FLICKO THE SICKO

Flick was a rather colorful member of Andrew Bressler’s benzowithdrawal.com and Colin Moran’s benzobuddies.org (Colin would later ban him). As readers can see, from Flick’s cannabis-fueled ramblings below, he was crazy, and DEEPLY involved in cults, long before he ever took a benzo, or heard of Ashton…

Nice post NC it’s good to feel that connection with Spirit, wherever it comes from. Personally maybe I will get into a bit of “head” stuff here myself, since I am a man after all. I find it interesting that the three biggest teachers in my life of spirituality died in the past year. Maharishi, Sri Chinmoy, and Adi Da. I learned the TM thing when I was 22 and strung out on hard drugs and could not quit them. The TM worked for me. I did it for years. Now there is a lot of controversy around Maharishi too, like maybe he approache Mia Farrow sexually, but that has pretty much been debunked now. Certainly there has been a kind of “cult” grown up around him and the “yogic flying” seems pretty silly. Still TM saved my life and Maharishi and his teachings have been very beneficial to many. I can’t find fault with his ideal of “world peace” through the vehicle of many people meditating. Now it is is easy for the doubt mind to debunk anything “spiritual” and always throw out the baby with the bath water.

When I was a young ballet dancer in New York, I went to an intro with Sri Chinmoy and this was my first experience of a transmission guru. I felt an intense descending light and bliss in his personal company and also meditatiing on his photo. I became a disciple and wore all white and tried to be celibate and hung out with Carlos Santana and John McGlauphlin who were also disciples. Now I could not handle the sort of strictness with that guru and the two musicians also left in their own time, but that does not devalue Sri Chinmoy or his group in any way. he was very respected in the United Nations did some cool yogic tricks with lifting weights and so forth. His transmission was very real and quite blissful also. Also is was pretty cultic around him , as it always is around a charismatic transmission guru. people like to feel blissful.

I came across Adi Da in 1975 in New York when I heard “Garbage and the Goddess” on WBAI radio “IN the Spirit” by lex Hixon. I had a bad flu and was so moved by Da’s laughter, that I had a sudden and spontaneous lifting of the flu. I read the KOL and saw a “A diffiicult Man” and went to California to join the community. This was the only time I have every felt actual transmission from a book. I felt it in all of Adi Da’s books. For most people, including myself, a relationship with Adi Da is a mixed bag. I felt incredible light and clear and conscious bliss and also states of non separation or “non duality” around him just like he always described in his books. There was always a hard edge to being a disciple of his though. And a certain sort of “darkness” , but I would not necessarily say it is the community’s darkness or Adi Da’s darkness. We all have our dark side and I tend toward depression and fear myself. This is a pretty weird life. Of course Adi Da was not your usual teacher or guru. I know people who were around him in the inner stuff and some feel bad about it and others feel just fine. I never was around the inner stuff and only got the “trickle down” Some people say they were hurt. I don’t know any of them personally except for a couple ahnd they are both still very angry. So everyone who was ever with Adi Da is still trying to figure the whole thing out. many play the “gotcha” game and he is easy to play this game with because of his controversial activities. I think it is a good thing to call out abuses in any arena , whether it be political or spiritual. I would say that George Bush has dwarfed any guru in history with his abuse of the whole world . So is goes round and round and we always feel abused by life itself. But Adi Da has passed now, and people are still so angry that they are beating a dead corpse. Wow I would check out this anger thing.

I am pretty versed in the Traditions since I have studied extensively in Buddhism and under Tibetan lamas and also zen and vipassana. These are real practicing schools. I have never been much attracted to the Ramana lineage myself , partially because it can be pretty mental and I have seen the circus that Poonjaji created by creating all these mini gurus like Andrew Cohen and Gangaji, both of which I have seen and I feel to be real “talking school” so to speak, Just my opinion and preference,

But many love Ramana Maharshi and also Sri Nisardagatta and I respect that for their practice with their teachings. There is certainly and incredible radiance coming off the photos of Ramana and this is not to be discounted. I feel that your really can tell something about a teacher by their photo. This is an intuitive matter and not a mental one.

I have also spent quite a bit of tiime around Ammachi , the hugging saint, and there is a very strong transmission with her too. Of course, many people debunk her too. And certainly it is somewhat “cultic” around her. So what .

