Husband wants back on pills after Ashton taper leaves him unable to get off floor

At the risk of incurring the wrath of everyone here...
« on: October 09, 2017, 01:58:31 pm »

[Buddie]

my husband has been benzo free for 4 months and 1 week, and he is considering reinstating!!  :'(  It’s just too much. He feels like he will have an actual breakdown. He is being driven by the intrusive thoughts about his symptoms never getting better. He is lying on the floor all day, hardly able to walk to the bathroom, watching a few benign things on tv (but still on mute), but mostly panicked about his breathing symptoms. He still can’t feel himself breathing -loss of sensation in nostrils/numb nose/feels like nose is blocked/feels like nose is collapsing- and his nose is getting drier still and black chunks are coming off the walls. Really bad air hunger from (seemingly) the incredibly tight muscles in his chest. Throat constriction. This is hell folks.

I know the mantra on this site is to soldier through, but seriously, I had to invoke the Baker Act 5 years ago, and he was put on these benzos after that. He might not make it through this.

I’m sure I’m going to get a slew of “you can’t do it” posts, and “don’t reinstate” posts, but seriously, if you have experience with late reinstatement, or reinstatement that relieved your physical symptoms, I want to hear them. Even if you tell me it relieved it at the time, but you wish you hadn’t because it kindled the next withdrawal, at least tell me that you got some relief initially.

Alternately, if you had similar nose issues, when did they get better for you?

Mind control cult brainwashes terrified addict into fearing wife and daughter

Scared to leave bedroom.
« on: May 24, 2017, 11:20:03 am »

[Buddie]

Today is my 14 year wedding anniversary I can’t even leave my bedroom because I am scared everything including my wife and daughter. This makes absolutely no sense and it really bothers me. I have an appointment with a therapist this morning and I don’t think I can even make it out of the bed. I’m trembling in complete fear. I know people say they get this but I really think that I’m permanently damaged. How the hell can I be scared of my own wife and daughter? What the f*** is wrong with me? Today is the 6th day in a row with no sleep and spent 3 hours last night suffering an anxiety attack so bad that I was convinced I was going to die it felt the blood leave my limbs and my head was popping out of my chest. I know people say things get better but I really don’t know if I could hold on any longer. I really wonder why I can’t just fall asleep and not wake up so I could be put out of this misery

BENZO FREE AND LOVING IT? NOT EXACTLY.

Healed after 12 years!
« on: April 13, 2017, 05:51:33 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m coming up on 12 years benzo free. On may 5, 2005 I was cold turkeyed in the hospital. It was the most horrific and unforeseen event in my life and it has changed me as a human being forever. Slowly, very slowly over 1-5 benzo free years my symptoms waxed and waned until at 5 years benzo free my life was about 80% of what I was pre-benzo. Life was good but not great for a few months. The unrelenting horror, mental anguish and general displeasure for life had abated but the physical symptoms were still alive and well… just milder and I expected them to all abate as well as time marched on.

At almost 6 years benzo free the flood gates reopened again and I was cast back into what I would call acute benzo withdrawal! It was just as bad as the beginning if not worse… as a matter of fact a lot worse! All the progress I made was suddenly gone and I was left a 40 year old man with a wife and two kids, a beautiful home crying on the floor with no hope for a future. It nearly broke me as a human being and I was ready to give up.

Luckily I had tremendous support from the person I had been with my whole life…My loving wife. She knew me since high school and knew that this was not the man she married. Luckily she believed in me because I didn’t and at 6 years I didn’t think recovery was possible. I thought I had permanent brain damage from the ativan and I would never recover.

My wife got busy and contacted many people on my behalf.  Una Corbett, Barry Haslam, Baylissa Frederick (Bliss), and even to professor Ashton herself! They ‘ALL’ said to my amazement ‘HE WILL RECOVER’ and ‘THIS SOMETIMES HAPPENS’. She even made an account here to talk to people on my behalf (I was too unwell to post then). I’m Mr. B by the way!

The symptoms were very hard up until 11 years benzo free and right now at almost 12 years benzo free my life is brilliant!!!  I can see the light again and feel love, joy, and happiness. I’m 47 years old and have a new lease on life and you will too. Please people believe in recovery…BELIEVE!!!

