Shocking real life taper apartment

The above apartment was used for a years-long, failed Valium taper. After a grueling 1600 day micro-taper, directed by online kooks, the addict relapsed on diazepam. He since has been checked (5150’d) into a mental hospital where he is getting needed professional medical help. Shame on the people who let this poor unfortunate suffer in such squalor.

Once you join Benzo Buddies you never can leave, member on THIRD taper attempt

Third time trying this :(
« on: April 14, 2017, 06:14:52 pm »

[Buddie]

First time, failed cold turkey in September 2016

Did 4 month liquid taper that ended Feb 28th ,2017. Failed after 6 week jump. Big mistake using gabapentin. Made me lost take my own life.

Last and final attempt. Going to get of of this rat poison gabapentin which made benzo withdrawl seem like a joke. Then do the klonopin taper.

Once I am stabaloze, how long so you think it will take to taper off 1.5mg k. I do not want to rush it, nor prolong it. Please someone offer some advice. Would 9 months seem excessive?

Addict using substances never intended for human consumption but blames benzos for brain damage

What else could this be? + update/doubts
« on: March 02, 2017, 08:31:38 am »

[Buddie]

I feel like a walking nuclear power station in meltdown now. I have SO many severe neurological symptoms now that I am starting to doubt it is Benzo related anymore. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone else, but because I was using substances that were never intended for human consumption, and because there are rare neurological conditions such as Neuromyotonia in my family, I am going to tell the doctor today about all of it. I could have been gulping down poison or some kind of chemical neurotoxins for three years, who knows. I am a stupid idiot, I choked down dozens of those shitty blue ‘pellets’ an hour at some points. I did taper, but I had to taper very fast for the dose, with no medical assistance and a bunch of threats.

I also face the stigma that cloaks any kind of addiction, which frightens me because if I do land up being referred on for some investigations, it may cloud people’s judgement and I’ll just be accused of drug seeking again. This also excludes me from any kind of pain management too. I was in bed for a week last month (even more so than usual) with my period. I was delirious from the pain, felt like someone was repeatedly winding me and tearing my insides up with razors, couldn’t even speak or sit up, just yelp and whimper when the pain and buzzing tore through my insides (buzzing moves into my pelvic area when I get my period). All I managed was the odd 10 minute crawl to the bathroom to almost vomit (never did thankfully). If I stood up, I started seeing stars & darkness and started passing out. It was just me and the easily level 10 pain, in a little bubble of whimpering mess. All this is coming again around the 8th, so not long now!!!!. 
Try being an addict and getting any kind of pain addressed, it’s not going to happen, been there, tried it. Nobody will even investigate Endometriosis with me, probably because they think I’m after pain meds.

Another thing that makes me strongly suspect something else may be at play now is my lack of apparently very common psychological sxs like panic, terror, severe anxiety etc. All the info I have dug up suggests these are more prevalent than all the physical sxs combined. I don’t even have the classic one, Insomnia (I have totally the opposite, extreme exhaustion and inability to move). I haven’t read a single report that has been totally devoid of these mental symptoms. Even if I have a ‘window’ that for me only means a lessening of a couple of symptoms for a few hours, my most severe ones like burning skin, pain, neuropathy and internal vibrations never, ever go away. I imagine people with a variety of neurological conditions also have ‘good days’ where some of their sxs lessen, that pattern is not uncommon for any illness or condition, from flu to brain injuries. I think I was in such a fogged, addled state on Benzos that I ignored my deteriorating health and let something creep in. 

I need some form of resolution before this illness brings on the psych sxs I’ve so far escaped. I feel sort of blessed to have escaped the brunt of the psychological aspect of WD, specially given it certainly seems the worst and most distressing part to many people here. A lot of people also seem to be over the physical, which in withdrawal seems far more prevalent in acute than months out, and are now engaged in a mainly mental climb out of this mess. You can to a certain degree negate the mental aspects with many different coping strategies, not to downplay this aspect of withdrawal at ALL so please don’t think that.
I have suffered ongoing mental health issues such as anxiety (which Benzos quadrupled for me!) all my life. I manage these the same way as I always have. No amount of psychological intervention will negate physical illness though, and I am very, very unwell. It feels like my body is rotting, slowly but surely rotting like a zombie in the Walking Dead (I love that show! lol). I am losing not only weight, but muscle mass too, all my muscles are atrophying. I look like a Walking Dead extra too, my skin is ghost white, my eyes look like someone thumbed them three inches into my head, I am a mess. I simply cannot carry on this way, something has to give.

I am seeing the doctor today and I will be telling him about the family history and all my symptoms. I am really wondering if Benzos just opened the door, fried my CNS and allowed something to take hold. I will of course say I noticed all these sxs once I stopped using Benzos, but I must also take into account the fact Benzos may have been covering something up. They may have reduced both the symptoms of such a condition, and my ability to recognize it.

