Benzo Buddies member stops eating, has first window

7 months today and have had my first all day window!!
« on: February 12, 2018, 01:28:00 am »

[Buddie]

7 months today with a great window all day! What a nice suprise for me. Felt good mentally however physically still not there yet or afraid to push it. In the last month have started with diet changes. Dropped dairy products, most all red meat, all nightshade fruits and veggies. It seems to be helping alot. I have been making a special crock pot chicken, cabbage, carrots, onions, green bean and peas dish for myself daily to clear skin problems and it’s working quite well. Ad salt pepper garlic and a couple of chicken bullion cubes and it’s pretty tasty as well. I’m looking forward to more of these good days, what a long strange trip it’s been!! I choose not to fill any of physic drugs thE doc wanted to try on me in the last 7 months and now I’m glad I don’t have them to taper.

15 years Xanax multiple fast tapers
30 day rehab 10 years ago unsusfull
Home tapers cutting pills
Liquid K taper
Two year slow taper finished July 11 17
7 month free from benzodiazepines today!!

Ashton tapers horrific for women

Horrific PMS/PMDD during taper
« on: December 26, 2017, 03:59:19 pm »

[Buddie]

For the ladies:

I’m REALLY struggling with this a few days before my period. Suicidal depression, severe anxiety and akathisia, rage… Rashes, bloating so much worse than during the rest of the month. I feel like I’m in acute/dying with the intensity of the symptoms. Anyone relate?

I would really appreciate your input.

Benzo Buddies member post-taper: “I started speaking gibberish, nonsensical words and I couldn’t stop”

Pacing/Chanting/Verbal Gibberish
« on: December 14, 2017, 11:29:31 pm »

[Buddie]

I haven’t been on the site for a long time. had a really rough end of Oct leading into Nov, ended up in the ER twice and then Mental health for 10 days. Leading up to this I had been experiencing increasing head sensations, felt like my head was going to explode as well as head sensations like my brain was moving, throbbing, increasing daily. I then started pacing and chanting and rocking in bed chanting “I cant live like this” over and over again. I was sleeping about an hour and my physical symptoms would wake me up. All of this led to Nov 8th when I started speaking gibberish, nonsensical words and I couldn’t stop. I was also shaking and crying. It was awful. My husband called 911, they gave me a Benadryl shot, went to one ER and then another because I have another episode at 3 am on the way home from the hospital and refused to go in the house. I was terrified. At this ER, a PA witnessed another “episode”. I was given valium. Hardest thing I had to do was take that but I was petrified of these attacks. Next morning I lost it realizing I was on another benzo, suicidal hence the Mental health visit. I am still on valium but having increasing head sensations. Have not heard of anyone else going through this. I’m terrified to come off the valium and have all of that happen again. Ive been suicidal, very depressed. Anyone else hear of this?

Re: Pacing/Chanting/Verbal Gibberish
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2017, 11:34:28 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi sorry you going through this , I’m having Head sensations and it’s very uncomfortable so I get what you are talking about , I also have lots of suicide thoughts so you are not alone , i don’t know what I can say to help you feel better but I guess it’s atill part of withdrawal so I’m hoping healing comes for you soon as I hope for myself and other Benzo Buddies .

Re: Pacing/Chanting/Verbal Gibberish
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2017, 12:50:29 am »

[Buddie]

Hi you didn’t happen to go to IRMC. My hospital is just like yours except they like giving adivan instead. Sounds horrendous and scary beyond regular panic attack. I’d stay on the valuim but take just a small piece instead of the whole thing. Just until you get level. Then worry about it after you can make an intelligent decision. God Bless You.

Re: Pacing/Chanting/Verbal Gibberish
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2017, 01:00:53 am »

[Buddie]

Well, I did have 2 mg Ativan shoved down my throat at the mental health unit because I had another “attack” while there. They never mentioned what they were giving me, they just probably didn’t know what to do. They then diagnosed me with Major depressive disorder with psychotic tendencies because they couldn’t explain the physical symptoms. I was mortified because Ativan was what I had weaned off of. If they hadn’t of given me the valium though, Id still be having those attacks, they were coming every 6 hours. It wasn’t a panic attack for sure but purely physiological. I’m afraid I shocked my btrain when I took what I took in June and that what I’m experiencing isn’t typical withdrawal. I got worse every day. I’m scared. Oh, and I live in upstate NY. Saratoga Springs was the hospital

Re: Pacing/Chanting/Verbal Gibberish
« Reply #4 on: December 15, 2017, 02:35:47 am »

[Buddie]

That just sounds terrible. How much valium are you taking now? I know it sounds crazy but maybe if you reinstate a low dose of valium, you might be able to stabilize and get rid of these attacks and keep them away by holding and tapering real slow on the valium.

