dependency in my record which I have copy of. Just opiates…I dont know if they are doing that to cover their own backs..They have issued loads of tapers..I hope all this stuff is documented on the computer system of my record…I,m in no mental state to deal with them as I would get extremely angry and loose the plot which would be awful.
It makes my situation harder as I may have to go and get an operation and they need to be aware that I have to avoid gaba sedation/tranquilliser…Basically the last private dr I saw I had to explain the benzo thing, yet it wasnt on my referal letter…I have to keep explaining to different drs about it and feel like its my word against the dr,s…Its a real problem as I feel my dr,s are also working against me and probably think i,m using still..Also I,m worried that they will think I,m to unstable to operate on..Its not life threating operation or condition but the pain is driving me nuts…
That a ramble so sorry..If anyone has had a reaction to alchol in food let me know..It wasnt boiled very long so some will have remained
« on: April 05, 2018, 06:56:24 pm »
Hard day, but something is bothering me
Do any of you have trouble logging in lately on bb? I seem to type in the correct password, but it is causing me to have to re-enter several times sometimes.
Am I screwed
« on: March 02, 2018, 02:32:25 am »
I went out to dinner with my fiance tonight and had a cup of French onion soup. Well I got home and started feeling almost normal like. I actually feel good. Vision is clear and my head is not pounding I feel almost myself well I was reading some recipes online and in homemade onion soup they use alcohol in it? Im really wondering if I screwed myself over and there was alcohol still in the soup now I don’t know what to think and I’m hoping I didn’t blow my whole recovery I seriously can’t take much more of this bullshit. What do you guys think?
Re: Am I screwed
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2018, 03:08:45 am »
Why not call the restaurant and ask the chef if they used alcohol in the recipe? They probably don’t, unless they say so on the menu, but it won’t hurt to ask.
Re: Am I screwed
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2018, 03:14:50 am »
Just said French onion soup and a price I just don’t get why I was feeling normal
Trying to escape the cold dark cave named "Benzo"
« on: February 21, 2018, 04:03:08 am »
I found BenzoBuddies thru hours of research online. Finding help is almost as hard as the taper, or so it seems. About 12 years ago, I was started on lorazapam(dont recall the dosage, sorry benzo brain) my family physician “helped me” when life seemed overwhelming, I had a traumatic job change, and a newborn was sick in the hospital the first week of my job. The anxiety of life and worry for my child was overwhelming… I needed a break, or so I thought. Benzo to the rescue. I still vividly remember taking that first pill. I was in the hospital with my newborn. Holding him and finally feeling relief from life, I believed I could do anything… boy if I could only have that day back…
What started out “as needed” turned into maintenance daily, along the way Paxil was added. Not knowing any better, I thought Paxil was the far more dangerous of the 2. I hated the side effects of Paxil, so I quit cold turkey. With the Benzo as my “helper” I managed life quite well I thought. But signs of the side effects started to manifest. Cognitive issues, anxiety crept back, depression, isolation, etc. So I searched for a professional with Mental health experience. I found a Psych that explained my symptoms as everyday life, that is what prescriptions are for and was prescribed a daily dose of 2mg clonazapam. This got me along for 4 years until her sudden onset of cancer left me without a Doc or therapist.
Fortunately she wrote up a report and instructions for any new physician to prescribe Clonazapam again. I found a local physician to prescribe Clonazapam 2 mg again, but my “everyday life” symptoms seemed to be getting worse. So I started dabbling in MJ/CBD for the first time in my life well into my 30’s, on the advise of the now deceased Psych. Who would do that, I thought? A church going fellow who never drank or did drugs is now willing to try illegal drugs (no offense intended, my views have changed considerably under the right direction) to get better.?
But it seemed to help get me back to myself. I was a bit surprised, I felt somewhat happy again, but now a daily user of both to manage life. This was about 1 year ago. Needless to say this wasnt sustainable and I got concerned. I approached the physician about what was going on with my head, but all I could get was I needed to get of the Benzo. No support of how or where to turn for help. Merely its time to stop, I needed to get off the Benzo. So I was given 3 months, 3 prescription of 45 1 mg pills, 1.5 a day. In doing research preparing for what was to come, I was horrified at what I found, I realized all along the “everday life” symptoms were actually Benzo side effects. Fear like Ive never felt set in, but I convinced myself I could do it. So with the help of MJ/CBD I was able to taper to .5 mg/day in 2 months with what I thought were minor side effects. Not as bad as what everyone says… But I too reliant on MJ/CBD and my asthma was not happy with vaping. So I began to wean off MJ/CBD.
And Hell hit me with a fury like I cant describe, I thought it was from the MJ/CBD withdrawals but soon realized it was minor compared to the Benzo sudden taper. Thinking MJ/CBD could be reintroduced in moderation to help. I found what worked in the past, now made my withdrawal magnified. What helped before now just added paranoia to the growing list of issues. So here I am no physician, half of the last prescription left. Full withdrawal mode. Broken down and hurting, fearing Ill lose my job as the lone provider and ruin my family. All consumed anxiety I wont have the will power to take on the challenge that lays before me. I am on 1-1.5 mg of clonazapam, hemp CBD, fish oil, and magnesium. I dont have a taper schedule, but reading the forum I realize I need to create one.
And just to add another dynamic into the mix, my insurance provider changed, so I need to explain all this to a new doctor who will accept my new insurance plan. Thank you Benzo board for hearing my story. I hope to one day be an asset to the community, but right now I need your help. Prayers are welcome and needed.