Mother of three begs cult for permission to go to rehab

Going to a 28 day rehab tomorrow-don't hate please
« on: October 03, 2019, 06:32:03 pm »

[Buddie]

I know this isn’t necessarily advisable, but tomorrow I am going to a 28 day rehab facility. They will detox me, but not cold turkey me. I’m scared to death to go, but I’m scared to death to not go. I am afraid. Afraid of not feeling better, afraid of never getting back to myself. This morning I was suicidal and just couldn’t get up and go through the day again. Every day I put my full amount of positivity into myself and day and nothing changes. I wake up in the morning with the same sense of dread that hit me around Christmas last year, about two months into taking Ativan. The benzos have caused me to become depressed, which I never was until benzos came into my life. I have been hospitalized twice, and the new psych I got after the hospital, an Addiction Specialist, has really done nothing besides give me a high dose of 80 mg Prozac and put me on Seroquel. She diagnosed me with PMDD, which I’m sure I have, so last week I got out my Mirena and started taking Nikki, which is the generic form of Yaz. I have been a complete wreck since then. I’ve had horrible nausea and what feels like PMS although my period is weeks away. The doctor says it will take a couple of months to work. I have been allowed to taper by 5% starting last week, but there are no plans to move forward with the taper. My doc just keeps saying I’m not ready. I’ve just lost faith. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I was driving myself back to the hospital this morning and just decided I wasn’t going back there. I’m doing something different. To those who pray, please pray for me, and if you’re just spiritual, please send out some positive vibes that this will go somewhat smoothly. Thanks bbs.

“I live in the dark”

K taper making EMFS WORSE
« on: May 07, 2019, 09:24:26 pm »

[Buddie]

The lower I get on klonopin the EMFS get worse
I live in the dark
Anything with voltage
Are my voltage gated calcium channels open?
I do have mold toxicity and that’s the reason for EMFS BUT they’re still getting worse coming off klonopin
I can’t live at all
I read about it but still not taking it all in
Do these VGCC close eventually ?
Thanks

Re: K taper making EMFS WORSE
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2019, 01:05:37 pm »

[Buddie]

I know someone who was on Ativan… got off slowly. She has the EMF thing. First it was screens, phone, computer, now apparently anything that plugs in!
What effects do they have on you?

There is some place in W.Virginia, I think, a place free from EMFs…

Anti-psychiatry haven Benzo Buddies compares hospitals to prisons, warns members to stay away

Psych and detox facilities
« on: September 01, 2018, 01:53:44 am »

[Buddie]

I am watching Orange is the new black when I can, and cannot shake the feeling that American psych hospitals and (possibly, don’t have any experience with those) detox facilities are way too similar to prisons.

How you cannot leave the facilities, or have much of your personal stuff, phones, even a kindle, how visitation is limited, how you have this ancient wall phone, how you are treated like a child, how your complaints are ignored, how you are stuck with medications they think are best for you and not given what you need (I was refused my asthma inhaler once, despite wheezing!!!), how the food is awful and without much regard to your food sensitivities, how you are forced to the social activities. Some places it’s even physically dangerous, because they mix violent manic patients with detox patients.

Re: Psych and detox facilities
« Reply #1 on: September 01, 2018, 02:49:37 am »

[Buddie]

Hi,

Although I’ve never been in a mental hospital, I have been to a voluntary hospital detox, sent there by a well meaning but clueless doctor to get off xanax. It was only 4 days, but it was awful. I don’t recommend this to anyone. Far from being an “easy” way to get off benzos, as some seem to think, it’s literally going from the frying pan into the fire for most of us who’ve experienced it:

Nine years ago, I went to a major Seattle hospital for “detox” where the doctor was supposed to be a “benzo expert.” He wasn’t, and I only saw him for a few minutes the whole time. All they did was cold turkey me off a high dose of xanax, feed me, and monitor my blood pressure for 4 days. I was the only benzo person on a floor full of alcoholics, and there was NO follow up treatment or counseling. Price: $16,000 (2009). Afterwards, I had hellish relentless symptoms that never stopped. These were so bad that I reinstated 4 months later, only to taper off a few years later. I’d kindled by then, and it 2.5 years for me to heal.

One thing, and I say this from my own experience. It might be better to limit watching tv shows or movies that disturb you. We tend to be extremely emotional and suggestible during withdrawal, and it’s often best to limit our exposure to such upsetting things. That’s what I did, and it helped. I focused on positive distractions like classic movies, audible books, spirituality, art, crafts, and short trips and walks out of the house. Anything that took my mind of my suffering for a little while,

:smitten:

Re: Psych and detox facilities
« Reply #2 on: September 01, 2018, 03:35:09 am »

[Buddie]

Oh my gosh, your detox experience sounds horrible!

I’ve had that too, though, at regular hospitals: monitor blood pressure for several hours, and charge a thousand or two for it.

I’ve been bed ridden for 10 months, so I’ve watched all the feel good shows already. If you can recommend anything particular, that’d be great!

Re: Psych and detox facilities
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2018, 05:30:52 am »

[Buddie]

In my opinion….Detox centers are a waste of time and money. I could of done the same CT to me at home and had more money in my pocket. The pain and suffering would of been the same. The aftermath of what you experience when you leave a detox center is horrific. Your in a lot of pain searching for answers. I highly advise against it.