I gave lots of money to Adi Dam and to Adi Da personally although it was all underground. I am pretty broke now , but i do not regret it . I felt good about it at the time and felt like i was doing some good with my money rather than hoarding something that never really belongs to you to start with. Generosity is a founding principle of Buddhism. Money comes and goes, and we are closer to death every moment, Flick Rahke

https://nonduality.org/2008/11/28/adi-da-is-dead/#comment-1175

RAHKE’S RAMBLINGS REVISITED

Flick

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #210 on: Today at 01:03:10 PM »

He detests plenty of others here besides befuddled, Carl and me .  funny how much Zoe posts and sounds like Mike 59{although I know she is not a sock}  Mike posts about others here{not much about Zoe to speak of though, now that is amusing} he will have a riot with this thread with people talking about him though, being  a “legend in his own mind”   So , yes , his influence was so dark on this forum , that the echo and stench is still carrying through some, esp. since he copies and pastes a lot here on his own silly blog .  “C”[Mike that is} does all the childlike art work.

Not sure why I would be “one of the most hated ” here.  except maybe by screamin mimi and Zoe because I worked so hard and long to expose the truth of the trolling and troll here.  I would say the place is a heck of a lot more peaceful now, except for a lingering sock here and there stirring up some silly arguments over herbs and vitamins and so forth.

it is a truth and a fact that Zoe was one of the most vociferous and main supporters of the troll Mike 59 and his trolling activities here. if that makes me hated for pointing out the truth, then so be it.  You can’t be loved by all the people all the time.  Zoe has said that she would always back Mikey up, “no matter what”   sheesh, stop backing him up already now.

The real fact of the matter about all of this, is that a very hugely negative thing happened on this forum over a very extended period of time that hurt several people , many of whom are gone now.  that was the dark trolling and lying and deception of Mike 59.   No one believed me when I pointed it out for many a long months.   I was constantly attacked , not only by the troll , but also by his “friends”   , the sock puppets “C”, “James” and “Mark 49” and also by some of the women supporters and enablers like Zoe{the main one} and also Screaming Mimi and Louisa to a lesser degree.  {Louisa yes was a huge supporter of Mike 59}

Some people certainly do have selective or just poor memories.    By the way, I have given the original poster, Duneplanet ,  some support and the best advice I know on this thread. I did not hijack the thread at all.    The troll did.   he is still active after all is said and done.  Flick


on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Befuddled

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #211 on: Today at 01:06:36 PM »

Quote from: zoe123 on Today at 12:42:44 PM

Jim, i hope you Carl and Flick are happy. 

You have become the 3 most hated posters on this forum.

My 80year old father is my main concern right now.

You have made this beloved forum the laughing stock of the benzo community.

You 3 have proven that it is acceptable to use this forum as a place to destroy and hurt people.

You have exceeded the nastiness and down right dirtiness of your so called torturer.  It will not be forgotten soon, by anyone here.  You got your pound of flesh, enjoy it.

I see clearly now why mike59 has ear marked the three of you as people to detest.  You all must be so proud.

And how do you thing we liked you enabling the detestable stuff that Mike59 did here? Instead of apologizing for supporting him, you are trying to paint us as villains.  that is unfair, Zoe. If you avoid starting drama, I will be more than happy to not speak up. I came to this forum in June, and almost right away Mike 59 , you and a few others ganged up on me.  If you show me you are different, I will be glad to accept that .  I am friendly by nature, and this petty arguing increases my anxiety.But, I , unlike you am not over the wd yet.  I need this place, jsut like I have since June when I found myself attacked by the troll Mike59, and you and several troll enablers. JIM


Many years of prescribed benzos, used for insomnia.
Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

zoe123

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #212 on: Today at 01:09:57 PM »

this is all paranoid dellusion on both your parts.

all of it.

you are both very sick

i feel sorry for you.


Klonopin 6 plus years.. Up to 4mgs.  Dry cut to 2mgs, water titrated to 1.5mgs, cross to 30mgs of valium, sick, cut to 17.5 mgs sick, updosed to 20mgs, sick.  Detox 9days.  Off Nov27th 2009.  Not sick anymore
You must do the thing you think you cannot do.  ERAshton Manual  http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzcha03.htmWater Titraiton Method  http://benzowithdrawal.com/forum/index.php?topic=11.0http://www.benzodocs.com/converter.php?act=convert“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
Carl Gustav Jung quote

Heather

 

 

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #213 on: Today at 01:37:33 PM »

Zoe does not deserve this.  Stop it.