It happens for ‘EVERYBODY’ given time and staying off  benzos and ‘ALL’ chemical crap!

Mr. B

Klonopin addict loses mind, torches house

I'm 45 and have lost ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
« on: March 14, 2017, 10:16:14 am »

[Buddie]

I’ve been fighting clonazepam withdrawal for four years now. I’ve made it through it twice only to b launched back into it by mistakes. Once from taking a prescribed drug called perphenizine which totally reset me back to zero. And once from taking Aleve. I’m 45 and have lost everything I own. My savings, my 401 k, my stock portfolio and my house ..which burned down while in clonopin withdrawal. My credits destroyed too. I’ve lost over 200,000 total.

I’m 45 yrs old and feel there’s no use in trying to start over. I’m too old. My life is over and I simply do not want to exist anymore.

Headbangers vow to taper forever

Can't handle this symptom any more
« on: November 23, 2016, 07:21:31 pm »

[Buddie]

I have bot posted on this forum too much before but right now my anxiety is ramped up sky high.

I am again experiencing the extremely upsetting symptom of wanting to bash my head against the wall that I understand from others can be a Klonopin w/d s/x.

It is showing no sign going away. And that is really, really upsetting and worrying me.

These feelings went away pretty much totally before, so logically then can do again but that is my intellect talking, not my heart. I find it hard to believe they will and all the while I am in the deepest possible distress.

I am losing faith that I can survive, my confidence is in tatters and I wonder how much more hell I have to go through before I get t a place of mental stability again, that I last had two months ago – although it feels much longer.

The onset of dark evenings and winter mean more time cooped up alone.

I have to get my anxiety levels down to ease the symptom I so dread, and writing this has made me realise I need to focus full time on me now to get a sense of balance back and resume my taper. Right now everything is on hold and it’s so distressing.

Re: Can't handle this symptom any more
« Reply #1 on: November 23, 2016, 07:54:25 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], I have no experience of Klonopin but I do know what it is like to be sobbing and banging my head on the refrigerator. And nobody can understand this unless they’ve been through it.

If you are feeling the worst you’ve ever felt then it will get better. It will probably be a while before you are properly better but the crisis reaches its peak and then falls again. So listen to your intellect.

I thought I couldn’t go on any more earlier today but, for better or worse, I am still here.

We don’t have any choice, do we?

I hope you feel better soon. […] x

“I WANNA UPDOSE!”

Dumb question - Sorry ahead of time
« on: June 27, 2016, 03:29:17 am »

[Buddie]

So i’m well into my taper. (see sig)

I’ve been taking 7.5mg Valium since June 5, after a pretty fast crossover and taper, with a 2.5mg cut. The last few days (not including today for some reason) have been wonderful. I felt ‘normal’. I was ready to cut again, ahead of schedule. Today, well, it feels like I was ran over by a Mack truck, dunked in a gas tank, lit on fire, had my brain pulled through my ears, while having vertigo, and extreme tinnitus. It seriously feels like I made a rather large cut, when I haven’t.

So i’m thinking this… Since I’m feeling like crap any damn ways, would it be dumb to make a cut now, and just ride this wave through? My thinking is ‘why suffer for nothing’. At the same time, i’m like, I WANNA UPDOSE to get normal again. This is not an option though, as I refuse to have to cover ground I’ve already endured. I feel like i’m at a cross road where I can’t figure out if I wanna try to get ‘stable’ again, or just ride this wave down. My pdoc also thinks it’s ok to cut 2.5mg every couple weeks, (she’s made an exception to allow me to hold longer than normal  ) And .5mg Xanax is 5mg of Valium. I know she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed, but she’s all I got access to, so I kinda gotta go with her on this.

Basically, is it better to suffer for something, than suffer for nothing? And, also, i know a slower taper is preferred, and a 5-10% cut is always best, but IF I could convince her of that, when I do ‘jump’ is it easier to actually jump with minor sxs’s? Sorry, i’m so scatter brained today. Normally I’m fine, and have been taking the bull by it’s horns on this, but today has been rough.