Addict “using substances never intended for human consumption” but blames benzos for brain damage

What else could this be? + update/doubts
« on: March 02, 2017, 08:31:38 am »

[Buddie]

I feel like a walking nuclear power station in meltdown now. I have SO many severe neurological symptoms now that I am starting to doubt it is Benzo related anymore. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone else, but because I was using substances that were never intended for human consumption, and because there are rare neurological conditions such as Neuromyotonia in my family, I am going to tell the doctor today about all of it. I could have been gulping down poison or some kind of chemical neurotoxins for three years, who knows. I am a stupid idiot, I choked down dozens of those shitty blue ‘pellets’ an hour at some points. I did taper, but I had to taper very fast for the dose, with no medical assistance and a bunch of threats.

I also face the stigma that cloaks any kind of addiction, which frightens me because if I do land up being referred on for some investigations, it may cloud people’s judgement and I’ll just be accused of drug seeking again. This also excludes me from any kind of pain management too. I was in bed for a week last month (even more so than usual) with my period. I was delirious from the pain, felt like someone was repeatedly winding me and tearing my insides up with razors, couldn’t even speak or sit up, just yelp and whimper when the pain and buzzing tore through my insides (buzzing moves into my pelvic area when I get my period). All I managed was the odd 10 minute crawl to the bathroom to almost vomit (never did thankfully). If I stood up, I started seeing stars & darkness and started passing out. It was just me and the easily level 10 pain, in a little bubble of whimpering mess. All this is coming again around the 8th, so not long now!!!!. 
Try being an addict and getting any kind of pain addressed, it’s not going to happen, been there, tried it. Nobody will even investigate Endometriosis with me, probably because they think I’m after pain meds.

Another thing that makes me strongly suspect something else may be at play now is my lack of apparently very common psychological sxs like panic, terror, severe anxiety etc. All the info I have dug up suggests these are more prevalent than all the physical sxs combined. I don’t even have the classic one, Insomnia (I have totally the opposite, extreme exhaustion and inability to move). I haven’t read a single report that has been totally devoid of these mental symptoms. Even if I have a ‘window’ that for me only means a lessening of a couple of symptoms for a few hours, my most severe ones like burning skin, pain, neuropathy and internal vibrations never, ever go away. I imagine people with a variety of neurological conditions also have ‘good days’ where some of their sxs lessen, that pattern is not uncommon for any illness or condition, from flu to brain injuries. I think I was in such a fogged, addled state on Benzos that I ignored my deteriorating health and let something creep in. 

I need some form of resolution before this illness brings on the psych sxs I’ve so far escaped. I feel sort of blessed to have escaped the brunt of the psychological aspect of WD, specially given it certainly seems the worst and most distressing part to many people here. A lot of people also seem to be over the physical, which in withdrawal seems far more prevalent in acute than months out, and are now engaged in a mainly mental climb out of this mess. You can to a certain degree negate the mental aspects with many different coping strategies, not to downplay this aspect of withdrawal at ALL so please don’t think that.
I have suffered ongoing mental health issues such as anxiety (which Benzos quadrupled for me!) all my life. I manage these the same way as I always have. No amount of psychological intervention will negate physical illness though, and I am very, very unwell. It feels like my body is rotting, slowly but surely rotting like a zombie in the Walking Dead (I love that show! lol). I am losing not only weight, but muscle mass too, all my muscles are atrophying. I look like a Walking Dead extra too, my skin is ghost white, my eyes look like someone thumbed them three inches into my head, I am a mess. I simply cannot carry on this way, something has to give.

I am seeing the doctor today and I will be telling him about the family history and all my symptoms. I am really wondering if Benzos just opened the door, fried my CNS and allowed something to take hold. I will of course say I noticed all these sxs once I stopped using Benzos, but I must also take into account the fact Benzos may have been covering something up. They may have reduced both the symptoms of such a condition, and my ability to recognize it.

There are factors for me that point to this being far more than just withdrawal now. Some of my symptoms are above and beyond anything I’ve researched on Benzo withdrawal, and some don’t fit the bill at all.

My internal vibrations/tremoring is so severe now that it rules every last second of my life. I can’t stand, sit, walk or anything with any degree of comfort because it quickly turns to numbness and neuropathy if anything makes contact with my body such as a seat or if I lean against something. I have never, ever heard of this being so extreme or prevalent in WD from any drug. This symptom alone feels like it causes many sxs, and if I could get rid if it, I would get rid of them too. I feel like an alcoholic in acute inside. I wish I was in a way, it seems alcoholics have done the DTs in a few days and are basically ok physically a couple of weeks out. I am still very much ready to accept I may have something other than Benzo WD now though. I haven’t touched a Benzo for 5 months, I know I am over acute, but my body is severely damaged. My brain appears to have scraped through and continues to improve all the time, but having a functioning brain in a broken body is the worst thing any human can possibly experience.

