After thirty years addict wants off benzo merry-go-round

30 year Headache!
« on: October 16, 2016, 01:09:45 pm »

[Buddie]

In 1986 I was prescribed Ativan…….In 1995 Diazepam was substituted. until the last year I was unable to come of Benzos. This time last year I was on 40mg of Diazepam daily ( Taken in one go in the morning ) I was told by the local GP surgery I had to come off them. What staggers me is the lack of information, total lack of support. I have done my own research. Phoned a helpline in Bristol. Presented an ignorant GP with tapering guidelines. X wanted me to cut from 15mg to 20mg in less than 2 weeks…The withdrawal was horrendous and totally ruined my Christmas and that of other family members. X Told me I was not suffering from Withdrawal 18 days later and told me I was depressed……Giving me anti-depressant medication.”016 has seen me totally on my own try to withdrawal…I am now down to 8mg and am horrified to feel so awful on trying to cut by 1mg every 2 weeks. I live with daily tension headaches and have had them since taking Ativan years ago…they hav3 never gone away. I just want to share with others anything that can be helpful and also to top feeling so alone in this daily struggle. This last week has been one of the worst weeks of my whole life…..Thank you […]

Pill-crazed hophead eats handfuls of benzos in search of nirvana

Major setback to hell.
« on: October 08, 2016, 09:03:51 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi friends

I’ve just done the most stupid thing. I’ve been pretty stable on 5mg Lorazepam for 3 weeks now.

I was just about to take my 5mg and accidentally found a supply of Valium that my partner was hiding from me. I’ve had some bad news today and my anxiety/stress has been off the scale all day.

I was like a child in a sweet shop and just couldn’t help myself. I took my 5mg Lorazepam and 10x 5mg Valium. This adds up to 90mg benzo if I’m not mistaken.

My question is will this reset my taper/tolerance and will I have to start again. Will I go through a withdrawal process again until I stabilise.

I’m so mad at myself right now if I didn’t have family to worry about I would hang myself tonight.

Please help.

New drug guidelines send junkie into panic

Opiates & Benzos
« on: October 05, 2016, 11:59:23 pm »

[Buddie]

Went to my PCP today to get hydrocodone refilled (taking it for severe neck/back pain).

He told me the FDA is setting up new guidelines for prescribing opiates and benzos at the same time. I had been on clonazepam and recently tapered off, but he thought I was still on it, and told me to stop taking it because of the new guidelines. Of course, I told him I had tapered and was already off of it, but my thought was what if I hadn’t already been off of it I would have been c/t’d. He isn’t willing to prescribe both meds now, so he would have taken me off benzos (or opiates). If I were someone that was on a fairly high dose of benzos (or even not a high dose), I would have been cold turkeyed.

I certainly can’t go off the hydrocodone right now because of pain. I would have been screwed. That’s what’s so scary about benzos, opiates, or other addictive meds.

TALES OF MADNESS

This strange little Benzo story of mine.
« on: July 28, 2016, 05:49:52 am »

[Buddie]

Hey there, Buddies 

First of; I just want to say that I didn’t realize that this board was mainly for Benzo withdrawal, which I hear is one of the worst drug withdrawals you can go through. I just googled something and found a forum called Benzobuddies. I figured it was aimed at Benzodiazepine fans, users and abusers alike… But now I see, however, that it was not the case haha 😛

Secondly; I just want to give you guys going through Benzo withdrawal my nicest and most pleasant feelings and thoughts. What you’re doing, no matter how you got there, is something that I wish I had the strength for. If I ever landed in the deep end of the Benzo pool, I’d choose another way out instead of fighting it, because I’m not as strong a person as one would think when looking at me.

I guess I’m just lucky that what happened to me thought me never to touch these things again as long as I live. My refusal to ever ingest a Benzo again even got to that point that I refused all sedative drugs when in the Psychiatric Hospital, not because I didn’t need them, I sure as hell did, I just didn’t want to go psychotic ever again. The doctors thinking I was bullshitting them with this Benzo story of mine because it’s not a well known fact that you can in fact go psychotic from using Benzos. Even if it’s just a tiny dose, for the first time and you’re not either a child or the elderly.

Now to that little post of mine…

I’m here to look for some reassurances, answers and to introduce to you guys a new angle to this whole Benzo thing.

That angle being; I believe that Benzodiazepines triggered my underlying Schizophrenia.

I’m very big about this whole mental health thing and believe that if it makes you better, why not? If it makes you worse, stay away from it!

It’s been pointed out to me that excessive cursing is a no-no here so I’ll try to edit most of it out, aside from those curses that I use for emphasis, those are pretty damn important to just get how massive this whole thing was for me. Life shattering is one way to put it.

