Benzo Buddies members being brainwashed into giving up their jobs to taper

I dont know how to continue.
« on: March 02, 2018, 02:09:14 pm »

[Buddie]

I got down to . 110mg of k. 2 weeks aftee my last cut i got withdrawals. They have been getting worse. I woke up this morning not able to leave my bed. Bad anxiety and trembling. Had to call in sick. Updosed to .120mg. Im going to lose my job. I cant function. I dont know what to do

Benzo Buddies cult members wallow in filth ridden benzo-homes in pursuit of eternal taper

My home is one big mess
« on: February 28, 2018, 10:30:33 am »

[Buddie]

I’m really ashamed, but that’s the truth. I don`t usually like this, but I can`t clean. I live alone.

Is it just me who has this, how are you? Do you have any tips?

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2018, 11:31:01 am »

[Buddie]

Hey […]-

I too had this the first 6 months or so when I was in acute phase. I am normally a very tidy person. I have always like things organized & put in place. I was in such bad condition that I was not physically able to do ANYTHING. I literally sat in my chair with laptop or lay in bed for 6 months. It actually may have been longer (I would have to go read my journal but I still am not able to go back & look though that journal PTSD issues :( ) Anyhow,  I do remember at the time telling myself “it is ok, you can deal with this later”.  So I lived in squalor for all that time because I truly had NO one to help me. So just tell yourself that “it is ok & that you will deal with it later when you are better able to cope”. That is all you need to do… :thumbsup:  :smitten:

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2018, 11:49:01 am »

[Buddie]

My house is also much more messy than before because I have less energy and I need to save it for the essential. It’s a benzo-home 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2018, 11:57:21 am »

[Buddie]

Same as you guys, it was on of the first things to go south. I think it began due to the mental anxiety of the unknown road ahead, I would find myself needing to be distracted positively and not doing things like house work. Then I could not lift a finger without my heart racing and suffering symptoms as I cleaned.

Ironically, I feel soooo much better if the place is clean though 

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2018, 01:14:00 pm »

[Buddie]

I was keeping up until the valium sedated me so badly. Now, unfortunately it has gotten away from me. My husband does quite a bit but he works all week as well. oh well, it will be here when I feel better again. We’ll tackle it then. I am predicting a lot of stuff that has needed to be thrown away will get thrown away then 

Re: My home is one big mess
 « Reply #5 on: February 28, 2018, 02:01:32 pm »

[Buddie]

The worst part is when my friends come with my food, they have to wait in the doorway, I don`t want to let anyone in. It feels so bad! But maybe I can clean tomorrow? No….

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2018, 02:08:55 pm »

[Buddie]

I have been messy for a while now, and I really think benzo brain is to blame. I mean, even back when I was still taking them, as prescribed, I had a hard time managing and keeping things clean. I stopped caring what others think about my mess a while ago. I’ll let people in. You would be surprised how many people have times where their places or someone they know is so messy. My old landlady used to come once a month and clean my house with me. That was always so much easier to have someone else to clean with.

I had a cleaning person for a little while, but I think I was too friendly with her, because I felt like she was taking advantage of me. She would mop all the floors and then dump the buckets in the bathttub and leave a giant muddy mess in my bathtub and all my floors would be sopping wet. Then when I asked her to dry the floors she would come up with weird excuses. In fact, she had a ton of excuses. One time I asked her to clean the oven and she told me a whole sob story about how she was chemically burned from oven cleaner. It was so annoying cause she could have cleaned the oven with just regular soap and water, instead of just taking up all that time to tell me the story.

Oh I am very talkative today.

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #7 on: February 28, 2018, 04:22:46 pm »

[Buddie]

Whenever I go into rough patch, my place is an absolute mess. I’m embarrassed about it, but my OCD thoughts about recovery are so overwhelming that I lose sight of connecting with the normal part of myself. Once I get over the hurdle, then I start cleaning again. But then I get into another rough patch. This has been going on for years, and I see no way of it ending until I start feeling really well.