There are factors for me that point to this being far more than just withdrawal now. Some of my symptoms are above and beyond anything I’ve researched on Benzo withdrawal, and some don’t fit the bill at all.

My internal vibrations/tremoring is so severe now that it rules every last second of my life. I can’t stand, sit, walk or anything with any degree of comfort because it quickly turns to numbness and neuropathy if anything makes contact with my body such as a seat or if I lean against something. I have never, ever heard of this being so extreme or prevalent in WD from any drug. This symptom alone feels like it causes many sxs, and if I could get rid if it, I would get rid of them too. I feel like an alcoholic in acute inside. I wish I was in a way, it seems alcoholics have done the DTs in a few days and are basically ok physically a couple of weeks out. I am still very much ready to accept I may have something other than Benzo WD now though. I haven’t touched a Benzo for 5 months, I know I am over acute, but my body is severely damaged. My brain appears to have scraped through and continues to improve all the time, but having a functioning brain in a broken body is the worst thing any human can possibly experience.

I am so sick now I would not be surprised if I am not sent straight up to the hospital for some urgent tests today. My long suffering husband was a couple of weeks ago, because to top all of this off, he has both Cauda Equina Syndrome (neurological spinal condition), he also has a swollen calf muscle from a suspected partial tendon rupture. They had to rule out DVT. He’s had two normal D Dimer tests, so that’s one thing it’s not. I want to help him with this as much as I can but I am bedridden and extremely unwell. Everything is too much now. Many of my ancestors were tortured and killed in German extermination camps during WWII, and somehow many also survived and told their horrendous stories, so maybe, just maybe, if a human being can survive something as atrocious as that, I will survive this?. I am ready to accept the worst though. I have forgotten what it’s like to wake up and feel ‘well’, I don’t even know what ‘well’ is anymore. I get very upset when I see someone jogging or cycling or jumping around, because I can barely lift my arms above my head. I feel like it’s time to ask for something like a mobility scooter or a f*cking wheelchair. Pardon my language but I’ve had enough of my torture chamber body.

I can deal with this very real possibility, even if whatever it is is going to kill me, fine, just tell me what it is because if something’s going to kill me, I want to get acquainted with it first, please don’t shoot me in the back.

Last off, if anyone suggests I ever reinstate, I will give it some serious consideration because I have reached the end of my rope now, out of slack, no more room for movement in my little box.

« Last Edit: March 02, 2017, 09:09:23 am by [Buddie] »

Ashton tapers cause tongue twitching

twit

Did anyone have weird tongue symptoms?
« on: August 14, 2016, 01:45:29 am »

[Buddie]

I get this weird taste in my mouth, almost metallic or like perfume. I also get tongue twitches and like a feeling that I have something on my tongue, crawling or kind of like pop rocks or food is stuck there. Anyone else have this? The taper also gives me heartburn, so maybe it’s that as well?

What other symptoms did you guys feel?, the sensitivity to hear, red ears, nausea, and vision disturbance is driving me insane.

[…]

HAPPY TAPERING!

Need advice on living situation, mental state, family jerks. Hot mess express.
« on: July 24, 2016, 06:55:10 am »

[Buddie]

Warning this is probably depressing or will be flagged so dont read if u cant handle a rant. Sorry. I was reading about someone on here in a similar situation but I didnt want to write all this as a reply becuz its probably not helpful to them. “Why are people so cruel” was the post.

That being said, my brother went off on me tonight. He never has before. It was scary he was cursing and to me it seemed like it came out of nowhere. My heart is broken. I could write him off as an asshole but my cousin launched a similar attack on me last week and I didn’t see it coming. I feel like people keep coming after me with their venom because they see I’m vulnerable. Is this naive? I’m so tired of taking the blame and not being supported in this family that even if I am doing something wrong I never want to talk to them again. My uncle and my dad (both alcoholics) have had a go at me for unrelated things. And I can never keep my cool, I get so pissed off. Tonight at dinner when my brother said that stuff he took off and i then threw my bowl of food on the table. I have so little self control with my anger anymore. In both cases with my brother and cousin it really seemed to me like they were over-reacting to my “attitude” – both took off as if I so horrible they couldnt stand me.I already feel like and idiot and awkward and have no confidence and now I get to be screamed at for existing. I dont know what is going on anymore half the time and I am livid how this is how I’m treated because I would never do that to them and have bent over backward for all of them. But if I make one mistake….I havent even talked to my brother lately and he went off after probably four minutes of my being there. I dont feel supportes at all. Even my mom who read a bunch of stuff from bb and ashton I think at least partly agrees with them. Both she and my cousin at the time of his outburst on our camping trip took off and went home early, stranding me their with no car.