I am so sick now I would not be surprised if I am not sent straight up to the hospital for some urgent tests today. My long suffering husband was a couple of weeks ago, because to top all of this off, he has both Cauda Equina Syndrome (neurological spinal condition), he also has a swollen calf muscle from a suspected partial tendon rupture. They had to rule out DVT. He’s had two normal D Dimer tests, so that’s one thing it’s not. I want to help him with this as much as I can but I am bedridden and extremely unwell. Everything is too much now. Many of my ancestors were tortured and killed in German extermination camps during WWII, and somehow many also survived and told their horrendous stories, so maybe, just maybe, if a human being can survive something as atrocious as that, I will survive this?. I am ready to accept the worst though. I have forgotten what it’s like to wake up and feel ‘well’, I don’t even know what ‘well’ is anymore. I get very upset when I see someone jogging or cycling or jumping around, because I can barely lift my arms above my head. I feel like it’s time to ask for something like a mobility scooter or a f*cking wheelchair. Pardon my language but I’ve had enough of my torture chamber body.

I can deal with this very real possibility, even if whatever it is is going to kill me, fine, just tell me what it is because if something’s going to kill me, I want to get acquainted with it first, please don’t shoot me in the back.

Last off, if anyone suggests I ever reinstate, I will give it some serious consideration because I have reached the end of my rope now, out of slack, no more room for movement in my little box.

« Last Edit: March 02, 2017, 09:09:23 am by [Buddie] »

No addict should be allowed to get behind the wheel and endanger others

Most of the benzodiazepine addicts, that haunt Benzo Buddies and the secret Facebook groups, describe themselves as totally disabled: needing to crawl to the bathroom, experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations, unable to walk (Alee Sun/Ally Nugent claims she needs a walker years off benzos), claims that a single apple causes a night of myoclonic jerking and that a stick of chewing gum can send them into months-long waves, etc. Why should they be allowed to drive? Do you want to share the road with some poor, mentally ill drug addict who thinks Kentucky Fried Chicken is a government plot to poison them?

During their often years-long tapers, they should lose their driving privileges. As many addicts relapse, post-taper they should be subject to random drug testing – as a condition of the taper. This should be enforced by the state and the prescribing doctor.

Society has to be protected from drug abusers who break the law and drive just as we protect it from drunk drivers.

Norway test drivers for BZO
« on: July 13, 2016, 07:05:52 am »

[Buddie]

http://www.aftenbladet.no/nyheter/Dette-apparatet-har-gitt-UP-en-ny-og-skremmende-rekord-for-ruskjoring-3960544.html

OMG, the repercussions this will have to people who have been off the drug for weeks will be jailed/fine for driving under the influence of BZO, unlike a alcohol test this does not measure a percentage, but just the fact its in your system. I can understand this for truck drives, public transport, but to random test drivers for BZO is outrageous. Because of the fact it not measured in percentage to lawfully drive. Someone who has been off the drug will test for weeks and weeks.

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2016, 08:03:35 am »

[Buddie]

This is actually what got my mother to start her tapering! She put her car in the garage and started the day she found out! I imagine that she is not the only one!

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2016, 08:09:27 am »

[Buddie]

http://nhi.no/livsstil/helsetjenesten/diverse/forerkort-og-b-preparater-35928.html
This thread may be useful to see how it actually will effect drivers with the new rules!

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2016, 08:32:06 am »

[Buddie]

Problem is there is no way to detect the percentage of the drug BZO in your system, unlike driving with illegal drugs, which is understandable, BZO will test you positive, even weeks after stopping, So you will be charged with driving as if you took 3 or 4 10 mg doses, make no difference whether or not you stopped weeks ago. The time and money involved to clear you would be enormous, let alone the jail time and fine, maybe you could win in court but that would be a long and expensive road, and for those that cannot afford will suffer the wrath of the judicial system. I really am frustrated people using BZO prescribed are targeted the same as ifusing cocain or crack or any other illegal drug!

Kooky Monday: Benzos cause erectile dysfunction?

Erectile issues
« on: January 26, 2016, 12:44:07 am »

[Buddie]

I’m about 4 months off and having these issues all of a sudden. It’s not full on ED but more so the erections are not very hard. Also just any sensation down there feels kind of numb. Desensitized I’d say. I had fuller and harder erections in the immediate acute part of my withdrawal. Anyway to help this. Or just keep pushing through?

Re: Erectile issues
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2016, 01:30:32 am »

[Buddie]

I had this all the time i was on diazepam, both ED and genatil anaesthesia, as well as non existant libido and anorgasmia (pleasureless orgasms). It seems to be improving slowly and at 7 months off i started noticing stronger improvements. Strangely enough lorazepam (i was on lorazepam for 4 years before switching to diazepam) didn’t seem to cause these problems, just the diazepam. Hows your libido? Also were you on antidepressants, because they can cause the problems you mentioned, even a long time after you come off them.

