Ashton devotee gives up job in order to keep tapering

Lost job
« on: March 01, 2018, 07:07:47 pm »

[Buddie]

Was wondering if anyone has ever lost their jobs over going through withdrawals? I did and I am very discouraged and upset over it. It’s hard to let go of it. I am at home by myself my wife works and I am very lonely and discouraged.

Benzo Buddies cult members wallow in filth ridden benzo-homes in pursuit of eternal taper

My home is one big mess
« on: February 28, 2018, 10:30:33 am »

[Buddie]

I’m really ashamed, but that’s the truth. I don`t usually like this, but I can`t clean. I live alone.

Is it just me who has this, how are you? Do you have any tips?

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 11:31:01 am »

[Buddie]

Hey […]-

I too had this the first 6 months or so when I was in acute phase. I am normally a very tidy person. I have always like things organized & put in place. I was in such bad condition that I was not physically able to do ANYTHING. I literally sat in my chair with laptop or lay in bed for 6 months. It actually may have been longer (I would have to go read my journal but I still am not able to go back & look though that journal PTSD issues :( ) Anyhow,  I do remember at the time telling myself “it is ok, you can deal with this later”.  So I lived in squalor for all that time because I truly had NO one to help me. So just tell yourself that “it is ok & that you will deal with it later when you are better able to cope”. That is all you need to do… :thumbsup:  :smitten:

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 11:49:01 am »

[Buddie]

My house is also much more messy than before because I have less energy and I need to save it for the essential. It’s a benzo-home 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2018, 11:57:21 am »

[Buddie]

Same as you guys, it was on of the first things to go south. I think it began due to the mental anxiety of the unknown road ahead, I would find myself needing to be distracted positively and not doing things like house work. Then I could not lift a finger without my heart racing and suffering symptoms as I cleaned.

Ironically, I feel soooo much better if the place is clean though 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2018, 01:14:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I was keeping up until the valium sedated me so badly. Now, unfortunately it has gotten away from me. My husband does quite a bit but he works all week as well. oh well, it will be here when I feel better again. We’ll tackle it then. I am predicting a lot of stuff that has needed to be thrown away will get thrown away then 

Re: My home is one big mess
 « Reply #5 on: February 28, 2018, 02:01:32 pm »

[Buddie]

The worst part is when my friends come with my food, they have to wait in the doorway, I don`t want to let anyone in. It feels so bad! But maybe I can clean tomorrow? No….

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2018, 02:08:55 pm »

[Buddie]

I have been messy for a while now, and I really think benzo brain is to blame. I mean, even back when I was still taking them, as prescribed, I had a hard time managing and keeping things clean. I stopped caring what others think about my mess a while ago. I’ll let people in. You would be surprised how many people have times where their places or someone they know is so messy. My old landlady used to come once a month and clean my house with me. That was always so much easier to have someone else to clean with.

I had a cleaning person for a little while, but I think I was too friendly with her, because I felt like she was taking advantage of me. She would mop all the floors and then dump the buckets in the bathttub and leave a giant muddy mess in my bathtub and all my floors would be sopping wet. Then when I asked her to dry the floors she would come up with weird excuses. In fact, she had a ton of excuses. One time I asked her to clean the oven and she told me a whole sob story about how she was chemically burned from oven cleaner. It was so annoying cause she could have cleaned the oven with just regular soap and water, instead of just taking up all that time to tell me the story.

Oh I am very talkative today.

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2018, 04:22:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Whenever I go into rough patch, my place is an absolute mess. I’m embarrassed about it, but my OCD thoughts about recovery are so overwhelming that I lose sight of connecting with the normal part of myself. Once I get over the hurdle, then I start cleaning again. But then I get into another rough patch. This has been going on for years, and I see no way of it ending until I start feeling really well.

You’re not alone, believe me!!

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2018, 05:49:56 pm »

[Buddie]

My entire life is in disarray because of this. And it isn’t that I lack the physical ability to do something about it, it is because my organizational skills are so bad that if I move things around I have a very hard time finding them again. The lack of motivation to do anything productive is the icing on the cake. Those two things make it very difficult for me to keep everything clean and organized.

Benzo Buddies members give up sex to devote years-long tapers to cult guru

Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« on: February 12, 2018, 12:05:30 am »

[Buddie]

Does orgasms make your symptoms worse? I feel like my anxiety, fatigue, depersonalization, everything gets worse after orgasm and doesn’t get better until about a week of abstinence…

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2018, 01:27:07 am »

[Buddie]

My head starts hurting and I feel more pressure in it
It scares me
😒 can’t even enjoy sex

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2018, 01:41:21 am »

[Buddie]

Yes, I think this happens to me. If I feel good before, and […] for a few hours after having one, but a few hours later I feel horrid. I guess it takes a lot of our energy, or maybe the pleasure center in our brain is tapped too much. Fortunately, this symptom resolves itself for me after a while. Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am »

[Buddie]

It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2018, 01:50:45 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am
It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.
Of course, as a guy. this doesn’t apply to me, but very recently I discontinued Melatonin, a hormone which I used as a sleep aid for 18 months, and from what I understand the US (where I am) is the only country that allows it to be sold OTC. Perhaps going off of it contributed to my post-O slump and other problems

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2018, 04:45:36 am »

[Buddie]

Orgasms don’t seem to bother me but I definitely notice feeling way worse during my period, so I can believe that hormones are involved.

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2018, 07:44:31 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:50:45 am
Quote from: [Buddie] on February 12, 2018, 01:43:10 am
It may be linked to hormones. I’ve read a number of posts that indicate pregnancy and menstrual cycles are particularly difficult due to hormonal issues.
Of course, as a guy. this doesn’t apply to me

Actually, us guys have hormones as well — they are just different ones. Testosterone is a hormone. And there is in fact a big hormonal change in the brain after orgasm in males. My impression is that the orgasm also has an affect on the central nervous system, and since said nervous system is irritated… It would make sense that there would be symptoms. In my first bad experience with quitting benzos years ago, I would always feel like crap after an orgasm. Never knew why! Now I do…

Re: Does orgasm make your symptoms worse?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2018, 02:02:44 pm »

[Buddie]

sex. i cant even imagine, i can barely make it outside through this much less meet a woman! :P
ugh benzo withdrawal

Cult members salivate at prospect of forcing 74-year old mother into abusive taper regimen

Caring for aging parents before during and after withdrawal
« on: February 05, 2018, 02:22:22 pm »

[Buddie]

My mother is sick. She is 74 and in tolerance withdrawal herself. Having survived this nighmare, I recognize so much of her struggles to be benzo related. Add to that her weakened and elderly state, and I just cant find the way out for her. Let alone navigate through the storm.

I wanted to share experiences, ideas and thoughts from anyone else who knows this journey!

Peace&Love
[…]&Faith