Reinstated ’07 after cold-turkeyed by doctor from 2 mgs Klonopin. Previously other doctors wreaked havoc with me re the benzos.  Began tapering from 41 mgs valium Sept ’07.  Benzo free 9 April ’09.   Tramadol free 20 Sept ’09, drug free.   Strong withdrawal symptoms.

Not a doctor, not qualified to give medical advice.

Ashton Manual   http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/contents.htm
Titration   http://benzowithdrawal.com/forum/index.php?topic=11.0
http://benzowithdrawal.com/forum/index.php?action=tpmod;dl

Flick
Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #214 on: Today at 01:42:14 PM »

Wow, Zoe is either in outer space  or just in “denial”   I won’t say “liar” though   So “Mike 59”,   “C” , “James”  and other socks are all “paranoid delusions” of mine.   uh sure thing.  that is EXACTLY what Mike 59 has always said.  Yep paranoid delusions.  it never happened none of it.   just a figment of my imagination.  now who is really “sick” here? not me.      Flick      Your buddy Screaming Mimi used to say the same hooey too.   talk about mean spirited.   but the truth can’t just be swept under the carpet like Zoe would like to do

Sure she deserves it is she keeps lying through her teeth like this.   to say nothing ever happened here and that it is all a paranoid delusion of mine is beyond lying. it is the sick stuff. perhaps you could go over to mike’s wordpress blog, Heather, and see what kind of fun he is having with yu and your husband, eh? so it never happened? sure thing.  I am not the delusional liar here  so sorry


on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

duneplanet

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #215 on: Today at 01:50:59 PM »

this topic needs to be closed its giving me a panic attack. ive gotten barely any helpful info and I now know that this site really just seems to be quite unhelpful.(with a few exceptions) thanks

“Why should you want any other
When you’re a world within a world?”Elliott Smithbeen addicted to klonopin when I was 17 for 2 years. healed completely and used benzos a few times a month with no problems after 2 years. got addicted again june 2010, 1 mg of ativan. tapered in july and hopped off .25 valium at the end of september 2010. still wi thdrawing but hoping this withdrawl wont take as long cause I was only on for 3 months.

ForeverTense

 

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #216 on: Today at 01:53:34 PM »

Quote from: zoe123 on Today at 01:09:57 PM

this is all paranoid dellusion on both your parts.

all of it.

you are both very sick

i feel sorry for you.

And how do you thing we liked you enabling the detestable stuff that Mike59 did here? Instead of apologizing for supporting him, you are trying to paint us as villains.  that is unfair, Zoe. If you avoid starting drama, I will be more than happy to not speak up. I came to this forum in June, and almost right away Mike 59 , you and a few others ganged up on me.  If you show me you are different, I will be glad to accept that .  I am friendly by nature, and this petty arguing increases my anxiety.But, I , unlike you am not over the wd yet.  I need this place, jsut like I have since June when I found myself attacked by the troll Mike59, and you and several troll enablers.  JIM

She likes it Jim. She loves the drama man..Flick has hit the nail right on the head. This is why she hates Flick so much. She knows what he says is the truth and and so do many others. I found this out many months ago when I stopped posting to her blog. Yeah, Mike is still here undercover and he will be here for some time to come but he has to stay in stealth mode to avoid detection. I will admit the forum is a lot more peaceful now with the Mike59 moniker under lock and key. Mike is even bragging @ wordpress about still being here and posting on blogs and other areas of the forum. He is the biggest internet troll I have ever encountered. You will likely never see another one like him again. He is sort of a legend I suppose.
–carl


ForeverTense

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #217 on: Today at 01:56:47 PM »

Quote from: Flick on Today at 01:42:14 PM

Wow, Zoe is either in outer space  or just in “denial”   I won’t say “liar” though   So “Mike 59”,   “C” , “James”  and other socks are all “paranoid delusions” of mine.   uh sure thing.  that is EXACTLY what Mike 59 has always said.  Yep paranoid delusions.  it never happened none of it.   just a figment of my imagination.  now who is really “sick” here? not me.      Flick      Your buddy Screaming Mimi used to say the same hooey too.   talk about mean spirited.   but the truth can’t just be swept under the carpet like Zoe would like to do

Sure she deserves it is she keeps lying through her teeth like this.   to say nothing ever happened here and that it is all a paranoid delusion of mine is beyond lying. it is the sick stuff. perhaps you could go over to mike’s wordpress blog, Heather, and see what kind of fun he is having with yu and your husband, eh? so it never happened? sure thing.  I am not the delusional liar here  so sorry

Yeah, he is really doing a # on Heather over there.
–carl


Befuddled
Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #218 on: Today at 02:07:25 PM »

Quote from: ForeverTense on Today at 01:53:34 PM
Quote from: zoe123 on Today at 01:09:57 PM

this is all paranoid dellusion on both your parts.

all of it.

you are both very sick

i feel sorry for you.