I’ve been staying at my parents house instead of my apartment since my anxiety got so bad but now I want to get the hell out of here too. The problem is I left my apartment in the first place because my neighbor on the otherside of the wall was and is using the shared basement as his drug den, both doing and selling. (This was not my anxiety exaggerating, people have confirmed it.) Cops have been useless. So just yesterday Im thinking ok im strong enougb to go back to my apartment. My mom was picking up my mail and saw I had a neighbor living above me who had just moved in (it’s a four-plex house). I thougbt it might be good because at least I wouldnt be alone with the creepy druggy family. (Was feeling very unsafe). Anyway I ask her to look on the new person’s mailbox and find out the name – as I share a outside door and entry with this new person.
She comes home and I am not making this up…she’s written the name on some of my mail and it’s a f’ing exboyfriend from yrs ago! Not someone I want to see at all, smug, condescending and cocky in general. Now i dont even want to go back there because I will inevitably have to see him. Ugh! I got super anxious living their before from how the druggy was monitoring my comings and goings in timing with when he’d do his drug stuff. I think that would be anxiety provoking for someone not on benzos to know they’re being watched. everyone knows what you are doing since their is no sound insulation.

Ive looked for a place (moving isnt stessful, right?!) but nothing yet. At this point i wonder if i should just get dropped off and stay camping with my dog (our day alone together was the best) or do I have to look into some kind of safe housing an hr away for people in crisis. I havent even started a formal taper yet and there is all this extra bs going on. I just want to feel safe and be left alone (with my dog). There i vented. Now if anyone reada this they will agree with my brother that im negative. No, i just didnt want to talk about all this negative crap and they kept bringing it up even after i repeatedly asked them not to. Thats when he screamed at me that i was making everything about myself. Why because i dont want to have dinner conversations about icky stuff, one topic after another all of which are about my dog, my apartment, my ex… Seriously??? I am so alone in this world and I feel like a freak. What the hell am I supposed to do? Im carless in a rural area. I cant believe this is my life. I dont make things all about me – i feel horribly guilty for even venting on here because im worried someone will now think that. I cant even stand to think about these situations any more than i absolutely have to, let alone make people listen to it. Tired of being judged.

Re: Need advice on living situation, mental state, family jerks. Hot mess express.
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2016, 06:03:42 am »

[Buddie]

No judgment here! That sounds like a legitimately difficult situation to deal with even without adding a benzo taper to the mix! It sounds like your family situation is less than healthy (same here, is anybody’s actually healthy? Lol). Is it possible you’d do better on your own at your apartment? You wouldn’t have to see this ex TOO often unless you decided to strike up a friendship, and maybe in the years that have passed, he has changed. He doesn’t have to know what you’re going through. Stick to small talk, “Oh wow, small world. How are you? Good? Me too. See you around!”

That sounds like an easier situation to deal with than the one at home, but you’re the one living through it so you’d know better than me! But try to remind yourself that no matter which you choose, it was YOUR decision (be empowered by that), and make the best of it. You deserve that. Don’t let others rain on your parade. Live your life and do what you have to do. 

Re: Need advice on living situation, mental state, family jerks. Hot mess express.
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2016, 06:35:44 am »

[Buddie]

Hi […],

There is no judgement here. We are all in this together and we all have family junk to deal with. I really don’t know what to say about your living situation, but would have to agree with […]. You have to live your life for yourself and be happy with who you are. Never mind what others have to say about your choices, they are just that, YOUR choices and they need to respect that.

Make a life for you and your dog, if that’s what you want. It sounds really good to me. You would have freedom and wouldn’t have to be in a negative atmosphere. Plus you would be able to calm down enough to get on with your taper. This site will be all the support you will need, it may even become your new family!

Good luck to you and I hope to see more of your postings.

~[…] 
« Last Edit: July 25, 2016, 10:01:41 pm by [Buddie] »

Re: Need advice on living situation, mental state, family jerks. Hot mess express.
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2016, 07:34:09 am »

[Buddie]

I am reading “Codependent No More” and it is helping with a ton of stuff… Seeing as you mentioned alcoholism and an ex that’s an ass and some poor treatment in general I thought I’d throw that out there. It’s empowering, the book. Whether chemical or compulsive addictions are factors in those around you or not- I think it’s an important book for all kinds of reasons.

I also recommend ” Boundaries ” by John Townsend and Henry Cloud.

They have all kinds of books like ” Safe People ” and others that could help you navigate this sort of treachery.

You don’t sound negative at all to me… Also, Al-anon helps me, personally- I’ve had NPD spectrum individuals in my life, I think we all do. Definetely get wise about Narcissism, Sociopathy and such… If you aren’t self-educated in that area yet, please do some research. My eyes were opened wide- I had no idea until I had survived an over seven year relationship with a psychopath… And I am not exaggerating. It took a while to find the pieces of that puzzle and put them together- now I know, for life, what some people actually can be, at their core.