Re: Erectile issues
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2016, 01:44:35 am »

[Buddie]

Never on antidepressants. My libido is pretty good. It’s just the symptom I mentioned. It feels like the blood flow isn’t going well down there. The blood rushes to my head instead. Already have a ton of tension and “fullness” in my head that gets worse with an erection.

Re: Erectile issues
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2016, 01:46:26 am »

[Buddie]

I had soft erections and anorgasmia as well but this symptom recently disappeared at around 3 1/2 months. i would say to just give it some time. It will rise again .

Re: Erectile issues
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2016, 08:34:11 am »

[Buddie]

I’m four months clean off benzos as well. I have some mild ED issues but it is enough to make me do something about it. Granted I’m well into my 40s and many off my friends of the same age have the same ED issues but never had a benzo or drug issue.

After talking with my doc at length about the full scope of my medical issues I decided to take the ED med Cialis. I’m as anti medicine as anyone (Hope this poor slob isn’t banned for admitting he takes Cialis. – Editor) but there are just certain aspects of my life I am not willing to compromise on at this time. And it is not just my life I am looking out for here.

Give it time and if it comes back that is great. If not your doctor will know what to do given your medical history. There was no shame for me in asking for help. Sexual function is a big part of human existence and closely tied to one’s self esteem. I can only speak for myself but I am dealing with enough other withdrawal issues for this one to be an ongoing problem.

Hang tough. Thanks for raising a good question.

[…]

Re: Erectile issues
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2016, 10:04:46 am »

[Buddie]

Are you sure its to do with the benzos? Did you have this symptom when you were on benzos?

Re: Erectile issues
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2016, 02:52:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I did have a bit of a problem on benzos and then more of a problem during withdrawal. I will just say that the problem has fully cleared up for me. I would also say that I have read that erectile issues are a known issue with benzo use and withdrawal. Here are some links:

NIH study on benzos and ED issues: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1590497

Other Benzo buddies with issues: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/Sexual+Perversions

General Review ( check out Drug Induced ED section ): http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1112680/

If you had not had ED issues before benzo use or withdrawal, I would say that your issue is likely related to the benzos. I f you are truly concerned, you can always see a doctor but I would bet that it is the benzos. Good Luck

« Last Edit: January 26, 2016, 02:57:17 pm by [Buddie] »

Benzo Buddies member admits site anti-psychiatry (like Scientology)

“Well I said I wasn’t going to come here again but this comparison to Scientology I can’t seem to let go because it’s just not the same. CCHR may be a Scientologist organization, but BB is not.

“You can be a member of BB and not be anti psychiatry. But you can also be critical of psychiatry and not a Scientologist.

“There is a difference. Sorry but that is fact. You can leave BB without your life being threatened or destroyed. You also can have whatever faith you belong to on BB- Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, etc.

“Also Scientologists seem to be anti psychiatry for the sake of it, BB members are usually anti psychiatry because they have suffered at the hands of the profession.”  – Angela, Benzo Buddies member

No, Benzo Buddies is not a Scientology organization – per se. I never said it was. I said Benzo Buddies promotes many of the same ideas / conspiracy theories regarding psychiatry. Over the past several years, hundreds of members have posted CCHR propaganda at the site. Despite official denials, Benzo Buddies is an anti-psychiatry and anti-psychiatric medications site. Benzo Buddies is riddled with Scientology-sympathizers. All of that, and more, makes Benzo Buddies function as a Scientology agent of influence. 

This following is from the Benzo Buddies Rules and Guidelines: 

“Although we are not ‘an anti-benzo website’, we are dedicated to help those who wish to quit benzodiazepines. We therefore require that you do not promote the use of benzodiazepines within the BenzoBuddies community, as this would be contrary to our Mission Statement.”

If a member insists benzodiazepines have helped them that member is usually banned, after being harassed by the staff and members.

The basic ideas of Benzo Buddies are:

  1. benzodiazepines are evil
  2. doctors / psychiatrists are not educated i.e. benzo wise, we – the “accidental addicts” – know more
  3. psychiatrists are witch doctors, there is no such thing as mental illness
  4. detox doesn’t work 

Members are routinely warned away from psychiatric medication and told all of their health symptoms are merely drug withdrawal. This is both dangerous and irresponsible.

I am happy people are not murdered for wanting to leave Benzo Buddies and that other faiths, beside Ashton worship, are allowed. That’s progress and people can thank me for that. 

You’ve admitted Benzo Buddies is an anti-psychiatry site. And that is exactly why I insist Benzo Buddies is no different than Scientology – when it comes to being anti-psychiatry. You’ve also retailed one of the craziest conspiracy theories I’ve ever heard: medical doctors are out to hurt their patients. 

While Benzo Buddies does not have a shrine devoted to L. Ron Hubbard, at their site, they might as well have one as Hubbard’s disgusting ideas about psychiatry and psychiatric medication are worshiped there.