And how do you thing we liked you enabling the detestable stuff that Mike59 did here? Instead of apologizing for supporting him, you are trying to paint us as villains.  that is unfair, Zoe. If you avoid starting drama, I will be more than happy to not speak up. I came to this forum in June, and almost right away Mike 59 , you and a few others ganged up on me.  If you show me you are different, I will be glad to accept that .  I am friendly by nature, and this petty arguing increases my anxiety.But, I , unlike you am not over the wd yet.  I need this place, jsut like I have since June when I found myself attacked by the troll Mike59, and you and several troll enablers.  JIM

She likes it Jim. She loves the drama man..Flick has hit the nail right on the head. This is why she hates Flick so much. She knows what he says is the truth and and so do many others. I found this out many months ago when I stopped posting to her blog. Yeah, Mike is still here undercover and he will be here for some time to come but he has to stay in stealth mode to avoid detection. I will admit the forum is a lot more peaceful now with the Mike59 moniker under lock and key. Mike is even bragging @ wordpress about still being here and posting on blogs and other areas of the forum. He is the biggest internet troll I have ever encountered. You will likely never see another one like him again. He is sort of a legend I suppose.
–carl

Yes, It would really be very hard to imagine a bigger forum troll.  I suppose those who had a need to vent behind the troll felt safe as long as he ran the show here.  Now the game’s over for now, with that kind of lying and attacking.  I offered the olive branch to Zoe, but she does not want to accept that.  I think she really resents us standing up to the big troll, and his subsequent banishment from this forum.  The serpent was cast out of the garden.  Now he is angry, and writhing in impotent rage, taking cheap potshots at those he formerly attacked on the forum.  If Zoe and others want to rewrite history about Mike59 and how others here helped him attack, they can .  That is their revision of true history.  As far as the Mike59 troll activity it is still here.  he has several sock accounts and a few people who want to impress Mike59 left for whatever reason.  Mikey you are an impotent little troll, and this place is better for being free of the name brand Mike59.  It will take a long time to build up another persona of that dimension here.  Sock puppets lie CharR and M49 don’t hack it.


Many years of prescribed benzos, used for insomnia.
Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

Julie51

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #219 on: Today at 02:08:43 PM »

Quote from: zoe123 on Today at 04:24:13 AM

no flick it was not he who called my parents,  i know who it was

you would be surprised, good try,

i do not know what you are talking about,  me being attacked, enabling trolls etc etc

you all need to grow up,  you guys are sick beyond words,

you are making everyone here miserable

Julie apologized to me via pm,   but she could not bring herself to do it publically,  i dont’ get it.  what is wrong with all of you.

Zoe, please don’t say that “I couldn’t bring myself to apologize publicly.” You Pmed me that I hurt your feelings and I pmed back, “I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.” End of story.  I was simply answering your PM. Do you want me to say publicly that I am sorry you feel hurt? Ok, I’ll say it. I am sorry you feel hurt.  But frankly, what did I do personally to hurt you? Please copy and paste my “hurtful” comments because I reread everything I wrote on this thread and can’t find one hurtful comment I made to you or to anyone else here. I feel I am very diplomatic in my posts. I did disagree (politely, I feel) with Mark, but I never said anything cruel or mean.
Anytime anyone tells me I hurt their feelings, I always apologize. I don’t like people to be hurt, especially if I did something to cause it. But please be fair, What did I really do or say that was hurtful? If anyone out there can find a mean post of mine in the public forum,  I would like to know about it.

I make it my policy to try to disagree with people on the issues without attacking someone personally. Please, please copy and paste my “hurtful” post to you. I am dying to read it because I simply can’t find it and doubt it exists.


prescribed 3 mg ativan in Aug. 2008/tapered off ativan by Oct. 6, 2008. Became dependent on ambien between Nov, 15, 2008 and Jan. 20, 2009. Dropped the ambien and switched to valium on Jan. 20, 2009. Tapered off valium over three months and became benzo free on April 22, 2009.