That’s not negativity or paranoia, that’s survival.

I also agree with […] and […]… And on this note I happen to have one last book to recommend – ” The Gift of Fear “

Re: Need advice on living situation, mental state, family jerks. Hot mess express.
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2016, 10:00:24 pm »

[Buddie]

Thank you all. I really mean it. I will take everything you’ve said to heart. Right now I’m in crisis mode I just had a legit physical confrontation with my dad. My mom took off. I’m hiding in my room because I’m frozen. I have so much stuff to get to my house, and no energy. My dad is known for taking stuff so it makes me even more worried to leave anything which I know is nuts I shouldn’t worry about material things I just feel so insecure.

I just called my psych dr’s office but was told “that the computers are down”, what ever that means so I dont know if they’ll call me today.

I worried I’m going to end up in the psych ward and have to leave my dog. She is super attached separation anxiety puppy.

I know im not acting totally normal, really having a lot of rage but then I’ll feel like it’s justified because I think they all could be a lot more decent to me and stop making it about them.

They keep saying Im making everything about me but I havent even talked to my brother or dad other than that dinner so how can that be possible?

My memory really sucks maybe ive complained more to other people than ive realized.

I cant believe my mom, i am most disappointed i her, but she wasnt handling life very well when my dad’s alcoholism was the only problem.

Maybe I need to go to inpatient, ive never been this out of control, throwing shit because I can handle being screamed at.

I really hate that they make me question my sanity, because I know its not all true but then I dont know what is.

Its like my mom thinks because Im mad she didnt stick up for me and told my trouble-making uncle all this crap, well she always blames the medicine.

Im so self conscious because I dont know what Im doing wrong that ive even stopped talking to my only friend because I cant handle possible judgement and embarrassment of being crazy.

I think I was already a little ptsd before any of this and im worried i’ll never get the image of my dad come at me out of my head.

Ive wanted to get out of here but Ive been sleeping so much and i havent had the energy to go get groceries, put in my ac, etc. i cant even get into the damn bathroom to take a shower because someone is always in there. So i feel really bad about myself.

Now the only vehicle is gone again. When did my family turn to white trash. I almost think I was due to “lose it” after all that ive dealt with the last few yrs.
so here i am “making it about myself ” again. Sorry, im freaking suffering. I put off doing this taper because I could never count on stability. Now I have no choice and Im screwed. It feels like a nightmare I cant get out of. I told my dad he was a terrible father and i feel really bad about that.

I cant handle confrontation, this is the second time in a few days ive reacted by throwing and nreaking stuff. Is this from the withdrawl or am I just nuts?

I do feel like Im not completely understanding everything going on around me, like how people could have been so pissed to act that way in the first place if i was being super “negative”. If they think im really crazy then they think thats how they should act toward someone mentally ill? I cant say anything to get through to my mom. I did call both her and my brother out for some minor legit crappy behavior towards me (which normally i would put up with in order to avoid all hell breaking loose).

I dont think my relationships will ever come back from this. I just want to move away to another state with more sun like Ive planned to for years. I cant even get across town.

This no car thing is bs, im on disability but only getting ssi which is barely enough to cover rent.

I’d call a cab but i really need to shower and and i have too much stuff. My dad is here without my mom so he’d probably do God knows what to my room. I dont even care i just want peace and to be left alone, thats all ive been saying to them. Do i sound whiny, nuts, self absorbed? For real Im asking. I cant even tell.

I guess i am just really awful to be around, i dont know i feel like a sometimes im in more of a joking funny mood than anyone around me. But they ignore that.
My life was never like this growing up. I cant believe any of this. Im so upset.

Re: Need advice on living situation, mental state, family jerks. Hot mess express.
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2016, 10:11:17 pm »

[Buddie]

Im really strong normally but I dont think I can make it through withdrawl. Im also super nervous this could get much worse in the next week when i start pms’ing…depression is always worse. Really cant hang on if its worse. This mood stuff has been worse than anything thing ive ever had before

No addict should be allowed to get behind the wheel and endanger others

Most of the benzodiazepine addicts, that haunt Benzo Buddies and the secret Facebook groups, describe themselves as totally disabled: needing to crawl to the bathroom, experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations, unable to walk (Alee Sun/Ally Nugent claims she needs a walker years off benzos), claims that a single apple causes a night of myoclonic jerking and that a stick of chewing gum can send them into months-long waves, etc. Why should they be allowed to drive? Do you want to share the road with some poor, mentally ill drug addict who thinks Kentucky Fried Chicken is a government plot to poison them?

During their often years-long tapers, they should lose their driving privileges. As many addicts relapse, post-taper they should be subject to random drug testing – as a condition of the taper. This should be enforced by the state and the prescribing doctor.

Society has to be protected from drug abusers who break the law and drive just as we protect it from drunk drivers.

