Ashton taper failing but thank God addict has place to indulge in self-pity

Feel hopeless
« on: July 21, 2017, 11:32:44 am »

[Buddie]

The withdrawals got to me too much yesterday so I took a rescue dose of 10mg valium. I felt better the rest of the day but now I feel like a failure. I don’t know what I did to my taper schedule and where to go from here. Even when I make small cuts and hold I still feel sick. I think I’m going to die every day. I just want to give up. I have no life and haven’t left my house in 2 months, I can’t talk to anyone, I’m useless. I can’t even go outside. I question why I’m even doing this when I was doing so well on the valium. I do want to stop. I need some support from people who understand. Thank God for this forum.

CYBERCHONDRIA

3am & loosing it
« on: June 01, 2017, 07:54:53 am »

[Buddie]

I woke up about 1 after after already going to sleep with a panic attack at 10pm
It started cause I felt nauseous and had pain in my stomach . In a recent post I said how my stomach pulsates a lot and my biggest fear with that is an abdominal anyuerusm . Of course being the health anxiety person that I am I GOOGLED IT !
Up comes back pain, flank pain & naesous . So now I’m terrified and about to drag my butt to the ER at 3am because of this .
I can’t stop shaking, tried distracting myself with shows, puzzles, games on my phone but my mind comes back to how sick I feel and how much I’m shaking and can feel my entire body pulsating . My stomach pulsates !!!!

So terrified right now and trying really hard not to rescue dose !

BENZO BRAIN

Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« on: May 29, 2017, 06:58:34 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m really, really scared right now. I feel like my brain is shutting down, as well as the rest of my body. Breathing is slow, my eyes feel very heavy, it’s like my whole face has fallen. I am so weak and every time I lie down, I immediately go to “sleep” but it’s not really sleep…it feels like I’m getting ready to go into a coma. This feels really bad and really serious and I feel almost mentally retarded. All I can do is lie in bed and stare out the window. Also, my speech has become very, very slow. I’m forcing myself to eat now. I’m so weak, it’s hard to type. What is happening to me? I feel like I will NOT recover from whatever this is.

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2017, 07:39:48 pm »

[Buddie]

Omg thought I was the only one experiencing these things! I don’t know why this is happening but it is very scary! I’m hopeful that this will pass soon because it is benzo withdrawl for sure. Hang in there! :'( :smitten:
« Last Edit: May 30, 2017, 11:31:21 am by [Buddie] »

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2017, 07:43:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Hang in there you two.

[…] it will pass, if you’re really scared go to the hospital. Know they will probably find nothing. So sorry wish I had some words for you two. Try to think of it as your brain healing even if it doesn’t feel like it, its just heading into scary healing territory.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2017, 08:57:20 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2017, 08:32:01 pm »

[Buddie]

[…] I have a very heavy feeling in my eyes when I wake up, so similar. It is definitely withdrawal.

Praying for you and all of us.

[…]

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2017, 08:39:15 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi […], if you feel really bad you might want to go to the ER just to be sure. I never had your symptoms personally.

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2017, 11:32:30 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on May 29, 2017, 07:43:19 pm
Hang in there you two.

[…] it will pass, if you’re really scared go to the hospital. Know they will probably find nothing. So sorry wish I had some words for you two. Try to think of it as your brain healing even if it doesn’t feel like it, its just heading into scary healing territory.
Thank you!

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2017, 11:34:32 am »

[Buddie]

[…], how are you feeling now? Did you go to the ER or waiting it out?

I waited it out and wasn’t feeling much better… I have a pulmonology appointment today, so maybe they can help out.

I feel pretty sure something is more seriously wrong.

I’m seriously on the verge of reinstating…to which I’m assuming I’ll have disastrous results.  :'(

Re: Scared, heavy feeling in brain
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2017, 01:50:34 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on May 30, 2017, 01:21:59 pm
I waited it out and wasn’t feeling much better… I have a pulmonology appointment today, so maybe they can help out.

I feel pretty sure something is more seriously wrong.

I’m seriously on the verge of reinstating…to which I’m assuming I’ll have disastrous results.  :'(

Oh nooo!  I hope it’s nothing serious. Hopefully it’s just symptoms of benzo withdrawl. I know mine are, and they are similar to yours. I know this withdrawl is awful but if It were me, I would not reinstate, I would hold until this passes. You are sooo close to being done! That’s exciting! I hope your appointment goes well and that it’s nothing more than withdrawl! 

