Benzo addicts resentful of opiate addicts

My reaction to an opiod withdrawal video
« on: July 17, 2019, 09:52:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Just got finished watching a Ted talk by someone who had a rough time coming off of prescribed opiates.

He was on stage crying in the middle of his speech, and my first thought was “Cool story bro. Let me tell you about benzodiazepines”.

I know the opiod issue has a lot in common with the benzo issue and I’m not saying that opiod withdrawal isn’t awful or that we should look down on anyone who has had that experience, but it kind of bothers me that for years I have been dealing with something that most people claim is worse than opiod withdrawal, yet no one really wants to acknowledge that it is a problem.

Where is our Ted talk? At least everyone acknowledges the opiod issue and they are taking some steps to correct it, benzos are barely part of the prescription drug conversation.

Re: My reaction to an opiod withdrawal video
« Reply #1 on: July 18, 2019, 12:39:49 am »

[Buddie]

Where is our Ted talk?

Excellent question, […]! I’ve been wondering the same thing. Maybe since it’s not readily accepted quite yet that these drugs have been part of a “silent epidemic,” there’s fear in coming forward? Something is holding people back from full public acknowledgment and disclosure. I would certainly like that to end NOW.

I’d be a poor public speaker with horrible stage fright. But to have someone take that step of giving a TED talk would be a breath of fresh air!

Drug addiction not dependence

Polydrugabuse
« on: February 11, 2019, 11:26:42 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi everyone my name here is […], because i am tapering from long time use and misabuse from different types of benzos. The reason i am joining this forum is to get more information of benzos and mayby can do some good for other buddies! Right now i am on 35mg of valium, thats the only benzo i am using and can’t wait to be free of benzos. I already had a long way to make it to 35mg of valium. I was on 6mg klonopin, 5mg ativan, and 80 mg of valium. So thats been a hell of a rollercoaster to make it to (only) 35mg valium.

I am a male, 42 years old and it all started about ten years ago when i got prescribed ativan. First 0.50 mg then gradually up to 7.5 mg a day. It went fine for a few years, no anxiety at all felt great! Then i moved to another country and went to my new docter and asked for my ativan 7.5 mg. She looked at me with a face of unbelieve. I had too prove to her that i was on 7.5 mg. So i showed her my old recepi and told me that it was a very high dose and would only prescribe it to me for 1month. After that things had to be different….

Well from then on thing went different.. The next month she prescibed me 5mg ativan. I went to horrible withdrawel as you may imagine. I asked her for valium for the longer half live instead of the ativan but she said no you just have to taper the ativan. Next month she gave me a prescripcion of 2.5 mg of ativan for a month. I almosed begged her to up my dose but she refused. Next month….she put me on 1mg of ativan, i thought i was going crazy. Then i had my first seizure, my wife called 112 and i was taken with the ambulance and put me on 2,5 mg of ativan a day. Somehow i felt some releive but still in withdrawe………Within 5 min. police came to check at my house and the ambulance took me to psych. The psych put me on a anti-psycotic with 1mg of ativan and the anti-phsycotic didn’t felt well just not me. Why did they did all this to me instead of putting me on 7.5mg of ativan to stabalize me. I just knew i would be just fine on that.

Then they added an anti-depressent to the mix. Thought i was going insane just mad at the docters taking away my ativan in such a short periode. I quit taking the anti-depresseant and my anti-psycotic meds and found a save online vendor so i start buying my ativan and felt just fine. I was back feeling myself again. The old me. From one thing comes another so i started to experiment with other benzos buying them online. Easy, next day delivery nothing to worry about. Before i knew i had all sort of benzos in my posesion and a happy (drugged) men. Now, because of my phonecalls to the emergency 112 one day the police came to my house telling me i had to leave because of the concern of my 3 kids. I told them i would never hurt them or my wife but i was on a red code so or leave the house or they would take the kids. Mofo’s so packed my bag and was obligaded to leave my warm and comfortable house, wife and 3 children. I was put in a shelterhome with drugaddicts and people without a place to stay. I felt very angry, if my doc just would have left me on my dose of ativan all this shit wouldn’t be happening.