So, As I said, I believe, and have I gotten a confirmation from one of the most revered psychiatrists in my country, which so happens to be my personal psychiatrist, which says that I’m not that far from the truth about this whole thing, that a Benzodiazepine called Xanax not only induced my first episode psychosis but also, somehow, triggered my Schizophrenia.

So, I was prescribed Xanax in the beginning of May 2014 and not 40 minutes, the time it takes the pill to dissolve and get into your system, after first ingestion, I entered a gnarly psychotic episode that lasted for the two weeks I took the damn drug, only ending the day after I stopped taking it, resulting in the greatest couple of days in my life…

Those couple of days, however, were the best of my life, but short were they. As soon as they ended I started becoming psychotic 2-4 times a week. It was truly awful. Each one was like those two weeks pushed into one day.

Hardcore hallucinations that encouraged homicide, suicide and self harm. Raging delusions that made me believe the most raging and extremely Paranoid things. Derealization and Depersonalization along with everything.

So, my BenzoBuddies, I entered those episodes 2-4 times a week for the eighteen months after those initial two weeks.

I had, of course, before being put on the Xanax, entered Psychotic episodes before. But, they never were a problem. I, of course, didn’t know what they were or why I was having these crazy intrusive thoughts and strong as shit ideas about all sorts of crazy things. I didn’t have the vocabulary or the trust in others to tell anyone about these episodes as I was just a small child.

This one time it happened on a plane, the voices and delusions had convinced me to open the door of the plane mid air and jump out. That I’d survive the fall too.

I just cowered in fear and entered the fetal position, not knowing what was happening. Then 15 years old.

But again, they weren’t ever a problem or as frequent until the Xanax.

So my fully functional theory is that when I was born I entered something called the prodromal phase of Schizophrenia as soon as I developed consciousness, as I remember every single negative symptom of the Schizophrenia I have today from my childhood.

Much like this. http://mentalhealth.com/mag1/scz/sb-prod.html

I entered the first phase as I started noticing I wasn’t like other kids. As soon as my parents noticed I wasn’t like other kids, I entered phase two.

Phase three, however, didn’t appear until some 16-18 years later or when I was about to turn 20, the summer of 2013, when I started feeling my first positive symptoms. Paranoia. Coming up at the most untimely times. And it only exacerbated the paranoia whenever I got stressed or enjoyed some lovely other stressors.

Then, instead of my parents noticing my paranoia or some other symptom that had appeared by then, I took the Xanax and that stuff threw me over phase 4 and 5 and just way beyond everything.

I wish to believe that if I hadn’t taken the Xanax, I would have developed some other fun old psychotic symptom and gotten “used” to it like I had with the paranoia, my parent noticing there was something more wrong with me perhaps a couple of years later and I’d entered my first major psychotic episode, the one that would’ve triggered the Schizophrenia, a few years later. Maybe in 2016, 2018 or 2020….. Maybe I should have gotten this shit through fate when I would’ve been 26 or in 2019…

I believe that me taking the Xanax was both a blessing and a curse. As it did absolutely nothing for me if we’re talking about Anxiety but caused me an extreme psychotic episode. The blessing was that I later found out what was wrong with me, what those strange feelings and behaviors I experienced as a child were and there was finally some reason for why I felt like the crap I usually feel like. The curse was that I self harmed and almost resorted to suicide which I’m not gonna go into detail with.

If I’d been allowed to experience this “first major” episode of mine in peace in ~2018, maybe it wouldn’t have hit me as hard. I could have gotten “used” to the symptoms. And when I say used to I mean that they wouldn’t have fucked me as hard up as they did.

Now I’m of course, and you might have read it, not saying that the Xanax caused the Schizophrenia like I thought at first. It simply jump-started it.

My body made a listing on Kickstarter and pledged $2 for the initial goal of the project. The project being psychosis and the goal being Schizophrenia. And one pill of 0.5 mg Xanax was enough to fill the goal instead as $2 is roughly the street value of one 0.5 mg Xanax.

For you disbelievers, you can too enter psychosis from Benzodiazepines, it simply being called Agitated Toxic Psychosis. Google-Scholar it, bro.

In my case, I believe my Agitated part manifested itself deep down in my consciousness during my psychotic episode. As I was so terrified by the Derealization and Depersonalization that those symptoms masked those Agitated feelings that the voices, delusions and paranoia fed on for the duration of those two weeks. The Hallucinations and Delusions mainly revolving around killings, whether it was my self or others and self harm.

I may be terrible at school, but I’m terrific thinking out of the triangle, putting crap together and making theories that make more than sense. And much to my surprise, my psychiatrist strongly agrees with my theories, and it’s not just to shut me up. He’s more professional than to actually do that. He’s been cruelly frank with me in the past and he’d sure as hell tell the shit out of me if I wasn’t making any sense and was deluding myself.