Re: Pacing/Chanting/Verbal Gibberish
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2017, 12:24:31 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m taking 5 mg in the morning & 5 mg at night. On top of those attacks, my entire body was affected with symptoms. I’m seriously afraid to continue, taper, and relive what happened to me. I lie in bed all day, Ive lost hope. Its no way to live. I’m started to feel head symptoms while on the valium also. Scary

Benzo Buddies advice for members paralyzed by taper: “move your bed to stare at different wall”

Move your bed
« on: December 12, 2017, 03:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

I wanted to post this a couple of weeks ago but I forgot. No surprise. About 3 weeks ago I was bed ridden for a brief time, again and I moved my bed so I could stare at a different wall. That turned into rearranging my whole bed room, then to cleaning up and uncluttering my home. It’s like it used to be and I was just lying here looking at my room and thinking how lucky I am to have this beautiful home. The home I ignored for 5 years because I was sedated for so long I just want to encourage those who might be in that darkest place of withdrawal. You will return, You will be the same, You will have a life again and be happy to be in the here and now with the people and the things you loved before benzos.

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 09:19:49 am »

[Buddie]

Small things that matter. Thanks […]. 🙂

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2017, 07:08:54 am »

[Buddie]

Thanks for this. Encouraging words.. 

Ashton tapers cause melting face

Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« on: June 07, 2016, 02:52:54 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello everyone:

I don’t know if right place to post and i hesitate to do so but I’ve had severe physical symptoms and am looking to see if anyone else has experienced this where it has gone away or at least gotten better…. the ones most distressing and pure torture and where I […] can’t do this anymore are:

Muscle contractions and spasms in forehead …above eyebrows and in between eyebrows….. You can visibly see the muscles move and go up and down back and forth…. Pure pure utter torment ( the worst pain you can imagine)

Eyes involuntarily close shut and squeeze and jerk for seconds moments at a time

Nerves underneath left eye especially, jump upwards, shake ,vibrate and pull and cramp like crazy (and also inside of eye) sometimes staying in a locked position

Jaw involuntarily jerks back and forth from left to right; teeth grinding into each other, sometimes clenches really tight

The muscles in my lips will contract and pull from left to right and also tick …sometimes they will spasm where the muscles in my my lips are making my mouth pull all the way to the left
The muscles in my bottom lip will actually pull my bottom lip inside out and downwards and will pull and contract and vibrate

Sometimes its so severe on my left side that the forehead eyes jaw and mouth will all contract at once..TORTURE and pain.

I actually have to wear tape on my face to minimize the movement and pain

My chin also spasms up and down

These are sobad at times I have to put athletic like tape under my eyes and forehead to minimize the pain.and movement.

None of my mouth movements are so much as grimacing as they are more like muscles […] spasming and contracting out of control….

I am so desperate for encouragement as I can no longer bear it….. As you can imagine I have been housebound for 14 months …..I could never go out in public this way…. It is hideous…

The hopelessness and despair are off the charts…. I have the most severe health anxiety a person could ever have….my heart constantly feels like its going to jump out of my chest

I wish I had the ability to be of more encouragement and help to others because that is exactly what I would be doing but I can’t even help myself… I feel so alone with all of this…

If someone can be kind enough to give me some hope and encouragement or ideas of what I could to. I rarely if ever get relief….. I am on the verge of having a breakdown from all the symptoms…….
This has devestated my life…. I can’t sustain this…

thank you to anyone who has read and can sympathize…..

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2016, 03:24:01 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi, I too had many strange and disturbing muscle symptoms. These will go away once you’re off and well into healing. This is from the Ashton Manual:

Benzodiazepines are efficient muscle relaxants and are used clinically for spastic conditions ranging from spinal cord disease or injury to the excruciating muscle spasms of tetanus or rabies. It is therefore not surprising that their discontinuation after long-term use is associated with a rebound increase in muscle tension. This rebound accounts for many of the symptoms observed in benzodiazepine withdrawal. Muscle stiffness affecting the limbs, back, neck and jaw are commonly reported, and the constant muscle tension probably accounts for the muscle pains which have a similar distribution. Headaches are usually of the “tension headache” type, due to contraction of muscles at the back of the neck, scalp and forehead – often described as a “tight band around the head”. Pain in the jaw and teeth is probably due to involuntary jaw clenching, which often occurs unconsciously during sleep.

