Accidental addict’s journey from opiates to benzos to a psych ward to finally joining an online cult

Minutes away from facility for dementia, following 5day detox
« on: October 18, 2019, 05:39:42 am »

Iriswoman

Following a 6day detox, arrangements were made to transfer me from an inpatient psych facility to a long term care facility for dementia. Yes, that’s how severe my withdrawal symptoms were. I know you don’t just catch dementia in a week or two. Thank God, I had enough sense, knowledge of my rights, and just enough communication skills to request a 48 hour release. This psych hospital applied an alcohol detox protocol to a 25 year Rx=compliant dependence on benzodiazepines. A dependency that started with ativan and ending the last 15 years with Klonopin. For weeks now I’ve grown so weary that I’m now begun fighting SI daily, more specifically nightly. For 8 weeks I’ve followed a extreme self/care regime with no outside support, not for lack of pleading, but can’t find any resources. Self care consists of healthiest affordable diet (no processed foods, low to no sodium, sugar, caffeine, and saturated fats) plenty of fresh produce with magnesium and potassium […] foods, adequate hydration, sleep hygiene, CBT skills, yoga, deep breathing, 30-40 min walk as able, no medications except tylenol, and aspirin. I see no pattern of benefit or exacerbation with diet, OTC meds or lifestyle. So frustrated.

I was positive that the “protracted withdrawal” business was over-reported and I would recover within a few weeks. Bolstering my thinking was having successful gone through nasty opiate withdrawal years ago without PAWS, I was certain this would not be any worse…but it is bad. This is hell. Far worse. It’s as if Satin himself reaches up from Hell and pinches random parts of my body and brain, producing unpredictable,bizarre, but always painful or bizarre sensations to accompany a symphony of intense pain and prolonged insomnia.

Tonight, I’m scared. Not just the regular unrelenting anxiety, but thoughts that now seem rational, I can’t do this anymore. The pain, the lack of sleep. I’ve not had more than 1.5 hours sleep at any time for nearly 3 months. I am going out of my mind. And yet, I still have more clarity at times than I’ve had for many years. I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER BENZO but I do want sleep, balance, and freedom from unrelenting spasms and nerve pain. I called every place I could think of and there is no help. Ironic, since the U of A and Banner Health just hosted a benzodiazapine awareness workshop in my town. Ironic because it was a Banner/UofA psych MD that referred me to the 5day inpatient detox. I’m livid when I find myself preparing to die, trying to post notes in explanations to things for my children. Certainly not with intention of self harm but what I believe to be inevitable. I don’t believe it is humanly possible to sustain this distress much longer. I’m having a good enough day today that I can actually type this intro. For that I’m grateful. I’m wearing thin on practicing gratitude and positive thoughts. I am human. I’m at my wits ends. Perhaps quite literally. Forgive the current cliche. I’m 66 with 2 adult children, both out of state and so unfamiliar with psych inpatient procedures and benzodiazapines specifically that they blame me for being so compliant with the docs, the Rx and the detox. They know the person I once was, and cannot imagine allowing such abuse. I understand their ignorance. Unless you’ve been through the inpatient process and know that the facility’s threat of an involutary commitment is most likely (and certainly, in my case) an empty one to elicit compliance and justify the maximim number of days to bill.

I will go anywhere for help and follow any sane, helpful advice. When you’ve gone inpatient and were harmed, where do you turn. Especially, when speech and balance is impaired. I can’t drive, I live upstairs and sometime balance is so bad, I cannot leave my apartment. Some days speech is so impaired, I can’t ask for help. I’ve had groceries delivered on days I can manage the logistics of ordering and receiving. Simple things have become monumental tasks. I contacted every support for mental healt. I’ve been to ER twice and was sadmitted the second time to the Neuro unit to rule out a stroke. Very expensive test ruled out a cardiac event. I won’t go again, as I’ve now read that there is nothing they can do. The offending staff at the shrink’s office did send a cop twice to make sure I was still alive. I was deeply offended. See if I’m still alive? That was it? I don’t want to just be alive. I’d like to go on living. Anyone that doesn’t see the difference shouldn’t be in the mental health business. Always so compliant and so forgiving…this time I’m so very angry. I try to convert this anger to energy to keep up this fight. I can’t do this alone and don’t know where or to whom to turn.

