Benzo Buddies advice for members paralyzed by taper: move your bed to stare at different wall

Move your bed
« on: December 12, 2017, 03:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

I wanted to post this a couple of weeks ago but I forgot. No surprise. About 3 weeks ago I was bed ridden for a brief time, again and I moved my bed so I could stare at a different wall. That turned into rearranging my whole bed room, then to cleaning up and uncluttering my home. It’s like it used to be and I was just lying here looking at my room and thinking how lucky I am to have this beautiful home. The home I ignored for 5 years because I was sedated for so long I just want to encourage those who might be in that darkest place of withdrawal. You will return, You will be the same, You will have a life again and be happy to be in the here and now with the people and the things you loved before benzos.

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 09:19:49 am »

[Buddie]

Small things that matter. Thanks […]. 🙂

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2017, 07:08:54 am »

[Buddie]

Thanks for this. Encouraging words.. 

Addict turns benzo taper into lifelong career

Feel like I completely screwed myself and now feel hopeless
« on: November 20, 2017, 10:07:02 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t help but feel like my failed Valium crossover and then all of the one off updoses that I very stupidly took to help me sleep have completely screwed me up. I’ve never felt so physically sick or mentally off. It’s unbearable I’m bed ridden and absolutely overwhelmed with terror and irrational thoughts 24/7. I don’t know what to do anymore I think I kindled myself so badly. I just wanted relief. This is my history:

Last year I did a daily liquid microtaper from February until November. I would liquefy one of my .5 mg tablets in 100 mL’s of milk and take our 1.2 mL’s a day until it was gone. So I got down to 1.5 mg’s around November of last year when I was slammed with symptoms/side effects and after seeking advice I decided to updose to 2 and then ultimately reinstate back at 2.5. This did not stabilize me at all and I wish more than anything I had just held at 1.5. In May of this year I had a failed Valium crossover. I then went back to 2.5 and tried a dry cut going extremely slow and only got from 2.5 to 2.375 cutting at a little less than 5% but I felt so terrible that I again went back to 2.5 and actually tried going to 3 mg’s for six days to see if I could get relief and did not so I then went back to 2.5 which is where I am now and have been for a few months with occasional 5 mg Valium updoses mixed in.

Alcoholic tapers with Vodka at online Ashton shrine

Question about alcohol
« on: November 02, 2017, 02:53:39 am »

[Buddie]

Thinking about trying this but I’m worried about how it affects gaba receptors. But If I do try it, I’m using 175 mls of liquid. Do I put 2 mls of Vodka and 173 mls of water?

Thanks.

Scared of the effect bc I’m an alcoholic.

Husband wants back on pills after Ashton taper leaves him unable to get off floor

At the risk of incurring the wrath of everyone here...
« on: October 09, 2017, 01:58:31 pm »

[Buddie]

my husband has been benzo free for 4 months and 1 week, and he is considering reinstating!!  :'(  It’s just too much. He feels like he will have an actual breakdown. He is being driven by the intrusive thoughts about his symptoms never getting better. He is lying on the floor all day, hardly able to walk to the bathroom, watching a few benign things on tv (but still on mute), but mostly panicked about his breathing symptoms. He still can’t feel himself breathing -loss of sensation in nostrils/numb nose/feels like nose is blocked/feels like nose is collapsing- and his nose is getting drier still and black chunks are coming off the walls. Really bad air hunger from (seemingly) the incredibly tight muscles in his chest. Throat constriction. This is hell folks.

I know the mantra on this site is to soldier through, but seriously, I had to invoke the Baker Act 5 years ago, and he was put on these benzos after that. He might not make it through this.

I’m sure I’m going to get a slew of “you can’t do it” posts, and “don’t reinstate” posts, but seriously, if you have experience with late reinstatement, or reinstatement that relieved your physical symptoms, I want to hear them. Even if you tell me it relieved it at the time, but you wish you hadn’t because it kindled the next withdrawal, at least tell me that you got some relief initially.

Alternately, if you had similar nose issues, when did they get better for you?

Ashton taper failing but thank God addict has place to indulge in self-pity

Feel hopeless
« on: July 21, 2017, 11:32:44 am »

[Buddie]

The withdrawals got to me too much yesterday so I took a rescue dose of 10mg valium. I felt better the rest of the day but now I feel like a failure. I don’t know what I did to my taper schedule and where to go from here. Even when I make small cuts and hold I still feel sick. I think I’m going to die every day. I just want to give up. I have no life and haven’t left my house in 2 months, I can’t talk to anyone, I’m useless. I can’t even go outside. I question why I’m even doing this when I was doing so well on the valium. I do want to stop. I need some support from people who understand. Thank God for this forum.