You’re not alone, believe me!!

Re: My home is one big mess
« Reply #8 on: February 28, 2018, 05:49:56 pm »

[Buddie]

My entire life is in disarray because of this. And it isn’t that I lack the physical ability to do something about it, it is because my organizational skills are so bad that if I move things around I have a very hard time finding them again. The lack of motivation to do anything productive is the icing on the cake. Those two things make it very difficult for me to keep everything clean and organized.

THIS TAPER FAILED

Considering Reinstatement
« on: January 24, 2018, 04:11:57 am »

[Buddie]

I’m considering going back on the diazepam because my sx’s are too unbearable. I’ve been stuck in bed for 2 1/2 weeks now and can barely take care of myself. I keep having severe intense panic attacks, my body hurts so bad all over, and have intense feeling of terror all the time. I no longer feel in control of my body and it is frightening. I also have been experiencing bouts of akathisia.

This all started 4 years ago when I tried to taper off of paroxetine. The severe insomnia is what got me started on diazepam to begin with. I reinstated half my paroxetine dose but I never really stabilized and the diazepam seemed to take the edge off. I’m starting to think maybe the paroxetine is causing the terrible panic attacks and terror now and I need to try to slowly taper off of it first.

I don’t really know if this is a good decision or not but I’m at my wit’s end. 4 long years of no life and living in terror now is horrendous! Any thoughts on this?

Re: Considering Reinstatement
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2018, 04:26:26 am »

[Buddie]

explore your options before you reinstate. if you reinstate the pain and suffering will continue forever, it will never end.

i felt like you once did, but i am 18 (or so?) months out now and i feel much better and i feel free and happiness and freedom are right around the corner.

Re: Considering Reinstatement
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2018, 07:28:20 am »

[Buddie]

hi, paxil did this to me. doctors think theres no withdrawals from ssri and stuff but this is not true. paxil has lots of akathisia and nasty symptoms. just same intense as benzos

Benzo Buddies advice for members paralyzed by taper: “move your bed to stare at different wall”

Move your bed
« on: December 12, 2017, 03:44:45 am »

[Buddie]

I wanted to post this a couple of weeks ago but I forgot. No surprise. About 3 weeks ago I was bed ridden for a brief time, again and I moved my bed so I could stare at a different wall. That turned into rearranging my whole bed room, then to cleaning up and uncluttering my home. It’s like it used to be and I was just lying here looking at my room and thinking how lucky I am to have this beautiful home. The home I ignored for 5 years because I was sedated for so long I just want to encourage those who might be in that darkest place of withdrawal. You will return, You will be the same, You will have a life again and be happy to be in the here and now with the people and the things you loved before benzos.

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 09:19:49 am »

[Buddie]

Small things that matter. Thanks […]. 🙂

Re: Move your bed
« Reply #2 on: December 13, 2017, 07:08:54 am »

[Buddie]

Thanks for this. Encouraging words.. 

Ashton taper leaves addict paralyzed

struggling to leave my room any adive or input would be helpful
« on: November 15, 2017, 03:46:47 pm »

[Buddie]

ive only been leaving my room for bathroom n shower n to eat n do landry other then those small thing ive spent the better part of the last 5 weeks just laying in bed all day watching movies or tv on my laptop !! monday i got out of the house for about 2 hours just to do some things in the yard n had two attacks while i was outside im on 1.625mg of ativan daily the window started slowly closing on me this summer and has pretty much shut me in my room where i keep all light out so it pitch black n i feel some what at ease still have attacks once a day or more but some days our good days and i dont have any ! has anyone been in this position before ? if so how do i over come it ? i need to be able to atleast get out side cut my grass take the trash out ect !! im in a pretty lucky situation im 31 with no kids or a job and my mom lets me live here for free n pays what little bills i have but i used to do all kinds of remodling projects for her and painting and yard projects but now i cant even cut the grass and input would be very helpful i have everything i need to start a titration but the alcohol to disolve the ativan but havent started because of fear n the situation im in