I’d rather be inspiring others than begging for help…but like everyone else…I need help. Btw, where are the @#$% lawyers? Who will pay for all those tests, the lost time. Rehab or as the hospital predicted, a long term care facility. Wow, all those mental health agencies competing for your insurance enrollment…disappear when I ask for help now. I rambled to exhaustion. Thx.

Mother worries about chattering son’s violent fantasies

Non stop chattering
« on: October 17, 2018, 04:07:20 pm »

[Buddie]

This is my son’s account. I am posting this for advice.

Forgetting all the backstory here is current problem:

He talks incessantly all day long about how he needs to die and other obsessive issues. He regularly threatens physical violence to us and himself. Before you suggest hospitalization, we’ve already been down that road a number of times.

Is there some sort of way to stop the talking and threats? And I don’t mean with a drug or a hospital. These are withdrawal symptoms. He has been off Ativan for 55 days now.

End Psychiatry has epic meltdown

Follow the link to read all the comments.

A sampling:

The damages are to my reputation. The statements also effect me psychologically and make me fear for my life as I am a political dissident in my own country and I speak against state backed psychiatric torture. Calling me ‘crazy’ et al leaves me at serious risk of being tortured. I am psychologically damaged from these types of defamatory statements made in public.” – DC

“Jesus Christ man, let it go. Seems to me you don’t want anyone else’s opinion on any matter. If you don’t want an opinion, then don’t take it. There’s no need to make a storm out of a tea cup. And yes, you seem to love a rant. I write a one sentence comment and you reply 5 times with several paragraphs. That is a rant. Surely you have more important things to worry about than my opinion? IMO saying you have head issues is not slander. You think it is. You’re going to court anyway so you’ll find out. Why is this an argument? Why is this an issue that’s taking up your valuable time? I hope you get what you’re looking for. Good luck. No need to rant on and on about it.” – MA

“I’m blocking now. It’s just not fair for this poor guy. He’s going to have a meltdown if he has to continue replying to all of these comments. I’m just in a state of shock! It’s pure insanity!” – MA

End Psychiatry oh and you’re stalking my personal page too. You know slanderous comments are only slander if they’re not true right? You’re doing a great job making a case for the opposition here…” – MA

“Maybe dont end psychiatry…it might be needed haha” – LW

Do you always wake up in the morning and think about how you can derail civil rights movements and jeopardize the safety of human beings?” – DC

“Can someone explain this to me?The only reason I’m here is due to the admins reputation for blocking people and making unsupported claims. You’re making yourself internet famous due to posts like this…..you’re the one posting mate. Can you really blame them for laughing at your child like responses?” – MB

Ryan Owen so are you implying the statement ‘you definitely have head issues’ is factual? Do you have any evidence to support this assertion if that is your assertion?” – DC

“Mate I was actually trying to help you. This post makes you look crazy AF!!!” – RO

Does psychiatric torture make you happy? Does it make you happy to jeopardize the safety of those I represent by publicly claiming my messages about psychiatric torture of human beings and slander of those who speak out for them ‘makes me look crazy af’?

“You weren’t tortured you were medicated and from my point of view with good reason.” – RO

I was born to lead, get used to it” – DC

It’s the same guy swapping between accounts….it’s pretty funny. We’ve known the whole time. No one agrees with him so he swaps accounts and likes his own comments…..Bwahahaha.” – MB

“I am in the same matter here, in a shabby abandoned locked Ward, London Brixton, not the first time, this time for a compensation due to medical negligence. Taking pictures and videos as well and all sorts of evidence material. Time has changed. International medicine has changed to respect the union of body mind and soul. This is just a hoax of the pharmaceutical industry and repetitive if we go back in time when the concentration camps sold individuals to Bayer for experiments.” – KIS

“Is this a joke?” – PF

“Sadly the admin is real….I thought it was fake too!! He uses fake accounts and likes his own comments but this moron is definitely real.” – MB

Anti-psychiatry rabble at Benzo Buddies lie to their doctors out of fear of getting locked in psych wards

How are you speaking with your GP
« on: March 01, 2018, 08:43:03 am »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone,

Are you telling to your GP when you going to talk to him about a symptom like blood pressure spikes, headache, etc you are on withdrawal?

I’m afraid to tell to my GP when I’m going with blood pressure problem because the previous one want to send me back to psychiatric doctor after 5 month off when I was still in strong symptoms.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2018, 09:32:55 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t go to my GP or to psychiatrist because I would probably not tell them nice things about what I think about them, their profession and their knowledge.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2018, 10:30:30 am »

[Buddie]

I know what you mean. I thought long time same. Now I’m just afraid to go because I not want to hear any bad.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #3 on: March 01, 2018, 11:23:42 am »

[Buddie]

I avoid GP unless essential visit. No point. Just stresses me out.