Xanax no longer fun for addict

Feeling like such a failure...
« on: May 26, 2017, 09:48:48 pm »

[Buddie]

:(

Tonight my husband took me out to a local historical attraction. It was a pleasant evening. The weather had cooled off and I knew that walking would be good for me. I had asked him to take me out this evening for some air. Plus I was excited to be able to face what anxiety I’ve been having and work through it. Prove to myself I was safe. I had been feeling a bit jumpy and anxious all day but yesterday when we went out,  I had quickly dealt with it and felt really decent.

Tonight all of a sudden the panic hit me hard. I told him as we were walking up the steps to the memorial I felt anxious. My breathing was funny and my heart of course was pounding.  :-\ We sat for a while and I calmed down. We talked about it and took some pictures and even though I was anxious I was working through it. Off and on the anxiety just kept hitting me. As soon as I calmed down it was back.

Then we stopped to get sandwiches for dinner and while I waited in the car I started feeling awful. My head was hurting,  my neck hurting…I swear to God I started feeling “withdrawal” symptoms but I know it was just my anxiety.  >:(

I thought I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted to jump out of my skin! My pulse was normal but I just felt like my while body was vibrating with flight or fight you know?

I had .5mg of a Xanax in  my pocket that I carry around FOREVER but I never take it. Like a safety thing. I know, stupid. I broke down and said screw it. I was so angry and just to wanted to feel better for once since starting this weaning…so I let it start dissolving (not a oral tab btw ) on my tongue. I could feel the saliva building up and taste it on my tongue, the xanax, and then I opened the door to the car and spit it out!  I was so ashamed for being weak ya’ll.  :-[ How could I do this????????

I worry I sat myself back and I just feel like a big loser because I couldn’t handle the freaking anxiety and I wondered why I thought I could ever do this.

I am only coming up on three weeks and I read all of you doing so well and I’m like WHAT A FAILURE!!!

Thanks for listening.

Kooks add “benzo hands” to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Dried, wrinkled hands???
« on: May 16, 2017, 01:17:03 am »

[Buddie]

A new symptom has popped up for me now 7.5 months out from CT of Prozac – dry, hands that are wrinkled and numb to touch. I feel barely any sensitivity in them. Is this even normal? I’m really starting to question WD…I am having sxs that not many have or have had for a long time. Really concerned here…

Re: Dried, wrinkled hands???
« Reply #1 on: May 16, 2017, 01:21:52 am »

[Buddie]

I have that, too, more in my right than my left hand. I find that leaning on my elbows when I use the computer. or even just using the computer makes it worse. Also try not to sleep on your hands or arms. I know I do that, but that’s how I sleep. As long as I’m awake I try to keep off of them, though.

RESCUE DOSE HELL

F*ing Rescue Dose
« on: April 08, 2017, 01:24:49 pm »

[Buddie]

The past week since CT has been going pretty well considering…up until 2 nights ago. My husband surprised me with a 3rd year wedding anniversary to the beach. Getting out of my environment was great as well as the sun and sand.

HOWEVER, first night I get hit with insomnia for the first time since tapering/CT. Falling asleep wasn’t the issue, but I woke up at 3:30 AM and for the life of me, could not go back to sleep.

Same thing last night…fell asleep about midnight to wake up at 3:30 AM and lay here trying everything to go back to sleep…fail. Then once I got up, the nausea hit, upset bowels, pouring sweat, then freezing…body temp back and forth totally crazy. Unfortunately, I still had my pills in my purse and broke down and took a rescue dose for the first time. I am SO disappointed. Maybe if I weren’t on this trip, I could’ve rode it out. But I don’t want to ruin the trip.

What’s strange is the rescue dose did nothing for relief and actually seemed to amp up the sweating/chills/freezing body temp symptoms. Why would it have the reverse effect like that?

Are doctors really to blame for thousands of benzo addicts in the UK? Of course not.

Ashton tapers cause female baldness

Hair loss/thinning
« on: February 25, 2017, 09:19:27 am »

[Buddie]

Did anyone have massive thinning or hair loss possibly stress related? I’m around months off Klonopin and I’m very young. This thinning is so depressing