So i met people using white stuff and ended up using also. My wife asked for divorce, so we did finally after 19 years of marriege. At the and i was hooked on benzos and scarface. Not good and not funny. So i decided to move to my country where my gp would prescribe me all the benzos i wanted. So i said i need 6mg of klonopin, 5mg ativan. She prescibed me for 6 months. One box of ativan 60 cents an klonopin 1,25€. I just loved it but i was also very sad because i have left my familie. So continuing the white stuff, ativan, klonopin and online baught valium 20 boxes of 10mg. I started working night shifts as vigilant. As soon i went home had a great stash of benzos and white stuff. Kept on using for 6 more months then the season was over and no work. I missed my family so much that i wanted to return to see my kids but also knew i couldnt go on the way i was going with all this abuse of substances. I was aware that i needed help. Badly.

So what i did was calling detox in the country where my familie lived. 4 months went by before we could start detox.
First i sayed goodbye to the white stuff. Then i gradually started tapering on my one with valium. Taking loads of valium and tapering klonopin and my ativan. Went back to the country where my kids and ex wife lived and started detox. Now i am (only) on 35mg of valium and feeling just fine. I have loads of contact with my children and my ex wife. We are all just fine now. But i know that everyone abusing substances can quit. You just have to really really want to do it and seek for help.

How bout that?

For the sake of our membership, all references to self-harm and/or harming others have been removed from this thread.
Please click on this link if you are thinking about suicide, self-harm, or harming others: Self-Harm/Ideation (Revised)
« Last Edit: February 11, 2019, 11:29:18 pm by [Buddie] »

Benzo addicts trade pills for marijuana

Cannabis for Relief
« on: August 07, 2018, 02:01:15 am »

[Buddie]

Does anyone use cannabis for relief from withdrawal symptoms? If so, Indica or Sativa? Any particular strain for calm/pain etc…

Re: Cannabis for Relief
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2018, 02:22:26 am »

[Buddie]

I use a 2:1 CBD THC oil tincture. The oil goes right under your tounge and it helps a lot with sleep and nighttime anxiety. I also smoke regular high grade marijuana, usually a nice kush, it really takes the edge off, sometimes it makes me paranoid if my anxirety is real bad but otherwise it helps!

Benzo addicts lament glory days of getting high

So...tried pot
« on: September 18, 2017, 03:06:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I live in NV so thought I would try some pot. Being 67 and remembering the great times back when. The good feeling and calmness I felt. Well, not now. I tried it a couple of times and felt wired, with no sense of well-being at all. Never again. How messed up is my body that it doesn’t react at all like a healthy body. My cns is so out of balance. I really feel this is for the rest of my life. 38 months out lots have healed, but my insomnia and fatigue is pretty much holding the same. In a very sad way, I have accepted it finally. Early on really thought I would get a life back. Oh well, tell myself I had 55 or so quite wonderful years. Many have not had that, with or without benzo use. I am grateful for those memories, as that is what gets me through the long lonely days and nights. Hugs to all.😏

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2017, 03:08:09 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh that’s too bad. Maybe it’s the strain? Either way, that doesn’t like fun.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2017, 03:13:29 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, don’t give up now, […]!! I’m 65 and 42 months out. I have to keep telling myself I’m going to make it through this. I don’t want to have my immune system go down for some damned drugs I’ve taken. I tried pot, too, in earlier times. Had wonderful experiences on it before. Especially liked it for exercising. I should have stayed with it instead of being put on a benzo, but at that time I thought “do the right thing” since it was illegal. HAH!! What a crock. Now I don’t feel the same way at all and had to forget about pot. It’s just not the same feeling anymore, unfortunately.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2017, 03:15:19 pm »

[Buddie]

If you tried a high THC strain, that’s why. I would suggest trying a high CBD strain instead. I don’t know how long you’ve been off, but high THC would throw many folks into paranoia.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2017, 03:45:56 pm »

[Buddie]

That isn’t the pot from your youth. It’s so much stronger. I’d guess that most of the stuff I did in high school (easy 70s) was 5-6% THC (maybe 8% if we got really good stuff). Nowadays, it’s usually 20% or higher, and can approach 30%. You have to take that into account and go super easy on it when you’re first starting (or re-starting).

Much depends on the strain as some have eluded to. Some strains make me all hyper (good for getting things done, but not for calming down). Some mellow me out. Those are the ones I seek to help with sleep. Best relaxing/sedating strain I found so far has a lot of myrcene (a terpene) in it.