Befuddled

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #220 on: Today at 02:14:51 PM »

Quote from: ForeverTense on Today at 01:56:47 PM
Quote from: Flick on Today at 01:42:14 PM

Wow, Zoe is either in outer space  or just in “denial”   I won’t say “liar” though   So “Mike 59”,   “C” , “James”  and other socks are all “paranoid delusions” of mine.   uh sure thing.  that is EXACTLY what Mike 59 has always said.  Yep paranoid delusions.  it never happened none of it.   just a figment of my imagination.  now who is really “sick” here? not me.      Flick      Your buddy Screaming Mimi used to say the same hooey too.   talk about mean spirited.   but the truth can’t just be swept under the carpet like Zoe would like to do

Sure she deserves it is she keeps lying through her teeth like this.   to say nothing ever happened here and that it is all a paranoid delusion of mine is beyond lying. it is the sick stuff. perhaps you could go over to mike’s wordpress blog, Heather, and see what kind of fun he is having with yu and your husband, eh? so it never happened? sure thing.  I am not the delusional liar here  so sorry

Yeah, he is really doing a # on Heather over there.
–carl

Yes, and it is a crying shame , Carl.  Heather is a very nice intelliget lady who has helped many on this forum.   JIM


Many years of prescribed benzos, used for insomnia.
Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

Flick

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #221 on: Today at 02:19:36 PM »

Quote from: duneplanet on Today at 01:50:59 PM
this topic needs to be closed its giving me a panic attack. ive gotten barely any helpful info and I now know that this site really just seems to be quite unhelpful.(with a few exceptions) thanks

Sorry, Duneplanet.  I think yu know what you have to do to help yourself the best you can anyhow. What you are going through and will still go through for some time to come is very hard and frustrating, since nothing seems to help much. but I bet if you can stay off the benzos and just maintain the best you can, you will get better   /

Here is a good example .  A wonderful British woman , who was a very long time member here and poster , was “mentally ill” and on many psyche drugs for many years , something like 20. I mean harsh psyche drugs besides just benzos. she got off benzos and all the other drugs too eventually and went through a long period of pain and fear and difficulty and eventually has healed up. she does not post anymore , but her last posts over the last months she was here were great.  she has been off ALL drugs for years now and is happy and doing well.  See what you have to look forward too if you hang in there and stay strong?  and you are still young yet. she was much much older when she started on this hard journey.

Don’t worry about this thread either.  anytime anyone starts posting anything about any natural approach to healing , the troll or one of his fake people attacks it and tries to destroy the thread.   it has been going on for a long time here now. try not to pay any attention{hard I know} /  just do what you think is best for you.  Flick


on 1.25mg klon 2 years crossed to 25mg val been tapering 9 months down to 13 and suffering my butt off cutting .5mg every 12 to 14 days down to 11mg. had a good 2 months of less depression and more energy crashing again now  sedation and depression back plus fear and anxiety lots of fun now at 6mg using liquid daily titration and doing much better at 5 now and holding due to sx 1.5mg and cutting .5mg a month done in 3 or 4 more months .3mg now done in 5 weeks  finished taper of 2.5 years on Nov 23 08  am four months off and in the process of healing yet

Befuddled

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #222 on: Today at 02:21:21 PM »

Quote from: Julie51 on Today at 02:08:43 PM
Quote from: zoe123 on Today at 04:24:13 AM

no flick it was not he who called my parents,  i know who it was

you would be surprised, good try,

i do not know what you are talking about,  me being attacked, enabling trolls etc etc

you all need to grow up,  you guys are sick beyond words,

you are making everyone here miserable

Julie apologized to me via pm,   but she could not bring herself to do it publically,  i dont’ get it.  what is wrong with all of you.

Zoe, please don’t say that “I couldn’t bring myself to apologize publicly.” You Pmed me that I hurt your feelings and I pmed back, “I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.” End of story.  I was simply answering your PM. Do you want me to say publicly that I am sorry you feel hurt? Ok, I’ll say it. I am sorry you feel hurt.  But frankly, what did I do personally to hurt you? Please copy and paste my “hurtful” comments because I reread everything I wrote on this thread and can’t find one hurtful comment I made to you or to anyone else here. I feel I am very diplomatic in my posts. I did disagree (politely, I feel) with Mark, but I never said anything cruel or mean.
Anytime anyone tells me I hurt their feelings, I always apologize. I don’t like people to be hurt, especially if I did something to cause it. But please be fair, What did I really do or say that was hurtful? If anyone out there can find a mean post of mine in the public forum,  I would like to know about it.
I make it my policy to try to disagree with people on the issues without attacking someone personally. Please, please copy and paste my “hurtful” post to you. I am dying to read it because I simply can’t find it and doubt it exists.