Does this sound familiar to anyone? Anyone here that’s experienced psychosis from Xanax or any other Benzodiazepine or are some Schizophrenics here that have noticed something strange from Benzodiazepine use? I’m open for all stories if there’s anything about psychosis, depression or any other mental disorder directly related to Benzodiazepine use! 

If there’s interest, I’ll write down everything that happened those two weeks, skipping the most graphic parts of course as they’re not well seen by the mods here which I completely understand. Suicides and self harm can trigger all sorts of feelings in sick individuals, plus, it’s just not very pleasant to read about or relive in one’s mind.

DISCLAIMER: What happened to me, experiencing psychosis from a drug that’s used to treat psychosis, is what’s called a Paradoxical Reaction. Paradoxical Reactions can happen from any drugs but are extremely rare, yet somehow more frequent with Benzos than with other drugs. It’s said that 5% of all Benzodiazepine users on this little planet of ours will experience Paradoxical Reactions from Benzodiazepines at one point in their lives. These reactions are most common with children, the elderly, in high doses and with abuse.
While none of those things relates to me, it can quite well happen, to anyone, anywhere, from any medication, for any reason. That it’s gonna happen to you is still highly unlikely and if you were gonna feel these Paradoxical Reactions, odds are you would have felt them by now. They can, not only, come out as Psychosis but also stress, anxiety and agitation. Benzo Rage, ever heard of it? That’s a Paradoxical Reaction as well.
Again, and I cant stress this enough, it’s highly, unrealistically, unlikely that this will ever happen to you and is my post not some sort of fear mongering aimed at regular folks for the sole purpose of making them paranoid that what they’re ingesting might cause them to go insane. I do not wish in any way to exacerbate anyone’s Benzo induced paranoia or uneasiness with this babble of mine. I’m just here looking for some answers!
I’ve researched it extensively and it looks like that this is one of the first of these cases in the world. That is that a Benzo might have triggered Schizophrenia. So you have nothing to worry about, absolutely nothing to worry about.

Thanks for reading this Subway foot-long! I actually like Quiznos better… Baja Chicken wrap with fries? Oh god yes, I would sell my soul right now for one of those!

Have a nice day, everyone! And could someone tell me what’s up with this guy?  Is he having some sort of seizure? I feel like what you have to type to make this guy  Should be switched with this strange seizure guy… But that’s just me 

 

Addict begs for pills, blames doctor for taking them

What the hell psychiatrists learn at school!?
« on: August 05, 2016, 06:43:02 pm »

[Buddie]

5 years studying medicine plus another 5 years in psychiatry; that’s what amount to the total studying a psychiatrist go through in Quebec, Canada. 10 years total! In spite of all this my psychiatrist allowed me to take Ativan for 2 years non stop. The other day I told her that she should not have allowed me to take a benzo for so long! She awnsered that I ask her to do so… WHAT? I replied that she’s the professional And she should know better! And that was her responsibility to say NO. I mean it’s even written on the benzodiazepines leaflets to take them short term! It’s all over the Internet and the Canadian health ministry website! Even my new GP said so.

I will NEVER pardon her. NEVER. I am in awe at the level of incompetence even psychiatrists can be!
What do they learn at school!? I don’t know if it’s the same in the US or Europe…

Sorry, I had to vent…

Stevie Nicks: Drug addict not anti-benzo apostle

Stevie Nicks’ $1 million cocaine habit, fueled by her wild affair with married Mick Fleetwood, burned a hole in her nose so big she took the drug through her private parts, reveals new book

  • Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks was so addicted to cocaine, alcohol and Quaaludes she blacked out and nearly overdosed repeatedly
  • She wore gold and turquoise bottle inlaid with diamonds around her neck so she was never without coke
  • To avoid body searches by customs in Europe, they hired Hitler’s private rail car complete with the elderly attendant who served the Fuhrer

She quickly descended into drug hell and became addicted to cocaine, alcohol, Quaaludes to sleep, and cigarettes – until her system broke down and she started having nosebleeds, falls on stage, blackouts and near overdoses.

She bought $1 million worth of cocaine and it burned a hole in her nose the size of a dime. Rumors spread that she had to have the drug blown up her derriere by an assistant.

“There was no way to get off the white horse and I didn’t want to,” the now 66-year-old Nicks said. “I was the worst drug addict.”