At the same time, the nerves to the muscles are hyperexcitable, leading to tremor, tics, jerks, spasm and twitching, and jumping at the smallest stimulus. All this constant activity contributes to a feeling of fatigue and weakness (“jelly-legs”). In addition, the muscles, especially the small muscles of the eye, are not well co-ordinated, which may lead to blurred or double vision or even eyelid spasms (blepharospasm).

None of these symptoms is harmful, and they need not be a cause of worry once they are understood. The muscle pain and stiffness is actually little different from what is regarded as normal after an unaccustomed bout of exercise, and would be positively expected, even by a well-trained athlete, after running a marathon.

There are many measures that will alleviate these symptoms, such as muscle stretching exercises as taught in most gyms, moderate exercise, hot baths, massage and general relaxation exercises. Such measures may give only temporary relief at first, but if practised regularly can speed the recovery of normal muscle tone – which will eventually occur spontaneously.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2016, 03:39:34 pm »

[Buddie]

Bless your heart […] for responding….. I truly mean it from the core of my being….I didn’t think anyone would because normally people don’t respond to my symptoms which is why I usually don’t post them… It […] creates more fear from the lack of responses…. I keep thinking someone somewhere would be able to give me a life raft or […] the tiniest glimmer of hope…

Because this is my second time around my despair has overtaken me……

Thank you […]…

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2016, 04:14:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone else please? any words of encouragement would be so appreciated…. Please keep me going….

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2016, 04:23:59 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey there. I’m very new to this however, I have had some of the issues you’re talking about in your post. You’re soooooo not alone. I had a pretty traumatic experience as well, and lets say it still affects me every minute of every day.

Here’s what has helped take that ‘edge’ off. My spouse got me some lavender bath salts. Put them in the tub, sat me down in the tub, and turned the water on as warm as I could tolerate. I soaked for over 2 hours. I was doing this a couple times a day. […] breathing deep while soaking. Like really deep. I was trying to push my belly out of the water deep breathing.

It didn’t ‘cure’ anything, but it really did take that final ‘edge’ off and really helped. It kept me focused on breathing and staying still and it felt good. Again, i’m super new here, and new to all these issues, but when i’m at that ‘point’, i do the bath thing, and it keeps me ‘afloat’ for a good solid hour or 2. Hang in there.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2016, 04:35:06 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 07, 2016, 04:23:59 pm
Hey there. I’m very new to this however, I have had some of the issues you’re talking about in your post. You’re soooooo not alone. I had a pretty traumatic experience as well, and lets say it still affects me every minute of every day.

Here’s what has helped take that ‘edge’ off. My spouse got me some lavender bath salts. Put them in the tub, sat me down in the tub, and turned the water on as warm as I could tolerate. I soaked for over 2 hours. I was doing this a couple times a day. […] breathing deep while soaking. Like really deep. I was trying to push my belly out of the water deep breathing.

It didn’t ‘cure’ anything, but it really did take that final ‘edge’ off and really helped. It kept me focused on breathing and staying still and it felt good. Again, i’m super new here, and new to all these issues, but when i’m at that ‘point’, i do the bath thing, and it keeps me ‘afloat’ for a good solid hour or 2. Hang in there.

Oh my gosh! You mean you’ve experienced some of these symptoms?!?! Thank you for the bath tip so much…. I’m […] feeling I can’t endure no matter what I tried because it feels so permanent and its been going on so long….