See what we’ve been up against? Zoe plants these mysterious hints of something going on , that seem to exist only in her mind.  I like Zoe, and wish her well, but she seems to be addicted to high drama.  Is she fooling herself or trying to fool others?   That remains an open question , as far as I’m concerned.      JIM


Many years of prescribed benzos, used for insomnia.
Last benzo use, around  April 26, 2010.
Got off by dry cutting fairly fast from 1 mg of ativan.
Not a doctor or health care person. Just offering friendly advice based on personal experiences.  Good luck, all my forum friends.  JIM

Mark49

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #223 on: Today at 02:22:07 PM »

Quote from: Heather on Today at 01:37:33 PM
Zoe does not deserve this.  Stop it.

I was on 14 mg valium equiv. in September 2009. I quit c/t ativan, valium, ambien, lunesta, and 5 other drugs for insomnia. Entered into living hell for 6 days! I then reinstated/crossed over to 5 mg liquid diazepam. That was too low, I did not know any better, and then I cut too fast down to 4.5 mg in 6 days-don’t do this!
I jumped from .14 mg V on August 2, 2010. I cut .12 every 7 days. I tapered for 40 weeks. FREEDOM!!!!“Physicians pour drugs of which they know little to cure diseases of which they know less, into humans of whom they know nothing.” Voltaire (1694-1778)

duneplanet

Re: best supplements for sleep?
« Reply #224 on: Today at 02:24:10 PM »

this is all truly pathetic I mean who gives a s**t a lot of us are losing our f**king minds and going into psychosis and everyones perpetuating this petty drama crap.the point of this topic was to get help for sleep cause im going crazy and you people really arent helping anymore

just saw your post flick thank you/ that gives me some hope. I wish i never got into this pharmacuitcal mess I woyuld have eventually learned to cope on my o wn. I could have easily survived on kava kava and kratom everyday, maybe some p henibut a few tiems a week but I had to trust doctors and get put on all this crap that i cant get off. Sometimes I feel like i should just go back on benzos cause it really doesnt matter. the typing is so lud that it hurts my ears. i need sleep


“Why should you want any other
When you’re a world within a world?”Elliott Smithbeen addicted to klonopin when I was 17 for 2 years. healed completely and used benzos a few times a month with no problems after 2 years. got addicted again june 2010, 1 mg of ativan. tapered in july and hopped off .25 valium at the end of september 2010. still wi thdrawing but hoping this withdrawl wont take as long cause I was only on for 3 months.

Benzo Buddies ghouls gang up on addict who relapsed

The abuse goes on for ELEVEN pages! They later accused poor Timmy of being a troll and a hacker. That’s the kind of support an addict gets at Benzo Buddies – no support at all. 🙁

It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« on: September 13, 2016, 05:32:05 pm »

[Buddie]

I couldn’t handle the intense pain last night of my depression it was so excruciating that i swallowed 3 mg of klonipin. I know people in here have tried to help me but i can tell you today that i give up. I cannot handle this intense withdtawal and i think it’s from kindling. If i can be a poster boy of what not to do, please learn from me.
Slowly taper and no rescue doses. I have the most severe depression thst i dont even think it helped. I just made another huge mistake and in sure it’s one il never recover from. I’m so sorry benzo buddies and in ashamed that im such a failure. I guess i couldn’t pull up my big boy pants. I’m leaving the site now and i don’t know what to do from here, but i obviously can’t handle this wirhdrawal. It’s way too much depression and chest pain. I’m out of answers and unfortunately you don’t get 2nd chances in life.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2016, 05:41:56 pm »

[Buddie]

<<yawn>>>

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2016, 05:48:20 pm »

[Buddie]

So you either did not run out of all of them the other day, or you drove to the pharmacy in excruciating pain last night to get more. My feeling is you had them.You know I don’t really know what to say. Past experience for you has proved that reinstatements and rescue doses have done more harm than good for you. You have greatly regretted each time you have done so. Do you expect if to me different this time around. Your right, kindling has probably caused your withdrawal to be worse. I don’t know what your future plans are for Klonopin, but reaching tolerance quickly would not be out of the question for someone who has kindled. Is you plan to just keeping up your dose over time time you reach tolerance? I don’t know timmy. I think you should have tried to hang on a bit longer.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2016, 05:53:44 pm »

[Buddie]

Good grief, Timmy. I think you need to step back from all this and ask yourself some tough questions as there is obviously a lot more going on here than just withdrawing from benzos.