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2941749/Stevie-Nicks-1million-cocaine-habit-fueled-wild-affair-married-Mick-Fleetwood-burned-hole-nose-big-took-drug-private-parts-reveals-new-book.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2912497/I-worst-drug-addict-Stevie-Nicks-recalls-cocaine-habit-discusses-dating-60-Rolling-Stone.html

Tufts Medical Center psychiatrist Dr. Edward Silberman: ‘Benzos safer than aspirin’

Abuse may be obscuring other dangers

The war against the opioid epidemic in Massachusetts may be pushing another potential public health crisis into the shadows.

According to research by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, benzodiazepines – a class of anti-anxiety and insomnia drugs, such as Ativan, Klonopin and Xanax – were involved in 31 percent of all opioid-related overdose deaths in 2014.

Benzos, the shorthand name for the drug class, relieve anxiety by slowing the central nervous system. Opioids work on the brain and nervous system in the same way. The combination of the two can severely depress respiratory activity, with life threatening consequences. CDC data from 1999 through 2014 shows that overdose deaths due to benzos has increased 600 percent from 1,135 people in 1999 to 7,945 people in 2014.

An analysis of the CDC data by Dr. Marcus Bachhuber for the American Journal for Public Health, found that between 1996 and 2013, the number of adults filling a benzodiazepine prescriptions increased 67 percent, from 8.1 million to 13.5 million people. And, among people who filled benzo prescriptions, the amount more than doubled between 1996 and 2013, suggesting higher doses per patient. The study also showed that benzo-related deaths rose at a faster rate than both the number of people filling prescriptions or the quantity filled.

State Rep. Paul McMurtry, D-Dedham, has proposed a bill to limit and regulate benzodiazepine prescriptions. A hearing on the proposal held at the Statehouse in April, which included emotional testimony from addicts, survivors and healthcare providers. The bill was sent back to committee on study order and could remain there for months. Fall River Rep. Carole Fiola, who co-sponsored the bill, says the state should be doing more to regulate the drugs. “Massachusetts has always been a leader in many areas of legislation, and we are bringing up a conversation that is important to a lot of people,” Fiola said. “That’s our role and we will continue to gather the facts and research this over the next several months, and see what comes from that.”

Opponents say the threat from benzos is overblown.

Tufts Medical Center psychiatrist Dr. Edward Silberman, who testified against the bill, said benzos are a relatively safe drug. Unless a patient suffers from addiction to other substances as well, benzos can’t do much harm, he said. “These medications, taken alone, are amongst the safest medications that doctors prescribe,” Silberman said. “They’re safer than aspirin. It’s practically impossible to kill yourself by overdosing on benzodiazepines.”

However, Dr. Richard D. Lewis, who has worked in a New Bedford mental health clinic for 20 years, says doctors need to understand the deadly interaction between benzos and opiates. He maintains a blog for an addiction website called Mad in America, where recent post focuses on the deadly mix. “I think this crisis is going pretty much unnoticed,” Lewis said. “I would argue that you can’t solve or make a dent into the opiate crisis without addressing the benzo issue. Lewis says opioid addicts often are given Suboxone or Methadone, which are opiates, themselves. These individuals will, Lewis says, experience anxiety or trouble sleeping, often leading doctors to prescribe benzos. And that, Lewis says, can contribute to opioid overdoses because of the negative interactions of the two drugs. “Benzos and opiates will kill you,” Lewis said. “It’s the synergistic effect of one plus one becomes five.”

Statistics on benzo-related deaths in Massachusetts are hard to come by. Most of the focus by pathologists has been on calculating and tracking opioid deaths. According to Felix Browne, a spokesman for the state Office of Public Safety, statistics for overdose deaths can be misleading. He said cause of death is pulled from death certificates, which can be hastily done. Any conclusive determination in final autopsy reports require a full toxicology screening that can cost upwards of $2,500. The state Medical Examiner’s Office usually doesn’t do such screenings unless there are suspicious circumstances or the family requests it and pays the cost. Final autopsy reports can take from a few months to a few years, due to backlog in cases. Until completed, there’s no way of knowing how much of each drug was in the victim’s system at the time of death.

“The Medical Examiner’s Office has their own way of operating that is very little understood.” Browne said. “Survivors just want to know how their loved one died so they can move on. That’s what the death certificate is for. It’ll say something like ‘acute intoxication’ or ‘cardiac arrest,’ but it’s often more than one substance that’s involved. They don’t know until the full autopsy report is filed.”

For now, it is unlikely any action will be taken on benzos.

Fiola says she hopes the bill will be reconsidered next session. But, Silberman says legislation isn’t the answer. “It’s really very difficult to legislate good medical practice. It’s a little bit like trying to legislate morality. You can have an impact, but it’s using a very broad brush to deal with a problem,” Silberman said. “In medicine, one should think about the individual patient, and one size doesn’t necessarily fit all.”