Another route, as […] mentioned, was to add some CBD to the mix. A lot of people like strains that are moderate in both THC and CBD. Some use strains that are almost all CBD. So many choices today, so much information. Not like scoring a dime bag of whatever was available (often little better than ditch weed) back in the day.

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Elderly mom forging Xanax prescriptions, obtaining endless supply illegally

Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« on: July 19, 2017, 01:21:44 am »

[Buddie]

About 2 years ago my mom’s whole personality changed. Her OCD symptoms got much worse, she says incredibly rude things she NEVER would’ve said before & her memory has gone down the toilet. Her routines & rituals are set in stone & she won’t deviate from them. She leaves the stove on 2x per month on average now. She started taking Xanax (1mg-2mg per week on average) around the same time her personality changed. The worst memory lapses–such as leaving the stove on & forgetting basic words–always happen the day after she takes her Xanax dose. She’s also excessively tired the day after taking Xanax. Worst of all, she denies any change in her personality & gets defensive even talking about it.

Could using Xanax one night per week be sufficient to affect someone’s mood, cognition & anxiety levels to this degree? She’s had a CT scan of her brain at my insistence to see if there was any sign of previous strokes or other issues, and it came back relatively normal. (Some age-related shrinkage & atherosclerosis). The doctor did not seem concerned about it, though it was an ear/nose/throat doctor rather than a neurologist. She’s 65 w/ no family history of Alzheimer’s but at moderate risk for stroke. She’s lost a good bit of vision & hearing due to age, so it’s hard to tell whether she’s doing things like leaving the stove on because of those impairments or something more sinister.

I’m not asking anyone to definitively diagnose her here; just wanted to see if anyone’s experienced this degree of side effects from low dose, once weekly benzo use. (Personally, if I took a benzo or barbiturate one time per week, that would be sufficient to cause rebound mood/anxiety problems but I don’t know how common that is). My mom absolutely refuses to go to doctors, so that’s out of the question. She swears up and down she doesn’t take Xanax more frequently than 1x per week, which I believe because she’s so regimented & afraid of drug addiction, but she could be taking it more often. I’m at a loss.

OCD runs in our family, as do other mental illnesses. I’m absolutely terrified it’s dementia, which would probably cause me to kill myself or be institutionalized because I could not handle that. Cancer is preferable to dementia. I’m praying it’s the Xanax at this point because the alternatives are so awful.

Thanks.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #1 on: July 19, 2017, 01:31:29 am »

[Buddie]

I am curious to why she takes one Xanax a week. It seems like she would be in perpetual withdrawal. Her symptoms could well be withdrawal symptoms. It certainly causes brain fog and forgetting things.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #2 on: July 19, 2017, 02:26:13 am »

Also, you might want to take into consideration paradoxical reactions:

Benzodiazepine Side Effects: http://www.benzo.org.uk/sidefx.htm

So-called “Paradoxical” Effects
According to Professor Malcolm Lader, 5% of those using benzodiazepines may be affected by so-called “paradoxical” reactions in response to the drugs rather than the desired tranquillising effects. Such reactions include increased aggressiveness (in some individuals even violent behaviour), depression (with or without suicidal thoughts or intentions), and sometimes personality changes.

Paradoxical” side effects occur in all age groups but are more likely to be found in children and in the elderly where they may be fairly frequent yet erroneously diagnosed as various psychiatric disorders. The risk of such reactions is generally greater with short-acting compounds but may occur with all benzodiazepine drugs. It is important to remember that the “paradoxical” reactions can also be encountered in short-term use and, in rare cases, even following the first ingestion of the drug.

Cognitive Side Effects
Memory functioning is markedly and measurably impaired, especially the ability to store acquired knowledge into long-term memory. This memory impairment is highly relevant to students. The risk of acute amnesia is more pronounced with short-acting drugs. Ativan (lorazepam), Halcion (triazolam), Xanax (alprazolam) and Rohypnol (flunitrazepam) are especially likely to induce such memory impairment.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #3 on: July 19, 2017, 03:00:09 am »

[Buddie]

Here’s some more info on this: http://w-bad.org/paradoxical/

I hope it’s the Xanax and your Mom might agree to stop taking it to test out whether this is the case.