Norway test drivers for BZO
« on: July 13, 2016, 07:05:52 am »

[Buddie]

http://www.aftenbladet.no/nyheter/Dette-apparatet-har-gitt-UP-en-ny-og-skremmende-rekord-for-ruskjoring-3960544.html

OMG, the repercussions this will have to people who have been off the drug for weeks will be jailed/fine for driving under the influence of BZO, unlike a alcohol test this does not measure a percentage, but just the fact its in your system. I can understand this for truck drives, public transport, but to random test drivers for BZO is outrageous. Because of the fact it not measured in percentage to lawfully drive. Someone who has been off the drug will test for weeks and weeks.

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2016, 08:03:35 am »

[Buddie]

This is actually what got my mother to start her tapering! She put her car in the garage and started the day she found out! I imagine that she is not the only one!

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2016, 08:09:27 am »

[Buddie]

http://nhi.no/livsstil/helsetjenesten/diverse/forerkort-og-b-preparater-35928.html
This thread may be useful to see how it actually will effect drivers with the new rules!

Re: Norway test drivers for BZO
« Reply #3 on: July 13, 2016, 08:32:06 am »

[Buddie]

Problem is there is no way to detect the percentage of the drug BZO in your system, unlike driving with illegal drugs, which is understandable, BZO will test you positive, even weeks after stopping, So you will be charged with driving as if you took 3 or 4 10 mg doses, make no difference whether or not you stopped weeks ago. The time and money involved to clear you would be enormous, let alone the jail time and fine, maybe you could win in court but that would be a long and expensive road, and for those that cannot afford will suffer the wrath of the judicial system. I really am frustrated people using BZO prescribed are targeted the same as ifusing cocain or crack or any other illegal drug!

Crippling years-long Ashton tapers forcing addicts to decide between a sink bath or continuing to wallow in filth

And why not?...?
« on: June 27, 2016, 02:16:14 pm »

[Buddie]

This is a question that I have learned to ask myself a lot. Let’s face it, we have all been using all of our energy to battle symptoms. And why not… use this energy for something else? Here goes…

1. Put carpet shampoo on just one area of the carpet, let it dry, and vacuum it up? Even if you feel you’re going to fall, you see that you don’t, and in that one moment you smile.

2. Slap a swiffer cloth on the mop and force it around that nasty kitchen floor. Can’t hurt can it? If the spasms in your face get worked up, WEAR EM OUT!

3. Take two sips of the cold Coke you have in the fridge. It might make you stand up straighter.

4. Challenge yourself to unload the dishwasher. It helps with back and arm strength.

5. Talk to yourself out loud. Practice difficult vocabulary to prove to yourself ” if I can say that, I’m o.k.”.

6. Burst out in laughter at yourself. Imagine yourself convulsing over the funniest thing you ever heard. Here’s one : ” He/She is crazier than a FRUIT BAT”! This lets you know if you can laugh, you’re not headed to the E.R.

7. Make your bed. Even if the covers are a tossed up mess (proof you got no sleep last night) it will give you some comfort to try again tonight.

8. Walk out and get the mail . ” I didn’t say read it!”

9. Put on clean clothes. Even if you can only take a sink bath, it makes you feel like a functioning part of society! At least you smell better!

10. Lastly, look at all those little things you did today! Be proud of them IT WILL GIVE YOU CONFIDENCE FOR TOMORROW!

SMILES EVERYONE… YOUR BODY AND MIND WILL FOLLOW! I?

Ashton tapers cause melting face

Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« on: June 07, 2016, 02:52:54 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello everyone:

I don’t know if right place to post and i hesitate to do so but I’ve had severe physical symptoms and am looking to see if anyone else has experienced this where it has gone away or at least gotten better…. the ones most distressing and pure torture and where I […] can’t do this anymore are:

Muscle contractions and spasms in forehead …above eyebrows and in between eyebrows….. You can visibly see the muscles move and go up and down back and forth…. Pure pure utter torment ( the worst pain you can imagine)

Eyes involuntarily close shut and squeeze and jerk for seconds moments at a time

Nerves underneath left eye especially, jump upwards, shake ,vibrate and pull and cramp like crazy (and also inside of eye) sometimes staying in a locked position

Jaw involuntarily jerks back and forth from left to right; teeth grinding into each other, sometimes clenches really tight

The muscles in my lips will contract and pull from left to right and also tick …sometimes they will spasm where the muscles in my my lips are making my mouth pull all the way to the left
The muscles in my bottom lip will actually pull my bottom lip inside out and downwards and will pull and contract and vibrate

Sometimes its so severe on my left side that the forehead eyes jaw and mouth will all contract at once..TORTURE and pain.

I actually have to wear tape on my face to minimize the movement and pain

My chin also spasms up and down

These are sobad at times I have to put athletic like tape under my eyes and forehead to minimize the pain.and movement.