If you don’t mind me asking when did it start and for how long….. I’m crying so much right now because someone responded to me.. Thank you […]……

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2016, 04:45:10 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 07, 2016, 04:35:06 pm
If you don’t mind me asking when did it start and for how long….. I’m crying so much right now because someone responded to me.. Thank you […]……

Honestly the, what I called ticks, lasted a few weeks. It wasn’t fun. I thought I was literally going insane, and that I had caused permanent damage. The majority of the ticks faded with time, but I still have one… One that more bugs me rather than hurts or makes me feel crummy. My ear drum feels like it’s constantly popping in and out at such a slow pace, that i can literally fell it popping like a muscle twitch. Geez it’s annoying. I’ll pray for ya that this’ll clear up. I found solace that with time, some of my symptoms faded. Some are still roaring… but none of the symptoms you posted about up there are still persistent in me at least.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2016, 05:11:53 pm »

[Buddie]

I do empathize with you. The aim must be difficult. Even though I don’t have those symptoms I do have bad amxiety. I did have jolts through my body and occasional
twitches but not so much anymore. For me the insomnia makes me anxious and dizzy so sometimes I loose my balance but haven’t fallen yet. You will get through this. The brain needs time to heal itself. You will triumph.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2016, 05:15:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello pbh,
I am so sorry to hear about your symptoms. I’ve had a real problem with grinding my teeth. I almost always chew a toothpick and that helps. Sugarless gum also helps. Maybe that would help your jaw clinching and teeth grinding? Maybe try massaging your face, temples with your fingers gently. I’ve used a hot rice pack on my forehead for relaxation. You will get better. I […] wanted to respond even if I am of little help. […] to offer some encouragement. ??

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2016, 05:38:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Every single person that has responded thank you so much and you have helped me….. I appreciate it very much…..The fear is still so ever present that this is permanent….. My facial symptoms have increased slowly over time and I’ve been dealing with this now for 15 months (maybe it is time to see a real doctor, not a Benzo Buddies doctor – editor) at varying intensities at different times of the day….

That is why I become so frantic and utterly hopeless…..dealing with this for so long and going thru another taper is more then I can bear…. I don’t think I can survive ….

THE WIDER MEMBERSHIP = HIVE MIND

JB: New member has read the Ashton Manual and can see she says it’s mostly psychological in low doses (true).
Admin totally ignores that part of his post, of course, and deflects it to “the wider membership”.
Sure, because the wider membership will agree with Ashton that it’s mostly psychological, surely… if Ashton says it… they’d never doubt that… right?
Umm, NO, they’ll pathologically disagree with that point! Which is weird since they exalt her above God when it comes to benzos! Hmmm.

hello
« on: June 03, 2016, 04:14:31 pm »

[Buddie]

i need support here, im 29 male
i’v been on ativan 5 -7 years. highest dose was 3mg
last year i was tapering with valium and finished 1 year and 3 months ago approx. i was clean until now.
after i finished tapering, about a few months later i started smoking weed and hash, smoking it for more than a year daily.. until i decided to pause and i couldnt sleep so i took ativan again, 1mg daily at bedtime for a week.
and than i started rapid tapering. every 2-3 days from 1mg to 0.75mg then 0.5+2mg diazepam then 0.25 ativan+5mg diaz and then 4mg diaz. something like that. at first i didnt monitor how much i take and when. but here i see i started to write at 26 april i was on 0.25mg ativan and 2mg diaz.
now i am 1mg diazepam and have horrible dizziness.5 days ago was the same as now so i updosed to 1.5mg for 2 days. the dizziness started yesterday evening. and overall i am on 1mg from 17 May. is it safe to quit cold turkey now? my hands sweat and look like i took a long bath
i also found out about the kindling effect now. if i knew, i would never took them again. the w\d now is alot worse. it was real breeze the first time.
atm i stopped drink alcohol, i was heavy drinker too but only at weekends and sometimes if i had vacation from work in middle of the week.
sorry for messed up post, i feel iritable and all kinds of feelings in my body and esspecially in my head.
and i still smoke hash everyday, do you think its a good idea? i heard it have anti seizure properties. but anyway i plan to stop when im gonna ran out. yesterday evening i had so bad dizzines i couldnt finish my a whole joint and i fel asleep pretty quickly, after few hypnic jerks 

Re: hello
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2016, 04:23:21 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi […]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

First withdrawals tend to be easier, I agree. Subsequent withdrawals tend to be more difficult due to kindling as you’ve discovered. As far as smoking has to prevent seizures, it is actually the cannabiol (CBD) that potentially helps with seizures. Smoking will burn up most of the CBD so you are less likely to get the anti-seizure properties of cannabis by smoking it.

Alcohol is problematic for many people trying to taper or recover from taking benzodiazepines because it affects the same nerves in the body. For this reason it may help very briefly but the symptoms tend to come back worse than ever afterwards.

Sorry for the bad news, but it helps to know what to do and not to do in this.