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2018, 01:00:50 pm »

[Buddie]

My advice is, YES, tell your GP that you know why you are having high BP and anxiety issues. Tell him that you have been doing a lot of homework that most in his profession don’t even bother to do. I have almost developed the opinion that if I want to get sick, go visit the doctor! If your GP gives you any condescending comments or shows any sign of brushing your concerns off as if you don’t know what you are talking about………Find another doctor!

Re: How are you speaking with your GP
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2018, 01:49:24 pm »

[Buddie]

My GP is a good guy, who’s been doing this for 30 years, but has NEVER seen a reaction like mine.
he kinda sits there befuddled as i describe all this to him. im like “dude, im TELLIN ya im not exaggerating, and then i ramble for 10 minutes on the horror.”
He sorta skeptically believes me, and he actually feels bad, takes some responsibility. in my case, i tell him its not his fault because my whole ordeal im convinced was brought on with insane levels of binge drinking the last two years before i went sober. my alcohol withdrawal melded right into my benzo withdrawal.

hes doing what he can, taking frequent blood tests, monitoring my bp and all, but hes pretty uncertain on just what the hell to do with me. when im really struggling, hes like, well, the number one thing you need you cant take now.

its the irony of my life that 5 years ago i went completely sober, got in the gym, hit it hard, changed so many things in my life to try and “see the light” as i cruise through my 40’s…and its been an absoulte unholy hell since the day i put a beer down, quite frankly…and ive never felt as effed up in my life as i have when i went straight….yeah…

One day we will read of a Benzo Buddies member committing a mass shooting

Threw a tantrum like a little kid humiliated
« on: February 14, 2018, 03:59:03 am »

[Buddie]

I don’t know why but looking back just now I realized I threw somewhat of a tantrum when I was at a facility well it was called a facility bit it was terrible. Now I feel so embarrassed I don’t know why I did that I was so pissed and scared at the time I thought they were trying to keep me there. I was just cold turkeyed just before maybe that’s had something to do with it

Re: Threw a tantrum like a little kid humiliated
« Reply #1 on: February 16, 2018, 05:34:20 am »

[Buddie]

It would […]. :tickedoff:

I was sitting on a very crowded and cramped bus stop about 3 weeks ago and it was really hot.  The bus had those air brake things, and as each bus arrived and departed the air brakes made a horrible hissing, squealing sound.

I kept enduring until I just screamed at the final bus and told it to shut the F up.  Everyone looked at me.  Aarrgghh.

I was so embarrassed but did apologise to those around who looked at me strangely.  I never do stuff like that, it just overcame me.

I was in early WD and my apology was accepted.

It gets better.

Dee  :smitten:

Re: Threw a tantrum like a little kid humiliated
« Reply #2 on: February 16, 2018, 11:30:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Vyea I just got into a big fight with my dad and I told him off he asked to help and I told him no and he kept going. And I started a fight with him and cursed him out I don’t feel to bad about it I’ve walked on eggshells a lot and it felt good to say f-u to him
« Last Edit: February 16, 2018, 11:40:26 pm by [Buddie] »

Pro-Scientology End Psychiatry leader: ‘Psychiatry inspired the Holocaust’

Cult benzo tapers land Ashton devotees in psych ward

5 days out... superior stupidity
« on: January 19, 2018, 07:46:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello buddies,
I am entering day 5, again, if you check my signature last time
I had 5 days I was running to the hospital and ended up 6 days in a psych unit.. put back on a rapid taper, 3 days, I feel the same symptoms coming on, cognitive impairement,
Confusion, brain zaps, head pressure, burning skin, twitching fingers… I am and will ride this out.. not going to the hospital again so maybe I know what to expect, the part that scares me the most are the mild hallucinations I experienced last time…
I will not dwell on it…
Just ride it out…

Re: 5 days out... superior stupidity
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2018, 12:16:37 am »

[Buddie]

How are you doing since being released from the psych ward? Did they help you? I was in the psych was Aug, Sept, Oct, and November. I’m pretty much like you-don’t want to go back so I’m riding it out at home. My newest crappy symptom is chest pain and racing heartbeat. I hope you feel better soon!