None of my mouth movements are so much as grimacing as they are more like muscles […] spasming and contracting out of control….

I am so desperate for encouragement as I can no longer bear it….. As you can imagine I have been housebound for 14 months …..I could never go out in public this way…. It is hideous…

The hopelessness and despair are off the charts…. I have the most severe health anxiety a person could ever have….my heart constantly feels like its going to jump out of my chest

I wish I had the ability to be of more encouragement and help to others because that is exactly what I would be doing but I can’t even help myself… I feel so alone with all of this…

If someone can be kind enough to give me some hope and encouragement or ideas of what I could to. I rarely if ever get relief….. I am on the verge of having a breakdown from all the symptoms…….
This has devestated my life…. I can’t sustain this…

thank you to anyone who has read and can sympathize…..

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #1 on: June 07, 2016, 03:24:01 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi, I too had many strange and disturbing muscle symptoms. These will go away once you’re off and well into healing. This is from the Ashton Manual:

Benzodiazepines are efficient muscle relaxants and are used clinically for spastic conditions ranging from spinal cord disease or injury to the excruciating muscle spasms of tetanus or rabies. It is therefore not surprising that their discontinuation after long-term use is associated with a rebound increase in muscle tension. This rebound accounts for many of the symptoms observed in benzodiazepine withdrawal. Muscle stiffness affecting the limbs, back, neck and jaw are commonly reported, and the constant muscle tension probably accounts for the muscle pains which have a similar distribution. Headaches are usually of the “tension headache” type, due to contraction of muscles at the back of the neck, scalp and forehead – often described as a “tight band around the head”. Pain in the jaw and teeth is probably due to involuntary jaw clenching, which often occurs unconsciously during sleep.

At the same time, the nerves to the muscles are hyperexcitable, leading to tremor, tics, jerks, spasm and twitching, and jumping at the smallest stimulus. All this constant activity contributes to a feeling of fatigue and weakness (“jelly-legs”). In addition, the muscles, especially the small muscles of the eye, are not well co-ordinated, which may lead to blurred or double vision or even eyelid spasms (blepharospasm).

None of these symptoms is harmful, and they need not be a cause of worry once they are understood. The muscle pain and stiffness is actually little different from what is regarded as normal after an unaccustomed bout of exercise, and would be positively expected, even by a well-trained athlete, after running a marathon.

There are many measures that will alleviate these symptoms, such as muscle stretching exercises as taught in most gyms, moderate exercise, hot baths, massage and general relaxation exercises. Such measures may give only temporary relief at first, but if practised regularly can speed the recovery of normal muscle tone – which will eventually occur spontaneously.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #2 on: June 07, 2016, 03:39:34 pm »

[Buddie]

Bless your heart […] for responding….. I truly mean it from the core of my being….I didn’t think anyone would because normally people don’t respond to my symptoms which is why I usually don’t post them… It […] creates more fear from the lack of responses…. I keep thinking someone somewhere would be able to give me a life raft or […] the tiniest glimmer of hope…

Because this is my second time around my despair has overtaken me……

Thank you […]…

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #3 on: June 07, 2016, 04:14:49 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone else please? any words of encouragement would be so appreciated…. Please keep me going….

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2016, 04:23:59 pm »

[Buddie]

Hey there. I’m very new to this however, I have had some of the issues you’re talking about in your post. You’re soooooo not alone. I had a pretty traumatic experience as well, and lets say it still affects me every minute of every day.

Here’s what has helped take that ‘edge’ off. My spouse got me some lavender bath salts. Put them in the tub, sat me down in the tub, and turned the water on as warm as I could tolerate. I soaked for over 2 hours. I was doing this a couple times a day. […] breathing deep while soaking. Like really deep. I was trying to push my belly out of the water deep breathing.

It didn’t ‘cure’ anything, but it really did take that final ‘edge’ off and really helped. It kept me focused on breathing and staying still and it felt good. Again, i’m super new here, and new to all these issues, but when i’m at that ‘point’, i do the bath thing, and it keeps me ‘afloat’ for a good solid hour or 2. Hang in there.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2016, 04:35:06 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 07, 2016, 04:23:59 pm
Hey there. I’m very new to this however, I have had some of the issues you’re talking about in your post. You’re soooooo not alone. I had a pretty traumatic experience as well, and lets say it still affects me every minute of every day.

Here’s what has helped take that ‘edge’ off. My spouse got me some lavender bath salts. Put them in the tub, sat me down in the tub, and turned the water on as warm as I could tolerate. I soaked for over 2 hours. I was doing this a couple times a day. […] breathing deep while soaking. Like really deep. I was trying to push my belly out of the water deep breathing.