Kind regards.

Re: Mom's Personality Changed - Xanax To Blame?
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2017, 06:41:33 am »

[Buddie]

Thank you so much 

She’s very regimented due to OCD (which has gotten worse with age/Xanax use). She goes shopping one day per week, so the Xanax is to help her sleep the night before. I’ve seen her take it twice in a week when she had other things to do, so she may be taking it more often than 1x per week.

She has an endless supply obtained from…well, let’s just say this isn’t coming from a doctor. She’s had prescriptions for it in the past & even forged one prescription to have 4 refills instead of zero. So that tells me she’s got some kind of issue right there. But she could’ve just forged it because she hates going to the doctor. Either way, it’s a crime & she could’ve gone to jail for it. But back then she didn’t take Xanax as often as she does now.

I’m very familiar with rebound symptoms like anxiety & low mood, as I get them after a single use of barbiturates, benzos or Ambien. Thanks again for the links & quotes. That gives me some peace of mind. The part about short-acting benzos being even more likely to cause issues is especially comforting. I’ve tried explaining rebound effects to her before, but she doesn’t believe that can really happen even after SEEING what a single dose of benzos does to me the following day. She once became manic from a single dose of Valium too.

Ugh. This is all very frustrating since I now live with her. But if it’s “just” the benzos causing her insanity, that would be a good thing 

Benzodiazepine Information Coalition accused of addict shaming by Benzo Buddies members

Re: Benzodiazepine information coalition: does this place exist?
« Reply #42 on: June 23, 2017, 01:34:52 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 22, 2017, 09:53:40 pm
Quote from: [Buddie] on June 22, 2017, 09:32:51 pm
[…],

wanted to ask you your thoughts about the difference between the benzo’s “withdrawal” damage/injury iatrogenic illness, benzo discontinuation syndrome or whatever you want to call it and opiate addiction? because i know for me that opiates caused a craving where as i never craved benzos. you know what i mean/ there’s just a difference in these two drugs. i ponder this a lot.

My only experience with opiates has been the few times I have taken hydorcodone or percocet. I remember having this “wow” feeling the first time I took them so I can see how they could rope someone in.

It seems like benzo withdrawal (or whatever you want to call it) is a completely different animal. They don’t create physical cravings for most people but the severity and duration of the damage they cause to the body seems to be worse in general. I wouldn’t want to find myself addicted to opiates but if I could trade that for what I have experienced over the past 6.5 years from benzos I would do it in a heartbeat. At least if the bulk of your problem is staying off the drugs you might have a fighting chance.

Denying that benzos create physical craving in most people is simply addict shaming, […]. It’s intolerance and approaches bigotry. It shuts down conversation about benzos and is seen by many professionals and lay people as denial. Denial is a hallmark of addiction. This conversation is unpopular here and it’s not my fight. My fight is overcoming a lifetime of taking these pills and regaining my life.

Benzo craving is prevalent here at bb’s and can be seen in the vast majority of early posts before people are indoctrinated into the bb’s culture. Even then the veterans display the cravings in many posts but rationalize it away as specific symptoms. Rationalization is another hallmark of addiction.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate. Humans do!

The term addiction fits for most of us. Breaking the symptoms of withdrawal down into minute details is again denial and rationalization best used only in support groups. The broad picture of the minute details supports an addiction definition and paradigm. Post withdrawal syndrome and the time it takes for the small subsection of us to recover is a whole other discussion.

Refusal by some members here to accept that many many people here are addicted despite the overwhelming evidence otherwise shuts down healthy and critical analysis of our issues. I understand why people don’t want to be associated with addiction. But the very nature of being here at bb’s involved in support for getting off benzos suggests we are associated with addiction. That’s how most of the real world understands this.

I agree that the definition af addiction carries with it many awful preconceptions that it shouldn’t, but that definition is embedded into the worldwide human culture. Overcoming those biases held by everyone who is culturally assimilated is a tall task. Overcoming those biases in our worlds cultures changes the conversation for those of us who are trying to recover to something else.

I apologize to anyone that is offended by this post. It’s not my intent to offend but out there in the real world most people I run into only know this as addiction. It’s how they understand the issue.

Addict shaming sucks where ever you find it.
« Last Edit: June 23, 2017, 02:46:26 pm by [Buddie] »