Benzo addicts lament glory days of getting high

So...tried pot
« on: September 18, 2017, 03:06:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I live in NV so thought I would try some pot. Being 67 and remembering the great times back when. The good feeling and calmness I felt. Well, not now. I tried it a couple of times and felt wired, with no sense of well-being at all. Never again. How messed up is my body that it doesn’t react at all like a healthy body. My cns is so out of balance. I really feel this is for the rest of my life. 38 months out lots have healed, but my insomnia and fatigue is pretty much holding the same. In a very sad way, I have accepted it finally. Early on really thought I would get a life back. Oh well, tell myself I had 55 or so quite wonderful years. Many have not had that, with or without benzo use. I am grateful for those memories, as that is what gets me through the long lonely days and nights. Hugs to all.😏

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2017, 03:08:09 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh that’s too bad. Maybe it’s the strain? Either way, that doesn’t like fun.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #2 on: September 18, 2017, 03:13:29 pm »

[Buddie]

Oh, don’t give up now, […]!! I’m 65 and 42 months out. I have to keep telling myself I’m going to make it through this. I don’t want to have my immune system go down for some damned drugs I’ve taken. I tried pot, too, in earlier times. Had wonderful experiences on it before. Especially liked it for exercising. I should have stayed with it instead of being put on a benzo, but at that time I thought “do the right thing” since it was illegal. HAH!! What a crock. Now I don’t feel the same way at all and had to forget about pot. It’s just not the same feeling anymore, unfortunately.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #3 on: September 18, 2017, 03:15:19 pm »

[Buddie]

If you tried a high THC strain, that’s why. I would suggest trying a high CBD strain instead. I don’t know how long you’ve been off, but high THC would throw many folks into paranoia.

Re: So...tried pot
« Reply #4 on: September 18, 2017, 03:45:56 pm »

[Buddie]

That isn’t the pot from your youth. It’s so much stronger. I’d guess that most of the stuff I did in high school (easy 70s) was 5-6% THC (maybe 8% if we got really good stuff). Nowadays, it’s usually 20% or higher, and can approach 30%. You have to take that into account and go super easy on it when you’re first starting (or re-starting).

Much depends on the strain as some have eluded to. Some strains make me all hyper (good for getting things done, but not for calming down). Some mellow me out. Those are the ones I seek to help with sleep. Best relaxing/sedating strain I found so far has a lot of myrcene (a terpene) in it.

Another route, as […] mentioned, was to add some CBD to the mix. A lot of people like strains that are moderate in both THC and CBD. Some use strains that are almost all CBD. So many choices today, so much information. Not like scoring a dime bag of whatever was available (often little better than ditch weed) back in the day.

VA cutting off beer-guzzling 25-year Xanax addict

25 YEARS ON XANAX
« on: September 04, 2017, 04:05:35 pm »

[Buddie]

I have been on Xanax for about 25 years. Dosages as high as 4.5 mg a day years ago to down to .5 mg a day (and up and down over the years). Currently on.5 mg a day and tapering (i hope). The V.A. is trying to get people off of the Benzos I think because of a (perhaps) causal link to dementia. The Dr has added hydroxyzine on a trial basis starting at 20mg a day….we will see. My primary symptom was dizziness along with (at times) heart palpitations. Before Xanax I was self medicating with beer, up to 12 cans a day. The symtoms would be constant for months and then go away for months…I haven’t figured out what might have triggered the symptoms in that long ago time. They gave me a CAT scan with (happily) negative results ( in about 1987 or so). And then gave me some Halzion to help with sleep. I found that by taking the Halzion in the daytime my symptoms went away almost immediately! Anyhow because Hazion was not for anxiety per se, they went to Xanax. This in spite of the fact I didn’t have to take the halzion on a constant basis, but only as the symptoms showed up. (Dr.s always know best, of course, they are “M.D.s”……Medical deities………) […] says “hello to all”

“If not being on the floor shaking uncontrollably is a success, then yes I am there!”

A little confused by what people consider success
« on: August 26, 2017, 12:40:45 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m getting close to being off 3 years. I’m a lot better but can’t say that I am healed. I see some that claim to be healed at 6 months and others that say they are not symptom free even 6 years out. I won’t post a success story untill I have at least a 6 month period where I don’t even give withdrawal a thought. I still can’t make plans without considering what symptoms will pop up and when.

This proccess has without a doubt impacted the quality of my life. To say otherwise would be lying and giving the wrong impression to those looking for answers.

I have learned to live with this but it doesn’t mean that I feel better. I do have stretches of time that I feel good and don’t think about this healing process. This is an improvement from even a year ago. I am hopeful that I can see a marked improvement this tim next year. This is what keeps me going.

I am very active and at 66 I look and feel much younger. This is probably due to how I have taken care of myself throughout my life. I take some supplements, d, e, k, c, omega3, and coconut oil. I stopped multiple vitamins and herbal supplements shortly after I began my withdrawal. I think that herbal supplements can cause a lot of issues that send people to the doctor only to have him prescribe a benzo to counter their side effects. This is my theory anyway!

Here is where I am now! If not being on the floor shaking uncontrollably is a success, then yes I am there! If being able to have a conversation with someone without having moments of lightheadedness or shortness of breath or my jaws tighten, then no! I don’t leave the house without thinking that this will possibly happen sometime during my day.

I urge those that are looking for answers and comfort to not put too much importance on others experiences. It is is a good guideline but each of us will have our own timeline in this healing process. I promise that when I consider myself healed, it will be 100% and not any less.

“When I finally got a 4 mg fix from that ER doctor what a great high that was!”

Re: Addiction/Dependence Discussion
« Reply #42 on: June 26, 2017, 06:04:04 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 25, 2017, 05:07:42 pm
Those of you who don’t understand the difference between dependence and addiction, have never actually had an addiction.
<<“Those of you who don’t understand the difference between dependence and addiction, have never actually had an addiction.”>>

I’ve had both. I am currently dependent on immunosuppressants to control an autoimmune disease. Without them, the disease would progress to a dangerous stage. There are side effects but there is no withdrawal. Thank goodness I’m not also dependent on Insulin. But I do depend on the U.S. Postal Service, as unwise as that may seem.

But, up until 6 months ago, I had been physically addicted to lorazepam for 20 years. I engaged in drug seeking behavior. When faced with the possibility of running out of the drug, I would contact my dealer (doctor) and arrange for a stealthy pick-up (pharmacy). And there certainly was withdrawal every six hours, although not as difficult as when my first supplier 20 years ago abruptly cut off my 3mg daily supply of Xanax and I ended up in fetal position on my bathroom floor begging God to kill me. (But boy, when I finally got a 4 mg fix from that ER doctor…what great high that was!)

So yes, I understand the difference between dependence and addiction because I’ve experienced both. But, honestly, that’s not why I take issue with the herd moving toward the nice, safe-space-friendly word “dependence.” The beef I have with the word is that it has no clear meaning “out there.” No edge, no bite and too many word-associations that dilute its meaning. It’s not the kind of word that motivates action and can help force a solution to a public health problem. I’ll give you this, though, it’s better than “iatrogenically injured.” Try that one on Main Street!