Re: Psych and detox facilities
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2018, 06:43:34 am »

[Buddie]

Yes. I wish doctors were not leaving their patients hanging and cutting them off, thereby forcing these dangerous detox situations. The revival of the market for the benzos had already happened in a big way in the last 10-15 years, and there is no backing out of it just like that, right now. What was prescribed needs to be carefully and slowly de-prescribed.

Porn saves benzo addict’s life?

Porn ? Really need advice please
« on: August 27, 2017, 09:10:56 am »

[Buddie]

Hi enveryone.

I’m shamefull about it but i think its also a problem like another.

I was wondering if porn (like masturbating at least 2 Times a day...) can prevent the CNS from healing. Because I know that it takes energy and stimulates the CNS.

I’m in a rough period of my withdrawal at 2.5 months and i’m a afraid of quitting porn and be even more stressed and depressed, like just quitting another addiction…

I don’t know if I should stop because it hurts my CNS a lot or if I should consider quitting later… ?
My symptoms are actually: depression, anxiety, lethargy, weakness and other little things…

Thank you all
« Last Edit: August 27, 2017, 01:23:36 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2017, 02:04:39 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey buddy,

Im willing to bet that it can be taxing on your CNS. And it definitely doesn’t help your practice for self control which can be very harmful for you and your mental health. I understand that this is something that is not easy to admit to people that you do, and asking for help in this area takes a lot of guts, so I totally commend you on this for taking the first step which is asking for helping. And remember that we all need help in one area or another. You are not the only one.

I’m a Christian, and I know that we are suppose to refrain from having religious talks on this forum, but I gotta tell you, if you give this area of weakness over to Jesus, you will be amazed at the victory you can have. I know I can’t overcome my problems by myself.

You may or may not believe, but it’s just some thought I figured I’d give you hat I know has helped me in the past, and he has changed my life.

Anyways, keep up the good fight, and we are here for ya!

Scrappy

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2017, 02:14:19 pm »

[Buddie]

I agree with Scrappy:)

Keep healing

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2017, 03:20:52 pm »

[Buddie]

You will find this strange, i’ve never been really religious, but since me beginning of post-benzo i go like every 2 weeks at church to pray and thanks God and Jesus to give me strengh.

I know that i need to quit this and this is a bad addiction, but it’s really worst since post-benzo, i really want to quit but it seems too hard for now… And my psychiatrist doesnt really help me !

So i’m asking myself if i need to quit now or later to heal better…

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2017, 04:18:18 pm »

[Buddie]

I don’t think the porn is necessarily going to stop healing. If you are exhausting yourself with any activity, that could not be good, cause you need to take care of yourself and give yourself the rest your body needs. This could also be your personal way of stress-relief, and maybe it’s helping? Maybe take a few days off and see.

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2017, 07:37:10 pm »

[Buddie]

……and risking carpal tunnel is just another worry you don’t need..

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #6 on: August 27, 2017, 08:19:49 pm »

[Buddie]

I don’t think watching porn will delay the healing, but stopping a porn addiction can cause nasty withdrawal symptoms on top of the benzo withdrawal symptoms. This will increase depression, anxiety, insomnia an fatigue. During porn withdrawal your dopamine and GABA levels will go down. During most dopaminergic drug/behaviour addiction withdrawals, the levels of corticotropin releasing factor and dynorphin increase. This will make you feel like shit, until the brain reaches homeostasis in kappa opioid and dopamine receptors. Some people even expierence porn PAWS.

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #7 on: August 27, 2017, 08:47:24 pm »

[Buddie]

I’m no expert but while withdrawing you should listen closely to your body and mind. If it seems to have adverse effects, then cut […]. Masterbation is not an addiction unless it controls you. Porn is another story. If you are addicted and go cold turkey, it could increase you symptoms. I’m not advocating anything here but there are some things to consider. Nothing to be ashamed of!
« Last Edit: August 27, 2017, 08:53:12 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Porn ? Really need advice please
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2017, 04:47:30 am »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on August 27, 2017, 02:04:39 pm
Hey buddy,

Im willing to bet that it can be taxing on your CNS. And it definitely doesn’t help your practice for self control which can be very harmful for you and your mental health. I understand that this is something that is not easy to admit to people that you do, and asking for help in this area takes a lot of guts, so I totally commend you on this for taking the first step which is asking for helping. And remember that we all need help in one area or another. You are not the only one.

I’m a Christian, and I know that we are suppose to refrain from having religious talks on this forum, but I gotta tell you, if you give this area of weakness over to Jesus, you will be amazed at the victory you can have. I know I can’t overcome my problems by myself.

You may or may not believe, but it’s just some thought I figured I’d give you hat I know has helped me in the past, and he has changed my life.

Anyways, keep up the good fight, and we are here for ya!

Scrappy

As a 25 year old woman who is engaged to the best man in the world and continued to have a rocking sex life all through withdrawal as well as look at porn a few times a month I can say it was my saving grace during the worst time in my life aka withdrawal from benzos.

[…] you are not shameful in the least bit, not sure if you are a man or a woman but watching porn is NOTHING to be ashamed of and unless it is causing you to not be able to have real relationships with people or if you feel it is an addiction in and of itself then don’t worry about it, it can help to release the major stress of benzo withdrawal and recovery, provide some temporary pleasure in your life and also just distract you.

Also highly recommend sex and connection with real people if you are up to it, withdrawal is a beast but it ends, I swear. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY OR ASHAMED OF YOUR SEXUALITY and you have zero reason to fear it will effect your CNS whether you quit or keep going with watching porn.

PS. Do you […] and don’t let anybody make you feel bad for how you choose to express your sexuality.