Overcoming fear/mistrust of Doctors. « on: February 19, 2019, 10:28:13 pm »
I know from all posts I’ve read that I’m very far from alone in this and do have that question. (I’m not even sure whether or not moderators will take down this thread or let it be, since I do find it a little odd that I haven’t already come across a thread like this. I do take great care composing a thread/posts that they won’t possibly distress or offend anyone.) I’m concerned some symptoms I’m having are serious, but I have these mistrust and fear issues. My experiences with doctors haven’t been highly favorable to begin with, never mind this travesty. My doctor had prescribed for over a decade and when his group practice was taken over by a larger one informed me, on phone, that the refill he was giving was the last – which, rapid detox could’ve killed me. I’d only known about tapers b/c I’d had a gut feeling that the depression I’d been feeling for 2 years @ that time was due to the ativan, so I’d already begun my research. He’d also overprescribed, which I hadn’t taken full amount, so I’ve had a reserve to do my dry cuts…
I’ve been experiencing many w/d sxs; won’t go into all the details here; anyone wanting more back-story can click on my username and look through my posts history. Since August ’18 have experienced steady weight gain (especially in truck of body) and pain in right ankle. I don’t remember twisting it; but it’s possible I did. Since end of December, everything’s much worse, & which I’ve attributed to w/d with decreasing amounts being in my system & all the poisons having to be expunged. I can’t, though, ignore how much worse the right ankle pain is (the only time I’m not in pain is when asleep, blessed relief/hard to come by), along w/both calves swelling now & the calf skin being tight & shiny. Now, I’m thinking the additional weight gain may all be water-retention (esp. as I’ve been slim whole life & so were parents).
My concern is that this may be heart-related, as my blood pressure had been borderline high & it may have been the ativan keeping it even at that level & not higher. During this same time period, a loved one had awful experiences of her closest loved ones & their ultimate demises; one of whom had much swelling w/skin weeping & an awful 2-3 months before he was finally granted the ultimate respite from a higher power, but not before doctors/hospitals tortured him further. I know how much she detests and reviles doctors now, too, from those experiences, but that she does keep her own doctor appointments. Hearing those experiences, combined with my own already existing ones during this same time period, I’m more mistrustful and fearful of the medical community than ever. I do have a call out to her (leaving out the exact specifics, b/c even w/her, I’m afraid she’ll just advise going to dr. or hospital) asking how she gets over any of her own feelings in order to visit a doctor at all. She’s actively grieving (& why I’d hated to pose this question to her at all, but did it as obliquely as possible, b/c I know she’ll be concerned about me & she’s been though enough) – so, I don’t know if/when I’ll hear from her…
Any helpful tips appreciated. (on getting over the fear/mistrust – please, not just advising “go to” dr./hospital- thank you)
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 11:16:41 pm by [Buddie]