It didn’t ‘cure’ anything, but it really did take that final ‘edge’ off and really helped. It kept me focused on breathing and staying still and it felt good. Again, i’m super new here, and new to all these issues, but when i’m at that ‘point’, i do the bath thing, and it keeps me ‘afloat’ for a good solid hour or 2. Hang in there.

Oh my gosh! You mean you’ve experienced some of these symptoms?!?! Thank you for the bath tip so much…. I’m […] feeling I can’t endure no matter what I tried because it feels so permanent and its been going on so long….

If you don’t mind me asking when did it start and for how long….. I’m crying so much right now because someone responded to me.. Thank you […]……

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2016, 04:45:10 pm »

[Buddie]

Quote from: [Buddie] on June 07, 2016, 04:35:06 pm
If you don’t mind me asking when did it start and for how long….. I’m crying so much right now because someone responded to me.. Thank you […]……

Honestly the, what I called ticks, lasted a few weeks. It wasn’t fun. I thought I was literally going insane, and that I had caused permanent damage. The majority of the ticks faded with time, but I still have one… One that more bugs me rather than hurts or makes me feel crummy. My ear drum feels like it’s constantly popping in and out at such a slow pace, that i can literally fell it popping like a muscle twitch. Geez it’s annoying. I’ll pray for ya that this’ll clear up. I found solace that with time, some of my symptoms faded. Some are still roaring… but none of the symptoms you posted about up there are still persistent in me at least.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #7 on: June 07, 2016, 05:11:53 pm »

[Buddie]

I do empathize with you. The aim must be difficult. Even though I don’t have those symptoms I do have bad amxiety. I did have jolts through my body and occasional
twitches but not so much anymore. For me the insomnia makes me anxious and dizzy so sometimes I loose my balance but haven’t fallen yet. You will get through this. The brain needs time to heal itself. You will triumph.

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #8 on: June 07, 2016, 05:15:04 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello pbh,
I am so sorry to hear about your symptoms. I’ve had a real problem with grinding my teeth. I almost always chew a toothpick and that helps. Sugarless gum also helps. Maybe that would help your jaw clinching and teeth grinding? Maybe try massaging your face, temples with your fingers gently. I’ve used a hot rice pack on my forehead for relaxation. You will get better. I […] wanted to respond even if I am of little help. […] to offer some encouragement. ??

Re: Does anyone have or had this? Please Respond...so Desperate
« Reply #9 on: June 07, 2016, 05:38:56 pm »

[Buddie]

Every single person that has responded thank you so much and you have helped me….. I appreciate it very much…..The fear is still so ever present that this is permanent….. My facial symptoms have increased slowly over time and I’ve been dealing with this now for 15 months (maybe it is time to see a real doctor, not a Benzo Buddies doctor – editor) at varying intensities at different times of the day….

That is why I become so frantic and utterly hopeless…..dealing with this for so long and going thru another taper is more then I can bear…. I don’t think I can survive ….

Ashton worshippers make up new benzo withdrawal symptom: pain in the heels

Pain in the heels
« on: May 20, 2016, 11:20:09 am »

[Buddie]

Hi buddies,

All of the sudden I started getting pain in the heels.

Has anybody had this?

Thanks,
Shpend

Re: Pain in the heels
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2016, 12:31:08 pm »

[Buddie]

Yes, I will get nerve pain in my heels and also in the front part of my feet. This nerve pain from wd can hit anywhere in your body, at anytime. I’ll get stabbing pains in my lower back and legs also. And if you have certain areas in your body that are more sensitive than others, this is often the place you’ll get a flare up.

Re: Pain in the heels
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2016, 04:18:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Very interesting! For the last three weeks I have had pain in my heels too!

Regards

[…]

Re: Pain in the heels
« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2016, 02:32:14 am »

[Buddie]

I had this ….mine felt like I had blisters on heels….but it went away…

Hugs
[…]

Re: Pain in the heels
« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2016, 06:11:41 am »

[Buddie]

I have it in my right heel. When it first happened I thought it was plantar fasciatis, but now- having it since November (it is now May) I’m thinking it MUST be a w/d symptom. It hurts so bad!

We will heal from this!

Five year Ashton taper destroys addict’s life

Vent (Not for sensitive)
« on: March 17, 2016, 12:49:57 am »

[Buddie]

*WARNING* Not for sensitive.

Long term user here.

Tapered too fast initially.

Ugh, I need to vent.

Started this mid 2011, daily taper way too fast for my healing rate, did not know it would take more than a year, super sick, bedridden, could barely stand, walk or bath at my worst, all the symptoms listed, on the toilet with sunglasses on, dp/dr, massive sweats, paranoia, nightmares etc etc… the list is long…

Life ruining.

Crashed early 2012, that was when withdrawals became really nasty, I had tapered every day for 7.5 months without holding for a single day and pushed it when I started to feel horrendous… the result was not something I will go into other than to say a week long panic attack was pretty much it, I’ll spare the details… crash happened at 4 mg Valium equivalent.

