VALIUM FOREVER!

Update - My Dr. told me I would have to stay on Valium forever - I'm not kidding
« on: October 27, 2020, 10:35:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Well, let’s just say my appointment did not go well. Now that I am done crying I wanted to share with you all what happened.

This was the appointment where I asked her if she would help set me up with a compounded liquid Valium taper. I said that I know I’m on a very small dose (2mg) but that when I tried to go to 1.5mg I had severe anxiety & insomnia. So I wanted to taper very gradually with liquid.

She said NO. She said she had talked to her supervising Dr. and that they both agreed, given my history with anxiety and getting off and on benzos, that . . . WAIT FOR IT . . . I need to accept that I will have to take it forever.

I could not believe my ears. I wish I was making this up. This is an actual licensed medical provider in the US.

I tried to respectfully make my case that I did not want to be on benzos forever, that they were not healthy to be on forever, etc. and that I just wanted her help to get off. And that I didn’t want to add on additional meds to help (she has prescribed hydroxyzine & trazodone). The hydroxyzine doesn’t really work and I’m too scared to do Trazodone for fear that I will become dependent on it. She said it’s not possible to become dependent on Trazodone.

I was in tears and by the end of that horrible call I just agreed to do what she said. Not really of course but just to end the call.

I already have another appt with a different Dr. set up for tomorrow. They originally couldn’t see me till 11/11 but called and said they had a cancellation for tomorrow. I pray this new one can help me.

Benzo Buddies lifer agonizes over whether or not to hop back on pill cocktail

Back again after 5 years off - worse than acute - could it be related??
« on: October 17, 2020, 04:23:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello! I’m hoping someone can PLEASE help or connect me with a member or moderator who might help!
I haven’t been on this site in years. I had horrendous and protracted withdrawals from Xanax, Klonopin, Gabapentin and Remeron. I was cold turkey’ed many times, out on, off, etc etc. I nearly lost my life. Anyway, I was finally off all of everything and slowly recovering. I was able to work part time – sleep between 5-8 hrs a night without a blood sugar crash (regularly) – I also have severe hypoglycemia and adrenal issues from all of this – and could exercise a decent amount. This was back in Feb. I still had issues but was perhaps 65% recovered. But then I started getting stomach issues that the doctors could not figure out. It was severe. I would go from pain, to acid, etc and my nervous system would kick in to try to numb the pain. Drs tried natural remedies bc I’m still super sensitive to meds but nothing helped. I started losing function and so much weight we had to try PPIs etc but they too did not work. I felt like I was back to being in acute withdrawal. My exact symptoms were back. One of my natural drs recognized it and said since my nervous system never fully recovered that is probably why this is happening. I have also been SEVERELY isolated, super stressed because I can’t work, have NO SUPPORT at all where I live – it is just me etc etc and afraid of everything going on in the world. Well, as the summer progressed, I kept getting worse. ALL of my doctors could not figure it out as my symptoms are MORE severe than they ever were in any withdrawal They all quit and said go to my home state of Ohio where I have some friends, old drs who got me through the last withdrawal etc. and it was cheaper to live. I was thinking about moving out of state but then that became too stressful too. I now cannot sleep at ALL! I try to relax and my heart BOOMS out of my chest. I get extreme adrenaline surges that set my whole body on fire – I feel like I am being dipped in acid and then I vomit. I have lost 30 lbs. I have kept trying to endure this on my own but the pain and burning the stomach, nerves, etc is so severe. I have had a seizure – I NEVER had that in acute. Othertimes, when I may get a few hours of sleep (usually every 3rd or 4th day) I wake DRENCHED in sweat, confused. My hypoglycemia at that point is so severe. It gets so low. My muscles are constantly twitching and shaking whenever I calm down but the second I calm down I realize the severe issues the cortisol for all these months has caused and the pain and agony is unbearable and my body can’t take it. I don’t really know how to endure this – at this point I am losing function to take care of myself on my own – I don’t have anyone to else or care for me here so drs are saying I must move for help. They will not prescribe benzos again but are suggesting if I get to Ohio that I should ask my old psych about it or go back on the regimen of K, Rem, and gaba. I don’t know if it will work. And I’m afraid after all I have been through. We have tried other anxiety meds like visterol CBD etc and it made me sooooo much more anxious. However, I cannot live like this – Has anyone EVER HEARD of anything LIKE THIS?????? What do people do??? Am I too far gone to ever heal? Even when I am calm in the day it comes out in my sleep with these horrible jerky surges. I do not want to go back on Benzos but I don’t know how else to deal with this. Would I kindle? Thanks for any of your replies!!!

PS Sorry this is so long!
« Last Edit: October 20, 2020, 06:07:22 pm by [Buddie] »

Benzo Buddies cult hero Parker goes back on benzos, panic ensues

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #4 on: July 13, 2020, 03:39:21 pm »

[Buddie]

I think there is still a lot of confusion for BB members. Parker posted that she reinstated and this was placed in the Success Stories?? I know success stories have to be approved by admin. This is very confusing.