It’s been suggested, many times, that you have a plan in place for the time when w/d becomes too overwhelming for you. Have you done that? Simply posting on this forum after you’ve reinstated/changed meds/added new meds/reduce dosed does NOT constitute a plan.

Furthermore, you are both right and wrong in regards to not getting second chances in life. We actually don’t just get second chances….we get third, fourth, fifth, etc. The key to this however, is the ability to adapt, or change or accept your circumstances….something that you are indeed struggling with.

You’ve been on this forum long enough to know that benzos cause depression, so the fact that you continue to take them FOR depression is bewildering. Of course it didn’t help.

If you’re depressed, it would likely be in your best interest to start some intensive therapy, continue your long walks, get some sunshine and eat properly.

Re: It's over for me. ...........i did it again
« Reply #4 on: September 13, 2016, 05:58:12 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on September 13, 2016, 05:53:44 pm
Good grief, Timmy. I think you need to step back from all this and ask yourself some tough questions as there is obviously a lot more going on here than just withdrawing from benzos.

It’s been suggested, many times, that you have a plan in place for the time when w/d becomes too overwhelming for you. Have you done that? Simply posting on this forum after you’ve reinstated/changed meds/added new meds/reduce dosed does NOT constitute a plan.

Furthermore, you are both right and wrong in regards to not getting second chances in life. We actually don’t just get second chances….we get third, fourth, fifth, etc. The key to this however, is the ability to adapt, or change or accept your circumstances….something that you are indeed struggling with.

You’ve been on this forum long enough to know that benzos cause depression, so the fact that you continue to take them FOR depression is bewildering. Of course it didn’t help.

If you’re depressed, it would likely be in your best interest to start some intensive therapy, continue your long walks, get some sunshine and eat properly.

The mental pain and anguish last night was just too much. I literally felt like my life was on the line. Worse is a friend gave them to me and now im totally out. This is really goung to kill me. I know il get flamed but the mental torture from kindling is so bad i had zero choice in my mind. I’m throwing in the towel. I am not capable of this obviously.

edit: fixed quotes
« Last Edit: September 13, 2016, 06:36:45 pm by [Buddie] »

Rahke’s Ramblings – Memorial Day Edition: How Flick took LSD to get out of going to Vietnam

Re: Flickster Blog
« Reply #122 on: September 11, 2007, 11:21:49 PM »

Flickrahke

Hi anyone out there in benzoland  Good morning Vietnam  You know that movie don’t you?  Well that was my war.

yeah when I was 18 I got my papers from the U.S military to report to the induction center for my draft physical and induction into the army to go to Vietnam to fight.

What?

for heaven’s sake I was a hippie.

and I don’t like the idea of killing people I don’t know or being killed by them either.

I wrote on my forms that i was a member of every evil organization you could be part of including the communist party and even the Black Panthers and i am white.

I stayed up on LSD for 2 days before I went also so they would think I was crazy and flunk me on that score.

the really funny thing is that they did not flunk me on any of that stuff. I had a letter from my doctor that one third of my kidney was gone from a previous gunshot wound and that was all I needed. i did not have to go through all the rigamarole and lies . i was automatically disquaified. I could not have joined the service if I wanted.

the guy in front of me in line was very patriotic and trying to join the marines. They actually flunked him for having very flat feet. He was a big matcho guy and was weeping like a child when they flunked him. i was behind him and jumping for joy and shouting hooray when they flunked me.

i think he wanted to punch me out.

A lot of my friends came back from Vietnam junkies and in a lot of post traumatic stress.

Of course, they did not have to pull my arm to hang out with them and do heroin with them.

that’s how I got hep c.

Cult maniac identified as person who originally gave out anti-cult fighter’s personal info so his family could be harassed

Re: Please remove my membership and blog
« Reply #27 on: September 25, 2011 at 05:59:09 PM »

Dukesmommy

I’m confused. Gail was in on this from the very beginning, as a matter of fact. She and Jon were the instigators of the entire chain of events at BW. She was the one who gave out Mike59’s personal information to everyone so they could post it all over BW and other places on the internet. Many players who play innocent but are guilty behind the scenes, as I previously mentioned. Don’t forget that she was a moderator for a short time at BE. I had occasion to witness her intense hate for Mike59. There is no question in my mind that she is deeply involved in this current feud.

