Addict ditches wife to marry cult

Losing Marriage
« on: March 01, 2019, 11:16:21 pm »

boomboxboy21

Has anyone felt the withdrawal process caused you to completely lose the connection you had with your spouse or girlfriend/boyfriend? I am pretty worried my wife and I aren’t going to make it through this. We never have fun together anymore, even though we do try and do things, but it just feels forced now. We tried to play darts the other night and we both acknowledged that we weren’t having fun. It honestly feels like we are still together because we have a child now. All […] do is talk about what I’m going through and she doesn’t want to hear it, which I understand, and even when I don’t talk about, I feel like we have nothing to talk about or do together.

Father goes on bender as horrific cult abuse story of parents doing drugs in front of kids surfaces

Reintroduce myself after two years
« on: February 24, 2019, 01:48:49 pm »

[Buddie]

First of all I’m sorry for the run on sentence….I wasn’t completely sure where to post this but I need some kind of answers, I struggled for months after a cold turkey wd but eventually the sky opened and I was fine and back to my normal self besides benzos I would have an occasional drink but I was never a hard drinker and I started smoking marijuana regularly again, last week we had a run in with cps and I had to quit smoking bc my wife’s therapist told them we smoked in front of our children which wasn’t true we smoked in the garage whenever our son was awake anyway I turned to liquor for that week of not smoking I probably drank a bottle of crown a few beers and a bottle of wine or two then during the weekend I went to a ski resort with the guys from work and I drank HARD harder than ever I remember ordering a whole bottle of wine at one of the dinners needless to say I haven’t been feeling great and the symptoms are mimicking my ct withdraw slightly less in every way but I’m still in agony in and out of the dr and hospital most of this week just for them to say blood work and ekg are fine just high bp is the only thing they can see which leads me to my question did this onset some alcohol/ protracted benzo withdrawals or am I dying?? I’m so scared and feel like poo

Benzo Buddies member begs to be committed

Can someone tell me what this symptom is.
« on: August 24, 2018, 12:58:14 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m textin and messaging my family, it as if a robot is doing it everything is automotive I don’t have any emotional response to the things I’m sending.

I’m actually sending them things which will easily have me committed or in a worse position.

I feel my sense of self slipping away completely, all automatic actions and responses.

All down to these pills I was fine before.

I’ve thought about reinstating.

Can anyone pin point what this?

Husband wants back on pills after Ashton taper leaves him unable to get off floor

At the risk of incurring the wrath of everyone here...
« on: October 09, 2017, 01:58:31 pm »

[Buddie]

my husband has been benzo free for 4 months and 1 week, and he is considering reinstating!!  :'(  It’s just too much. He feels like he will have an actual breakdown. He is being driven by the intrusive thoughts about his symptoms never getting better. He is lying on the floor all day, hardly able to walk to the bathroom, watching a few benign things on tv (but still on mute), but mostly panicked about his breathing symptoms. He still can’t feel himself breathing -loss of sensation in nostrils/numb nose/feels like nose is blocked/feels like nose is collapsing- and his nose is getting drier still and black chunks are coming off the walls. Really bad air hunger from (seemingly) the incredibly tight muscles in his chest. Throat constriction. This is hell folks.

I know the mantra on this site is to soldier through, but seriously, I had to invoke the Baker Act 5 years ago, and he was put on these benzos after that. He might not make it through this.

I’m sure I’m going to get a slew of “you can’t do it” posts, and “don’t reinstate” posts, but seriously, if you have experience with late reinstatement, or reinstatement that relieved your physical symptoms, I want to hear them. Even if you tell me it relieved it at the time, but you wish you hadn’t because it kindled the next withdrawal, at least tell me that you got some relief initially.

Alternately, if you had similar nose issues, when did they get better for you?

Mind control cult brainwashes terrified addict into fearing wife and daughter

Scared to leave bedroom.
« on: May 24, 2017, 11:20:03 am »

[Buddie]

Today is my 14 year wedding anniversary I can’t even leave my bedroom because I am scared everything including my wife and daughter. This makes absolutely no sense and it really bothers me. I have an appointment with a therapist this morning and I don’t think I can even make it out of the bed. I’m trembling in complete fear. I know people say they get this but I really think that I’m permanently damaged. How the hell can I be scared of my own wife and daughter? What the f*** is wrong with me? Today is the 6th day in a row with no sleep and spent 3 hours last night suffering an anxiety attack so bad that I was convinced I was going to die it felt the blood leave my limbs and my head was popping out of my chest. I know people say things get better but I really don’t know if I could hold on any longer. I really wonder why I can’t just fall asleep and not wake up so I could be put out of this misery

BENZO FREE AND LOVING IT? NOT EXACTLY.

Healed after 12 years!
« on: April 13, 2017, 05:51:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well… just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse… as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life…My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn’t and at 6 years I didn’t think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They ‘ALL’ said to my amazement ‘HE WILL RECOVER’ and ‘THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS’. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I’m Mr. B by the way!

The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I’m 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery…BELIEVE!!!

It happens for ‘EVERYBODY’ given time and staying off  benzos and ‘ALL’ chemical crap!

Mr. B

Klonopin addict loses mind, torches house

I'm 45 and have lost ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
« on: March 14, 2017, 10:16:14 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve been fighting clonazepam withdrawal for four years now. I’ve made it through it twice only to b launched back into it by mistakes. Once from taking a prescribed drug called perphenizine which totally reset me back to zero. And once from taking Aleve. I’m 45 and have lost everything I own. My savings, my 401 k, my stock portfolio and my house ..which burned down while in clonopin withdrawal. My credits destroyed too. I’ve lost over 200,000 total.

I’m 45 yrs old and feel there’s no use in trying to start over. I’m too old. My life is over and I simply do not want to exist anymore.

Headbangers vow to taper forever

Can't handle this symptom any more
« on: November 23, 2016, 07:21:31 pm »

[Buddie]

I have bot posted on this forum too much before but right now my anxiety is ramped up sky high.

I am again experiencing the extremely upsetting symptom of wanting to bash my head against the wall that I understand from others can be a Klonopin w/d s/x.

It is showing no sign going away. And that is really, really upsetting and worrying me.

These feelings went away pretty much totally before, so logically then can do again but that is my intellect talking, not my heart. I find it hard to believe they will and all the while I am in the deepest possible distress.

I am losing faith that I can survive, my confidence is in tatters and I wonder how much more hell I have to go through before I get t a place of mental stability again, that I last had two months ago – although it feels much longer.

The onset of dark evenings and winter mean more time cooped up alone.

I have to get my anxiety levels down to ease the symptom I so dread, and writing this has made me realise I need to focus full time on me now to get a sense of balance back and resume my taper. Right now everything is on hold and it’s so distressing.

Re: Can't handle this symptom any more
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2016, 07:54:25 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], I have no experience of Klonopin but I do know what it is like to be sobbing and banging my head on the refrigerator. And nobody can understand this unless they’ve been through it.

If you are feeling the worst you’ve ever felt then it will get better. It will probably be a while before you are properly better but the crisis reaches its peak and then falls again. So listen to your intellect.

I thought I couldn’t go on any more earlier today but, for better or worse, I am still here.

We don’t have any choice, do we?

I hope you feel better soon. […] x