Reinstatements do happen but have been posted in an appropriate section. This was upsetting to say the least for many members. A brief explanation would be appreciated. Success stories are the only hope many people cling to. What happened here?

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #9 on: July 13, 2020, 06:28:27 pm »

[Buddie]

I wish her well too.

But this just goes to show that not everyone who suddenly disappears from the forum goes on to heal. I’ve always wondered why someone as active, influential and devoted to the forum and people on here as Parker would suddenly disappear without telling ANYONE why she left, What happened, etc. If you look back at Parker’s posts before she “disappeared” she was literally posting multiple posts a day. For someone to just up and leave without coming back at all, something must have happened or they reinstated. People kept telling folks on here “well healed people don’t hang out on this forum anymore they move on with their lives”. That certainly isn’t the case here, and provably many other cases out there.

I’m glad she came back and told us. It’s a little odd she posted In the success story section, but at least now we know what happened.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2020, 07:16:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, so that is why I couldn’t find it. Thought was going mad….
I am glad she is ok.
If I could reinstate and stay on I would.
I should have done that in December 2017 when tried and it still worked before damaged was caused to muscles and joints instead of listening to ppl on here saying not to and drugs are bad etc.
They were the right thing for me.
Now can’t take anything and body literally crushing itself.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #12 on: July 13, 2020, 07:29:11 pm »

[Buddie]

Well the truth here is that she did not go on to heal. That’s what I mean by people on here making assumptions about people leaving and healing. False reassurance.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #22 on: July 20, 2020, 01:23:52 am »

[Buddie]

It’s just completely bizarre to me that someone who KNOWS how horrific Wd is and how long the suffering is would willingly put the poison in their body again. I’d die before I physically put another pill in my mouth. It’s different if the wd wasn’t as bad or long, but Parker was on here for like 7 years..

It’s like someone who almost died of peanut allergies would risk eating it again.

Re: Parker new post?
« Reply #27 on: July 24, 2020, 10:19:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I don’t think Parker healed and then went on drugs after. She was 32 months off and still bad.

Cult members faced with grim choice as corona panic spreads

Has corona made your symptoms worse?
« on: March 26, 2020, 08:10:02 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve got anxiety and bad OCD as withdrawal symptom. But since all this corona stuff got lit worse have other found same. Tried cbt was useless am starting seeing therapist by Skype. Not worried about getting it more being unable to have social contact, find going out difficult normally but feel with restrictions will end up agrophobic. Got feeling until things improve I probably won’t have much progress.

Ashton tapers cause psychotic breaks?

Has Tapering ever resulted in severe mental disorders?
« on: December 05, 2019, 12:27:40 am »

[Buddie]

After freaking out during my taper, my doctor strongly recommended (ordered) me to go back up to 1mg and hold till I was ready to start tapering at my own pace. In that time, I’ve had some pretty strange mental effects. Disassociation, not feeling like I was in my body, watching events unfold around me like I’m not really there. Years ago (20+ years ago) I was diagnosed with drug induced psychosis. Since going back to 1mg, my mania has been reduced somewhat, but I find myself suffering from possible delusions and I don’t know if its something that is really happening or if I’m having a psychotic break.

Is this something people have experienced while tapering? Can tapering cause a psychotic break? Or was I already messed up and tapering just compounded my problems and brought some stuff that was just under the surface back again?

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated and before anyone can ask… No, I can’t afford to go to a psychiatrist, I can’t afford therapy, and I’ve been drinking myself into a stupor to try to get out of my head on a regular basis.

I used to do drugs to get away from anxiety and bad thoughts, coming off Klonopin has brought a lot of these old (almost forgotten) demons back and I don’t know if this is normal or if I got some serious underlying problems.

Ain’t no love in the heart of the city: Girlfriend dumps addict for man who isn’t tapering Klonopin for 1000 years

Dumped during taper
« on: April 10, 2019, 12:33:03 am »

[Buddie]

Just lost one of the key players in my support network. She said, “I can’t do this for another 6 months, year, however long it’ll be before you’re better. I love you, I want you to get better, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. But I just can’t do this anymore. I have to let go. I have to live my life”

This was 2 weeks ago. I tried to remain her friend, but she couldn’t help but rub her new relationship in my face. When I’d finally had enough and blocked her number, and on social media, she got pissy and finally left me alone. It’s strange how the ones we love the most can end up being the most toxic. Prior to this she would always be at my bedside. Checking in on me every day. Assuring me I’d get through this and that I’m strong for having made it this far.

I found myself up-dosing. I messed up. I let her hurt me even more. I’m trying to get back down to 0.5mg Klon per day, but the nights without her are much harder. Maybe I shouldn’t have been dating in this state. She tapered off klon a long time ago, I thought she’d be more understanding.

If anyone’s suffered a blow like this during taper, any advice would be appreciated.
(I know, “Try not to think about her, occupy your mind with other things.” I got that much, I’m trying.)