Another thing that I am confused about is why we would need to bring Ross in on all of this. He has managed to stay out of all of it completely, having most of these people, save Flick, as members of his forum. What would his forum have to do with you encouraging me to ban Mike59? Also, are you saying that you would be willing to ban Donny?

Yes, we are not 100% sure of who is completely involved. Like I said, there are many players and none are innocent.

There is Jon, Gail, Flick, Robyn Hayle, Jim (Befuddled), Jannie Tyme (Whoopsie) and maybe others that I don’t know about. Zoe, although she is not a member on BE as far as I can see and I don’t know whether she is a member here. If you banned Mike59 as a gesture to the members of BW then you do know that there were others that caused many problems there too.
I’m not sure of your reasoning behind that gesture, to be honest.

TC is a moot point since he is already banned from most all forums. I’m sure he rubbishes everyone he can if he gets mad at them. He has issues. I haven’t been to TRAP in years except to make sure my account was secure there a few weeks ago and to ask for his help with a woman in his country who has subsequently passed away last fall.

Again, I am making the gesture/offer. We may never do it perfectly but it is the fairest thing to do. Whether BW or TRAP participates or not, it will send a message that we will no longer stand for what is happening, that we have a common goal and that is to stand up for what is right, and get on with encouraging, supporting and helping others in withdrawal.

Kooky Monday: Site mascot Flick Rahke also a monorchid

Most who have issues coming off of benzos have other issues i.e. mental illness

Re: Rant : What about not scaring everybody with our own singular experience ?
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2016, 08:10:17 pm »

[Buddie]

I can’t help but think some of the horror stories are people with problems beyond benzo withdrawal.

Re: Rant : What about not scaring everybody with our own singular experience ?
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2016, 08:22:51 pm »

[Buddie]

[…], I did not want to come out and say this, but I think you have nailed it.

Re: Rant : What about not scaring everybody with our own singular experience ?
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2016, 09:28:09 pm »

[Buddie]

[…],[…]. Yes you nailed it! […] and […]. Let’s keep this thread going. […] what you said about it being a numbers game is exactly what my psychiatrist said. Flying back to NY tomorrow and will be changing my game plan. Then I’ll see what happens. Going to trust his opinion. If he’s wrong I’ll slow down. I already feel I could cut every week. But nooooo I might die or be condemned to benzo hell for all eternity Not listening to any one but my body from here on in. Hell, I feel better already. Thanks […]

Raw, naked fear – expressed as a shrill call to censor ideas – that everything at Benzo Buddies is total bullshit fed to them by a deranged, Ashton-worshipping lunatic called Colin…

Re: Rant : What about not scaring everybody with our own singular experience ?
« Reply #27 on: February 16, 2016, 08:32:05 am »

[Buddie]

The insinuation that the “horror stories” must have something else wrong with them other than protracted withdrawal isn’t exactly the “positivity” that we’re looking for on BB. It would be quite convenient to conclude this, but it isn’t the case for everyone…please keep in mind that those of us (I am living this, 24 hours a day for three years, with my bedridden partner) who are, indeed, “horror stories” are the very reason that benzo use is like Russian roulette. There are many, many lucky ones, but those who get the bullet shouldn’t written off as simply exceptional cases that must have other “problems.”

I don’t believe anyone on here is going to feel better about their own situation by dismissing others in this way…

More hysteria…

Re: Rant : What about not scaring everybody with our own singular experience ?
« Reply #34 on: February 16, 2016, 06:53:19 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on February 16, 2016, 05:46:03 pm
What was said was that “some” of the people here may have other things going on. Not all, most, or the majority. Perhaps “a few”? Many end up on benzos due to underlying psychological problems/illness. I know I did. Maybe, just maybe, a few are dealing with the reemergence of symptoms that had been long held at bay by the benzos . I believe that is what was meant and there is no intent by anyone to diminish anything or anyone.

It would be foolish to deny that underlying issues might contribute to benzo symptoms in some cases but looking around the protracted board I have no reason to believe that anyone there is dealing primarily with a preexisting psychological issue. Most of the symptoms people talk about are classic benzo stuff, and if they did have any of it pre withdrawal it was not of the magnitude they are experiencing now.

So although most of us will acknowledge that there is truth to the idea that some people might have other issues that are complicating things, it is still insulting to hear someone point it out because it essentially means that people are skeptical of what you are experiencing. That’s not a good feeling, especially after you have been dealing with the same debilitating symptoms for a long time and especially hen it comes from people who have been through it themselves who should understand.

Anti-Scientology hackers take Benzo Buddies down