2012 – 2015

Make VERY little progress, eeked my way down from 4 mg to 2.8 mg.

Every small reduction was awful.

Severe anxiety every time, disconnect and monophobia, FEAR and mental symptoms bad, unable to watch TV etc.

2015 Held for a year as unable to get below 2.8 mg Valium equivalent.

Been holding here ever since, had some respite and for the 9 months of 2015 was able to live life to some degree although had some fog,.. wasn’t perfect but I studied and even flew to the UK alone but with help either end, could not have done that a year prior, I would have needed a wheelchair as I would not have been able to walk the airport terminals as I was too fatigued and weak.

So progress made, right?

Yet now I see the last few mgs are the hardest and I was stressed last month and had a relapse of anxiety, a bad one and now I do not know how the hell I am going to get off the remainder of this drug, I have been at this so long now that withdrawal has become my life and with all the will in the world, I know that it would take me 4 years minimum to taper these last mgs… any faster and I would wind up having a complete nervous breakdown.

I suspect that due to my years on the drug and also the fact I tapered too fast initially, I am now super sensitive to even the tiniest cuts.

I just don’t want to do this any more, I think some people are better off staying on, I see people years out and still suffering, admittedly many fast tapered or went CT but jeez, how long is someone supposed to stick at this???

I’m so, so tired of this now, I have had no quality of life for over 4.5 years and now, when I taper, I can’t tolerate the TV and my anxiety is just ridiculous, I get bad stomach for weeks on end and find it very hard to stabilize and I end up feeling mentally unwell.

It just makes me want to throw in the towel at this point, the duration of this makes me feel this is no longer worth it.

Kooky Monday: Bowel movements added to list of 90,000,000 benzo withdrawal symptoms

Strange spell yesterday
« on: February 15, 2016, 02:11:23 pm »

[Buddie]

Hello Everyone.  It’s been a while since I have been here. I jumped off Ativan 6 months ago. Doing okay for the most part but still getting waves every few days. Fortunately the waves don’t last long but I keep having the oddest symptoms. The most annoying is these intense butterfly sensations in the pit of my stomach. They come out of nowhere when I am having a good day and feeling totally calm and happy. They are shortlived but uncomfortable. I assume it’s just a wave of anxiety. I have been on a beta blocker for 18 months to keep my heart from racing. Heart racing was the reason that I got put on a benzo in the first place. Dr. thought I had an anxiety problem but it turns out that my thyroid was out of wack and I was swinging from hyperthyroid to hypothyroid. I am not on thyroid replacement hormone yet because my hypothyroidism is mild and not causing problems. Anyway had a very strange thing happen yesterday, and sorry if TMI. My tummy was rumbling right before I needed to go to the bathroom for a BM, (I’ve been having constipation) and my heart rate went up a bit. It scared me because that hasn’t happened in while being on the beta blocker. It wasn’t racing like it used to though, but I am used to my pulse being in the low 60’s now because of the beta blocker, so if it gets up to even 80 or 85 it feels like racing. So I went to the bathroom and had a BM and came back and sat down and my heart rate started to go back down, but then I started shivering and trembling like the chills you get with a fever but my body temp was normal. I felt like I was coming down with something. That lasted about 15 minutes and then went away and I was fine the rest of the day. It’s like once I had the BM, everything went to normal. So my question is, did the impending bowel movement trigger this weird spell, or is it benzo withdrawal? Have any of you every experienced anything like this?

Re: Strange spell yesterday
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2016, 04:24:25 pm »

[Buddie]

Anyone? Hoping someone can help shed light on this and ease my mind. Thanks. 

Re: Strange spell yesterday
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2016, 04:35:03 pm »

[Buddie]

Sounds like small panic attacks to me. The gut is where many feel the effects of a panic attack. Hard to say if it’s benzo related or your thyroid causing cortisol swings.

Re: Strange spell yesterday
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2016, 05:27:35 pm »

[Buddie]

Hi DMom,

Maybe your body is readjusting to normal. But gave your body those symptoms while doing so. I too had panic near BM process for a short time a couple weeks back. I think it was withdrawal symptoms for me.

I’m at about 6.5 months from my jump. I’m hypothyroid and am on .075 mcg of levothyroxine. I see an endocrinologist the past couple of months and will continue to do so just to make sure my numbers are good and am on the correct level of meds. In the beginning of withdrawal my body went hypo to hyperthyroid and made things very difficult to deal with.

I had not really had any hunger feelings in my stomach for the longest time until lately. This morning I noticed I was really hungry and I was so happy to feel that sensation! Yay! This whole process really baffles me what our bodies have to go through to get us back to normal.

Glad things have calmed down for you and sounds like you’re getting better!