Let me give you some links to start posting to the wider membership about your other questions:

General Taper Plans
Withdrawal Support

Here is a link to the Ashton Manual simply for information about the withdrawal process. It does provide a lot of good information and is written by an expert in the field.

Please take some time to Create a Signature. This will help other members understand your history so they will be better able to support you.
Go to the top of the page and select Profile, then choose Forum Profile, insert drug history/timelines into the text box and click Change Profile.

~[…]

Re: hello
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2016, 04:39:40 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 03, 2016, 04:23:21 pm
For this reason it may help very briefly but the symptoms tend to come back worse than ever afterwards.

Sorry for the bad news, but it helps to know what to do and not to do in this.

thanks for the answer.

what do you mean by it may help briefly?

now that i dont drink make it worse too?
and what do you mean by it helps to know what to do and what not?

and i read the whole ashton manuel the 1st time i stoped.

he says coming off 1mg is easy and mostly psycological. but i see in this forum people mixing with alc or milk 0.00x grams, should i taper with titration too? i have only tablets of 2mg diazepam.

Re: hello
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2016, 04:46:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 03, 2016, 04:39:40 pm
Quote from: [Buddie] on June 03, 2016, 04:23:21 pm
For this reason it may help very briefly but the symptoms tend to come back worse than ever afterwards.

Sorry for the bad news, but it helps to know what to do and not to do in this.

thanks for the answer.

what do you mean by it may help briefly?

now that i dont drink make it worse too?

Alcohol tends to alleviate benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms for a few hours, then the symptoms come back and may be even worse.
No, not if you’re not drinking.

Quote
and what do you mean by it helps to know what to do and what not?

There are things that help with symptoms and things that seem to make them worse.

Quote
and i read the whole ashton manuel the 1st time i stoped.

he says coming off 1mg is easy and mostly psycological. but i see in this forum people mixing with alc or milk 0.00x grams, should i taper with titration too? i have only tablets of 2mg diazepam.

This is best asked of the wider membership. If you want to check into titration, here’s a link: Titration Taper Plans

Ashton: Recreational abuse of benzodiazepines a growing problem, hundreds of thousands of abusers

“Recreational use of benzodiazepines is a growing problem. A large proportion (30-90%) of polydrug abusers worldwide also use benzodiazepines. Benzodiazepines are used in this context to increase the kick obtained from illicit drugs, particularly opiates, and to alleviate the withdrawal symptoms of other drugs of abuse (opiates, barbiturates, cocaine, amphetamines and alcohol). People who have been given benzodiazepines during alcohol detoxification sometimes become dependent on benzodiazepines and may abuse illicitly obtained benzodiazepines as well as relapsing into alcohol use. Occasionally high doses of benzodiazepines are used alone to obtain a high.” – Prof. Heather Ashton

http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha01.htm

12mg a day Xanax eater’s 2 year taper

waI Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« on: February 03, 2016, 01:13:05 am »

[Buddie]

I began tapering two years ago from Xanax, 12 mg per day; by Feb. 14, 2015 I took my last pill and have been benzo […] for one full year with just one exception. Sadly, I still suffer from fairly extreme withdrawal problems. I am looking for advice, help, and support.

Re: I Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2016, 01:44:29 am »

[Buddie]

Wow!
Congrats!
Hope all goes well!

Re: I Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2016, 02:27:09 am »

[Buddie]

Welcome from me too! Wow, 12 mg…that is quite the accomplishment!

Re: I Stopped taking Benzos last year after 15 years use
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2016, 03:31:56 am »

[Buddie]

A one-year taper is actually short for 12mg of Xanax for 15 years, since it’s
one of the “super benzos” (like Klonopin and Ativan). So I’m not surprised
that you are having trouble one year after jump day.

In my 26 months of hell since ending Klonopin (and ssri’s), I’ve learned to avoid
foods and situations that spike my symptoms. Glutamates are the enemy since
neurons are exposed to them, and I’m still not sure how to control them.
(If you post a signature it will help you define your history for yourself
and others who comment.)
I think that lack of sleep and exercise badly hurt my situation.

My 6-week self-taper was totally inadequate after 20 years of prescribed meds.
I’m still in deep trouble. Some things improved a bit, but other things declined
a bit due to my circumstances, my lack of personal knowledge, and lack of
informed medical help.
I would look for a quality book on your condition, since it will deal with
the spectrum of issues.